Great Lines

from the X-Files

SEASON THREE

3X01 THE BLESSING WAY

• Deep Throat (ghost)-- Moving backward into the perpetual night. It consumes purpose and deed, all passion and will. I come to you, old friend, with the dull clarity of the dead... There is truth, you know, old friend, if that's all you seek, but there is no justice or judgement, without which truth is a vast, dead hollow.
• Mulder (in a dream)-- I have returned from the dead to continue with you.
• Mulder-- That's really going to cut in to my social life.
• Well-Manicured Man-- We predict the future. The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
• Mulder-- It wasn't a dream?
  Hosteen-- Yes.
• Hosteen-- You must be careful now to end the ceremony properly. If you leave, you must not do any work, change clothes, or bathe for four days.
  Mulder-- This is really gonna cut into my social life.

3X02 PAPER CLIP

• Mulder-- But I believe what we are looking for is in the X-files. I'm more certain than ever the truth is in there.
• Scully-- I've heard the truth, Mulder. Now what I want is the answers.
• Skinner-- I'm quite aware of your policies in those regards.
• Smoking Man-- What's this about?
  Skinner-- This is where you pucker up and kiss my a**.
  Smoking Man-- Now, you listen to me...
  Skinner-- No, you listen to me, you son of a b****.
• Smoking Man-- I don't work deals.
• Frohike-- Unbelievable! We thought you were history.
  Mulder-- You're gonna have to wait a little longer for my video collection, Frohike.
• Scully-- What do you think your father would have been doing here?
  Mulder-- I don't know, but he never came home wearing a miner's cap.
• Scully-- What do you think?
  Mulder-- I think I'd like to try door number one, Monty.
• Mulder-- I think with a crowbar and a small nuclear device we might be able to get through one of these things.
• Mulder-- Lots of files.
  Scully-- Lots and lotsof files.
• Skinner-- So unless you plan on killing every Navajo living in four states, that information is available with a simple phone call. Welcome to the wonderful world of high technology.

3X03 D.P.O.

• Scully-- Look. After everything we have just been through, after all that we have just seen, I hope you're not thinking this has anything to do with a government conspiracy or UFOs.
  Mulder-- None of the evidence so far indicates either of those possibilities.
• Mulder-- It's a leap.
• Mulder-- That's great. Now, can you make me a little cherub that squirts water?
• Mulder-- He is lightning. We have to get him before he strikes again.
• Scully-- I don't understand.
  Sheriff-- That's as clear as glass.
• Scully-- Feel free to jump in any time.
  Mulder-- Why? You were doing just fine.
• Mulder-- 8 cycles per second. You can pick it up on any transistor radio. See that, Sheriff? I did my homework.
• Scully-- The tread looks like a standard military boot... men's... size 8 1/2.
  Mulder-- 8 1/2? That's pretty impressive, Scully.
  Scully-- Well, it says so right on the bottom.
• Mulder-- I don't know, Scully. But let's go see if the shoe fits.
• Zero-- Y'know, I've been thinking.
  Darren-- First time for everything.
• Zero-- There's just one slight problem. She's married to your boss.
  Darren-- Maybe I could fry him.
  Zero-- Dude! He's your boss.
  Darren-- Not if he's dead, he won't be.
• Scully-- I'm surprised you haven't already read that issue.
  Mulder-- Oh, I have. April is the cruelest month. But mine didn't come with this [yearbook photo, Mrs. Kaveat].
• Darren-- I seen 'em do it on Rescue 911.
• Mulder-- Did you see what he did to my phone?
  Scully-- You want to charge him with assaulting a cellular phone?
• Darren-- I think you wanna be somewhere else right now, 'cause I'm in the mood for a little barbeque.
  Zero-- No, man! Not the cows again.

