* 56 *

    Ky'tulendu felt as though he were floating, floating somehow up above his body. He could no longer feel anything. It was strange, very strange, he thought, feeling strangely clear headed, yet foggy in the mind all at the same time.
     He looked across the hold of the ship and saw White Deer, but she seemed to be in two places at once like he was and just as confused too by what was happening. He could see Roaring Wings and B'tunku working over her body, putting an oxygen mask over her face and the techs turning on the respiration equipment. He noted dimly that they were doing the same to him. He noted that he could feel nothing--no pain, no sensations at all--just a strange sense of non-feeling.
     He realized that White Deer had drifted over to him. Drifted not walked, that got his attention and he recoiled with a shock. He also noted that she seemed transparent, and that he could see through her!
     Afraid to look, afraid of what he was going to see, he finally looked down at his own hands. He tried to hold in his fear and couldn't. It was worse than thought. He saw that he could still see his hands, see all the hair on the back of his hands and arms, yet he could also see very clearly through them. It wasn't possible, couldn't, shouldn't be--though somehow it was. NO! His mind shouted. This couldn't be happening. He wouldn't let it happen--not yet--not now! It was not his or her time to die!
     "What is the matter, Asenti Ky'tulendu?" White Deer asked coming up to him and touching his arm. Oddly, that he could feel. He could not what was happening to his flesh and blood body he realized. It didn't make sense. He could hear her, too. He heard her speak and it was almost like music, though somehow it was more intensely beautiful than her own sweet voice. The very air around them seemed charged with wild energy and full of colors, sounds and things his new senses could not even begin to interpret.
     He looked at her alarmed because she was having no problems with what was happening to them, "White Deer, don't you realize we're dead--that those are our bodies laying there?" he asked her puzzled and angry at her lack of concern for what had happened.
     Unmoved by her situation, she looked across the cabin and saw the techs take her lifeless body away. "Yes, I know. I also know I should feel sadness, but right now I feel wonderful and very, very free," she replied very calmly with a sound of laughter to her voice as she delighted in experiencing the state she found herself.
     He grabbed her. "This is not right--it is not time! I refuse to accept this as you must. We have to go back, White Deer. Our people need us. They need both of us," he told her, his eyes flashing fire as he looked hard at her.
     She shrugged indifferently. "They can do with out us. I like this--I like this being free from the pain and the hurting of my flesh and the miseries my life," she said ignoring him, defying him as she enjoyed the sensations of existing in the in-between dimension they were in.
     "And what of us White Deer, are you giving up so easily on what we were to have?" he asked her pointedly, seeing ripples of pain cross her beautiful face.
     "I'm not sure of what we were to have, Asenti Ky'tulendu. You speak as though our life together was already set with no choice for either of us. I do not love you, nor do I know you. Nor do you know how you feel about me. You have never given us the chance to find out what could or could not be," she told him watching him winch from the truth in her words.
     "I have had duties, responsibilities," he protested, blocking out everything but her now.
     "Duties, responsibilities? Those are just excuses. You ran the other way. Whenever I came near you ran or made more excuses to keep your distance. Then to the world you made it understood by all that I was to be your woman. You treated me no different than my father did. I was an object that had no feelings or needs," she told him, her bitterness apparent.
     "I never meant to," he apologized, begging her to forgive him. "It was a shock to find I was attracted to you. . . . That you existed in real life and were not just the dream of a lonely Asenti. Your reality was hard to accept," he told her seriously still holding her.
     "To find that you were real was strange for me too. Seeing you in the village. . . my heart almost stopped. Then my father made you strip to prove that you were human, I felt embarrassed for you, and ashamed that my father would ask such a thing. But you were magnificent. You did what he asked without protest and stood almost naked before the people. You were quite beautiful to behold," she said shyly.
     "So were you in that white dress."
     "You saw me?" she asked surprised.
     "You were the only thing I did see. I was difficult to concentrate on the council meeting with you being so close. I kept my distance because of your father. I was afraid of what he would have done to you if it was known we were linked. I saw what happened to you brother. I did not want you sent away, so I kept my silence and my distance."
     "I understand why you acted like that at the village, but not when I came to your camp. You went out of your way to stay away from me. Every time I got close you ran, even when we spoke over the commcon," she reminded him trying to get closer to him.
     He nodded, agreeing with her. "I apologize for that. I couldn't allow myself to get near you. There was your father still, and my duties to both our peoples. I also wanted us to get to know one another better. We need to go slowly, not in a rush. I wanted to feel something for you besides the pull of this mate bonding. And that pull is very strong, stronger than I have been willing to cope with. I wanted our bonding to sweet and gentle, and not to give into what I was feeling when I was near you," he admitted.
     "Then you admit that you wanted to crush me to you and make love right then and there?" she teasingly asked him, reading him better than he thought she could.
     That startled him and he regarded her strangely. He found his voice becoming huskier now. "Yes. . . . You have that effect on me," he confessed fighting his urge to pull her close to him.
     He didn't have to fight as she deliberately moved closer touching him, molding herself to him and he could feel it as if they were flesh to flesh. Their bodies that were not bodies were surrounded in a gold halo of light that sparkled and shimmered when they connected. She smiled speculatively as she watched the play of lights around them intensify.
     "I was beginning to wonder if I was having any effect on you," she said moving her body suggestively against his.
     A low groan escaped his lips and he felt his resolve and his control slipping. "You do, almost too much--that's been the problem, White Deer. Your nearness has been very uncomfortable for me. Even talking to you on a screen was extremely difficult," he told her tactfully trying to pull away, frightened now.
     "There are no barriers here, Asenti," she reminded him, grinning as she ran her long fingers suggestively through the hairs on his bare broad chest and began stroking the tips of his long flowing red-gold hair.
     "Ky'tulendu," he reminded her afraid but wanting to enjoy what she was doing. "But this is kind of pointless, White Deer. We died--our bodies lie there. What we could have shared is no longer possible."
     "Is still is. We have not been taken by the spirit guides to the next world. We can still return if we want," she told him.
     His eyes grew wide, "It is still possible?"
     "Yes, anytime, as long as it is soon. I can feel the approach of the spirits even as we speak. We must decide soon or it will be too late for anything except to wander through the final hunting grounds," White Deer warned him looking over her shoulder anxiously.
     "And do you want to return to your body?" he asked seriously.
     "Yes, now I do because I know that you do want me."
     "That makes a difference?" he questioned, trying to read her motives.
     "Yes, why live out a life that has no meaning?"
     He nodded, understanding what she was saying. "I can not promise you what kind of life we will have together. I can only promise that I will be there for you and that I do care."
     "Care? Not love?" she questioned with a pout, disappointed at his words.
     "Love will come, but caring must come first," he told her gently, then reached down and cupped her chin with his strong hands, slowly he lowered his head and brushed his mouth against hers in a gentle kiss. The light around them flared more golden and other rainbow colors danced like fire along the edges as their kiss deepened and intensified.
     He released her finally and they both trembled from the intensity of the kiss. "This is all I can promise you, White Deer, that I will learn to love you if you give me a chance to overcome my fears."
     She nodded. "You do have so many of them, Ky'tulendu , so I will try to be more understanding, Be warned that I will not be put off much longer. I need you to feel complete."
     "As I need you. You will not have to wait, I promise," he told her and kissed her again sealing his vow, then he released her, his eyes were still fearful but not as much as before.
     She was satisfied that this was all that could be accomplished for the moment. "Shall we go back now?" she asked going back to her body which had been taken inside to the infirmary where B'tunku was frantically working over it and about to give up.
     He watched the med tech pull the sheet up over his own now nude body, hearing him say, "He's gone, Doctor."
     He went over and put his hand on his own shoulder . He felt an electric shock and a pull. Then there was a moment of dizziness and weird disorientation. Suddenly, he felt himself back in his body. He was sore all over from what the med techs had done as well as from his fall and his earlier battle with the flooded creek and storm. He groaned, low at first then louder.
     The sheet flew back as Ky'tulendu started coughing and then he opened his eyes, scaring the tech so much that he fell backwards on his rear on the floor.
