Great Lines

from the X-Files

SEASON ONE

1X00 PILOT

A young agent is paired with another agent, instructed to debunk his work in the paranormal, a little project of his called "the X-Files".

Mulder-- I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me.
Mulder-- So who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?
Scully-- The answers are there. You just have to know where to look for them.
Mulder-- That's why they put the I in FBI.
Mulder-- Yeah, our boys came out here. Enjoyed the local salmon, which with a little lemon twist is to die for, if you'll pardon the expression.
Scully-- Who is it?
Mulder-- Steven Spielberg.
Mulder-- Relax. They're just mosquito bites.
Mulder-- Nobody here but the FBI's most unwanted.
Scully-- He had a nickname at the Academy. They called him "Spooky".
Mulder-- I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me.
Scully-- Time can't just disappear. It's a universal invariant!
Mulder-- Not in this ZIP Code.
Scully-- Did you even read it [Her thesis on Einstein's Twin Paradox]?
Mulder-- I did. I liked it. It's just, in my line of work, the rules of physics rarely seem to apply.
Scully-- Agent Mulder believes we are not alone.
Mulder-- Do you believe in the existence of extraterrestrials?
Scully-- Mulder, you said it yourself.
Mulder-- Yes, but you're the one who has to put it in your report.

1X01 DEEP THROAT

Mulder and Scully investigate the disappearance of a test pilot.

Scully-- Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned...
Mulder-- Ooh. If you were that stoned, what?
Scully-- Just because I can't explain what I saw doesn't mean I'm going to believe they were UFO's.
Mulder-- Unidentified Flying Objects. I think that fits the description pretty well. Tell me I'm crazy.
Scully-- Mulder, you're crazy.
Scully-- You could have shown him a picture of a flying cheeseburger, and he would have said that's exactly what he saw.
Mulder-- They're here, aren't they?
Deep Throat-- Mr. Mulder, they have been here for a long, long time...

1X02 SQUEEZE

Scully is asked to help out in an investigation into some murders with an unusual MO, which shows up in an old X-File.

Mulder-- Do you find me spooky?
Mulder-- I have a reputation?
Scully-- That's why Blevins has you hidden away down here.
Mulder-- You're down here, too.
Mulder-- Sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs the millstone of humiliation.
Mulder-- You have any Dramamine®? These things always make me seasick.
Scully-- Is this what it takes to climb the ladder, Colton?
Colton-- All the way to the top.
Scully-- Then I can't wait until you fall off and land on your a**.
Scully-- It seems like you were acting very territorially.
Mulder-- Of course I was. In our investigations, you may not always agree with me, but at least you respect the journey.
Colton-- Does this look like the work of little green men?
Mulder-- Grey.
Colton-- Excuse me?
Mulder-- Grey. You said green men. The Reticulan skin-tone is actually grey. They're notorious for their extraction of terrestrial human livers, due to iron depletion in the Reticulan galaxy.
Colton-- You can't be serious.
Mulder-- Do you have any idea what liver and onions go for on Reticula?
Scully-- I think it's bile.
Mulder-- Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?

1X03 CONDUIT

Mulder and Scully investigate the disappearance of a teenager named Ruby, whose abduction parallels that of Mulder's sister, Samantha. Ruby's brother has been writing strings of binary code, "transmissions" he receives from the television, which apparently represent a wide range of digitized items, including a government code.

Scully-- I just think it's a good idea not to antagonize local law enforcement.
Mulder-- Who, me? I'm Mr. Congeniality.
Scully-- You never know, we might need his help one of these days.
Mulder-- I'll send him a bundt cake.
Scully-- What makes you think this case is any more credible than the hundred-year-old mother with the lizard baby?
Mulder-- Because the lizard baby wasn't born near Lake Okabogee.
Scully-- Oka-what?
Mulder-- Bogee. Okabogee.
Tessa-- But they're just fragments, a few notes here, a few notes there, some lines from the Koran, a Shakespearean sonnet.
Mulder-- Almost like someone's switching channels, huh.
Mulder-- How can an eight-year-old boy who can barely multiply be a threat to National Security? People call me paranoid!

