At first, it was very soft... delicate almost, then quickly it escalated into a deafening roar that viciously attacked my senses. A throbbing, pounding noise that seemed to be raping my brain. I was dragged out of my blissful rest and forced to face this terrible onslaught. "What was it???" My mind raced, desperately searching for answers. Then it all started to come back. The events of "THE NIGHT" slowly seeped back into my head. I remembered the smiling face of a man wearing a white suit and a tie who so willingly obliged to refill my cup... such a nice man, with an amazing little device that seemed to squirt out whatever beverage he chose... and in the other hand he held the "bottle". I remembered the music, the smiling faces... yes, the beauty of the night came back to me. A smile broke out on my half-asleep lips. Then mercilessly, the attack came again, wrenching me into reality.

Question : Was it a headache??
Response from my Brain : No, I'm fine... but I....

It was cut short... once it didn't have an answer, I didn't want to hear it. What was going on then??? Then my eyes said "Maybe we could help you out." So in my battered state, desperately wanting an answer... I opened my eyes.

"Strange" I thought. The room seemed to be tilting slowly back and forth. I put my hand on the wall in an effort to steady the room, but failed. I looked up and saw the fan at my head, but what I saw confused me even more. The blades of the fan were perfectly still, but the room seemed to be revolving around it. I reached out with my hand and groped for the "off" switch. Finding it, I was able to bring the room to a stop.

Again, the pounding in my brain came. I recalled once seeing a documentary describing the effects of a bullet entering your brain at 2000 kmph. The shattered skull, followed by the decapacitating of the cerebrum, the infinitesimal instant of true pain occurring at the moment the thalami were punctured, the painful, excruciating overloading of the cerebral cortex. With this memory etched in my mind, one single thought flowed... "I'm dying..." With this thought echoing in my brain, I rose to face my maker...

Again my mother again yelled "GET UP BOY!!! WHY YOU SO LAZY!!! GET UP!!!" I turned towards the clock. Nine hundred and seventeen it said. "What the hell is that?" I thought. I somehow managed to mumble "What time is it?"

Explosion - "IS QUARTER PASS NINE... GET YUH ASS OFF DE BED!!! AH WANT YUH DROP MEH BY DE SHOP!!"

I needed help assessing the situation and it was at that moment that the first phone call came.

Me : Hello??
Caller : Doh hello me! What de ass you do las nite?!
Me : Who de hell is this?
Caller : Dis is yuh Liver! You have any friggin idea of de mess it have dong here?!!
Me : Why? Wha goin on??
Liver : It real NASTY dong here. Look... I doh have to work under dese conditions... dis kinda shit wasn't in my job description! I hav' ah good mind tuh....

I hung up. He couldn't be talking to me so. Pretty soon though, it rang again...

Me : Hello?
Caller : Aye man, wha' vibes?
Me : I jus cool. Who is dis?
Caller : Dis is yuh kidney boy.
Me : Aye man, wha goin on?
Kidney : Nuttin, nuttin... ah jus call tuh let yuh know dat ah fin ah little bit ah blood in yuh alcohol stream. Nuttin much, nuttin tuh really get worried ‘bout.

Well I just drop the phone. I couldn't believe that my kidney was actually trying to be sarcastic! It was then that I decided to just put on the biological answering machine with the single message "Just do allyuh friggin JOB!!"

With all this new information at hand, I called upon my mind to analyze a possible scenario. Taking into account that my alcohol level was currently beyond that of Angostura Ltd. and coupled with the fact that the entire room was currently sloping at a 30 degree angle, my mind was able to assess the mission that was given to me and produce a likely outcome. The answer blared in my face... ACCIDENT!!!

Not wanting to displease my mother, I threw other factors into the scenario hoping to produce a favorable outcome...

CURRENT DATA : Alcohol, sloping room, mother wants me to drive car

NEW DATA : 5 hrs of sleep, shaking hands, did not know what day it was, the number 917 had no apparent meaning to me and finally - the fact that the first thing I remembered was the bartender's face.

After factoring in all this new data and reaching a conclusion, I did what any responsible, level headed teenager would have done... I plonked back down onto the pillow and blacked out, leaving my bewildered mother standing in the doorway shaking her head...