     "He's alive, Doctor. He's alive!" the tech exclaimed excitedly. "I could have swore he was dead!" he apologized, and he went carefully over the Asenti again with his equipment making sure that everything was functioning correctly.
     "Better alive than dead! She's waking up too. All her vitals were gone--I'd swear to that! I don't understand any of this!" B'tunku exclaimed very, very puzzled, stepping back from White Deer and going over to where Ky'tulendu lay.
     She dismissed the techs and told them to go take a klass break. She wanted to be alone with Ky'tulendu and hopefully she would get some answers from him. The techs left with no protest and told Roaring Wings and Sees Far the good news on their way out. The two natives breathed sighs of relief and went back to waiting until the Doctor called them in.
     "What is going on Asenti?" she asked not expecting an answer.
     He looked up at her innocently with his clear blue eyes and lifted a reddish-blond eyebrow, his mouth curved into a weak smile despite his pain. "You tell me," he replied, not sure whether he could explain it.
     She pinned him with her silver mirror eyes, "You passed out as we were getting White Deer ready to transport to the infirmary. She had stopped breathing, then for no apparent reason you did too. We've been trying to revive you for the last ten minutes. The tech had just pronounced you dead when you started breathing on your own and opened your eyes. White Deer is awake now, too," she told him.
     "I'm not sure. I remember unlocking the hatch and you coming in. Beyond that point I remember nothing until I woke up and scared your tech," he lied.
     She gave him a disgusted look and then sighed wearily. "All right, I believe you." she said, but she really didn't.
     "How is she? What was wrong?" he asked her seriously, wanting to know what was wrong with White Deer.
     "Respiratory infection with a high grade temperature caused by the microorganisms in the water. I am guessing that this was all brought on by her failure to bond with you which weakened her system and lowered her resistance to the infection."
     "So in other words, because we have linked, but not begun to initiate our bond that has made her vulnerable to infection?"
     "That's what my tests indicated. I've treated her with massive doses of antibiotics and have started her on a series of injections to build up her immune system. She is going to be very weak and vulnerable for awhile until her immune system builds itself back up."
     "But she will recover?" he questioned, wanting to know everything.
     "Yes. However, I'm not sure whether your bonding with her is a good idea or not. This link you have with White Deer bothers me. She clinical dies and you almost die with her. None of my reading on the bonding processes has suggested anything this powerful. You have not physically connected with her yet?" she asked trying to make it sound clinical and not personal.
     Ky'tulendu took it personally anyway and blushed slightly, "No. I haven't even held the girl's hand. I carried her to the cave and back out, but we were not in direct skin to skin contact if that's what you are getting at," he replied.
     "I'm not sure what I'm getting at. There's not that much data on this phenomenon. I uploaded all the general information on this subject. And there is not much current information on delayed bonding problems or interrupted ones because the bonding process itself has almost died out among our people. Roaring Wings said the same thing. What we have here between our people and the natives is some sort of stronger more powerful variant on it. I'm not sure whether this is going to prove to be a curse or a blessing," she admitted grudgingly.
     "I know," he agreed a little worried himself over how closely he was finding himself linked to White Deer. "Where's Roaring Wings and Sees Far?" he asked not seeing them.
     "Outside. Sees Far was getting too distraught and hysterical. I gave her something to calm her down," she said, and she saw him begging her to go on, so she did. "Then I had to send Roaring Wings out because he was becoming too distracting being this close physically. He was impairing my professional judgment. Until I can find an antidote for this problem I need to keep him at arms--room--building--whatever distance from me," she told him, somewhat humiliated by this happening to her.
     "You could always give in and go through with the bonding," he suggested, with a smile.
     She looked horrified, "I don't have time right now--I have more work than I know what to do with. I don't have time for a romance in my life," she protested, running a nervous hand through her silver hair.
     "Nor do I, but I'm not going to put it off too much longer. Once the bond is completed then things should go back to normal levels."
     "We don't know that," she argued. She had as many or more reservations about committing to the bonding process than the Asenti did. She was more scared than she wanted to admit to anyone but for different reason. Ones that she could not even give words to. But she put on a brave front, citing medical, not psychological reasons for why she was holding off her own bonding process.
     "The old texts I read said it did. The bonding is to help produce children, and enhance the genetic pool," Ky'tulendu continued to argue.
     "I'm well aware of that, Asenti. Honestly, can you just picture me as a mother? That's not something I ever wanted to be or experience. I would make a lousy mother. I've got my work, my duties, I'm happy. I don't need this," she said disgustedly, feeling the hysteria rise.
     "That's not what your body is saying. You're afraid, Doctor, because of your experiences as a child. You put me off the same way on the ship. I don't think you're going to be able to put Roaring Wings off that easily."
     She nodded, frightened. "I know. We have already had discussions about this all except for telling him about what happened to me as a child. I don't know whether he'd understand."
     "Understand what, B'tunku?" Roaring Wings said coming up behind her.
     She whirled quickly to face him, fear etched on her delicate features. "You heard me?" she questioned.
     "Some of it. It was difficult not to. We need to talk, don't we?" he asked gently, but with a firm insistence. His dark eyes held her silver ones and she could only nod in agreement. "Then come with me," he commanded.
     "I can't. I have patients," she said trying to beg off.
     "No, you don't," Ky'tulendu said sitting up on the examination table, draping his sheet over himself more carefully.
     "You need to rest," she protested, pinning him with a look, daring him to move off that stretcher.
     "I'll rest later. Go with Roaring Wings. What you two have to discuss is more important. I will take care of White Deer. She and I have things to discuss as well," he told her, challenging her back, and rising up to sitting position despite her protests.
     "Asenti, . . ." B'tunku glared, feeling like a trapped animals in more than several ways.
     "Go, B'tunku! That's an order!" he said pointing a clawed finger in the direction of the door.
     Roaring Wings gave him a smile of thanks and took B'tunku firmly by the arm and led her out the door of the examination room. She was still resisting but she went with the native resigned to do what she had to do.
      Ky'tulendu watched them go, shaking his head. Theirs was going to be one of the more interesting matches he had to admit. He did hope she could work through her problems, and Roaring Wings could his. He knew there was pain, but he hoped they could find happiness together. They both needed it.

   * 57 *

     Ky'tulendu's thoughts were interrupted as he became aware of a low giggle from the other examination table within the large room of the infirmary. He looked over and saw White Deer looking at him. Her heart shaped face was lit up with a radiant smile--for him. She was still lying down on the table, a little pale from her illness, though appearing to be considerably improved. Her sheet was loosely draped across her perfect body, clinging tantalizing to outline her full breasts, rounded hips, and long legs. He found it difficult to breath and had to look away.
     "They appear to be on their way to solving their particular problem," he said lightly, trying to break the tension that was growing between them.
     "Hai," she said not understanding his words. Puzzled by that she reached up around her neck and realized she wasn't wearing a translator any more. "A-kee'-trans-lat-or-ay'ka-li- uh'," she told him very upset.
     Ky'tulendu wasn't sure of exactly what she was saying either. He did know it involved the translator. He reached up and felt his own neck, his was gone too. He shrugged, and pointed to his neck. Damn, he thought to himself, there was so much to say to her, to ask, and no way to say it. Nor did he see their translators anywhere around. They had probably been left back at the ship. He got up, trailing his sheet, behind him and began searching the room.
     White Deer watched him curiously as he searched the room. She sat up fully on her table. She was still a little weak and shaky. She ignored her weaknesses as she swung her legs around to slide her legs downward until her feet touched the ceramic tiled floor. She then stood up still holding on to the table for support.
   Ky'tulendu heard a noise behind him and turned, and saw her standing there, her face pale and flushed and her long blue-black hair falling wildly about her shoulders, hiding and concealing, her voluptuous naked form. She took his breath away just by standing there with the sunlight streaming in behind her.
     "White Deer, you shouldn't be up," he said, rushing to her side, seeing how shaky she really was.
     "Ma'ta, ne-yoh. Say'hay!" she told him, looking up at him with big luminous eyes. "Ne-tum-ta', kay'hay-la," she whispered with a radiant smile, moving closer to him she reached up and put her arms tightly around his neck.