1X04 THE JERSEY DEVIL

The murder of a homeless man, by what Mulder believes is the Jersey Devil, brings the duo to the Atlantic City area.

Scully-- [On the phone] What's that sound in the background?
Mulder-- That's someone getting sick.
Scully-- Mulder, where are you? [Pause] The drunk tank?
Scully-- Well, it's not hard to see why they mistook you for a vagrant.
Mulder-- Are you going to rag on me, or take me to get something to eat?
Scully-- Am I paying, or did you manage to panhandle some change while you were at it?
Scully-- I have a date.
Mulder-- Can you cancel?
Scully-- Unlike you, Mulder, I would like to have a life.
Mulder-- I have a life.
Mulder-- Don't you have a life Scully?
Scully-- Keep that up, Mulder, and I'll hurt you like that beast woman.
Mulder-- Two million years out of Africa.
Scully-- And look who's holding the door.
Mulder-- This woman claims to have been taken on board a spaceship, and held in an anti-gravity chamber witout food and water for three days.
Scully-- Anti-gravity is right.
Mulder-- You've been spending too much time in supermarket checkout lines.
Friend-- What about that guy you work with? You said he was cute.
Scully-- Mulder? He's a jerk. [Pause] He's not a jerk, he's ... obsessed with his work.

1X05 SHADOWS

Two corpses were found with their necks crushed from the inside. Mulder believes the ghost of a secretary's boss is the culprit.

MiB-- If any inquiry is made about this meeting, we request full denial.
Mulder-- I'd say you people already suffer from full denial.
Mulder-- You may be right.
Scully-- Wait. You think I'm right?
Mulder-- Hey, Scully, do you believe in an afterlife?
Scully-- I'd settle for a life in this one.
Scully-- You have seen it before. I could tell. You lied to them.
Mulder-- I would never lie. I wilfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.
Scully-- I think Howard Graves fabricated his own death.
Mulder-- Do you know how hard it is to fake your own death? Only one man has pulled it off: Elvis.
Agent-- I could make her talk.
Mulder-- My advice to you: don't get rough with her.

1X06 GHOST IN THE MACHINE

The intelligent main computer of the Eurisko Computer Company goes on a killing spree.

Scully-- So, why did you two go your separate ways?
Mulder-- I'm a pain in the a** to work with.
Scully-- No, seriously.
Mulder-- You mean, I'm not a pain in the a** to work with?
Mulder-- They can't just take a man like Brad Wilczek without any explanation.
Deep Throat-- They can do anything they want.
Mulder-- How do you like that? A politically correct elevator.
Mulder-- This is what a 220 IQ and a four-hundred-million-dollar severance settlement bring you!

1X07 ICE

An ice core sample contains an organism that makes a person irrationally violent. Mulder and Scully are assigned to the investigative team.

Mulder-- Obviously they either think we're brilliant or expendable, because we pulled the assignment.
Scientist-- We are not who we are.
Mulder-- Scully, for godsakes, it's me!
Scully-- Mulder, you may not be who you are.
Mulder-- Okay, anybody got the Sunday sports section handy?
Bear-- I ain't dropping my cargo for no one!
Mulder-- Before anyone passes judgement, may I remind you we are in the Arctic.
Mulder--It's still there, Scully, two hundred thousand years down in the ice.
Scully-- Leave it there.

1X08 SPACE

Colonel Aurelius Bolt, possible saboteur, must help a space mission touch down safely while dealing with "ghosts" from his own past.

Mulder-- To deny us evidence
Scully-- Evidence of what?
Mulder-- Alien civilization
Scully-- Oh, of course.
Mulder-- You know Scully, we send those men up in to space to unlock the doors of the universe, and we don't even know what's behind them.
Mulder-- You never wanted to be an astronaut when you were a kid, Scully?
Scully-- Guess I missed that phase.

