Millennium Pie (with apologies to Don McLean) A long, long time ago... I can still remember how Computers used to make me smile. And I knew if I had my chance, That I could make electrons dance, And maybe I'd be happy for a while. But January made me shiver, it chilled me deep down in my liver, Bad news I'd collected... I couldn't get connected. I can't remember back that day When I first knew the Y2K But something touched me anyway, The day computers died.      Refrain:         So, ..Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi         Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry         And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies         Saying this will be the day I retire         this will be the day I retire Can you write in C ++ ? And do you have faith in your local bus If the driver tells you so ? Do you believe in Compaq's goals Can software save your mortal soul And can you teach me how to type real slow ? Well I thought that you were prepared 'Cause your memo said you weren't impaired Your stationery's swell But you can go to hell I was a lonely teenage Unix hack With an incantation and a modem jack but I knew the cat had left the sack The day computers died I started singin'...       [Refrain] Now for 10 years we've ignored the threat And we haven't solved the problem yet But that's not how it used to be When the luddites read for the king and queen with a light they filled with kerosene And some manuals they stole from you and me And while Bill Gates was looking pleased Time stole his monopolies The courtroom was adjourned No verdict was returned While Apple tried a color scheme The engineers returned to steam And we had purges of their dreams The day computers died We were singin'       [Refrain] Intel inside in an iron smelter The food leftover from my fallout shelter Twinkies old and aging fast I'd rather eat the grass Q and A tried for a system crash With the tester on the sidelines in a cast Now the timeshare net was running Doom While mainframes played a marching tune We all tried to log in Oh, but we never could begin 'Cause Cobol tried to take the field, And Holerith refused to yield. Do you recall what was revealed, The day computers died? We started singing       [Refrain] There we were all in a state A generation- really late With no time left to start again So come on mouse be nimble, mouse be quick Don't let my spreadsheet data stick 'Cause data is the devil's only friend. As I watched him on my screen My hands and face were drenched in steam No angel born in hell Could run that stupid shell And as the ball climbed high into the night To call the sacrificial night I saw Dick Clark laughing with delight the day computers died. I met a girl with a cell phone And I asked her for a dial tone But she just smiled and turned away I went down to the software store Where I'd seen computers years before But the man there said the games there wouldn't play And in the streets the children screamed The lovers cried and the poets dreamed their interface was spoken The Internet was broken And the three things I connect to most The Website, Lan and the Network host Every single one was toast The day computers died They were singin'       [Refrain] Copyright Scott McNulty.           July 1999