This will be a work of art, some of the stories you will hear from me you won't hear any where else on the net! They of course will all be 100% truth! So all of you playa haters out there that might remember the story differently than Tyler B! well? your just wrong! ha (is that ok with you?.... actually no its not! LMAO love you guyz)


Carl's Junior Incident|So Co Incident|Shit face festival #2| The Cypress hill what????|The oy oy oy! !!!!!|Honda's ,Tattoo's and the 5 dollar fix !|The girl who cried liger!
The carls junior incident...

I went out one night to play a friendly game of pool down in beautiful canyon country... (names will be changed but Probably not) Tyler B was hanging out with 2 of his favorite home girls. Jeanna and Heather, well we made it down there around 9-ish 10... and, if i remember correctly, i had had a rough day at capt tizzles. Well i started my night off with a little puny 12oz mug of some buddy light. Well as it so turned out. Buddy grew into a bigger mug and multiplied across the table quickly. I was whooping everones ass at pool like usual and got really cocky. Then i think Heather started running her mouth about how good she was at darts. Well if you know heather like i know heather than you know she can't beat Tyler B at anything... (that one night you whooped my ass at pool, i was to sober to play!) so newayz ;). We started playing pool and i was like, "hey if i took a shot i might be more drunk than i already am"... So heather being the home girl that she is hooked it up with some *free* shots. ; ) Well one shot lead to another and another... and another... and another... I was doing great! I was fueled on alcahol and ready 2 go. So i let heather almost win at cricket (like you ever had a chance). Than we played 501 and i stomped her ass ! ha! Well i was doing good and then i walked outside of shooters and uhhh... yeah.... the world started turning and spinning and stuff and i dont know why to be exact something to do with the pull of the moon or something.... but for some strange reason i wasnt feeling good and i lost my equilibrium and somehow stumbled my way to the car fighting off the pull of gravitation... well somewhere between Canyon country and Pdale (i guess... the rest of this story was told to me cuz the mooon was so strong lol) we went to carls junior becuz i said i was hungry.... i think we went to carls junior... and jeanna had pulled up to the speaker box and was going to order me some food. Well that must have been the straw that broke the camels back! i had had enough of the mooon and the spinning that i threw up inside her car... (i guess) i didnt get the door open all the way cuz i puked in the side of the car where the door frame meets the door. So everytime, for a couple of months,you opened the door it was sticky... i dont remember after shooters.... i just remember that i heard something about taking my hat off and crying or something... but all in all it was a fun night and what i do remember is whooopin everyones ass lol! so this story is based on pure fact and if jeanna or heather have anything to add you had better tell me cuz my memory isnt as good as it used to be! lol


The SO CO incident...

This story the names have been changed for real to protect the innocent and they new who they are... I went to a place with a person and we somehow managed to pick up a bottle of SO CO! (southern comfort for those who dont know what it is) We went to this place and we started drinking the so co... well at this place we were at it was really hot and humid.... and for some reason i couldn't control the intake at which i started drinking this so called so co.... well before you know it i was drunk as a mother... and i remember everything pretty clearly.... but i wasnt able to control myself very well and uh, yeah, some people got a free show of something.... the sun was out this time so i didnt have to fight the moon off. Well only one person will find this story funny but he/she knows who (she)he/she is... id put more about the story but the rest is ..... you know.... kinda like a secret! kinda! OY!


