For Tabs :)
Usual disclaimers


"The Birthday Song"
by: Cousin Mary


Mary walks into the crowded library of DP Mansion, many thuggish heads
pop up from behind assorted books and magazines.  "Today is Tabs'
b-day... the big 30!"  She tells them happily.

"Wow!"  Tiff beams.

"Congratulations!" Ren runs over and gives her a hug.

"Happy b-day Tabs!"  Shana pauses to shout down from a high ladder as she
searches for a long forgotten translation of 'A Darker Shade of Fuchsia.'

The DPs all smile and raise their mugs in salute.

But Mary isn't done yet, oh no, not by a long shot. "So... I thought I'd
favor you all with a song!"

The crowd is silent.  Some would say horrified. Mary's voice is world
renown... and not in a good way.

But Mary is oblivious to their terror and just smiles hugely.  She takes
a deep breath and... is suddenly tackled from behind by Vachon!

"Run!"  The Slacker shouts, "Save yourselves!"

You didn't need to tell the DP twice!  Everyone quickly scrabbles to
their feet and begins running for the doors.  

Unfortunately, the former Conquistador does not anticipate how sneaky
Mary can be.  If he had, there would've been no way he would've fallen
for the godmommy's 'look, the ghost of Marilyn Monroe!' act.  But...
well, blondes, and you know the Slacker...  Anyway, all at once the
sneaky philosophy major breaks away, she quickly climbs to her feet and
begins singing. 

"Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu!"

<dogs all over the neighborhood began to howl, the DP cover their ears
and begin humming to try and block out the terrible noise*

"Happy Birthday tooooo youuuuu!"

<the high vaulted windows of the gothic style DP Library shatter, the
hums turn to screams*

"Happy Birthdaaaaay dear Taaaaabss!  Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu!"

<Vachon's hair spontaneously combusts>

"And many more!"

<The planet Earth explodes>







"AAAAaacccccckkk!"  Mary sits up in bed screaming.  She glances at the
clock, there are still 10 minutes until Tabs b-day.  She wipes the sweat
from her brow, "Um... maybe I should just write her a story instead."

>>>>>>>>

Happy b-day Tabs!