Too often the term "chivalry" in our Society conjures up vibrant images of gentlemen carrying ladies' favors into battle, for the glory of her honor, etc., while the dainty damsel in question lounges dutifully on the sidelines fanning herself and looking infinitely frail. This, unfortunately, is a very limited viewpoint, and the fair lady in question often forgets that she too has an obligation to be chivalrous.

The first obligation of a lady is chivalry at events. This entails being courteous to ALL folk, even if you really are not in the mood to do so. This is a true test of a goodly damsel. You may be reeling with the after effect of a 10 hour drive when some gentle blocks off your car from the unloading area. You maintain your chivalric attitude and offer to help whoever it is. Lucky you - the gentle in question (in T-shirt and jeans) just turned out to be the King. It could also be a new person to the Society. And your courteous behavior (after he realized he'd blocked off your car) has just helped reinforce the reasons why he joined the Society in the first place. Unpacking is only one aspect of events - you may want to offer to help in the kitchen - autocrats are always glad of an extra pair of helping hands. Oft times a good party is had by the kitchen crew, and you'll find peers to newbies all chopping carrots together......all for the good of the Kingdom. During a list you might wish to offer a corner of your blanket to a gentle that has nowhere to sit. Or offer a fighter a place to put his armor if the ground is damp so his armor won't rust. Keep an eye open for those new folk who are looking slightly confused at the proceedings and offer to explain items if necessary. Offer to help carry water to the fighters during a melee. Offer to help the heralds. Help new arrivals at your cabin to unpack and settle in (or are you one of those more delicate types who files her fingernails while the squires grunt and strain under your 600 lb. trunk?) Most gentles truly appreciate the offer let alone the actual help - especially if they have had a long journey. Help keep the cabin clean - it may set a good example for your retainers and new people.

Female peers of the realm have an obligation to inspire chivalry in gentles. An unchivalrous peer gives not only herself but the Kingdom a bad name. This can be VERY demanding when one has traveled 500 miles, had a flat tire, and been lost three times, only to be greeted while stepping out of her car by some over enthusiastic person who trade all over her toes. GGRRRRRR. Watch the temper - "gentle for dinner" may soothe your ruffled temper but will not help your reputation as a chivalrous Peer. Conversely, ladies, be chivalrous to your Peers. Do not DEMAND their attention - ask to speak with them when convenient. If they don't get around to chatting with you, don't get huffy. A lot of Peers have duties and obligations to the Kingdom, the Royalty present, their house- holds and retainers, and the populace at large. You can always write a letter if necessary. Allow them time to settle in and shake the travel dust off their weary little bodies. They will be more apt to have a nice chat with you after that. You may even want to offer to help them unpack - but then don't hover around babbling about period hennins while the poor lady in question is craving a hot shower. You're making it hard for both of you to be chivalrous.

Thirdly, and most importantly to the Middle Age Feudal structure of the SCA is the chivalrous obligation to "your Lord". Just what is your standing with this gentle? Is it a romantic or political alliance? What are your duties?

1.) If the attachment is romantic, there are all types of love tokens your lord can carry other than the heraldic sash on his belt. A small kerchief, a ring, a knife and scabbard, etc. - something that he can carry with him ALL the time that is very personal to you. Scented gloves are also very nice - ask your lord to carry one folded next to his heart inside his gambuson.

2.) If the attachment is not romantic, you are best to stick to the classic "token" of a sash embroidered with your device. Make sure the gentleman in question understands the reason for the token being given, if it is to be returned after the tourney, etc.

3.) Whatever the case, when your Lord is fighting, there are a number of chivalrous things that you, as his Lady can do:

a.) always be where he can see you during the salute to "his lady".

b.) help him armor and de-armor, especially if he has no squires or retainers to help. This is one duty a lot of ladies fail in, and that is really a necessity (especially if the weather is hot.)

c.) have a seat and a drink ready for him - perhaps a fan and a cool cloth for his face and neck. (You may even wish to give up your seat.)

d.) if he has no retainers, you may wish to help him carry armor off the field, or at least help pack.

e.) If you have any modicum of sewing skill, see that he is accoutred properly - a surcoat and mantling for the helm are not very difficult to make. And a surcoat can cover a multitude of sins (like carpet armor)

f.) look after his garb well - keep his costumes in a good state of repair.

g.) see to his needs at feast table - that he has a place to sit, has had enough to eat (give him that second piece of chicken you'll never touch.) Make sure his dishes get washed up and looked after.

If all this may sound a bit much, remember that chivalry is courtesy above and beyond the average. Also, that while you are carrying out these obligations, your Lord has those of his own to fulfill.

A final part of your chivalrous training should be in taking pages (young boys and girls) so that they may learn the more gentle arts and courtesy. Lastly, you need to be worthy of your Lord's affection, respect and honor. If your behavior is the scandal of four kingdoms, don't be surprised when he returns your favor and departs from your company. Always strive to be a little extra-courteous, considerate and chivalric - it's what helps make our Society so special.