3X04 CLYDE BRUCKMAN'S FINAL REPOSE

• Mulder-- But if the future is already written, then why bother to do anything?
  Bruckman-- Now you're catching on.
• Scully-- I'm not one who readily believes that kind of thing.
• Scully-- There are hits and there are misses, and then there are misses.
• Scully-- I can't take you anywhere.
• Mulder-- Mr. Yappi, read this thought...
  Yappi-- So's your old man.
• Bruckman-- I'm supposed to believe that's a real name?
• Mulder-- Why are you telling me that?
• Bruckman-- Don't you get it, son? You do the things you do because you're a homicidal maniac.
• Scully-- Okay, so how do I die?
  Bruckman-- You don't.
• Agent 1-- They say the eyes capture the last image a murder victim sees.
  Agent 2-- What do they say about the entrails?
  Agent 1-- Yuck.
• Agent 3-- Is it true we asked for some help on this case?
  Agent 2-- I heard he was a bit... unorthodox.
  Agent 1-- He comes highly recommended.
  Agent 2-- I saw him on TV.
  Agent 1-- So, he's a publicity hound.
  Agent 3-- I worked on a case with him once. Very spooky.
  Agent 1-- As long as he gets leads, I don't care how big a kook... (Mulder walks in) Who the h*** are you?
• Agent 1-- Now, if you don't mind, I have to get an APB out on a white male, 17-34, with or without a beard, maybe a tattoo, who is impotent. Let's go.
  Scully-- We might as well go home, Mulder. This case is as good as solved.
• Agent 1-- It's amazing, isn't it? Yappi's prediction said the victim's body had been dumped somewhere, and we find it in a dumpster.
  Mulder-- Ooh. I just got a chill down my spine.
• Scully-- Then how did you know the eyes had been cut out?
  Bruckman-- They had been, hadn't they? (nod from Scully) Then what are you complaining about?
• Bruckman-- You expect me to believe that's a real name?
• Mulder-- (after Bruckman has a vision) Pinch me.
• Mulder-- I don't know, Scully, but something's telling me this guy's for real.
  Scully-- So now you're psychic?
• Mulder-- But you do admit to having this gift?
  Bruckman-- Oh, I got it all right. The problem is, it's non-returnable.
• Bruckman-- You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can't think of a more undignified one than auto-erotic asphixiation.
  Mulder-- Why are you telling me that?
  Bruckman-- Forget I mentioned it. It's none of my business.
• Bruckman-- How could I see it if it hadn't already happened yet?
  Mulder-- But if the future is already written, then why bother to do anything?
  Bruckman-- Now you're catching on.
• Scully-- I'm not one to readily believe in that kind of thing, and if I was, I still wouldn't believe that story.
  Bruckman-- I swear to God, it's true. I was a bigger fan of the Big Bopper than Buddy Holly.
• Bruckman--The killer comes up to you and... coconut creme!
• Bruckman-- This came in the mail today.
  Scully-- Who's it from?
  Bruckman-- (Puts envelope to forehead) The killah!
• Scully-- Chantilly lace?
  Mulder-- You know what I like.
• Mulder-- If coincidences are just coincidences, then why do they feel so contrived?
• Killer-- Why do I do them?
  Bruckman-- Don't you understand, son? Don't you get it? You do the things you do because you're a homicidal maniac.
  Killer-- Of course! It's all starting to make sense now.
• Agent 1-- Yeah, this is more like it. No more psychics and their vague visions and predictions. This case is now just about good old fashioned forensic police work.
  Scully-- It's the bellhop at the hotel. He's the killer, the bellhop at the hotel! (Runs from the building)
  Agent 1-- How'd she know that?
  Mulder-- Woman's intuition.

3X05 THE LIST

• Neech-- I will return to avenge all the petty tyranny and the cruelty I have suffered. I will be recast, reincarnated, reunion of spirit and flesh. Mark my words, five men will die. Five men will go down. This will be my justice. This will be my law, my capital punishment.
• Mulder-- Imagine if you could come back and take out five people who had caused you to suffer. Who would they be?
  Scully-- I only get five?
  Mulder-- I remembered your birthday this year, didn't I, Scully?
• Mulder-- A woman gets lonely. She can't wait around for her man to be reincarnated.
• Mulder-- He's been to chair twice before but the governor granted him last minute stays.
  Scully-- Third time's the charm.
• Mulder-- Looks like you'll be able to finish up that autopsy now, Scully.
• Mulder-- Neech was obsessed with reincarnation.
  Scully-- Being obsessed with it doesn't mean you can do it.
  Mulder-- Unless he knew something we don't.
  Scully-- Like what? The secret password?

