9 and a half months... that's how long I've been here. I remember the first night I stayed at the dorm. I lay there thinking "Wow... this is a whole new chapter of my life." Maybe I should have been more excited about it than I was, however young dreams of living on your own in a strange new place had long since been replaced by a blind acceptance of the things around me. Still it was pretty cool lying there. And as I lay there I tried to picture what life was going to be like. Yup it was gonna be great... no parents breathing down your neck all the time, you can make your own hours, go out as much as you want. I was in a place where no one knew me... no more of the same old faces and the same old hangouts. The scene had changed and things looked promising.

My how my perception changed just a mere three months later. Ever tried living on dorm food for 3 months??? Anyone who has done it will understand. Slowly my average sleep time dropped from 7 to 5 to 4 hours... and then there were just those days where sleep didn't come at all. I recorded a personal best of about 36 straight hours without sleep. And of course there were the other factors which I won't delve into at this point because I myself refuse to think about them anymore. So, thus 9 and a half months later I have come to realize the inevitable truth... that it's all the same shit... just a different smell.

It isn't Toronto's fault... or the university's... or anyone elses really. Life is just like that. You just have to roll with the punches as best as you can. If life was easy then what would be the point right? The trick is to find those little things that make it all seem better. Just as important is to find those little crevices of time where you can vent or party your brains out (whatever suits you) before you put your nose back into the mill. I still haven't seen the CN tower... I still haven't been to Wonderland... I still have to go to a museum, theatre, a concert, a hockey game, skiing, etc etc. You get the idea. However I HAVE managed to see some of the nightlife, saw the Raptor get their ass kicked from seats so high up that I needed an oxygen mask, found myself a good Trini roti shop that keeps me sane whenever I feel the urge to go on a curry binge, busted my ass trying to skate (Trinis were NOT made to be on ice... take my word for it) and last but certainly not least, meet some great people.

Now Canadians themselves are something to behold. Actually I doubt if anyone could rightly be called "Canadian". I don't think I've met more than 2-3 people or so that are more than 1^st or 2^nd generation Canadian. It is my theory that Canada is mostly made up of immigrants.... and they tend to form little sections of their native country in Canada. There's the ever-popular Chinatown, Little Italy, Little India, Greektown, etc etc. Now while presents a neat little cultural diversity, what end up happening is that instead of a nice intermingling of cultures, instead there is "cliquing"... which disturbs me to some level because now you're associated with this "group". Anyone who knows me knows how much I hate groups and so being of Indian heritage myself, it disturbs me when I walk down the street and see other India-Indian people eyeing me with a look in their eye that says "Yes he is one of us!" I always feel like shouting back to them "No you fool I'm T-R-I-N-I-D-A-D-I-A-N!"

And I love it that everyone up here always knows more Trinis than I do. Apparently there are all these Trini people floating about Toronto that I just don't see or meet. Personally I just think that it have about 5 Trinis up here and every Canadian know dem 5 Trinis. I just eh meet them yet. But Canadians are cool... once you learn to navigate around their quirks. Like the intense sarcasm, or their more or less neutral attitude towards anything going on anywhere. Next to Switzerland, I tell you... Canada is the most un-opinionated, neutral country I know. Which is not a bad thing depending on how you look at it.

I'm not sorry I came to Canada... by no stretch. Hey I can be just as sarcastic and un-opinionated as the best of them. And well school work is just school work... I tell myself it would have been the same anywhere else (yeah right but let me live in this dream world for sanity's sake). All I have to do now is find a better way to cope with winters. HELP!