This one is for all the people with tongues.... Of course I suggest that if you don't have a tongue, then you should get one, I happen to believe that they improve the quality of my life and everyone elses. Not that I could or would listen to your opinion on why you decided not to have a tongue. You see my friends, tongues are undoubtably the most usefull part of my body except possibly my rightmost toe but I won't get into that. and so as Diann says, let the creative juices flow.... but what are the creative juices I just have to assume that they have something to do with tongues, like maybe saliva, yup that's it! Saliva is the creative juice, I mean are there any creative people who don't have saliva? and the really creative ones (the ones in mental institutions, I mean come on they make up their own little worlds) they DROOL. They must really have some creative juices if they can just let it run out, I would try that but I fear for the hygenic safety of my family and friends. So I'll just keep those creative juices in check *gulp* ACK almost lost the entire trend of this meaningless rambling babble that I'm just typing out, what was my point again? Tongues right? But what sort of strange humorous connections can I make from tongues that nobody else in their right mind would think of? Ever notice how sometimes when you wake up your tongue feels all dry? I have a little theory on this...(oh gawd not again Matt, please spare us from your jumping conclusions) My belief is that all of our tongues just need a vacation everyonce in a while. but where would you go if you are a tongue? Well they want to get away from their lifes work correct? So obviously they would go to the mildest most bland place on earth, which of course as we all know is exactly whereever you live right now. Tongues want to get away from the creativity and all the licking and curling (they are the strongest muscle, gotta work that lead), so they go straight for your bathroom cabinet, jump into the nearest drawer and look for the cotton balls. isn't that exactly what you would do if you were a tongue? it's soft, it's mild and has absolutely no taste just like tasteless people, except smaller and I don't think that you would try to yell and scream if you just saw tasteless people, because if you did then your tongue would need more vacations just from your overworking it. And that would mean more nights when suddenly in the middle of the night you suddenly realise that the strange little furry man that walks continualy around your block with that belt as his only article of clothing is actualy a dog and you decide that you should really get back to sleep because mild halluciantions might be normal for some of us (hey no smart ass remarks) but that waking up in the middle of the night thinking about a small hairy man and finding that your tongue is sitting in the bathroom drawer lounging in the container of cotton balls, (or cotton swabs as the case may be, you know the things that you clean out your ears with, WHAT WAS THAT!!!! I CAN"T HEAR YOU, yea if you sound like that then I suggest you use some). Can you imagine that? I mean really, what would a tongue do for fun? And just how would it be able to move just enough so that it can do those things that it considers fun? Well they could go slinking around and taste all the food in bakeries, I bet that would be fun, but who knows what's been on those things if in the middle of the night a unattached tongue can somehow manage to worm (yea that's how they move like worms ...up....down....up....down) into a bakery and into the display cases. Makes you think twice before deciding that those fruit pasteries look pretty tasty, because your tongue and many others have thier fun at night. Just think of it, hundreds of tongues, worming thier way up the streets and sidewalks (not really clean) into the bakery where they all clean themselves off so that the food tastes all that much better. Then they fling themselves on the sweet tarts and cakes and cookies, doing little dances, get the straws to do limbo competitions (tongues are very good at limbo competitions). They have thier fun, then they put all the decorations on the cakes back in order (it's common knowledge amoung us rambling essayists that detached tongues all have degrees in the pastry arts, how else would everything look so neat after a night of wild fun), so they all whip out their tiny tongue sized icing bags and go to work on the cakes, making sure that all the lines and pictures and little flowers are all just like they were before. Sometimes they get a little help from the dessert gnomes, who mix up new batches of icing and jellies to put on the tarts. So the tongues madly do their work and finish it all in record breaking time, how they time it I don't know, they certainly can't use stopwatches, if you don't belive me you try it, stick a stop watch in your mouth and try to time anything, I'm betting you can't, but if you can I think I'll keep an eye on you at night and try to convince your tongue to take a stopwatch with it the next time they clean up the bakery, just so I know exactly how long this cleanup takes. just for the sake of curiousity of course, I mean I wouldn't take advantage of the poor thing, it has enough trouble worming it's way down the street without my stupid stopwatch which is like twice it's size. it would need five or six other tongues just to carry the stupid thing. Some tongues could be downright dangerous, I mean besides the places that they live, kinda on the same lines as the pen is mightier than the sword, like take a tigers tongue vs a lawyers or a politician's. I guess the tigers tongue would be all raspy and rough and could just tear apart a cake, but the politicians tounge would avoid the cake altogether and skip around so that it wouldn't get caught, a dancing tongue, forget the baby or my little cow thing, that's where the real entertainment is, a dancing tongue. think about the pick texture, the undulating muscular form of the tongue and tell me that you wouldn't laugh. I don't think you can (because I would take it very personaly and send many many squadrons of tongues after you, or as they say icing brigades). hard as it is to believe this is the end of my rambling essay, if you would like to see more of this type of essay then a letter back to support the author would be greatly appreciated, or you could try your own skill at writting just for his amusement, write to Matt Greenfield (Mestat@yahoo.com) about oh say, turnips or some other strange topic, and he might just write another, but if you think that not writing whill shut him up then you are wrong, dead wrong, and legions (icing brigades) or tongues will worm their way into your room late at night and cover you in creative juices to get you started. .