3X06 2SHY

• Scully-- The killer should have an identifiable wound pattern consistent with this [skin under victim's fingernails].
  Mulder-- Looks like she took her pound of flesh, huh?
• Mulder-- Okay, it's not the detailed insanity you've come to expect from me. It's just a theory.
• Mulder-- There are examples of this in nature, right?
  Scully-- Scorpions digest their food outside their bodies prior to consumption, but I don't know too many scorpions who surf the Internet.
• Mulder-- I wouldn't have made a good Amway salesman.
• 2Shy-- The dead are no longer lonely.
• Officer-- You're a medical doctor?
  Scully-- You sound surprised.
• Scully-- There is not going to be an autopsy.

3X07 THE WALK

• Mulder-- Amputees sometimes feel the pain of phantom limbs, ghosts of hands still clenching, legs still aching. Is it not possible that Trimble developed a phantom soul, a malevolant psyche that took it's violent revenge on those he held accountable?
• Lt. Sans-- He kills our wives and children, but he won't let us die.
• Mulder-- Sometimes the only sane response to an insane world is insanity.
• Trimble-- If I could leave my body right now, I could think of something else I'd rather be doing.

3X08 OUBLIETTE

• Mulder-- Technically, but whether she knew it or not, she was repeating the exact same words spoken by Amy's abductor, at the exact same time, twenty miles across town.
  Scully-- Well, that's spooky.
  Mulder-- That's my name, isn't it?
• Mulder-- What do you say, Lucy? Can I take you to dinner?
• Mulder-- She didn't do it, Scully.
  Scully-- Mulder, it's incontrovertible evidence.
• Scully-- I hate to say this, Mulder, but I think you just ran out of creditability.
• Mulder-- You don't think I've thought of that? I have. And not everything I do and say and think and feel goes back to my sister. You, of all people, should realize that sometimes motivations for behavior can be more complex and mysterious than tracing them back to one single childhood experience.
• Scully-- Did she tell you that?
  Mulder-- No, but I think that's what she's trying to do.

3X09 NISEI

• Scully-- What are you watching?
  Mulder-- Something that just came in the mail.
  Scully-- That's not your usual brand of entertainment.
• Scully-- Mulder, this is even hokier than the one they aired on the Fox network.
• Scully-- Well, what do you want for $29.95?
• Scully-- Either they can't locate an interpreter, or the interpreter they located didn't interpret the instructions and got lost somewhere; I don't know which.
  Mulder-- Well, look at this, a beacon in the night.
• Mulder-- You don't speak Japanese by any chance, do you?
• Skinner-- What are you doing out here anyway?
  Mulder-- Tracking down a video piracy thing.
  Skinner-- I suggest you keep your nose clean and head straight back to Washington, Agent Mulder, before someone takes another swipe at it.
• Mulder-- No. I've paid my $ 29.95, Scully. I think that I'm entitled to a few more answers. Don't you think?
• Scully-- What are you doing?
  Mulder-- I just remembered a piece of evidence from the crime scene that I forgot to turn in.
• Mulder-- Maybe he was going to fit her for a pillowcase, too.
• Scully-- What are you going to do?
  Mulder-- Go back to Washington, like a good boy, like Skinner told me to. And show these pictures to some friends.
• Frohike-- But why would they go there?
  Mulder-- Maybe what they found wasn't a Japanese sub?
• Lottie-- I know you.
  Scully-- No, I think you must be mistaken.
  Lottie-- We saw you. Penny? Penny come here.
  Scully-- I'm afraid I'm not who you think I am.
  Penny-- Oh, my God. She's one.
  Scully-- One what?
  Lottie-- One of us.
• Skipper-- That might take some time.
  Mulder-- That's all right. I'm happy to wait.
• Scully-- I'm sorry. I don't think I'm ready to discuss this.
  Penny-- You're afraid to remember, aren't you? It's okay. We were all afraid at first.
• Scully-- I really have to go. I just came...
  Lottie-- ...to see Betsy.
  Scully-- Yes. To see Betsy Hagopian. Why are you all at her house? Where is she?
• Skinner-- Think they found what they were looking for?
  Mulder-- I don't remember giving you a key.
• Mulder-- Yeah, I guess I should really fire my maid, shouldn't I?
• Skinner-- Put the gun down, Mulder. Somebody else might get hurt.
  Mulder-- Am I being accused of murder?
• Mulder-- Mind if I tidy up in here a bit first?
  Skinner-- This is bigger than me, you, or the FBI, Agent Mulder. I hope you've got other names in your phone book, because I'm taking myself off the hook on this one. You're on your own.
• Mulder-- What am I on to here?
  Senator-- Monsters begetting monsters.
• Mulder-- But you're fine, aren't you, Scully?
  Scully-- Am I?
• Mulder-- Scully, after all you've seen, after all you've told me you've seen; the tunnel filled with medical files, the beings running past you, the implant in your neck. Why do you refuse to believe?
  Scully-- Believing's the easy part, Mulder. I just need more than you. I need proof.
  Mulder-- You think believing is easy?
• Scully-- Where did you get this?
  Mulder- From someone like you, who wants proof, who's also willing to believe.
• Pendrell-- Through direct electrochemical interface with the cerebral cortex. Pretty incredible, huh?
  Scully-- Yeah.
• Scully-- Olive oil, snake oil... I suppose you think it's alien blood.
• Mulder-- I get tired of losing my gun.

