Great Lines

from the X-Files

SEASON ONE CONTINUED

1X13 GENDERBENDER

A member of a strange, gender-shifting, reclusive group is responsible for a series of deaths.

Scully-- I don't understand, how can they just disappear, they have no means of transportation.
Mulder-- No earthly means of transportation.
Scully-- So, what is our profile of the killer? Indeterminate height, weight, sex; unarmed, but extremely attractive?
Michael-- The club scene used to be so simple.

1X14 LAZARUS

Scully's former flame, Jack Willis, dies along with one other man. Willis is brought back, but he is acting like the other man.

Mulder-- Two men died in that crash room Scully, one man came back. The question is, which one?
Willis/Dupre-- My name is Warren James Dupre, and I was born in Clamett Falls, Oregon, in the year of the rat.
Scully-- Can't you accept that this isn't an X-File?
Greskin-- Mulder says he's got something.
Agent-- What? An alien virus, or new information on the Kennedy assassination?

1X15 YOUNG AT HEART

A man Mulder helped put in prison appears to have returned from the dead to fulfill his promise of revenge.

Mulder-- That guy in the ugly suit is probably CIA.
Scully-- I still don't get it. What does this have to do with us?
Mulder-- Robbing a jewelry store is a federal crime.
Scully-- Thank you.
Mulder-- ...I've got some dead man robbing jewelry stores and sending me haikus.
Mulder-- I know what I'm not gonna do. I'm not gonna wait around for John Barnett to send me another Valentine.
Scully-- You mean the ghost of John Barnett?
Mulder-- I didn't know you believed in ghosts, Scully.
Mulder-- You were able to grow John Barnett a new hand?
Dr. Ridley-- Not exactly. Not a human hand anyway. I could never get the cells to divide and behave properly.
Scully-- I'm afraid to ask, what kind of hand did you grow?
Mulder-- How you feeling?
Scully-- First time I've ever played the target.
Mulder-- Let's make sure it's not the last.
Scully-- Mulder, I know what you did wasn't by the book.
Mulder-- Tells you a lot about the book, doesn't it?
Agent Purdue-- You let a lot of people down here in the bureau, they had big plans for you. A lot of people are saying that Spooky Mulder has become an embarrassment, a liability!
Scully-- (after Mulder states that Barnett died in prison) You're sure?
Mulder-- I was paying attention.

1X16 E.B.E.

Mulder tries to track down a live Extraterrestrial Biological Entity, just to find that it has not only been killed, it has also disappeared.

Langley-- Is this your skeptical partner?
Frohike-- She's hot.
Byers-- You don't believe that the CIA, threatened by a loss of power and funding because of the collapse of the cold war, wouldn't dream of having the old enemy back?
Scully-- I think you give the government too much credit. I mean, the government can't control the deficit or manage crime. What makes you think they can plan and execute such an elaborate conspiracy?
Frohike-- She is hot.
Byers-- Vladimir Cherernofski, the leader of the Russian Social Democrats, is being put into power by the most heinous and evil force of the twentieth century.
Mulder-- Barney?
Langly-- Yeah, UFOs caused the Gulf War Syndrome, that's a good one.
Byers-- That's what we like about you, Mulder. Your ideas are weirder than ours.
Scully-- Those were the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don't know how you could think that what they say is even remotely plausible.
Mulder-- I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot.
Scully-- The truth is out there, but so are the lies.
Deep Throat-- And a lie, Mr. Mulder, is most convincingly hidden between two truths. If the shark stops swimming, it will die. Don't stop swimming.

1X17 MIRACLE MAN

People being cured by a faith healer are dying mysteriously, and he believes his gift was polluted because he sinned.

Mulder-- I think I saw some of these people at Woodstock.
Scully-- Mulder, you weren't at Woodstock.
Mulder-- I saw the movie.
Scully-- Mulder, look at this [a lung].
Mulder-- Do I have to?
Scully-- You've got that look on your face, Mulder.
Mulder-- What look is that?
Scully-- The one where you've forgotten your keys and you're trying to get back in the house.
Mulder-- People want to believe, you know.
Mulder-- The boy's been performing miracles every day for the past ten years. Twice on Sundays!
Mulder-- Wait. This is the part where they bring out Elvis.
Daniels-- Ninety-nine percent of people in this world are fools, and the rest are in great danger of contagion.