Shit face festival #2 (better known as the 4th of july)
Well this story is going to be a lil crazy cuz im going to have to explain what happnened last year at the same time. As you all know i was new to the area ive only been down here for 1-1/2 years or so and i didnt know to many ppl around the last 4th of july. Well i had met John and dre around this time and this was towards the beggining of my divorce. Well they knew i was having a rough time and so to help relieve some stress we decided we would hang out and drink some jack daniels... so to make a long story short we all drank way to much JD and ended up on the roof of john's house. We climbed up some ladder and ended up drinking a bunch of bud light. So it was just a good time and we got fucked up. Well now one year later we kinda uppped the notch on the 4th of july part blow out. We invited way more ppl had a big bbq and had 5 times as much alcahol as last year. As soon as i woke up that morning i proceded to the kitchen to take a shot of the infamous Crown royale... Well i took a shot and traced it with a beer. mind you its still like 9 o clock in the morning. Well dre was being mean to me that morning and me and her kept going shot for shot. Well Mr. Luc sidoti gave me a call and told me he was on his way over. So when he got there i lined him up a shot of crown royale and we both took another shot. More people started to come and by that time me and dre had pretty much finished the crown we had reserved, so i had to go on a mission to get some more. I'm already a little buzzed by this point so i go to mikes liqour at like 11ish... (had at least 7 shots of crown and about 3-5 bud lizzles in about a 2 hour period) i pick up the biggest bottle of crown we can get and go back to the house. mikey and some other ppl showed up so i was like "hey you have to take a shot", well me and mikey take a couple of shots and he asks for one more. So i lined him up with 1 and me up with 1 and we downed them. This is the shot that broke tyler's liver and i ended up throwing up that shot in the bathroom... wasnt quite sick yet just it was to much to fast. so i chilled for a lil bit and was drinking beers and i think jeanna came over around this time and she needed some alcohol! ( cuz she only drinks fu fu drinks) So i drove her car to the dairy to get some smirnoff's. well jeanna drank some (i dont know an exact number cuz im not sure and neither is she) but she got really drunk without that much alcohol. lol.. well someone finally busted out some sothern comfort i took a shot and the world started spinning and i go to my room to lay down for a min... Things start getting crazy now cuz when i arrive to my room i find passed out luc! (passed out)he was sleeping in a pile of his own puke. there was puke everywhere and at this point and time i did not care i just needed to rest so i went to my couch and lost conciousness for an hour. I woke up feeling a lil sober and ready for the rest of the night. I took anyone who would go on a tour of my room to see luc passed out in his own puke. there was a pile underhis head and some other piles randomly spread out across my floor. So newayz i head outside cuz it was pretty dark and I burn the hell out of my fingers trying to light fireworks drunk and somehwere between then and now i had taken a shot with jeanna and she was faded! So i had to take her home but i figured i would stop by dustins house and say what was up.... Now i guess i yelled at a cop and said fuck you to a fire truck cuz there was a fire on the side of the road... errrr something i just remember going to dustins saying whats up and then saying im to hammered to be here... so i had dre follow me to jeannna's house and i was driving to fast and i lost dre in the whole confusion so she called me and i spent 10 mins trying to get my phone out my pocket... well dre picks me up and we head home where i resume to drink more and more shots of whatever.... all i remember now is throwing up for the third time that day and deciding to call it a night i went to my room and luc had woken up enough to move his head out of his puke and aske me what had happened. From what luc told me he just couldnt handle his alcahol like a weenie... so we end up passing out and waking up at 10ish cuz i had to go to work and i had the worst hang over ever... and luc slept for a total of 16 hours straight that day....
cant wait til next year

The Cypress hill what???? (oh tyler forgot to tell you you were getting pulled over whoops)

