RELATIVITY

Section 1 of 2: The Summary

Recruited by the Federation of the future, Seven of Nine attempts to save Voyager from a saboteur. She fails in three time lines. With Janeway's help, the final try is the charm. Janeway, then goes back in time to "clean up the time line" from the "Janeway factor".

Section 2 of 2: The Review

While the summary and plot seem simple, the show was anything butt (no buns intended ). Cilla has to admit here that she put off watching this show for two days. I found a plethora of things to do as evasions tactic in order to avoid being stuck in double mint hell and having to watch Boobie Earp ride in on her saline-filled horse and save the day for the gabazillionth time. I know that this is a repeated theme here, but ISN'T THERE ANYONE ELSE ABOARD VOYAGER WHO CAN RESOLVE A PROBLEM? What did the Federation do before Chesty was assimilated into Starfleet? How did Cochrane ever make his famed flight without the Nipples Sisters? How did Picard accomplish anything? And what about Benjamin? He doesn't have his own drone either. Seven is even beginning to make Wesley seem like less of an annoyance.

Overall, aside from the bag of boobs factor, I enjoyed this episode…until I actually thought about it. It seemed creative, interesting, smooth (sort of), and mostly well done. It could have been better had the doctor had a larger role, but Dimples was kept on a leash again, so it can't be all bad, right? I particularly enjoyed the "past" scenes. I thought them innovative and authentic. I have to say that I miss the bun of steel (and no, that is not a Chakotay reference!) But, as I said, giving it some thought, I have some major problems with this one (when DON'T I?).

First of all, Janeway recognized Seven in the hall of Voyager two years after exchanging several words with her at Utopia Planetia. If her memory is THAT good, why would she not have recognized Boobie when she was first de-Borged? You say, "Well, Cilla, we hadn't gotten that far in the time line!" and I say -- Oh, but we had. There were two Sevens (spare me THAT hell!) during the lame ping pong game (you would think that no one would ever be bored enough to actually resurrect ping pong), so we did get that far! Why didn't Janeway recognize our favorite breaded borg breast somewhere along the way after she joined the crew? That certainly would have thrown a kink in the system.

Since, this entire thing was caused by Braxton and his vendetta against Voyager, why didn't the merry band of half-wits go back to the beginning and instead of just try to stop the crime, why didn't they try to rehabilitate Braxton and stop the events that had started this train crash in the first place? Also, how can Starfleet arrest a man for committing crimes that he hasn't committed yet? That just opens up all sorts of cans of worms. So, in effect, the time travelers could, after a crime, travel back and arrest the person who hadn't committed any wrong doings? Before someone can intervene and rehabilitate? What about free choice? George Orwell would have loved that one.

How did Captain Braxton get back to his own century? They didn't touch on that one, did they? Or was I too mesmerized by doubling my pleasure and doubling my fun, that I missed a few details. I am completely mystified as to how the worst actress in the history of four quadrants gets the most lines per episode per week. Actually, I'm really not that naïve.

For the second time in Voyager's dismal television history, the writers have made the error of having our bee-stung lipped heroine mention the fact that the Borg had gone back into the past to stop Cochran from his launch. How would she know this?? The borg failed and were killed before making contact with the mother ship. This is just not possible knowledge for her to have! I figure movie rentals must be low and that is why the idiot writers keep mentioning the movie.

A coworker of mine pointed out a great blunder (he is a programmer and lives to debug!). Janeway said that Tom Paris would make a great pilot. But that is not why she recruited him! She wanted Paris for his Maquis link and wouldn't let him initially do anything but stand around. So, saying that she wanted him for his piloting skills is false.

Ok, enough serious contemplation and on with the shallow, catty comments that I am universally loved for.

I REALLY miss Janeway's big ole bun. I didn't realize it before, but she looks so sloppy with her hair down. I think that has really been my main problem with the frump 'do all along. She looks more like the housewife next door and less like a captain. With her hair up, she looks in charge and commanding. Since Braga and Berman are idiots, they certainly didn't put her hair down and cut it to make her softer. They have Boobie for that. I think they probably drive big cars with big tires to make up for lackings in other areas and are threatened by Mama Janeway's strength. ;-)

I found it very interesting that there was no real story B for this episode. Or rather, there was, but it was so neatly ingrained in story A (Seven bouncing around the centuries), that it was actually seamless. I wonder if the Voyager writers are taking notes and direction from the Deep Space Nine writers. With their creativity and direction, I still find it hard to believe they are under the…direction (cough) of Rick Berman.

Did anyone else notice that when Jeri Ryan is not wearing brown paint disguised as a uniform and doesn't stand with nipples facing the camera, she actually looks normal? She looked…(I hate myself for saying this) lovely in her Starfleet uniform (don't be alarmed -- the retching noise you may be hearing is just me). She wasn't walking like a porno princess with silicone on full alert. I can't believe Berman and the rest of those dorks resorted to putting Seven in normal clothing with not a buttcrack in sight. Times at paramount must be worse than I thought!

All in all, this wasn't a bad episode (I HATE when that happens!). But there were too many inherent problems, too much Seven of Boob, no J/C (is that actually a bad thing?), no Doctor…I give it a five of nine. And now…I have a temporal Janeway headache. LOL!