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Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99: Use the Force.
If I could offer you one tip for the future: the Force would be it. The long
term benifits of using the force have been proven by Jedi Knights, whereas the rest
of my advice has no basis morereliable than my own meandering experience. I will
despense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until you end up in a lightsaber battle with someone 30 yrs younger. But trust me, in 20yrs you'll look back at holo's of yourself and recall in a way how much possibility lay before you and how cute you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't center on your anxiety. Or do, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to podrace without an engine. The real troubles in your life are apt to come from an old wrinkled guy with yellow teeth. The one who's laid hidden all these years.
Do one thing everyday that scares the galaxy.
Sing (but save it for the Holiday Special)
Don't be reckless. (but if you are, go to Yoda for training)
Floss (so you don't have something stuck between your teeth when you go to kiss the princess.)
Don't waste your time smuggling. Sometimes you are ahead, more often you are behind. The Kessel Run is long and in the end only Han Solo set the record. You are not Han Solo.
Remember compliments you recieve. Forget the insults and goading from that old wrinkled guy with the yellow teeth. If you suceed, tell Luke how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old credit statements.
Stretch (before dueling)
Feel guilty if you blow up a planet. If you fight a sith who looks like he's 22, chances are he is the apprentice. The real master is the 60yr old with wrinkled skin and yellow teeth.
Get plenty of blue milk. Be kind to your hand. You'll miss it when it's gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have twins, maybe they'll be seperated at birth. Maybe you'll turn to the darkside, maybe you'll fight a dark lord when you are 75. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Nobody can see what the future will be, they can only see possible ones.
Enjoy your body. Don't seal it up in a tin can. Don't be afraid of what those underlings think of you. Just choke them if you don't agree.
Dance, even if your only partner is an ewok.
Read the script, even if you don't follow it.
Do not read "Critics Corner for Movies" it will only make you feel depressed.
Get to know your parents. you never know who they might be. Be nice to your siblings By the end of the movies they are your only link to your past and will have kissed you. (music comes to a screeching halt "Wait! That's not a good thing!" Music resumes.)
Understand that friends come and go, but a precious one you should rescue from Jabba the Hutt.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because one day you may have to fight together against a great evil.
Live on Courscant once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live on Tatooine once, but leave before it makes you poor.
Travel (to a galaxy far far away)
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will try to take over the galaxy, you too will get old. And when you do you will fantisize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians didn't become emperors, and children listened instead of saving the day. Save the day.
Don't expect the Empire to support you. Maybe you have a great career and become Admiral. But you never know when you might be asphyxiated.
Don't mess too much with your hair. Or by the third movie you will have a perminant wave.
Be careful whose point of view you listen to, but be patient when they give it.
Advice is a paradox. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from disposal, cleaning it up, changing a few parts. And coming up with something entirely different from the origional statement that still somehow works.
But trust me on the Force...
This is something I thought up one day on chat with insperation from a fellow Jedi. "Everybody's free (to wear sunscreen)" does not belong to me. This parody however does. Please give me credit, I worked very hard on it. C 1999.
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