Rachel's Night

By:Forlay

Inspired by RB's "The Night"

    I flew towards Tobias' territory, knowing that's where he had gone. Where else would he go?
    I kept my owl eyes focused on the air around me, looking for any sign of Tobias.
    Why did Tobias fly out on me like that? I kept asking myself as I flew, Especially without sayig a word! He'd
never done anything like that. Ever.
    I scanned the ground quickly, and saw the form of a bird on the ground. < Tobias? > I asked as I spilled air
from my wings and started my desent. Oh, god, what happened?
    < Geez, Rachel. Don't do that to a bird. You scared me. > Tobias's voice in my head reassured me.
    < What are you doing down there? Do you know how tasty you look to this owl? > I asked him, a bit snippily.
    < No, > he said sarcastically.
    I ignored him and landed next to him and concentrated on my human form. The familiar changes still were
grotesque, no matter how many times you morph.
    "What happened, Tobias?" I asked as the morph finished, "It wasn't the tree, was it?"
    < No, it wasn't the tree, > he replied, < It was Little Bunny Foo-Foo bopping me on the wing. Of course it was
the tree. >
    "Really, Tobias," I said, uneasy with his sarcastic mode. "You'd better demorph if you can't fly."
    I practically bit my tongue as I said that. He can't demorph! I yelled at myself. Sorry, Rachel. No matter how
much you want him to be human. he'll always be hawk. You can't change that!
    He started to morph human. I hoped that he hadn't noticed what I'd said.
    I watched him as the boy emerged from the bird. Human. Not hawk. Just human. Only the human Tobias was
there, staring at me from those dreamy eyes.
     Once he finished the morph, I snapped out of my day dreaming. "Tobias, why did you fly out on me like
that?" I asked. No use beating around the bush.
      I saw...a flash of some feeling, some emotion, on his face. Of what, I couldn't tell. Tobias had all but forgotten how to show emotion on his face, and when he did, it was very brief, and usually twisted.
      "I-I-I," he stammered, "I couldn't handle it. There was too much."
      "Too much what?" I pressed. I was exasperated with his dodging my questions. "That's no excuse for just
running out. Talk to me." Why didn't he trust me? He always had, before, with his feelings...we were so close.
      "I-I," he stammered again, "I couldn't stay there. Too much emotion."
      I looked into his human eyes. "Your father was a great warrior. You should be proud of that."
      "I am!" he practically yelled. "It was you," he said in a voice that seemed to pierce me into two.
      I stepped back as if he'd physically slapped me, "Me?"
      "You, yes, you...always you...God, Rachel, don't you know how you look to me? How you've always looked, but tonight...Like a rose among moonlight, you're so beautiful, so pure..." he stopped as his voice started to
waver.
      I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes, but I blinked them back. I knew how he felt. I felt that way too. But I couldn't tell him that. I'm mighty Rachel. Xena. Hider of emotions. So, I lied. "Tobias...I...I had no idea..."
      He saw right through it, "Don't lie to me," he snapped angrily, "You knew."
      I looked away, the tears about to spill down my cheeks. You're right, Tobias! I said to myself. I knew how
you felt, but you didn't know something about me. I felt the same way. And I never was able to tell you. And it was
almost too late...that morning..
      He must have seen the tears before I turned away, for he reached out and grabbed my hand gently. I could
tell that it was awkward for him, but I squeezed it gently, "It's okay, Tobias. I'll be okay." I tried to sound like I normally did. I failed, as I heard my choked tone.
      He mumbled something I couldn't understand. Then he raised his voice slightly so I'd be able to hear him,
"God, Rachel, you think I should just perch in my tree, fall asleep, and all the answers will come to me?" He pulled away from me, and I turned around to face him. "I just came from the strangest days of my life. One minute, I'm starving because some other hawk is trying to take my meadow and hoping that my new-found cousin Aria is going to get me a home...I could be human...and the next, oh darn, I don't get a cousin because it turned out it was just Visser Three's plan to trap me, little old me, whose claim to fame is I happen to be the son of Prince Elfangor-Sirnial-Shamtul, the arch-enemy of Visser Three, who I saw get murdered by Visser Three with my own human eyes...And I also happen to be one of Visser Three's worst nightmares. God, it just looks like the universe is against me." He seemed drained by the speach. "Sometimes, I wonder if it would be best to take a knife and end it all now."
    I wanted to reach out and comfort him. Sometimes...sometimes I forget just how much his life sucks. I wanted to tell him that he had to stay alive. We all needed him. I needed him.