1X09 FALLEN ANGEL

While investigating an alien crash site, Mulder meets NICAP member Max Fenig, who Mulder believes is an abductee.

Scully-- That story happens to be highly classified.
Mulder-- A highly classified lie.
Max-- This must be the enigmatic Dr. Scully.
Mulder-- I didn't think anybody was paying attention.
Max-- Somebody's always paying attention, Mr. Mulder.
Koretz-- Um, sir, we have an Unidentified Flying Object on the screen.
Commander-- A meteor, soldier.
Koretz-- Well, sir, the meteor seems to be hovering over a small town in eastern Wisconsin.
Mulder-- Then what can I say? How can I disprove lies that are stamped with an official seal? You can deny all the things I've seen, all the things I've discovered, but not for much longer because too many others know what's happening out there. And no one, no government agency, has jurisdiction over the truth.
Max-- Let me guess, you're with that new group, CSICOP, right? Say no more. You're a cautious man, trust no one, very wise. After what happened to JFK, I understand completely.

1X10 EVE

Mulder and Scully meet two identical girls, who live on opposite sides of the country, with homicidal tendencies, a continuation of the Litchfield Experiment.

Mulder-- I'll tell you what, I'm gonna sleep on it and we'll talk about it in the morning.
Scully-- Mulder, you're rushing me out of the room.
Mulder-- No, I'm not.
Scully-- Do you have a girl comming over?
Mulder-- What's a girl? I've got a movie I want to watch on TV. Sleep tight. I'll see ya in the morning.
Eve 7-- How did you learn of each others existence?
Eve 9-- We just knew.
Eve 7-- Did you discuss how you would orchestrate your little prank?
Eve 10-- We just knew.
Scully-- Mulder, why would alien being travel light years to Earth in order to play doctor on cattle?
Mulder-- One girl was just abducted.
Scully-- Kidnapped
Mulder-- Po-tay-to, Po-tah-to.

1X11 FIRE

Phoebe Green brings a baffling series of burnings before her old boyfriend, Mulder, who is afraid of fire.

Mulder-- I was merely extending her a professional courtesy.
Scully-- Oh, is that what you were extending?
Phoebe-- Oh, come on, don't tell me left you sense of humor in Oxford ten years ago.
Mulder-- No, actually, that's one of the few things you didn't manage drive a stake through.
Mulder-- Dana Scully, this is Phoebe Green. The terror of Scotland Yard.
Scully-- Hello.
Phoebe-- [Whispers to Mulder] She hates me.
Scully-- So, Sherlock, is the game afoot?
Mulder-- Afraid so, Watson.
Mulder-- Ten to one you can't dance to it.
Mulder-- That's one of the luxuries of hunting down aliens and mutants: they rarely get to press charges.

1X12 BEYOND THE SEA

A convicted murderer claims psychic abilities due to a near-death experience. He may have a strange link with the next world, including Scully's recently-dead father.

Scully-- Mulder, do I detect a hint of skepticism?
Mulder-- [to Boggs] I tore this off my New York Knicks T-shirt. It has nothing to do with the crime.
Scully-- Luther, if you were psychic...
Boggs-- I'd have known you lied, that there never was a deal. I know you tried.
Mulder-- When he was thirty, he strangled five family members over Thanksgiving dinner and then sat down to watch the fourth quarter of the Detroit-Green Bay game. Some killers are products of society, some act out past abuses. Boggs kills because he likes it.
Scully-- Did Boggs confess?
Mulder-- No. It was five hours of Bogg's channelling. After three hours, I asked him to summon up the soul of Jimi Hendrix and requested "All Along the Watchtower." You know, the guy's been dead twenty years, but he still hasn't lost his edge.
Mulder-- Open yourself up to extreme possibilities only when they're the truth.
Scully-- Well, I came here to tell you that if he dies because of what you've done, four days from now nobody will stop me from being the one that throws the switch and gases you out of this life for good.

The Rest of Season One

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These quotes were written by the script writers. The X-Files belongs to Fox.

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