3X10 731

• Tag Line-- Apology is Policy
• Scully-- The implant.
  Mr. X-- It holds more than I could ever tell you. Maybe everything you need to know.
• Mulder-- Why did I study French in High School [when the notebook is in Japanese]?
• Mulder-- Don't pull the trigger; that'll kinda give away the game [the gun is unloaded].
• Scully-- Well done, Agent Pendrell. Keep up the good work.
  Pendrell-- Thanks. Keep it up yourself [Scully leaves]. Keep it up yourself. What a doof.
• Mulder-- Since when did they start issuing you guys piano wire instead of guns?
• Scully-- Did you find it, Mulder?
  Mulder-- Oh, yeah, I've found it.
• NSA man-- You're going to die. Do you know that?
  Mulder-- What do you care? You were trying to kill me anyway.
• Mulder-- Scully, let me tell you, you haven't seen America until you've seen it from a train.
• Mulder-- As a member of the National Security Agency you should know that a gunshot wound to the stomach is probably the most painful and the slowest way to die. But I'm not a very good shot, and when I miss, I tend to miss low.
• Scully-- We've got to get you out of there as fast as we can.
  Mulder-- I'm fielding all offers and suggestions.
• Mulder-- What are you watching?
  Scully-- Your alien autopsy video.
  Mulder-- You mean I might get my $29.95 worth after all?
• Mulder-- Tick-tick, Scully.
• Scully-- Don't you see, Mulder? You're doing their work for them. You're chasing aliens that aren't there. Helping them to create a story to cover the shameful truth. And what they can't cover, they apologize for. Apology has become policy.
  Mulder-- I don't need an apology for the lies. I don't care about the fictions they create to cover their crimes. I want them held accountable for what did happen. I want an apology for the truth.
• Scully-- There is no such thing as alien abduction.