1X18 SHAPES

Mulder believes a boy killed by a rancher is a werewolf.

Mulder-- These man-animal related murders predate the oldest X-File by one hundred and fifty years.
Mulder-- Charlie, do you believe in shapeshifting?
Ish-- I sensed you were different, FBI. You're more open to Native American belief than some Native Americans. You even have an Indian name: Fox. Should be Running Fox, or Stinking Fox.
Mulder-- So long as it isn't Spooky Fox.

1X19 DARKNESS FALLS

Light-emitting bugs are to blame when a team of loggers is found, cocooned, in a forest.

Mulder-- It'll be a nice trip to the forest.
Mulder-- Rugged, manly men, in the full bloom of their manhood.
Scully-- Right. What am I looking for?
Mulder-- Anything unusual, unlikely, unexplainable, boyfriend?
Mulder-- I think I'm going to suggest we sleep with the lights on.
Mulder-- There's actually this lake whre they've discovered a kind of amoeba that can literally suck out a man's brain.
Scully-- Ooh, brain-sucking amoebae!

1X20 TOOMS

Genetic mutant Eugene Tooms returns in seek of the fifth liver he needs. Scully uncovers new evidence which may convict Tooms.

Mulder-- Excuse me, could you help me find my dog? He's a Norwegian Elkhound. His name is Heinrich. I use him to hunt moose!
Scully-- My instinct says that burial in cement is murder.
Mulder-- You could be in trouble just sitting in this car. And I'd hate to see you carry an official reprimand on your career file because of me.
Scully-- Fox...
Mulder-- I... I even made my parents call me Mulder. Mulder.
Scully-- Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anyone but you.
Mulder-- If there's an iced tea in that bag, it could be love.
Scully-- Must be fate, Mulder. Root beer.
Mulder-- Ah!
Scully-- Mulder, you're delirious. Go home and get some sleep.
Mulder-- Do you think they would have taken me more seriously if I had worn the grey suit?
Mulder-- You can get the next mutant.
Skinner-- You wouldn't be lying to me, now would you, Agent Scully?
Scully-- Sir, I expect you to place the same amount of trust in me as I do in you.

1X21 BORN AGAIN

Mulder believes a little girl is the reincarnation of a murdered policeman, back for revenge.

Mulder-- Well, why is it still so hard for you to believe, even when all the evidence suggests extraordinary phenomena?
Lazard-- The only time he ever looked at himself was in the mirror, and he always liked what he saw.

1X22 ROLAND

The cryogenically frozen head of a dead scientist is influencing his twin, a janitor, telepathically, causing poor Roland to kill the scientist's coworkers.

Mulder-- How was the wedding?
Scully-- You mean the part where the groom passed out or when the dog bit the drummer?
Mulder-- Did you catch the bouquet?
Scully-- Maybe.
Dr. Keats-- Let's just say Roland isn't exactly a rocket scientist.
Scully-- By the look of this, he's hamburger.
Scully-- Wouldn't yor client find it somewhat inconvenient to be thawed out in the future only to discover he had no functional mobility?

1X23 THE ERLENMEYER FLASK

Deep Throat sends Mulder on a wild chase after the use of alien DNA in a project. When Mulder is kidnapped, Scully must steal an alien fetus to trade for Mulder. The FBI closes the X-Files.

Deep Throat [his dying words)-- Trust no-one.
[discussing Deep Throat's motives for sending Mulder on "wild goose chases"]
Mulder-- Do you think he does it because he gets off on it?
Scully-- No, I think he does it because you do.
Scully-- I should know by now to trust your instincts.
Mulder-- Why? Nobody else does.
Scully-- If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.
Crewcut Man-- Your cellular phone's been ringing off the hook.
Mulder-- I'm a popular guy.

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These quotes were written by the script writers. The X-Files belongs to Fox. My thanks to Mulder of the XPDC for giving me the root beer scene from Tooms.

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