     He did not need the translator to understand what she wanted. Her actions were very clear. He shook his head, trying to tell her no.
     White Deer was not going to take no for answer this time. She had made up her mind that she would go to him if he would not come to her. To prove how serious she was she wrapped her arms more tightly around his neck and pulled his face down to hers while her large firm breasts pressed against his furred chest and her flat stomach and lush hips molded to the rest of his body.
     He gasped, and tried to protest, but it was to no avail. She was determined. She knew he was trying to resist her, and that he was holding back, so she reached up and began kissing his neck, his ears--everywhere she could reach. Raining kisses on every exposed inch of skin she could find.
     Ky'tulendu was rapidly losing his resolve and his normal iron-willed control, he realized, as the girl touched and stroked him with her hands and body. Like a sleepwalker he began to respond to her, running his large hands over her hips and up her back. She was like liquid fire against him, making him feel like no other female had ever made him feel.
     He met her passionate kiss on his mouth with one of his own, surprising them both with its intensity and fire. With her tongue she traced the unique shape of his mouth, forcing him to open his, and increasing the sensations he was feeling. One part of his mind rebelled, telling himself he couldn't--shouldn't be doing this, but he couldn't stop her or himself. He wrapped her tightly in his arms, giving up the fight against her passionate onslaught.
     His sheet fell away, forgotten now, to the floor, as they got lost in touching and exploring one another.
     He didn't want their first time together to happen there in the open on the examination table. He remembered where they were despite the distraction of her very warm and willing body. While looking for the translators he had noticed that there was a bed off to the side, and that it was partitioned off. He swooped her up in his arms and carried her there before they were both too far gone to care. Which if she kept kissing him the way she had been would be very shortly.
     He laid her gently on the bed, and then looked down at her. She was expectant, waiting, but still he hesitated, afraid to make this final commitment to her. She held out her arms to him, imploring him with her body to come to her, as did her sparkling eyes and kiss swollen lips invite him to join with her. Impatiently, she sat up and caught his wrists in her small hands and pulled him hard to her throwing him off balance to land on top of her chest. Which was exactly where she wanted him to land. He was lost from that moment on.
     For all her passion, she was inexperienced. Ky'tulendu sensed this, through their link that was deepening the more time that they spent together. They were feeding on one another. He could feel every sensation in her as if it were his own which in turn aroused him to heights he had never known existed before as she touched him and he touched her. If his dreams of them together had been unbelievable the reality of her passion-fired lovemaking was even more.
     When they could stand it no more he entered her, careful that this was her first time. She took him in, surrounding him fully and tightly. She gasped as he pushed in further. There was a brief moment of pain and then he was in her all the way.
     They rode even higher fanning the fires that their passion and need had wrought. He felt her in his head and in his heart and in his soul as well as in his body, and they climbed even higher until they both exploded both with their bodies and within their heads with a burst of golden-white intense light of pleasure than was beyond anything either had dreamed could be had by mortal beings.
     When they were spent and the roaring had died down to a sweet whisper, they drifted back down gently through the layer of sensations to come back finally to reality and the present. They lay together still intertwined on the narrow bed exhausted and fulfilled. It was many long minutes before either one could move, or wanted to move apart.
        The sunlight was still streaming in through the windows at the far end of the room, and beyond the windows Ky'tulendu could hear birds singing. It was very late afternoon, Ky'tulendu realized.
         He opened his eyes finally and looked down at the girl beneath him. He smiled warmly, lovingly at her, raising himself up a little to look at her. Her dark brown eyes were open, filled with both wonder and worship of him as well as the beginnings of love.
        She raised her small hand to tenderly brush tendrils of the red-golden sweat soaked hair from his face. He seized the small delicate hand with his own and kissed it tenderly on the palm. His dancing sapphire blue eyes spoke volumes as he thanked her for what they had just experienced together.
     She smiled back at him showing even white teeth, "I pleased you, my husband?" she asked in her soft voice speaking her own language.
     At first it didn't dawn on him that he had understood her perfectly, then it sank in. "White Deer, can you now understand my words?" he asked in Atanzi.
     She didn't seem as surprised as he and was taking it very matter of factly, "Yes, we do not need translators now, my husband. I can hear you here in my head. Your words may sound strange to my ears but my head knows what you are saying. We have become one now," she laughed, with her laughter sounding like the tinkling of bells.
     He stared at her dumbly, unprepared for this side effect of their mating. He had heard her words in her language in his ears and he also heard them in his head as if he wore a translator. As an experiment he sent a private message to her in his mind. She giggled and laughed.
     "You want me again so soon, my fiery one?" she asked.
     "You heard me then?" he asked still surprised over this wonder.
     "Of course I hear you. I have been hearing you for a long time before we make love this day. Didn't you hear me?" she asked, pouting a little disappointedly up at him.
     He had to think about that for a moment, "I'm not sure, White Deer. At times I would get whispers, visions, impressions. I was not sure if it was you or my imagination," he told her truthfully.
     "It was me, but now it will be stronger. I understand this bonding we will do if you do not. Come, we must get up before someone comes. I do not want my mother to come in and see us this way before the wedding," she said, asking him to let her up.
     "Wedding?" he asked surprised, as he moved like a sleepwalker, so she could sit up.
     "Yes, wedding, so that I may be proper wife to you and honor our child," she replied, matter-of-factly, not understanding his confusion.
     "Child?" he asked, not having thought about that subject before in regards to himself.
     "Yes, a child, my husband. You will give me a child. That is the way of this," she said as she sat up now in the middle of the bed. "I will give you many strong sons and daughters. The women of my family make very good babies," She added proudly.
     Ky'tulendu just sat there a little stunned by all that had happened and what had been revealed. Most of all he was trying to accept and want marriage with this woman to whom he was now bonded. Since they had mated it was the honorable thing that he should do, especially if he had gotten her with child.
     Before he had gone off to the village to stop her father he hadn't really thought about marriage, and the consequences their bonding. The only thing he had been interested in was truthfully the physical side of it, not much else had really had time to penetrated his lustful mind. He had almost claimed her then and there in the camp when she had told her father she would be his wife when he had told her father that they were bonded.
    He couldn't understand his own inner hesitation that was still lingering in soul and mind. It was there, nevertheless. Was it merely just a fear of commitment, of belonging to her and she to him that he did not feel fully comfortable with in his heart and mind yet? He wasn't sure or whether his warning bells were coming from somewhere deeper within and were there for a reason. However, they were together, the barriers were down, and he did want her. Maybe his fears and vague uncertainties would go away after he got to know her better. At least he hoped so.
     For both their peoples and in the interest of peace and harmony they had to be married. He had to take this first big step or all that they had been through to win peace would be for naught. He had to set the example for them all to follow. Only by his marrying this girl would the native-Atanzi bonding be fully accepted by all.
     "White Deer, will you marry me?" he asked, holding out his hands to her.
     "Yes, Ky'tulendu, my husband, I will, whenever you want," she replied happily, her face lit up like the sun radiating her joy.
     He smiled back at her, even though in his heart he was holding back a part of himself and was afraid of what he was now doing. "Then we will be married tomorrow. I want no delays," he said as he then leaned over and kissed her sealing his promise to her.
     "Nor do I, my husband," she said as she then struggled into his arms filled with happiness and joy.
     He held her close and stroked her hair gently, yet absently with his large clawed hand. His attention was not on her though as he looked off through the window into the distance wondering if he had made the right decision and taken a step towards happiness or disaster.

* 58 *

          "Roaring Wings, this really isn't necessary," B'tunku protested as he led her across the compound of the Atanzi camp to her personal quarters.
              "I think it is. You were much in my thoughts while I was away at the village. Being close to death makes one very reflective," he told her with a smile in his voice.
              "You could have at least waited until it stopped raining," she complained, getting soaked as they dodged puddles and the still pouring rain.
             "I want privacy to discuss our pasts and our future. Ky'tulendu and White Deer also need this time alone. That is why I sent Sees Far to wait at White's Deer's quarters so that they would not be disturbed," he said smiling crookedly at her.