Shit i dont even know where to start this one... (i was sober the entire night) If you haven't noticed me jeanna and heather are not normal.... we are i guess... very strange... well these girls i hang out with meet a lot of different men off this so called internet thing. Well this is a retelling of a night we met some guy... i dont even remember his name really i think it was brian or ben or steve or something... whatever... thats not really important... ok here we go! we start off the night in jeanna's car...(that is where a lot of the stories take place somehow) and for some reason i didnt have a tall can in my hand. usually i do but since the wyatt incident ( that story will be addedd shortly) i cut my intake of the budy lights. Well we start off going down the 14 and jeanna was driving like a maniac like usual. swerving here, dodging there, tyler be grabbing the oh shit handle... well we started making our way towards canyon country and she is doing like a 105... all of a sudden there is a mother fucking cop on the side of the road... if we were going slower it might not have been a problem... so jeanna slams on the breaks and the car about flips over... thank god the cop wasnt blind or he might not have noticed *lol*. well the worst happened he hit the gas and turned the lights on and decided that we couldnt fake how fast we were going. Well she pulls over on the side of the highway and the cop comes to my side of the door... i just gotten my tattoo's and i think he liked them... well he asked jeanna how fast she was going... she innocently replied 85 mr officer... well he was like no i dont think so we clocked you at 95... so he got the usual stuff liscene, registration, that bullshit... (by the way before i forget this officer must have just hitten puberty becuz his voice was cracking bad) and then he asks about her windows being tinted and i think he was just trying to give us a hard time and jeanna was trying to get out of the ticket. Well she ends up getting a ticket for speeding and window tinting... (wow this is a story inside itself) ok to make this a little shorter... i will get to the point... we end up having a really safe comfortable 75mph drive to a town called cypress... which is along the way past my favorite thing in the world the bud light brewing company YEAH! ok so we get off on carmenita or some shit and it ends up turning into MOODY st... well for some reason all of our moody's changed when we got on this street... something about a street called moody just changed my mood. well we meet his ben brian whatever dude and we go inside his lovely smelling house... it smelt great like roses... or maybe more like roses that were soaked in cat piss... well newayz he was there with his buddy joe... and i got to see a really cool knife collection or something and my beer tooth started to hurt really bad... but newayz we end up going down to hunnington beach... which by the way is fucking cold at night no matter what time of year it is... well on our way to the beach we passed a sign saying cypress festival... and me being a smart ass was like "hey dudes when is the cypress hill festival going to be in town"(for you dumb assess cypress hill is a band and we were in a town called cypress just in case some ppl still dont get the joke) and without missing a beat joe was like oh next month... but the sign said cypress... not cypress hill... and jeanna was the only one that caught on and me and her started laughing about it.... and heather joe and bender... or whatever... were just looking at me and jeanna like we were morons or something. ok so we are on the way to the beach and we get there and they started making fun of me cuz i had to walk more than 2 steps and blah blah well they were walking like turtles and me and joe were walking normal... let me explain about joe for a min... he has turetts syndrome or whatever... so the boy is not normal... he is cool just for surely different. Well he has turretts or whatever and he is telling me about the medication that he is on... and he is a cool guy just a dork. well we make it to the beach and it was cold as a mother fucker and we were just standing there and i was getting 400 different text messages a minute while jeanna and heather were flirting with brian or ben... (cannot remember his name) and yeah so for some reaons that night tensions were high between everybody and everyone was kinda edgy. Well we end up at some brick wall just sitting and joe is getting a little wierd starting to yell "bam" and stuff really loud and jeanna tricked ben into thinking heather loved him. so she sent me and heather to read some fine print on some sign that was posted on some volley ball nets. When we came back he started to kiss heather *blech*. Well all i remember from here on out ( i was to sober to have as much fun as i could have this night)we end up dropping dopey and joe off and when he got out of the car he looked at heather and was like "bye baby" and she was like "thats so sweet".... well 2 days later we never heard from him again anywayz... *update* Oh yeah Heather i told you YOu were going to get pulled over and you just didn't listen to Tyler B you should always listen to Tyler B! Always!


The oy oy oy! !!!!! (i am the MAN!)

This one is a short story... and all i can really say is OY OY OY OH Tyler B LMFAO another inside joke.... Oy vey you know i love you lol!

Honda's ,Tattoo's and the 5 dollar fix !

Warning: if you read this story and get upset or disgruntled! Then you have been warned! So if you don't want to get upset, Don't read anymore!

