Usual disclaimers, permission to DPs to archive.

Happy Birthday Shana! Hope you like it!

The DP Menace

By: Cousin Mary

____May 18th____

"What do you mean you already saw it?!" Vachon demanded.

"I mean," Tracy tried to hide her smirk, "I already saw it."

"But, but, but," Vachon desperately searched for the words that would make her see that was impossible, "But it isn't even out in theaters yet!"

Tracy shrugged, "Advanced screening, DP Mansion."

"What?!" It was a good thing Vachon was immortal, otherwise that vein in his forehead would've probably burst. "No!"

"Yes," Tracy patted his leather-clad shoulder, comforting him. (Or maybe just taunting him further... That Tracy is a subtle little sadist ain't she?) "I already saw the movie. But we can still go." She offered.

"Yeah, I guess," Vachon eyed his advance purchased tickets, he'd made Screed wait in line for four days (in a sun proof Boba Fett costume) to get these 12:01 Star Wars tickets. "But it just isn't the same. How' the hell did you see it already anyway?"

"I saw it Monday, along with forty Thugs. We got an advanced copy through..." Tracy trailed off.

Vachon's eyes narrowed dangerously, "Who?"

"Um, someone." Tracy added lamely, "It doesn't really matter."

"Who?" Vachon demanded. A vampire's eyes might be yellow, but the green-eyed monster was certainly making himself known then. "It's that Fuller, news reporter guy wasn't it? He got an advanced copy through the movie critic or something didn't he?! What, does he think something like that will get you back?!" Vachon was working himself into a nice little murderous rage when Tracy started giggling.

"No! Gee Vachon, jealous much?" She grinned, "If you -must- know, we got the movie through Shana."

"The tall, gorgeous model-looking brunette with the huge..." Seeing murder in Tracy's eyes, Vachon wisely continued, "Uh, huge vocabulary?"

"Yeah, that's her." Tracy was no longer amused, she turned on her heels and marched towards the door.

"Wait!" Vachon raced after her. Using some of that Zippo Brand Vampire speed, he beat her to the door and blocked her way. "Uh, so, how'd she get a copy?" He asked nonchalantly (as if his foot wasn't stuck in a wastebasket after a less than graceful sprint.)

Tracy's humor restored, (due no doubt to that same wastebasket) she told him, "Her birthday is on the 27th, someone sent her a copy as an early birthday gift and she in turn shared it with the rest of the Thugs by having a private screening in the Ballroom o' Doom."

"'Ballroom o' Doom'?" Vachon blinked. He was beginning to worry that the DP might be a bad influence on Tracy... or maybe it was Tracy who was a bad influence on them...

Tracy grinned hugely, "Yeah, we moved the kick-boxing ring and took down one of the weapon boards, then we had plenty of room! Of course, when we were done the demons had run off with most of the knives and ninja stars, but I'm sure they'll turn up sooner or later."

Vachon blinked, then shook his head, deciding it would probably be better if he forgot about that last statement. "So... for her birthday?"

"Yeah," Tracy smiled, "She has connections."

Vachon nodded, "She'd have to have some big ones to swing an advanced screening."

"Can you keep a secret?" Tracy asked.

A lazy smile twisted Vachon's sculpted lips, "Trace, do you remember who you're talking to?"

"Yeah, yeah, vampire, big whoop." Tracy rolled her eyes, "I mean a -real- secret."

Vachon didn't know if he should be offended or intrigued, he settled on confused, "Huh?"

Tracy leaned closer and whispered in his ear, "Shana trained to be a Jedi."

"A Jedi?!" Vachon yelled... and this was unfortunate since Tracy was still so close.

"Ow! Tracy, her ears ringing, took a step back and glared at him. "Shh, keep your voice down! Do you want everyone to know?"

Vachon was at a loss, "Shana's a Jedi?"

"Uh..." Tracy looked down at the floor, answering evasively, "I didn't say that."

"But you said she-" Vachon paused to blink, "She trained to be a Jedi."

"That's right," Tracy suddenly seemed to find the toes of her Doc Martins fascinating.

"So she's a Jedi, right?" Vachon was more than a little confused.

"Not, uh, not exactly," She looked up at him finally, blushing slightly, "You have to remember that this is member of my Dark Perk faction we're talking about here."

Vachon nodded, he knew all about the faction dedicated to Tracy's dark side. It still irked him a little that she, a mortal, warranted two factions and he only had the one... but he was getting over it. "Yeah. So?"

"So..." Tracy's lips tilted up in a smirk, "Do you really think the Jedi Council would approve someone who beheads stuffed bunnies and mails the remains to her friends?" 'Not to mention rigs the Toronto sewer system to shoot Screed out like a canon and throws parties in the Church when you aren't there...' She added silently.

"So what are you saying?" Vachon asked.

"I'm saying," Tracy sighed, "Shana, didn't listen to Obi-Yum and chose the dark side of the force. So despite all her training, she isn't a Jedi."

"Then what is she?" Vachon asked almost fearfully.

"I thought it was obvious!" Tracy laughed, "She's a Darth Perk!"

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<eDPg> Happy Birthday Shana!

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