             That only made her fume more. "Ancestors, you are always so sure of yourself and what everyone is going to do, aren't you?"
             "Sometimes, not always. To make White Deer well she has to bond to Ky'tulendu. They cannot bond unless they get time alone. I just made sure they would get that time."
           "You think bonding will cure her?" she asked indignantly. "She was sick with a virus and infection due to exposure to unsanitary conditions. Her not bonding to Ky'tulendu before this did not have anything to do with making her sick!"
           "I beg to differ, Doctor. Her mother and I both saw the threads between them stretched tautly and the sadness in her heart. That weakened her and made her vulnerable to the evil spirits. The spirits of sickness took her over and by the time I reached her they had taken her over completely. Your medicines did save her, and chased the evil ones from her, but it will be Ky'tulendu's loving that will make sure that the spirits do not come back," he said, lecturing her as if she were a small child.
     She was about to snap off a rejoinder, then decided against it. Now was not the time to teach him about bacteria, microorganisms and the real causes of disease. It was when he talked about spirits as causing disease that she remembered how different their two worlds were. Her science and facts were still magic and spirits to him.
     He was a brilliant man, but his background and education had taught him to believe things were a certain way, while hers had shown her another. The gap between their two cultures was very staggering.
     Education was going to be on the high priory list around here, she decided. Not only the learning of each other's languages and trading of knowledge of each others living skills, but also reading, writing, mathematics, basic sciences, health, history and social sciences. Already the natives had expressed an interest in wanting to learn what the strange marks on paper meant and how they could talk to the Atanzi without the use of translators. Education was going to be the only way they all could be on an equal footing here.
     "Are you angry at me, silver one?" she heard Roaring Wings ask, concern tingeing his deep voice while his dark eyes regarding her worriedly.
     She shook her rain drenched hair. "No, not angry, just thinking about our differences and wondering if they will ever be bridged. We have so much knowledge that you don't. Things that seem mysterious and of the spirits aren't to us because we have explained it all. We know through observation and fact what causes things to happen."
     "Yes, your people know much. I see that. When I step into your world I am like a very small child that is just learning to walk and talk. Sometimes it is very frightening to me how much there is to learn that I did not know there was to learn. Our children and our children's children will be like you--they will know all that you know and that is good. I wonder sometimes if it is too late for this old one to learn?" he said looking away from her embarrassed.
     She looked up at him with renewed respect and affection, understand his pain. She shook her head, "No, it is never to late to learn. I will make sure that all those whom want to learn will be able to. We will have a school for both the old and the young," she promised him, taking his arm in hers.
     "That is good, my silver one. I just worry that you find me beneath you because I know not what you know. You are a very smart woman, and very strong of mind and will. This old man does not feel worthy of you because you are so beautiful and so smart. You are like the moon goddess, a spirit being that is not quite real," he confessed.
     She wanted to get him off his talk about spirits. The whole subject made her very uncomfortable. She believed only what she could see, what could be proved as real, and was known to be scientific fact. She believed in no Gods or the existence of supernatural beings.
     She shook her wet head ruefully. "I am very real, Roaring Wings, and not so smart, nor am I so young and beautiful anymore. I am thirty-three of my years. I have never been married, had children, or have I had a male friend for very long. My parents died when I was young, and I never had any brothers or sisters. I was raised by the state--in a school with other children who were alone like I was."
     "There was no family to take you in after your parents died?" he asked incredulously as he guided her into her building.
     "No--I don't know. I didn't want to be with a family and be reminded of the loss of my own. There were over five hundred children where I was, some older, some younger. There were a few adults, but mainly we were taken care of by android care givers," B'tunku tried to explain as they walked upstairs to her room, passing several of her co-workers who looked at both her and Roaring Wings curiously.
     They stopped in front of her door and she got out her key.
     "What is an and-roid?" he asked puzzled by the word, still carrying on their conversation.
     She smiled as she unlocked the door to her room and they went in. "An android? Well, I guess they can best be described as an artificial person. A machine that looks like a real person but isn't. You can talk to them and they can talk back, but they cannot feel or touch like a real person. They have very limited responses to emotions or feelings. We still haven't figured out how to give a soul to a machine," she said sighing as she went to her bathroom and got them both towels to dry off with.
     He took the towel gratefully, and dried the water from his face and body as best he could. She did the same and excused herself while she went in and took off her soaked clothes and put on a long fluffy robe. She then sat down on her unmade bed and indicated that he should sit too.
     Her conversation was still in his head, so he questioned her further. "So you were raised by machines, not people?" he asked trying to get over his confusion as he sat down at the chair at her desk.
     She realized that this was going to be difficult to explain because he had no references to understand the variations in Atanzi society that existed. "In a manner of speaking, yes, I was raised by machines. There were people around, but no one I was really close to. I never really made any friends there either. I kept to myself and kept my nose stuck in a book. It was mainly a school, you see. One where I could learn things very quickly. I wanted to be a doctor, so I studied very hard. That's all I did-- study," she told him, remembering without emotion those long lonely years.
     He could sense that those had not been happy times for her. "You did not play or have fun?"
     "No, I was too serious for that. I didn't want to spend time away from my studies, and I didn't really want to get involved with the other children."
     "Weren't you lonely?" he asked trying to imagine her as a child, all alone with no one close to her.
     "Sometimes, but I wouldn't let myself feel self-pity, or allow myself care or to be vulnerable to their teasing. I became a little android, I guess. I got to the point I had no more feelings than they did," she confessed, wondering what he must be thinking.
     He had been listening very intently to her story, understanding more than she would have believed possible. No wonder she was so afraid of giving herself. She had closed herself off from people. What had caused her to have such a closed heart beyond her experiences at that place? He sensed that it had to do with her parent's deaths.
     He tried a different tactic. "But you do have feelings, B'tunku. I can feel them, even the ones you don't admit to," he said gently, leaning forward in his chair towards her.
     "No, what you think you see and feel are only constructs of what normal feelings should be. They are not real ones. I don't know what you're feeling or picking up from me, but they're not my feelings. I am not capable of having any real ones," she said, believing it to be so.
     He smiled at her self-illusions and denials.
     "Why are you smiling?" she asked bewildered by his expression.
     "You lie so well to yourself, silver one. You hide behind false walls. People do that sometimes, even me. When the pain they have felt is too much to bear they put up barriers to keep out intruder, especially if they have been hurt deeply by something or someone. You have great pain from someone hurting you beyond the point you could bear. You have vowed that no one will ever get close enough to touch your heart again, so you cannot be hurt, ever again. Am I close to the truth, silver one?" he asked carefully, feeling how skittish she was becoming.
     She looked away from him, not willing to meet his dark piercing eyes. She rested her hands nervously in her lap and studied them as if they were the most important things in the world at that moment.
     Finally she spoke, "I really don't want to answer that, Roaring Wings. Perhaps we better postpone this discussion. I'm not feeling very well all of a sudden," she told him.
     "No, B'tunku you're not getting out of talking to me that easy. You're lying about feeling sick. I am the one person to whom you cannot lie to. I can see your soul, I can see your pain, I know your thoughts. You have no secrets from me," he said willing her to look at him.
     She felt his power but refused to give in. She stubbornly kept her gaze adverted from him. "I don't believe that," she said.
     He nodded, he had seen that stubborn pose before many times with other persons. He would have to prove his words. If that is what it would take to break down her barriers than so be it.
     "You were hurt very badly when you were still a little girl by savage beast like men that looked like snakes. They violated you--raped you, didn't they? They did terrible things to your mother and made you watch them, then they killed her. Then they killed your father when you tried to get away from them," he told her, not mincing any words.
     Her head jerked up in alarm and fear as she stared at him with wide fear filled eyes. "How do you know this? Did Ky'tulendu tell you?" she demanded angrily.
     "No, he and I have never spoke of such things. The images came from your own mind. Your fears called them up for me to see," he told her truthfully, knowing that she would think someone had told him.
     "That can't be! He must have told you," she swore angrily at him, furious at Ky'tulendu for revealing her secrets and for Roaring Wings knowing them.