    Tobias turned away from me again. I stared out into the forest, deep in thought.
    Tobias always changed something in me. It wasn't always visible, but it was there. Everytime I hear him talk in
thought speak, every time we demorph to human, and he has to morph to human, it just tears me up inside.
    But what am I to do? I couldn't find the right words...I found there are no right words. The time wasn't right...Time could run out, at any moment!
    David. Curse his name for eternity. He had tried to kill us all. And succeeded in killing a red-tailed hawk. Not Tobias, you understand. But no one knew the difference.
    And that morning, all I could think about was avenging Tobias's murderer. Kill him. Destroy him. Annihilate him. For what he did to Tobias.
    And, as I thought about Tobias and my near loss of him, I realized something. Something that I'd known, that I'd known for so long, but had never really wanted to admit openly.
    I loved him.
    And, God, I hoped someday he'd be human again. He may be hawk on the outside, but he's so sweet, so gentle, so caring.
    But, that fact is still there. He's a hawk on the outside, and not too many movie theaters or restraunts allow red
tailed hawks in. We'd never be able to go on a date, or do anything that 'normal' human couples can do.
    We see each other practically everyday. We've fought together. We've rejoiced together, and cried together.
We'd become amazingly close. For a long time, I convinced myself we were just good friends, I didn't have any
feelings for him. He was just a friend and Animorph. And I was the same to him. But so recently, I'd finally admitted to myself what I'd known all along.
    I loved Tobias.
    I love him, I love him, I love him.
    I was jerked out of my thoughts by a tap on my shoulder, "Hello, Rachel," Tobias said, smiling shyly.
    I was surprised. "Hello, Tobias," I said, as if I had just met him for the first time.
    He had a look of conflict in his usually dreamy eyes, like he wanted to say something, but couldn't quite get
it out. I imagine I had a look like that in my normally icy blue eyes.
    Rachel! Tell him! Tell him! You're here...he's here...human, both of you. You can tell him! Just tell him already!
    "Nice night, huh?" Tobias asked, trying to sound casual.
    Yeah. I'm here with you.. But I only smiled and said, "Yes. It is beautiful."
    Yes! It's a beautiful night, and so are you, Tobias!
    Time stopped. Time had no meaning. All that I knew was in this meadow, Tobias was human. And I was human. And the moon was out, shining a light that seemed to make everything it touched to a silver river.
    Suddenly, Tobias grabbed my hand. Through that simple gesture, one that was so hard for him to make, I
knew. He loved me. Helovedmehelovedmehelovedme.
     I smiled gently at him, in case he couldn't tell that I had the exact same feeling. I was estatic. I was in pure bliss. I was...I was...there aren't words to describe how I felt right at that moment. I was in love!
    So why couldn't I say four simple words? I just wanted to say "I love you, Tobias." But my mouth froze as I
tried to say it.
    It was as if there were some magic spell between us, trapping us in our own little world of bliss. I never
wanted to leave. But Tobias broke us out of it. "I have to demorph, and you have to go home and sleep."
    There it was again, that ugly word, 'demorph'. WHY?! WHY couldn't Tobias still be a human, and we wouldn't
have to worry about a stupid thing like two hour time limits? Why couldn't we stay in this new-found understanding?
   I blushed slightly for forgetting about the stupid limit, "Untill tomorrow, Tobias," I said, wanting to stay so bad but knowing I had to go.
    He took my hand, which was trembling from the excitement, and kissed it softly, "Untill tomorrow, Rachel."
    My heart fluttered. I had to concentrate on the picture of the great-horned owl so I could morph, but I knew
I would never forget that kiss.
    As I finished the morph, Tobias had finished demorphing back to his hawk form. I wanted to tell him good
night, and that I loved him, but once again, something got in the way.
    I flapped my powerful wings a few times and lifted off. I flew home and through my open bedroom window. I
landed on my bed, demorphed as quietly as I could, and changed back into the T-shirt I sleep in when it's warm. I kept the window open, just in case Tobias came by early the next morning.
    I sat at my desk with the mirror on the wall in front of it. It was so late at night...I could hardly believe that I would
have school in just a few hours. As I brushed my hair quickly and pulled it back into a pony tail, I looked at a
picture of Tobias I'd tucked into the mirrorframe. I kissed my fingers and pressed them to the picture, and said the words I'd wanted to say for so long.
"I love you, Tobias."

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