3X11 REVELATIONS

• Kryder-- You must come full circle to find the truth.
  Mulder-- Excuse me?
  Scully-- Full circle to find the truth? I don't know what that means.
  Kryder-- You will.
• Scully-- Did you get a composite?
  Mulder-- Yeah. It looks like Kevin was abducted by Homer Simpson's evil twin.
• Mulder-- They give bona fide paranoiacs like myself a bad name.
• Jarvis-- I was only asked to protect the boy.
  Mulder-- By who? Who asked you to protect him?
  Jarvis-- God.
  Mulder-- God? That's quite a long distance call, isn't it?
• Jarvis-- He who has ears, let him hear.
  Mulder-- And he that has a tongue, let him speak.
• Mulder-- Sit down, Mr. Jarvis.
  Jarvis-- I just want to go to heaven. [Leaps from window and runs away]
• Kevin-- [To Scully] Are you the one that was sent to protect me?
• Scully-- Would you do me a favor? Would you smell Mr. Jarvis?
• Scully-- I believe He can create miracles, yes.
  Mulder-- Even if science can explain them?
  Scully-- Maybe that's just what faith is.
• Mulder-- A man fitting Gates' description rented a car under the name Ferau. That's one of the devil's disciples.
• Mulder-- [To Scully] You never draw my bath.
• Scully-- How is it that you're able to go out on a limb whenever you see a light in the sky, but you're unwilling to accept the possibility of a miracle, even when it's right in front of you?
  Mulder-- I wait a miracle every day, but what I've seen here has only tested my patience, not my faith.
  Scully-- Well, what about what I've seen?
• Priest-- Why do you doubt yourself?
  Scully-- Because my partner didn't see them. He didn't believe them. And usually he believes without question.
  Priest-- Maybe they weren't meant for him to see. Maybe they were only meant for you.
  Scully-- Is that possible?
  Priest-- With the Lord, anything is possible.
• Priest-- Sometimes we must come full circle to find the truth.
• Priest-- Why does that surprise you?
  Scully-- Mostly it just makes me afraid.
  Priest-- Afraid?
  Scully-- Afraid that God is speaking, but that no one's listening.

3X12 -- WAR OF THE COPROPHAGES

• Scully-- Mulder, I think the only thing more fortuitous than the emergence of life on this planet is that through purely random laws of biological evolution an intelligence as complex as ours ever emanated from it. The very idea of intelligent alien life is, at its most basic level, downright anti-Darwinian.
  Mulder-- Scully, what are you wearing?
• Mulder-- I see the correlation, but just because I work for the Federal Government doesn't mean I'm an expert on cockroaches.
• Mulder-- It appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people.
  Scully-- I'm not gonna ask you if you just said what I think you just said because I know what you just said.
• Scully-- Mulder, you're not thinking of trespassing onto government property again, are you? I know that you've done it in the past, but I don't think that this case warrants it.
  Mulder-- Too late. I'm already inside.
  Scully-- Well, what's going on? What do you see?
  [Cockroaches start coming out of the walls]
  Scully-- Mulder, what's going on?
  Mulder-- Gotta go.
• Mulder-- Dr. Berenbaum, I'm going to have to ask you a few questions.
  Bambi-- For instance?
  Mulder-- What's a woman like you doing in a place like this?
• Bambi-- Does my scientific detachment disturb you?
  Mulder-- No. No, actually I find it quite refreshing. [cell phone rings] Not now! [hangs up]
• Mulder-- Bambi also has this theory I've never come across about U.F.O's.
  Scully-- Who?
  Mulder-- Dr. Berenbaum.
  Scully-- Her name is Bambi?
  Mulder-- Yeah. Both her parents were naturalists. Her theory is that UFO's are actually nocturnal insect swarms passing through electrical air fields.
  Scully-- Her name is Bambi?
• Mulder-- Scully, can I confess something to you?
  Scully-- Yeah. Sure. Okay.
  Mulder-- I hate insects.
• Ivanov-- Anyone who thinks alien visitation will come not in the form of robots, but as living beings with big eyes and grey skin, has been brainwashed with too much science fiction.
• Mulder-- So, this one is just programmed to head towards any object moving within the field of its sensors?
  Ivanov-- No.
  Mulder-- So why is it following me?
  Ivanov-- It likes you.
• Scully-- Smart is sexy. Think of it this way, Mulder. By the time there's another invasion of artificially intelligent, dung-eating robotic probes from outer space maybe their uber-children will have devised a way to save our planet.
  Mulder-- You know, I never thought I'd say this to you, Scully, but you smell bad!
• Scully-- This is no place for an entomologist.
• Dr. Bugger-- Where's the fun in that [freezing roaches]?
• Mulder-- As a result, I screamed. Not a girlie scream...
• Mulder-- The head of a mantis does look very like the head of a Grey.

The Rest of Season Three

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These quotes were written by the script writers. The X-Files belongs to FOX.

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