     "He didn't, I told you. I saw what you went through in your own mind. We are that linked, B'tunku, believe it," he said leaning forward more than he had been to emphasize his point.
     "I can't--I won't believe. How can you read me when I can't read you? I can't pick up anything from you."
     "That is because you are afraid to. I have seen you with others. You can pick up others thoughts. You are just afraid to find out what I might be thinking or feeling then you would have to respond," he said.
     "That's not true!" she sputtered back. "There's some sort of blockage that I can't get through," she protested angrily.
     "It's only of your own making, B'tunku. You do not trust yourself or me enough to let your barriers down. You do not trust anyone, am I right?" he asked seriously, not giving up.
     "Yes--no! I . . . don't know," she said, frightened now that he was seeing through her only all too clearly.
     "You trusted me in the dreams, why not now?" he asked.
     "The dreams were different--they weren't real--this is real. It's not the same," she lied trying to get out of this conversation.
     He knew she was trying to evade him but he wouldn't give up. "I think it is or could be. In the dreams you laughed, you played, we made love in the sun--you were alive and there were no barriers between us. Now you put up false fronts, false faces, to try and keep me out. You cannot keep me out nor deny me for long. The needs we have cannot be ignored," he reminded her.
     "That is not true, they can be. We are both rational mature adults, and yet this curse is making us behave like love-struck children," she said bitterly.
     "I don't see it that way. I have not forced myself upon you, nor will I try. Nor will I force myself on your mind if you do not wish it. I feel sorry for you, B'tunku, because you have so much to give and yet are so full of fear of that giving," he said finally giving up because she was too filled with fear for anything to be worked out.
     He was afraid to push her anymore. He could take her but that would only push her over the edge and make her more afraid of him. She was going to need a lot of patience, more than the pull of the bonding was going to allow at this time. He need to go think, away from the her and pull of her bond. He needed to go seek guidance from the spirits as to what he should do.
     Making his mind up he stood up with a sigh.
     She looked up at him alarmed, "Where are you going?"
     Looking down at her, he raised an eyebrow, and then frowned slightly. "I'm leaving. First I am going back to my quarters to rest. Then in the morning I am going back to my village. I am needed there. I am not needed here," he told her not sure that she could understand his need to ask the spirits and to meditate.
     "I see," she said quietly, bowing her head.
     "Do you? It is too difficult to be near you, so I will put distance between us until you are ready to talk again."
     "If that is what you want," she said finding herself close to tears.
     "No, that is not what I want, but I do not want a wife that is afraid of my love, and my need for physical and mental closeness either," he said, walking across the room and putting his hand on the door knob.
     "I'm sorry, I cannot be what you wanted, Roaring Wings," she apologized.
     "You are what I want, even if there was no bond to push us together I would want you. That is what you do not understand. In the dreams I fell in love with you, but the reality of you was better. You are the other half of my soul and I am yours. You fight what is meant to be. You deny yourself the happiness we could have together. In you there is a warm and loving woman struggling to get out that wants to love and be loved, sadly you won't let her. Maybe one day you will let her out, but that day is not today," he said opening the door.
     "I'm sorry, Roaring Wings, I really am," she said almost crying, feeling the sting of his words.
     "I know you are, B'tunku. It doesn't make it any easier. Good bye, my silver one," he said quietly with great sorrow in his deep voice and then he quickly turned and walked out the door shutting it behind him.
     She sat there stunned. He had walked out on her--left. She hadn't believe he could do that because of the bond. Roaring Wings was a stronger man than she thought and also a wiser man. No matter how strong the pull of the mating bond was between them he would not make her his unless she was willing.
     One part of her did want him, wanted what he offered but her fears were too strong to allow herself to give in. She was afraid of his touch, of anyone's touch. She had tried several times to be with males of her own kind. It had never worked. Each time she would freeze up and run away. Or she would scare them off with her professionalism and attitudes. She kept a hard bristly shell around her that let no one in and kept her from getting too close.
     She wished sometimes she could be different, although she didn't think it was possible. Only in the dreams had she been free from the wall she had erected around herself. Why could she not do in life what she did in dreams? She had almost been willing to try and be like her dream self then her walls had gone up when he tried to get too close.
     Over the years it had become an automatic response. She wasn't even sure how it could be overcome. She had seen many specialists over the years, and nothing had worked. For all the advances in knowledge in the collective intelligence of the Alliance there had been nothing that could be found to overcome her early traumas, no therapy, no medicine, no nothing-- except possibly allowing the doctors to wipe her mind clean and implanting new memories. That was the one thing she wouldn't do. She wouldn't give up her memories bad as they were for they were what drove her and made her what she was.
     He said he had seen into her mind and seen what had happened to her. She had a hard time believing that. Did he real have such abilities, ones even beyond hers? Was that what was truly frightening her? That he could read her, see into her mind, and see her bared soul so easily?
     How could he even understand what had happened to her? Even she really didn't understand. All she remembered was intense pain, and more pain, and being so frightened, and hurt. Most of all remembering that there had been no one to take the hurt and the fears away. She had vowed that she would never let anyone hurt her again, or get close enough to.
     That vow though had kept her from never really knowing another being's warmth or caring. That is what had run Roaring Wings off. That and stubbornness on her part had made him walk off, despite the biological imperatives implanted in their genes.
     She was truly sorry, that she couldn't allow him to get close or to feel his love or let herself love him. She had wanted to call him back, say no--don't go, but she couldn't speak the words to stop him.
     She was miserable now and cursed herself for feeling this way. The misery inside boiled up to the top seeking release from the pain. The tears she had held back exploded finally in soul jerking waves, falling like a raging flood from her eyes, and she could not stop crying until she finally exhausted herself and cried herself to sleep.
     In sleep she found the release she could not find in her life. She dreamed, and in her dreams she was with him, being all things to him and he to her. She woke up just enough to realize that only in her dreams could she allow herself to be happy, and that self-made truth made her cry again in her sleep.
     
                                                        
* 59 *
                                                             

     It had stopped raining by the time Roaring Wings had left B'tunku's building. The late afternoon sun was peeking through the clouds in stabbing shafts illuminating the portions of the ground far below. Fluffy white clouds were replacing the angry gray storm ones and the sky was a brilliant blue where many birds now soared. To the east a rainbow arched across the sky--a good omen meaning that there would be pleasant and happy times ahead.
     The camp grounds were a sea of sticky tanish mud even on the walkways. There were deep puddles everywhere making walking difficult. The trees branches and leaves were everywhere. The camp resembled an obstacle course more than anything now. He wasn't the only one who thought so as he watched several uniformed Atanzi pick their way gingerly between the buildings, trying to avoid the mud puddles and clinging mud and not succeeding.
     He went to his building and to his room, avoiding his people. He knew he had deliberately lied to B'tunku about when he was going to leave. He had done that on purpose so that they both could think clearly with distance put between them Staying in camp, this near to one another would have been a mistake because nothing would have gotten accomplished. She just wasn't ready to accept her own inner problems or him. Going away now and staying away for several days, despite the problems of the Atanzi and his people were going to be having, was the only thing he could do if he was to be of any use to anyone.
        He stayed in his room just long enough to get the supplies and clothing that he needed and then he left again. Carrying his bundles under his arm he passed through the camp quickly, heading northeastward beyond the Atanzi borders.
     He had a definite place in mind that he had used in the past when he had wanted to be alone with nature and the spirits. It was a high ridge. The highest point of land in this area where he could be closer to the sky. It would take him hours to get there through the forest, but the walk would be good. He needed to think and to be alone.
     He entered the ancient forest, that was old beyond memory and untouched by the hand of man. Here the giant oaks, elms, and other trees were three and four times the arms-spread of a man in width and brushed the very clouds in places. It was dimly lit with deep purple shadows despite the newly emerged sunlight, and in those shadows and in the branches of the tall trees he heard the stirring of small animals and other creatures as the birds sang above his head unafraid of his presence.
