Fun things to do on a turbolift

1. Stand facing a wall and don't get off.

2. Every time somebody gives the deck number tell the computer to belay the order.

3. Stop the lift right before the floor where everyone is waiting to get on.

4. Get off at the bridge, wait for the doors to close and say: This is *not* deck 12 (or whatever. If possible bring a small child with you.)

5. Pretend you've been taken over by an alien.

6. Wait for a lot of people to get on then cough a few times before saying: I hope Dr. Crusher isn't too busy. This virus is so contagious I'll bet half the crew is in there.

7. Wait for some people who have weak stomachs to get on then remark on how good those Gah-worms were for lunch today.

8. Wait for Data to get on, then ask him a question that demands a long complicated answer. Place bets with a friend on if he'll miss his stop.

9. Wait for someone to try talking to you and pretend they aren't there.

10. Better yet. Pretend to talk to someone who *isn't* really there and when someone wonders why ask them what they are talking about.

Top Five Classes at the Imperial Academy:

5. Death Star Laser control 101 (canceled)

4.Ewok defense.

3. Avoiding Vader's "dark moods".

2. Survival.

1. Stormtrooper blaster aiming.

Top Ten Signs Star Wars is taking over your life.,p> 10. Complaining to a co-worker that your boss is worse than Jabba.

9. When ever your car dies or doesn't start you yell; It's not my fault!

8. Tendency to find long lost relatives.

7. You hum the "Imperial march" (a.k.a. Darth Vader's theme.) every time your teacher walks in.

6. You swear that the teddy bears in the store are watching you.

5. Every time you see a guy in a black cloak you have to suppress the urge to rush up and ask "What is thy bidding? My master."

4. You dug up everything you could on laser technology to see if it was possible to create a lightsaber. (Heyyy, wait a minute...)

3. You argued with your physics teacher when he tried to explain that force=mass X acceleration.

2. You tried to soup up a motorcycle so you'd have a speeder bike.

And the number 1 yadda yadda yadda is.... You took pictures of the Great Redwood forest, the Tunisian desert, and Antarctica. Then gave them to the press as photographic proof that the planets Endor, Tatoonie, and Hoth really exist.

Top five things to do with an alien implant.

5. Get another one and make earrings out of 'em.

4. Leave it in.

3. Run it through a cash register and see what comes up.

2. Give it to the local vet office as a new way of cataloging dogs and cats.

1. Get a microscope and look for the "Intel Inside" seal.

Some reasons why the force would help the X-Files.

1. Mulder could just call his gun back to him.

2. Neither of them would ever miss when they shot (Hmm, maybe that's *not* such a good idea).

3. If one of them (M/S) was in trouble they could call the other using the force.

4. Lightsabers would be a lot cooler than those $4,000 flashlights.

5. Could use Darth's choke hold for those "uncooperative" sorts. (it wouldn't leave anoying fingerprints.)

6. The extra warning would keep them from getting hit by cars, and things like that.(and in Scully's case, kidnapped.)

7. Mulder could "sense" the alien's presence.

Warning Signs that you're a little obsessed with Star Trek....

13. You not only know that Picard rides horses, but what type of horses he rides.

12. You know what *really* happened at Rosewell...(DS9)

11. You went trick-or-treating with a Klingon, Borg, and a Ferengi... Really.

10. You can name all of Troi's different outfits and the seasons they come from.

9. You can name every girl (chronologically) that Riker has fallen in love with.

8. You come up with the answer before Geordi does.

7. You understand the stardate system (btw: It's 1st # stands for the 24th century, 2nd# for the season, 3rd-5th semi-chronologically for the seasons. i.e.; 001 before 401, .1 stands for 1/10th of a 24hr period.

6. You know more about Trek history than you do about Earth's.

5. You know what's wrong with the patient without looking at the tricorder.

4. You bought a flip cell-phone. (think: "Scotty, beam us up.")

3. You understand where Picard (or anyone) means when they say 120 mark 98. (btw: the first number is for left and right in a 360 degree circle, and the second is for up and down in a 360 degree circle. Thus 120 mark 98 would be to the right 120 degrees and up 98 degrees. Please forgive me, but I can't quite remember if the first number is for left & right or up & down. But that's the basic idea.)

2. You try to read the computer readouts for those hidden jokes. Like "In space no one can hear you scream."

1. Every time you watch Trek you bring your trusty notebook to take notes for your speech giving class. Hey, if Starfleet can't convince them, who can? (Hmmm, maybe the Cardassians could help...)