Ok where do i start? I'm not sure I cant ever remember things acurately in any real order. But I like to write stories so im going to write one anyway! If i remember correctly (don't say a word Jeanna) we had went over to a homies house for Heather to get some ink done. (ink=tattoo's) It was me, Jeanna, and heather and i wanted to see some ink get done, because i was thinking about getting some. Well i talked to the homie and he let me look around on his computer and i found these tribal dragons that i really liked! So i was like "hey im coming by tomorrow so you can put these on my forearms!" he was like "sure no prob!". Ok first things first i hate fucking needles hate them with a passion, plus i was scared to get anything permanetly attached to my body! Well i thought it over for a min and i decided that i was no longer going to have virgin skin. So i go home and try to get some sleep, didn't happen was thinking about those needles digging into my flesh all night. Well heather calls me the next day and was like "hey my names heather and im going to pick u up so i can take YOU to get your tattoo's. Oh, don't be a chicken" so i was like "What girl? Of course im getting my tattoo's did you think i was scared for a minute?" The phone went dead for a min.... (i think there was hysterical laughter or some kinda statick not sure which) Then heather was like "ok i will be right there to pick u up" ...... PART 2! (the scary stuff) Ok story is going to go in a lil bit of a different direction. This part is about the CAR ride over there... (thank god for oh shit handles) K so i enter into heathers automobile its a 89-91 prelude. Heathers car is Bright fucking yellow! i mean like Neon piss yellow (i know my car sucks 2 so don't get pissy)and the first thing i do is shut the seat belt in the door or something stupid. (lol) This is where things started getting really scary! She took her foot and put it on the gas pedal and instantly i was afraid for my life. I was scared of getting a tatoo at first but then i was like "if i live i'll get 4 tattoo's in 2 weeks!" (LMFAO) well yeah we make our way down 50th street, i think, we were so close to someones bumper i couldn't see what street we were on. Me being the dumbass that i am forgot my cigarettes and i really, really, REALLY needed one by then.(we were prolly less than a block away from my house and i needed one already) Well i stopped hyperventilating for a minute and we made our way to the corner of K and 10th st. Where heather procceeded to nearly rear end a semi! You need glassess girl cuz i dont think you saw it! So after i took some heart medication pills we turned the corner towards J! Then i reallized something strange, Heathers car smelt like fish. So i asked heather why her car smelled like fish i was like "hey! why does your car smell like fish?" she was like "It does not stop making fun of my car and get your damn hand of that Oh shit handle!" So i said ok maybe its not her car well the next light we get to, it was division and J, i see some smoke coming from her hood and i was like "HA! i told you your car smelt like fish! Your shits over heating look at your temp guage! Pull over!" So we pull over (lmao) at the Fun zone! of all places for us to break down... Well she flipped like most girls do in situations like these and was like "oh my god its something horrible!" and i was calmed down by now cuz i had gotten out of that death trap. So i check under the hood and water and anti-freeze were just pooring out of the radiator! Me being the dick i am was like "oh shit this is horrible! the shits going to melt and we are going to have to get it towed! And your car broke down in the ghetto! WERE going to die!" heather damn near broke into tears and fainted. Then i was like "No girl, i'm just fucking with you its just the thermostat its a 5 dollar fix! and thank god you broke down here there's a smoke shop i need a fucking cigarette!" i buy a pack of smokes at the shop where they don't speak a fucking word of english (we were in the ghetto! scary stuff, but im a gangasta so i was never scared) and we let her car cool off for a lil bit, i smoked a couple of cigarettes! So i told her we were going to have to take it slow to Richies house and we procceed (not slowly) to our destination. We had to pull over i think a total of 5 times to let the car cool down!