     Underneath his moccasin covered feet were multicolored mosses and ground covering plants. Here there was no mud. Although the scent of rain and molding wood was strong as the sun started to leech the moisture back into the air from the ground and fallen rotting trees, there were no huge pools of water. The wind and rain had done little damage here because of the closeness of the ancient trees and their thick woven lace work of branches. Along the way he picked up many dried sticks and tinder for his fire on the barren windswept plateau. One went prepared to such places.
     The earth spirits were powerful in these untouched places. They were sanctuaries respected by both the animals and men who sought solitude and peace within them. Mee-sing-haw-lee'kun, guardian of the game animals was the ruler of these glades as was Man-it'to-wuk, the Creator, ruler over all. He could feel the presence of the spirits all around him and it comforted him as he walked through the cool mists that began to rise up from the ground. It was almost dark when he reached the edge of the forest and stood at the bottom of the cliff that led to the high peak. It had taken him longer to arrive there than he had anticipated.
      He looked up the face of the tall cliff undaunted even though he knew that the way up was treacherous and steep with many small loose rocks. He knew he must go up. He felt the call of the spirits and not only his need to talk with them but theirs to speak with him about the strangers and the changes that had been happening in the real world. His final act before the climb was to find the pool of water that lay at the base of the cliff for it he filled his water pouch up from the clear water that ran down the rock wall, for there was no water high up there. Then he began the climb upward.
     The climb was worse than he had anticipated. The rocks and foot holds were very mud slick and some holds crumbled under his fingers and feet. He was bruised and bleeding from cuts and scraps on many parts of his body when he did get to the top many long hours after he had begun.
     The moon was just beginning to rise from the ocean. From where he stood he could see the silver-tinged waters of the ocean brush the shores of the island on the north and east. To the south and west was solid land and trees. From his vantage point he could see many miles in every direction. He could see the glow of the Atanzi camp with its strange artificial lights lighting the forest around it. He could even see the faint light marking the cave where his people were staying. Where his village should be there were no lights.
     He turned from the view and began making his camp, setting down his packs on the wind-dried rocky ground. The fire pit he had left there still remained. He built his fire from the dry sticks and moss he had collected on his way. There were no trees for firewood here, only bare rock and scattered plants and grasses. Using his fire kit he had a small blaze going in no time and he kept feeding it carefully until it was going very well on its own.
     He brought out his medicine pouches and his cooking implements and set two small clay pots of water to boiling when the coals were hot enough. He chanted over these as he did asking the spirits of the elements to help him in his quest to seek wisdom.
     Once he had got the water on he stripped completely and unbound his hair so that it fell free to his waist and flew wildly around him caught by the cool evening breeze that blew across the top of the ridge. He washed himself with some of the water he had brought and then he took sacred herbs crushing them between his hands into a powder as he chanted and then rubbed them all over his body.
     Roaring Wings brought out his body paints made of different colored ground pigments mixed with the fat of both the bear and the wolf. Still chanting he began to paint his lean body white all over with black circles around his eyes, and narrow black stripes upon his arms, legs and chest.
     Taking new leather tongs he re-braided his hair into two heavy braids, adding bits of owl, and eagle feathers, tufts of fur from squirrel, fox, bear, raccoon, and wolf, mixed with small
pieces of rocks, quartz crystals and sea shells. He put on a new loincloth made from a wolf's pelt and belted it with a wide white leather belt decorated with sacred symbols worked in colored porcupine quills and sea shells. On his feet he put on white decorated moccasins that tied at the ankles. On his head and shoulders he put his wolf's skull headdress with its gray fur pelt cape.
     With white chalk he drew the sacred circle around himself and his fire, chanting as he went giving prayer to each of the seven directions--East, South, West, North, Up, Down, and Near. Then taking other sacred powers he divided the circle into four parts and began to color the separate parts--yellow for the East, the rising sun, and the life of Spring; then red for the South, the sun at its height and life at its prime, the season of Summer; next came black for the West, the power of the setting Sun, and the Autumn; and finally he added white for the North, the snow of the deep sleep, the distant sun, life at its ending, and the promise of great change that is to come through the transformation of Winter's cold. He felt Mother Earth, the cosmic mother, give her approval at his works and felt her grow closer to him and her spirit infuse him.
     "Kee-shay-la-muh'-ka-ong! Kit-tan-it-to'we! Man-it'to-wuk! Ku-les'ta! Noh'koo-mi, Yun, An'go-oo!" he chanted loudly, asking the Creator and the spirits that were gathering close. At each place he stopped to make symbolic motions and praying to the animal and spiritual rulers.
     Then he began to dance using his medicine rattles and he sang rather than chanted as he called upon the spirits to hear him and to grant him a vision and guide him in what he should do.
     "Kee-shay-la-muh'ka-ong! Kit-tan-it-to'we! Man-it'to-wuk! Ha"oo, Ha'oo, Kay'hay-la! Ku'les'ta! Noh'koo-mi, yun, an'go-oo! X'han-Kee-shay-la-muh'-ka-ong! Kas'kweem-Sis-kuh!" he sang over and over asking for help and blessing from Father Sky and Mother Earth.
     From his medicine pouch he unwrapped certain bundles throwing some of the powders into one of the pots of boiling water to make a tea which he then drank. From another he took his medicine pipe and began filling it from his tobacco pouch. Lighting it he began to smoke it. The odd combination of tobacco and exotic herbs would help him in his quest to have a vision. He sat down cross-legged on a woven mat he had brought, continuing with his chanting to the night sky.
      Roaring Wings lifted his pipe and addressing both Father Sky and Mother Sky offered his prayer to them." Here me ancient ones, I have gathered humbly within this sacred circle with this pipe to ask your aid and to seek a vision. Holding, you sacred Pipe, with gentle firmness, I reach my arms high. Through its smoke, my words will become one with the air and touch all of nature.
      "You whose power is the rising Sun, you are the birth and rebirth of life on this land. Your light is the symbol of knowledge and truth. Oh, Power of the Rising Sun, shine your light into the hearts of my fellow man and into the strangers, the Atanzi, that now come among us as brothers, that we may all understand the beauty of Mother Earth and let her be. Oh, Power of the rising Sun, you are life its new beginning. Your season is Spring.
      "You are also the Power of the Sun high in the Sky who sends your warm winds to carry seeds and pollen across this land, for they are the symbol of the promise for new life. Oh, Power of the sun high in the sky, warm the red blood through the hearts of Man, that he may feel the beauty of Mother Earth and be one with her. You are life in its prime and your season is the Summer.
       "You whose Power is the setting Sun, you bring the night which reveals the Stars. Do not let the starlight go from this land. It is the symbol of hope in Man's darkness of fear and ignorance, hate and war. Protect us from these enemies that the Atanzi fear will return to destroy us all. Oh, Power of the setting Sun, send the thunder and rain to cleanse the Earth and make her pure again as you have just done. Make your Thunders shake the bones of Man, that he may see the beauty of Mother Earth. Power of the setting Sun, you are life in its maturity and the season of Autumn.
     "You whose Power is the distant Sun, the snow you send is the white blanket covering mush of this land. It is the symbol of purity in the words we speak and the life we live. Oh, Power of the distant Sun, send your winds to cool the fevered hearts of Man that he may know the beauty of Mother Earth. Power of the distant Sun, you are life at its ending and of the great change, and your season is Winter.
      "Oh, sacred pipe, I offer you to all the elements and the seasons of Mother Earth. and ask her to bless this Circle of Life. You, like the lightning from the Thunder Beings are a link between Earth and Sky." Roaring Wings intoned passing his pipe over the Circle of Life that surrounded him.
       Then he continued. "Great Mystery, Source of Life, Your presence is in all Creation, for You are the life of Creation. We are but tiny parts of life in Your vast Universe. This makes us feel small, and not so important at all. Yet we are part of You. This awareness makes our hearts soar! Great Mystery, if Man and Atanzi are to live in harmony with the Earth and each other, we need the peace which comes from realizing that we share life with all Creation. We must know the power to keep things beautiful is Your power in all people. Grant me the wisdom to help guide all our peoples through this time of great changes and discoveries so that our now separateness may be blended into one as it was in the time of the beginning. Oh, may the Circle live!" Roaring Wings cried into the star-filled sky, his words becoming puffs of smoke that the soft breeze blowing across the plateau lifted off into the sky to seek the lights of the distant stars.
