Hello!  And thank for picking up the newest "Guide to Smut Rating: DP" pamphlet.  As in last year's copy, this pamphlet will contain all sorts of useful information for correctly rating your Tracy centered smut, or, if you prefer, erotica.  Also, unlike last year's copy, which was unfortunately intercepted by pranksters before reaching the presses, it will contain no anti-vachon slogans such as "Would you let a slacker in -your- bed?" or "Vachon has undead crabs!"  Any and all such inflammatory propaganda has been removed this time around.

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-Smut vs Erotica-

First off, let us discuss the difference between smut and erotica.  Now, many people will tell you that there is a significant difference.  Smut is porn, plain and simple, used only to gratify those base needs of the reader.  It is dirty, bad and should just be all around avoided by good, upstanding members of society.  Erotica, on the other hand, is -not- smut.  Yes, erotica has just as much naked flash and writhing about, but there -is- a difference!  Erotica is pretentious, and therefore, acceptable.

- Other ways to tell if your story is smut or erotica, other than relying on sheer ego. -

·          Terminology:

                In Erotica the word of the day is: member, sex, or, occasionally, organ.

                In Smut, the words are: cock, penis, or sometimes, swizzle stick

·          Setting:

Erotica will take place in: open fields, moon lit olive groves, or, for some reason, opera houses.

Smut, on the other hand, happens where ever you can conceivably rub up against something not -too- damp or sharp

·          Clothing:

In Erotica the woman must always be wearing a "flowing gown of gossamer fabric"  there is no room for discussion, this is mandatory.  Gossamer!  And, if possible, the man must wear riding boots.

In Smut, crotchless or mesh is preferred, but leather will do in a pinch

·          Allegory

Erotica will have one, for something, really it doesn't matter what.  Greek mythology, mankinds' struggle against nature, tax forms, whatever.

Smut has no words over two syllables, so "allegory," which clocks in at 3, is definitely out

But what it really boils down to is this: if you have to tell a boss, teacher or grandparent what it is you're writing that's making you breath hard and turn three shades of red, it's "Erotica"  Real people can be told the truth, and then forwarded a copy.

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-Ratings-

                Here is an easy to use guide to rating your Tracy-centric story.  Please note, your story may deviate slightly from these examples.  

 G - Tracy buys a gingerbread cookie and eats it.  The cookie is -not- shaped like a man, because that would have sexual subtext and therefore be worthy of at least a PG.  She also pays for the cookie using real money, not a credit card, because perpetuating a system of debt is wrong also.  If the clerk gives her incorrect change, she will politely correct her.  She will -not- pocket the difference.  

PG - Tracy will look at a young man's rear end and think "Wow!"  Note: she will not say this out loud, or make any move that can be deemed as a "come on."  She will sit there, continuing to diligently do her paper work, just entertaining a slight interest.  

PG-13 - Tracy gets to kiss.  Not long, not hard, and certainly no tongues!  But she gets to touch her lips to another persons.  Note: kissing may be substituted with hand holding

R - Tracy gets to be left in a room alone with a man at night.  She also gets to wake up in same room the next morning.  Note: during the subsequent dark hours something may or may not have happened in said room, we're not sure... it faded to black.

NC -17 - Tracy gets sex.  She gets good sex.  There is touching, and descriptions, and great deal of shouting and noise is made, and perhaps some sort of cream or oil is employed

                - Subcategories of NC- 17

   X - Tracy and Lacroix accidentally get locked in the Raven's cellar and spend the rest of the night making red hot monkey love!

   XX - Tracy and Nick go under cover as man and wife for the sole purpose of breaking several commandments and a box spring

   XXX - Tracy,  Vachon and Miklos, get into a heated debate about something of no interest to the reader and barely mentioned by the writer, they make up by taking a shower together

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   So this concludes this year's "Guide to Smut Rating: DP" pamphlet.  I hope you found it helpful.  Happy smutting!

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