I had my son on 01.06.05. His name is Bruce Banner Dschaak; I named him after my father Bruce Wayne Rothstein, who died two years ago. Bruce is an absolutely adorable baby; he is quiet and hardly ever cries. The kids love him!

I have been taking wellbutrin since the beginning of the pregnancy to combat depression and try to avoid post pardom depression. Didn't work. I have withdrawn from school and feel so much relief. Although I was only taking one 4 credit class, I was under a lot of stress. 2nd Semester Latin is very time consuming and much more difficult to learn than Spanish or French. As soon as I decided to drop the anxiety left.

We have been victim to bad luck as well. First my car died, a 99 Cavalier. We paid $90 dollars to discover it was out of gas- which is hard to beleive. I ran out before and it just stopped and wouldn't turn over. This time it shook and stopped and would start then shut off, and said it had 1/4 of a tank left. My gas gauge is broken, a part that is inside the tank, and is very expensive to fix. I have to keep it at half a tank.

So now I have my car back.

Last night Chantz left his lights on in his pickup. After we jumped it, it wouldn't stay running. Great. Now we have to see what is wrong with that.

Argh.

Chantz graduates in 6 weeks, on April 13th- Friday the thirteenth! So hopefully we will be getting out of Wyoming soon!!! God, I hope so!

Mom Update: She is on new meds now and the change is unbelievable! I talked to her Easter weekend and she was so energetic. She seemed so much more like herself. I am happy for her!

Baby is due on the 10th. Actually, it is a C-section, and I cannot wait. I am as big as a house. The old man is a bastard, or he can be. Total dick yesterday, then bam, he's fine. Whatever. He got all bossy like I have to listen to him- which toughens me up, always toughens me up- I have always stood up to him when he gets all 'dad' on me- and he always gets pissed like he is surprised. Then he just got mean. I wasn't mad as much as I was hurt. What am I supposed to do when he's all nice and cute after he says such nasty things and acts like a baby? I don't want to get pissy or ignore him- then I bring myself down to his level. I can't talk about it, cuz he'll be right and it will start all over again. But I can't just ignore it either and I feel he should apolgize or something. I have a feeling, however, that he is just not mad at me anymore and doesn't think he did anything wrong.

He goes through this sometimes, like it is his time of the month. Drives me nuts. He just gets so bitchy! The rest of the time he is usually really nice. Huhhh.

I am so much calmer today of course. Had I written yesterday, my pain would be much more evident. I hadn't created Dawn's Hell yet, though it was in my mind. My mother rejected me as well; that is two in 24 hours. She is just so self-absorbed anymore. She can't come down for the birth, and I understand. But in everything else, she is just not my mother- the mother I knew. She is so much more internal than she used to be; everything is personal to her. I don't know, talking to her last time just creeped me out, like "Who are you?" I try to help or offer advice, and she just throws it away. I think she likes being miserable!