     The moon had rose until it was almost directly over him. It was a harvest moon, large and orange-gold. Pulsating, like it was alive, it almost seemed to fill the clear midnight blue sky. Only wisps of blue-gray clouds flew across it, occasionally obscuring the brilliant stars that also dotted the sky.
     It was a good night for visions, Roaring Wings decided as he smoked his pipe and offered prayers to the Creator and the spirits that now seem all around him. Then the tea and the smoke from his pipe began to take effect . . . .
 
     B'tunku watched him from the shadow of the rocks, trying to understand what he was doing and why. She knew it was some sort of ritual but its purpose eluded her. She guessed from what he used and what he did with it that the tea he drank and the smoke he inhaled through the pipe were native drugs of some kind which were designed to alter one's state of mind.
     B'tunku had gone to his rooms to apologize to him after their misunderstanding. She found that he wasn't there and that his shaman's robes and traveling packs were gone but no one had seen him come or go. Checking with the sentries they reported that a native had left the camp, but they had not tried to stop him. Their orders were to question those coming in not going out. They had scanned him and determined that the only Atanzi equipment he carried was a translator, nothing else.
     Deciding to follow him, she borrowed a jacket and a field pack, along with a communicator, a stunner, and a scanner from one of the sentries. B'tunku also left a message for Ky'tulendu telling him she was going after Roaring Wings and not to follow. She hurried after the shaman hoping that she would be able to catch up with him but he had too good of a head start.
     Tracking him through the dense forest was no easy task even with the scanner. One thing she was sure of he wasn't going to his village. He headed northward and a little east of both their villages, seeming to head for a high ridge that peaked above the top of the forest.
     She located every spot he had stopped either to pick certain plants or flowers, or to gather wood. When she reached the base of the cliff she filled her water jug as he did. Unlike him she ate some of her field rations before she started her climb to get much needed energy and to rest. The climb was more difficult than she thought it was going to be. She realized how out of shape she was for this. Eventually she reached the top, though she was very exhausted and could do nothing but just lay on the ground.
     It was by the sound of his chanting and the glow of his fire that she found him. At first she thought of announcing her presence, but watching him she decided not to. She had seen too many visuals on primitive rituals on other planets to know that he would be very upset if she disturbed him now. Nor should she even be here watching him. She was just too tired to go back down in the dark, coming up had been bad enough. Her only recourse was to find a place to rest for the night, and possibly watch.
     She made herself a nest in a group of large boulders that jutted up from the ground. She quietly picked some of the long grass nearby and used it to line her rocky bed. From her pack she got a thin sheet than when unfolded was an insulated cover for all kinds of weather. She wished she had another of them for underneath her, unfortunately, the pack only had had only one. B'tunku covered herself with the sheet, and used her pack as a pillow. It wasn't ideal but it would do.
     From where she lay behind the large boulders she had a fairly good view of Roaring Wings. He shouldn't be able to see her unless he looked real hard or sensed her presence. She watched him in fascination as the ritual progressed. She could not make any sense of what was happening. Some of the smoke from his pipe drifted her way, making her feel strange. That coupled with the day and the trip there finally began to take its toll on her as the drone of his chanting began to lull her to sleep and create strange images within her mind and soul as she started to become mentally linked to him as her barriers went down. Her eyelids grew too heavy to keep open and she went into a trance like sleep.
     Roaring Wings focused on the moon which now had turned back to it's normal pearly white color as it rose higher in the sky. His fire had burned low and he was bathed in moonlight as was everything on the ridge. He was not aware of B'tunku's presence nearby, so deep was he into his own shaman's trance. He used the moon like a picture screen as vision after swirling vision passed before his eyes.
     He saw the images that his totem spirit animal, the lone gray wolf, sent him. Strange archetypal symbols and shapes that were called forth from the hidden, dark recesses of the ID, springing out in fantastic forms, weaving before his mind's eye in unearthly colors and shapes that he would now transform and translate into the Creator's plan for him.
     First of which was the importance of his role as teacher, guide, and healer to his people. He saw his new place among the Atanzi as their guide and teacher, too. How his friendship with Ky'tulendu would be the glue that held their peoples together to form one people in time. He saw three villages that would become one in time and the children of the Atanzi playing with his people's children and the halfling ones that were the products of the mating of the two races. He saw problems for them but also how those problems could be overcome. He saw his children and saw that they would follow in their parents' footsteps.
     Though most of all he saw her face in the moon and her naked body as he had seen in the dreams. It was painful to see her, as hurt as his heart still was from their encounter this afternoon. This was why he was here to ask guidance from the spirits. He must find out from them how he might break down these barriers she put across her heart and mind that kept their souls from truly touching.
     He began his chanting anew as he refilled his pipe and drank more of his special tea.
     "Kee-shay-la-muh'-ka-ong, kules'ta! Noh'koo-mi! Ka-kuh-ka-ta'tee-tum, B'tunku-hway, kay'hay-la, kee-nn'ta, keet-chee'-kweh!" he sang out loudly, asking the Creator tell him what she wanted, and for her to be willing to trust him so that they could be happy together.
     He kept this chant up mixed with other prayers to his guiding spirits until he was so heavy into his drugged trance that he passed out while his consciousness sought hers across the dream time.
     He drifted into the dreams he had shared with her when she was in space. The dreams of them in the sunlight making love, being one within their minds and flesh. He saw her round with their first child wearing buckskin clothes, her wild hair braided, and decorated with feathers. He saw the future dreams of their children, silver haired and silver eyed like she, running naked with the other children of the village. He saw all the possibilities of their lives showing the Atanzi and Lay'nee Lay-na'pay together, working, and learning the skills and knowledge of both worlds.
     He saw also the barrier across her soul that she would not let him cross. The terrible things that had been done to her and by whom. He wished that he could do battle against these lizards that walked like men and he found himself . . . there!
     Roaring Wings found himself in front of the cowering child standing between her and her tormentors. He thought it all a dream until he took a sword cut on his arm and felt the pain, and saw the blood spurt from the wound.
     "What is this my brothers?" asked one of the young Rumnulsa stopping his assault on the girl in surprise. "Where did this hairless Atanzi come from?"
     The three pairs of slitted gold Rumnulsa eyes looked at Roaring Wings in shock as he looked back at them. Somehow he had been transported to that instant in time when B'tunku was about to be raped. Somehow he knew this was not a dream. This was real.
     The young Rumnulsa males backed away from him uncertain. If an enemy could transport into this hidden chamber then whoever was behind this could transport more soldiers in as well and the Emperor would know of their misdeeds too. They waited to see if more soldiers would appear and as the long minutes ticked away so did the tension in the small room rise.
     "It's only one, my brothers," one of them said in a low voice to the others. "If there were more coming then they would be here by now. We can take him. He is carries only a small knife," he argued, his forked tongue flicking nervously in and out as he fingered the blade of his double edged rapier.
     "True, but he also has claws and teeth. They may be poisoned or his knife may be. There is something not right about him. Look at that animal skin he wears on his head. I have never
seen an Atanzi dress like that or have such red hairless skin. I say we leave him alone," the older of the trio suggested, backing back away from the stranger.
     The first turned on him angrily, "No! I want that girl--she's mine! We've had the mother, now it's her turn. She caused Kssstkk's death--have you so easily forgotten that! She must pay!" The first Rumnulsa spat furiously moving closer.
     Roaring Wings had not understood anything they had said, but their intent was clear. They wanted the child behind him which he knew was B'tunku and they meant to kill him to get to her. Slowly he drew his knife and bared his teeth, grateful for his fangs. That gave them pause he saw with satisfaction.
     Before he had been a shaman he had been a warrior and he still retained his skills. He waited to see what the trio of lizards would do. He did not have long to wait.
     They moved as one trying to rush him. He was faster than them, their swords flew out of their hands, flipping to the ground behind them. Weaponless, they were wary and started to back away from the sharp stone knife in his hands.
