Okay, quick DP fic.  This is pretty much a transcript of a IM
conversation. 

>dpthug1: you know, we can probably turn this entire transcript into a DP fic
>Shal Nyx: yeah 

Usual disclaimers. DPs can archive.

Laying Blame (1/1)
By: Cousin Mary and Shana Nolan


Shana walked into the kicthen and joined the Dark Perk Godmommy at the
counter for coffee.  After a few minutes of 'celebrating the moments of
their lives,' she struck up the conversation that had been on her mind a
lot of late, "Hey Mary, do you remember the day when it was Lacroix was
the romatnic figure in our fics?"

The blonde looked up from her cappuccino, "Vaguely."

"We were CERK Perks through and through," Shana sighed, "Way back
when...."

"Now I seem to be in bit character mode," Mary laughed, "You know the
heros of the three stories I'm workin on now?  Miklos, Bourbon and the
Inca."

"Yep," Shana lifted her mug in salute.  "I hear ya."

"Yeah, once we were huge Lacroix fans..." Mary sighed.

"Once," Shana nodded. "And then Miklos walked in in leather pants."

"We're still Cousins too," Mary pointed out.

"Yeah," Shana agreed, "Just... wandering Cousins."

"Very wandering."  Mary laughed, "Led astray by the bartender."

"Yeppers," Shana tried to smile innocently... it didn't work.

"Well," Mary said, "If Lacroix shows up we'll tell him its Miklos's
fault."

"Okay," Shana nodded.

"Though," Mary said thoughtfully, "I don't think he'll believe us."

"Um." Shana thought about that.

"But we can try," Mary asserted.

"It's worth a shot," Shana said, "But if he hurts Miklos, we stake him." 

"Well, is there any possible way we could blame Nick?"  Mary asked.

"Hmm, sure," Shana grinned, "He whined t us one day, no, he whined to
Tracy... sending her running- Oh, wait!   We can blame Vachon too!"

"Oh?"

"Yeah!"  Shana beamed, "Because he wasn't there to let her b*tch about
Nick, so Miklos stepped in and BAM!  We're sunk for the sexy bartender!"

"Well Miklos -does- listens," Mary nodded, "Unlike Vachon, who just sort
of blinks and hopes she doesn't stumble into sensitive territory."

"There, that's the story I'll use when Lacroix is about to drain the life
out of me." Shana declared.

"Yep," Mary clicked her mug with Shana's.

"Yeah," Shana beamed.

"Vachon's fault..." Mary said slowly after a moment, "And LC will buy
that, sure, uh-huh."

"Uuuh," Shana looked uncertain, "Um, well..."

"You two left because Vachon wasn't around to whine to about Nick?"  Mary
asked, mimicking the master vampire's voice.  

"Well, blame his son too," Shana suggested, "It's all NIck's fault....
too! Uh, yeah."

"Yep, Vachon and Nick." Mary agreed.

"Yep," Shana nodded. "The slacker and the brick."

"And, uh, Nat," Mary added.

Shana nodded.

"And Reese." 

"Sent us screaming for the Grecian hills," The history major asserted.

"Hmm, interesting, all the characters you don't like are to blame..."
Mary said, mimicking Lacroix again. "Isn't that amazing..."

"Oh!"  Shana stood up, over come by yet more insight, "And Schanke!"

"Huh?"

"Well, she had to live up to his example!" Shana explained.

"Uh, yeah!" Mary agreed with enthusiasm, despite not knowing what the
heck her friend was talking about.

"So its his fault too," Shana continued, "And, uh..."

Suddenly Mary stood up too, inspiration had struck, "All of Nick's
sidekicks need to crave something Greek!"

"Yeah!"

"And Tracy doesn't like soulvaki..." Mary broke off and grinned evilly.

"Scahnke=souvlaki," Shana nodded, "Tracy=Miklos."

"Well, that explanation might at least confuse him long enough for us to
get away," Mary quipped. "Though, I think Trace herself would whack us
upside the head if we used the soulvaki theory."

"Yeah," Shana agreed, "Oh! Can we blame Janette too?  She left leaving
poor Miklos to fend off Lacroix..."

"Hey, yeah, she left Miklos unsupervised," Mary nodded.

"Meaning he needed companionship too!" Shana agreed.

"And seein' as Urs has Vachon, it seemed only right to put Tracy with
Miklos," Mary added.

"So there," Shana grinned, thinking over their explanation, "We've blamed
both of his favorite children... and most of the rest of the cast.  That
should get us a good running start."

"Well..." Mary thought a moment, "Uh, we haven't blamed Urs, Screed,
Cohen, or um, Aristotle?

"Uh."

"Actually," Mary paused, thinking back, "I guess I did just blame Urs
with that Urs with Vachon thing..."

"Screed... Vachon's friend," Shana brainstormed, "And sewer living,
uh..."

"At first Screed wanted to kill Tracy," Mary reminded her. "So, she felt
unsafe around him and Vachon.  While Miklos was nothing but comforting."

"Yeah, and Cohen died so that put Reese in charge," Shana made a face.
"Um, Aristotle. Uh, er..."

"He, uh, didn't move Nick when he had the chance!" Mary spouted. "Or, uh,
he put Miklos is Toronto to begin with..."

"Yeah, there we go," Shana nodded, "Plus, he and Felix Twist advised Nick
to stick around!"

"Um, we might do better with the 'we were whammied and/or drunk'
defense," Mary pointed out.

Shana laughed.

"Vachon... he, uh, whammied us... because, uh..." Mary thought.

"He hates us!" Shana crowed, "He's jealous!"

"Jealous?" Mary snickered, "Of who?"

"Of Miklos!"

"Well that works," Mary nodded.

"Of Nick! Of Lacroix!" Shana continued, "Vachon just wants action and we
always say no!"

"Oh yeah, Vachon whammies two tall, skinny girls in their midtwenties to
fawn over the bartender," Mary arched a brow. "Sounds just like
Vachon..."

"Well," Shana laughed, "He figures, uh, um."  

"Well?"

"He wasn't thinking?"  Shana offered.

"Oh!"  Mary stuck a finger in the air, the classic 'Eureka!' pose, "How
about he whammied us into falling for the 'most handsome dark hared
vampire in Toronto'?"

"Yeah!!

"It's hardly our fault that Vachon is a cocky bastard!"  Mary grinned,
then added, "And stupid."

"Yeah!" 

Shana and Mary high fived.

"Okay!  So we've confirmed stories," Mary sat back down and poured Shana
and herself  more coffee. "All Vachon's fault."

"Yep, all his," Shana nodded, "Get him, not us."

"I think this is the part when we turn around to see either Vachon,
Lacroix or both standing there listening in."  Mary laughed.

"Well..." A low velvety voice intone, "Vachon isn't here."

Mary and Shana's eyes met.  "Uh-oh."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
comments and such welcome at anteros@juno.com and DPangel@thegrid.net