Star Worse
The next guaranteed moneymaker
A long time ago in a Chevy Nova far, far away, the rebel forces were locked in a life-and-death struggle against the baseball umpire for control of the planet Al-Anon. Luckily, a young boy named Pedro Skywalker (played by an actor who you’ll never see again) teams up with a guy in a cheesy hairy mascot costume named Chewing-tobacco to rescue Princess Grace (or maybe it’s Carol Channing, it’s so hard to keep them all straight without seeing the hairdos) from the evil Darth Brooks, a practitioner of the Far Side.
Along the way they get advice from a wise creature named Yogi Berra, meet a digitally designed character named Jarhead Marine who doesn’t look half as realistic as everyone says, and of course, a cute race of creatures which closely resemble Bill Murray and serve no purpose other than to get you to ooh and ahh so they can sell a lot of expensive merchandise to people who have nothing better to spend their money on.
They’re captured. They escape. They fight an aerial battle while piloting a death star and, of course, kick ass. In the final scene, Pedro and Darth Brooks fight to the death using their officially licensed light snacks while the audience exits early so they can buy up all the Obi-Won-Tons they can find at Jabba the Pizza Hut so they can sell them for big bucks on e-Bay.
May the Farce be with you!
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