     One tried to take him from the side while the other two rushed him from the front. They were all evenly matched in size. If they had been older and more experienced he wouldn't have stood a chance. The first found himself trying to keep his guts from spilling on the floor from the belly wound Roaring Wings gave him. Before the other two could stop their rush he had gutted the second and stabbed the third in his chest. Mindful of the greenish blood spilt on the floor, the shaman picked up one of their swords and finished them off.
     He wiped off his knife on their clothes and sheathed it in its case, watching the lizard men to make sure that they were dead. Then he turned to the silver haired girl of almost eight lying naked on the floor of the cold stone room.
     She looked at him with big round silver eyes, wondering whether to be afraid or not of this strange Atanzi-yet not Atanzi. The stranger had killed the three Rumnulska that had killed her mother. She wasn't sure whether he was going to kill her too.
     He smiled at her, and squatted down to her level. He ruffled her short cropped hair, and she flinched a little. His dark eyes held her, telling her not to be afraid, and he spoke soft comforting words of reassurance to her. She couldn't understand him, and tried to talk back in her language but he couldn't understand her either.
     He saw her shiver and looked around and found her something to wrap up in and she smiled back at him. Taking her hand he led her away from the bodies on the floor, and found the door out. They walked unchallenged through the halls of the great stone building to the outside, where she tugged on him excitedly and led him to her house. At the steps they stopped. She wanted him to go in but he couldn't. He knelt down to her level and pointed to the door motioning that she should go in alone. She shook her head and tugged on him, but he shook his head no. She sighed and started to leave. Then she ran into his arms and kissed him, hugging him tightly, knocking him over.
     He felt her small body against him then it began to change and transform until she was no longer a child but a full grown woman. Her kiss had deepened from a child's kiss to that of a very passionate woman's. He was more than a little confused.
     His questing hands touched not bare skin, but clothing, and underneath that clothing was a woman's lush curves of hip and full breasts. He broke the kiss, opening his eyes to see B'tunku leaning over him.
     "Ka-yah'! B'tunku, ching-weh-hih?" he asked in complete astonishment, wondering how if she was a spirit or real and how if she were real she could be there.
     She shook her head, not understanding what he was saying. "Roaring Wings, you saved me! Somehow you found me and killed the Rumnulska and took me home," she said, her eyes shining with tears.
     It was his turn to look at her dumbly, not understanding her words. "B'tunku, ching-weh-hih?" he asked her again, this time more insistently, holding on to her tightly. "Ching-chee'pai, ay'-ko-han'?"
     "I don't know what you're saying," she protested. Her translator did not seem to be working, nor was he wearing his. "No translator. My translator doesn't work!" she tried to explain shaking her head and holding hers up indicating it wasn't functioning.
     He finally understood that they didn't have translators. That still didn't answer his question of how she had gotten there and why she had appeared in his arms. He didn't know whether to be angry or happy.
     He was becoming very conscious of her body pressed up next to his as they lay on the ground within his circle. She had gotten very quiet too, as she felt his body underneath hers and his strong arms around her waist and hips holding her tight.
     He moved his hands experimentally down her back, carefully exploring her curves. With the moonlight behind her he couldn't see her face, but he could hear her ragged intake of breath and feel her heart beating faster.
     One of his hands went upward to her face tracing the planes of it with his fingers. Slowly he ran his fingers over her softly furred nose and the roundness of her slight muzzled mouth, and traced the ripeness of her bottom lip. He felt her tremble under his touch.
     Then his hand traveled downward, tracing her jaw, her ears and then her neck, going further to her collarbone, and stopping at the top of her tightly buttoned tunic top. Since he could find no way through the fabric of her uniform, he brushed his hands across it, feeling her shiver more and more with each further downward touch.
     "Eh-eh, ne-tum-ta', nee-hway!" he purred in a deep throaty voice, trying to tell her how much he was glad to see her and how much he wanted her.
     His hand moved upward again and brought her head down to his, his lips almost brushed hers, his warm breath tantalizing her with anticipation. When she thought she could stand it no longer, he kissed her gently, softly at first, then with increasing pressure, deepening it ever so slightly. Then with the tip of his tongue he gradually forced her to part her lips and kiss him completely. He felt her fires begin to flame and ignite under his careful probing.
     Suddenly he moved and turned her over so that he was now laying on top of her. With the moonlight behind him, he could now see her face. She looked up at him with wide eyes, more with surprise than with the fear he had seen in them earlier. There was even a hint of desire in those bright silver colored eyes.
     He still could not understand how she had gotten there or why she had come. He was half-afraid she wasn't real. He wasn't even sure what to make of the spirit-dream, until he felt the wetness on his shoulder where the lizard man's sword had cut him. He was really confused now. The spirit-dream had been real. It had happened. He had saved her before they could hurt her further and rape her. How it had happened, he did not know. He was afraid to question the wisdom and this gift from the Creator's hand for her, for both of them.
     He knew too that his silver one felt real beneath his body. If this was a dream he did not want to wake up. He touched her face again, and she sighed with pleasure, reaching up with her arms to wrap them around his neck and pull his face down to hers. He needed no invitation as he kissed her again, and brushed kisses all across her face, and down her neck. His fingers tugged against her high collar, trying to unfasten it and failing. She giggled, and helped him unsnap it, but it only opened to the top of her breasts since it was a pullover.
     Then he suddenly stopped himself, with a determined burst of iron self-control and will as his actions penetrated through his drugged mind. He couldn't take her and now. It wasn't right. He wanted their first time to be with the blessing of the ancient ceremonies and in formal marriage. He would not take her here in this sacred place within the sacred circle that had been blessed. It would be affront to all the spirits and everything he believed in.
     She felt his hesitation and was puzzled. The bonding fires were strong in her now. She was now ready to give herself to him completely on any terms he wanted. What was the matter now she wondered as she looked up and saw his stunned, unfocused expression and felt a cold wall go up between them shutting her out? "Roaring Wings, what is wrong?" she asked, touching his face.
     "A-kee', nee-hway n'shin'gee, ma'ta!" he sadly replied, his voice strangely distant as he tried to tell her he couldn't do it, and that making love to her would be wrong in this time and place.
     Before she could react, he moved himself off of her quickly and sat up a little away from her. He regarded her with dark eyes that were sad, though within their depths still held his frustrated desire for her for her to plainly see.
     She lay there a moment in the dirt of the circle very confused, and then she also sat up. "Damn, of all the times not to have a working translator," she cursed, tapping on hers and getting no response. "Power cells must be dead," she added angrily.
     He was thinking the same thing, his too had stopped working and he had taken it off and laid it in his pack for safe keeping. He had much he wanted to tell her and ask but the language barrier was keeping them from understanding one another. They had become too dependent on the translators. The only left to do was to sign and hope they could make themselves understood. They really needed to talk, more than they had ever had to before.
     He pointed to her, then made walking motions, and then pointed to the ground and the spot they were at. Then he looked at her repeating his gestures.
     She caught on to what he was doing. She pantomimed her following him and traveling to there. Then she told him in gestures that she had come to give herself to him and that she was sorry for their fight. He understood, and sighed heavily, sorry, yet unsorry for what he had said to her.
     The hardest was to explain that he did want her, but he wanted to wait until they were married. That took a long time to explain. At the end B'tunku was a little disappointed, but she accepted it, knowing that further protest was useless. Roaring Wings was a man of honor. Once he had made up his mind nothing was going to change it. Her seducing him would only lower the respect he held of her and cause more problems in their already troubled relationship. Depressed, she stood up finally and without a backward glance made her way back to the bed she had made in the rocks beyond the light of his campfire
     Roaring Wings watched her and did not stop her once he saw where she was going. He was depressed too, but in his heart he felt like he was doing the only right thing for both of them. He knew that once they got back to her village they could talk again and he would be able to explain his reasons better. He knew he had made her understand at least for the moment why they could not make love. He was proud of his resolve, but as he lay down to get some rest for the trip back he wondered if he had done the right thing. She had been very willing and her barriers had finally come down, would they as willing to come down later?
     He went to sleep finally, but he was restless as he wondered over and over if he had made a mistake or done the right thing. That night the dreams came as they had not come since she had arrived and they had met in reality.

End Part 8/10