PT 3! Pain!
K we finally make it to Richies house and the moment of truth was at hand! I was more than a little queasy and i kinda wanted to back out! But since heathers car broke down there was really nowhere else for me to go. So i sat in the chair closed my eyes and gave my left forearm to him. He cleaned me up and and shaved my arms! This was a little different to me, a grown man with a pink razor. Something about that just was a little wierd but I am glad he went gentle on me lol! So he takes the tattoo gun and gets his needles ready and i look at my virgin arm one last time and! "OUCH" actually it didn't really hurt that bad and i made a bigger deal out of it than i should have but all in all i didnt cry. Well not really j/k ! So he finishes one arm and moves on to the next! For some reaons i just couldn't have one tattoo i had to get 2! To be continued tomorrow!


The girl who cried Liger

Ok here is my version of the liger story for all of you! Mine is a little different and a little more accurate, since i am the best story teller ever! I met this girl, here name is Miss April, (oy vey!) and i decided to be really really really nice to her and take her out on a date! I picked her up from my house in the Honda Pimpic! (flipping sweet car j/k ) and we were going to go bowling. We went to pdale and checked out the bowling alley and we waited at the counter while countless droves of people were getting helped. I'm not sure if they weren't helping me because i have tattoo's or they wouldn't help us because Miss april is Hispanic or mexican or something... LMAO (i get goose bumps every time i say her name how sweet) So finally after i gave this bitch behind the counter the evil eye she was like "oh did you guyz need something" and i was like "no i just fucking wait around at counters all day because i like to smell peoples shoes when they turn them in" and she was like "oh if you want a lane it will be like $20,000 per game, per person and like $40 to rent some shoes".... Now we all no im a baller and that i do ok in the scrilla department but jesus thats kinda expensive... then she was like "well if you come back at 9 or something you can just pay 8 bucks for unlimited bowling." well it was 6:30 ishish and i didnt want to wait that long so me and MISS April (growl) went to my house for a couple of mins, because she couldn't make up her mind on what to do so i gave her a couple of xoxoxo and we decided that we were hungry! We proceeded to Tom's 25 (26?) and she was scared because i'm a white boy and was playing my gangster rap in front of the burger joint! Well you know me i'm never scared so i was like "what my name is Tyler B and i ain't never scared" to anyone that could hear me out of my car window. We then sat down and ate a fabuloso meal in the ghetto of lancaster! Well a big meal it was and like most things that are good i have to smoke a cigarrette afterwords. We are in my car smoking a cigarette and i was thinking of something i could do that would allow me to hang out with miss April since we always have to have something to do for her mom to let her out the house.
So i was like "Hey sweetie have you ever been to the feline compound in rosamond?"
She was like"Yeah dumbass when i was like in the 4th grade or something"
Then i was like "oh, well i didnt know if you liked big cats or anything. I was just asking."
then she was like "Yeah i do like big cats in fact my favorite Cat is a liger"
I was like "oh... *pause* ligers? *confused look on my face* "(i had a lot on my mind at that moment!)
Then she was like "Yeah, its a cross betweeen a lion and a tiger, It's pretty much my favorite animal"
me "???????"
her "bred for its magical powers"
me *already out the door of the car and slapping myself for being a fucking moron!*
............. ok so the story continues. I get back in the car after a couple of minutes of cussing and slapping myself and throwing a complete fuckin fit! I had just seen napolean dynamite with Miss April the week before and that whole scene came rushing back to me so of course i felt like a moron. Well the rest of the night doesnt get much better. We end up at sharky's and we all know that Tyler B is a gifted man when it comes to pool i just flipping rule at it! But from time to time the moons pull over me causes me to have an off night. Well the first 4 games i got Tyler B's ass handed to me on a platter and i had the look on my face of a man who was very shocked. Then there was an unmentionable game and so i won't mention it. (HA LOL) Then the Moon went behind some clouds or something and i redeemed myself for 2 games and beat her pretty good. But still defeat was in my corner that night so if you can't win.... well you lose... But sometimes the moon isn't always against me and i uhmmm.... made up for my defeat in another way lol oy oy oy well lets just say the story had a happy ending and even though i got bitched slapped and my ass kicked all in all it was a wonderful night!!!