In a Drug Store...

Tonight was the night, twas sure to be.
Dinner, dancing... perhaps a movie?
For long we had waited, never saying a word,
Yet sharing this understanding that was never heard.
A tone in the voice, a gleam in the eye,
Revealed that now the time was neigh.
Nervous and shaking, I donned hat and cloak
And hopping a taxi, I made for a remote
Place where I would never be found,
And headed for the nearest drug store around.
I steadied my breath and with hat pulled down low
Went into the store and put on quite a show.
I looked at the syrups, skin creams... and tampons??
And nonchalantly made my way to the condoms.
I quickly dropped two in my pocket while whistling a tune
And looked shiftly around... seems no one knew.
Some vitamins, some soap and other small things I picked
And threw them on the counter... condoms with it.
One by one, over the bar code each went,
And then came the condoms, on which more time was spent.
"Is something wrong?" I enquired, quite upset.
"It doesn't seem to be registering... please Sir let me check."
Before I could protest, there came a tap on my shoulder.
"Honey is that you??" It was all over.
"Mom," I replied. I was all in a fluster,
"Fancy seeing you here!" was all I could muster.
"Honey, Duane called... he said to meet him at nine!"
And the cashier's voice rang out... sweet and divine,
"Price for a condom, studded, brand Secret Lover!"
I desperately wanted to run for any cover.
I turned to my mother, her face all confused,
"But you haven't had a girlfriend in years!" she mused.
The cashier then giggled, my mother's face fell.
Everything went silent... so... this is hell.
There was shock on the faces, everyone saw.
And in the silence a voice rang across the store,
"Two ninety nine for studded Secret Lover!!"
My name is Dan... and I suffer.