NODASummary: What happens when you order a book about star-gazing online for your CO's birthday...and they end up sending him the wrong book...Star-gazing...Kama Sutra...easily confused.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
*********
*Kamagain*
By Deb
Looking at her watch, Sam realized she was running late to the impromptu meeting Jack had called for the team. She started putting away her little doohickeys. She thought she heard something and looked up to see her CO standing in the doorway of her lab.
"Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I guess I lost track of time."
"Don't worry about it Sam. Daniel was needed by SG-7 off-world for a few days, so I decided to postpone the meeting and sent Teal'c to see his family. So I thought I'd drop by and tell you to keep playing with your little gadgets...and to thank you."
"For what?"
"My birthday gift. I'm not into books, usually, unless they're the star-gazing type."
Sam smiled wide. She was worried that he wouldn't like the book, but a friend of hers highly recommended it. Said it was one of the most enthralling science fact/fiction book she's ever read. From her friend's description, it sounded a lot like what those at SGC do every time they go off-world. "I'm glad, sir. I hadn't had a whole lot of time to shop for you, but thankfully that whole Internet shopping thing exists. So I went browsing through one of the online book stores and when I found it, and read the description, I thought of you." She was so excited that he liked it.
"You did?" Jack's smile was as wide as Sam's smile.
"Of course. I knew you'd end up liking it. I could just see you enjoying the book. Figured you'd get good use out of it, you know, get your imagination going."
Jack stood there with his mouth open, as his jaw had just hit the ground.
"So have you had a chance to read any of it?" Sam asked.
Jack smiled again. Could his major be hitting on him. I mean, sure it's against regs, but damn, she is a beautiful woman.
"Uh, yeah. Cover to cover...twice."
"Really? Was it that good?" Jack nodded enthusiastically.
Sam smiled and started to leave her lab, but looked over her shoulder as she got to the door. "Sir?" Jack looked questioningly at his 2IC. "Could I come by and borrow the book?"
"Ah, sure Sam." Oh hell, might as well go for it. "If you'd like, I could cook some dinner."
"That sounds good. Is 8:00 OK?"
"Perfect. See you then" And with that Sam left, leaving Jack alone in her lab, wondering what the hell just happened. 'Oh god, what if I've misinterpreted everything? Nah, not a chance...not with the book she got me.' With that thought, Jack smiled and left to prepare for the evening.
* * * * * * *
~Noda's conclusion~
Sam stood before her closet, trying to decide what to wear. The colonel's invitation had been casual--almost off-hand--so she didn't want to put on something that screamed "date." Well, it wasn't a date. She was borrowing a book, he was making dinner. Not all that different from any other night when they got together. Except Daniel and Teal'c wouldn't be there. Still, it was no reason to read anything into Jack's offer.
"Come on, Sam," she muttered out loud. "Just grab something!" Her hand closed around a hanger and she slammed the closet door before eyeing her choice. A sundress. Well, it was warm enough for it, she decided, and not terribly revealing. It just showed more skin than she was used to. After practically living in fatigues, the short skirt of the dress felt almost risqué. Looking at herself in the mirror, she realized it was perfectly appropriate, just not her usual style. Well, what good was wearing something different if she didn't *feel* different? She fluffed her hair, applied a bit of make-up and was off. Just enough time to drive to Jack's and be prompt.
*********
Jack checked his watch for the tenth time in as many minutes. 19:45. She'd be there any minute. Smoothing down his shirt, he checked the table again, making sure the setting was perfect. He debated over adding candles for fifteen minutes before he finally decided they might help set the mood. God, he was *so* out of practice with this sort of thing!
He couldn't believe how nervous he was! Well, if things went the way he hoped, a lot of things would change between him and his 2IC. Wandering over to the coffee table, he arranged the copy of the book she'd bought him. Turning it just so, in an effort to look casually placed. He'd moved it five times. He wanted it to be seen, but not obvious. Maybe as a conversation opener. Yeah, right. He could just hear Sam asking: *which part did you like the best?* He shook his head at the thought. He couldn't see Sam being that forward. Well, he never had her pegged as the type who'd send her C.O. something like this, either. Apparently there was a side to Samantha Carter that no one on the base knew about.
The doorbell rang, causing Jack to jump. *Calm down, it's not like she's going to throw herself at you the minute she walks through the door. Although. . . .*
Now there was a knock. "Colonel? Sir? Are you there?" Sam's muffled voice came through the door.
"Sorry, Carter, I was. . . ." Jack's mouth dropped at the same time he opened his door.
*Holy Buckets!* his mind screamed as he took in the sight of his major dressed in a casual, daisy print sundress. It wasn't particularly form fitting--more like a tailored tank top--but it hugged her in all the right places.
"Sir?" Sam asked. "I thought maybe your doorbell was broke." She waited for some response from him, but when none came she added, "are you all right?"
Jack swallowed, closing his gaping mouth. "Ah, ya." He cleared his throat as he moved away from the door. "Kama. . .I mean come on in." He couldn't take his eyes off her long legs as she walked the short distance of his foyer, into the living room. God, she had great legs, he thought. Probably a damn good thing they were normally decked out in unflattering olive green.
"Here," she said, handing him a six-pack. "I figured if you offered dinner, I should at least bring the beer."
"Uh, thanks," he said, still working on getting his brain and mouth to function as a unit. "I'm grilling some steaks," he added. "About the only thing I can cook. I thought we'd eat out on the deck, that all right with you?"
"Great. I love it out there," she smiled.
"How about a beer?" he offered, removing a can from it's plastic collar.
"Don't mind if I do," she said, wiping her hands on the front of her dress before accepting the beer.
She's nervous, too, he thought. Well, this probably isn't something she does every day. At least he *hoped* this wasn't something she did every day!
"Go on out," he said, nodding toward the patio. "I'm going to grab the steaks."
"Can I give you a hand?"
"No, I've got it," he said, actually grateful he had a moment to collect himself before he faced her again. Geeze! Someone should have warned him she'd look that good out of uniform! Her dress blues were *nothing* compared to this! On second thought, maybe it was a good thing no one had told him. He didn't like the thought of someone else getting the view he was. Okay, so the dress had to be a clue, right? First the book, now the dress. I suppose she's playing it somewhat cool in case I'm not interested. Hell, I'd have to be dead not to be interested! Grab the food, O'Neill! It's not polite to let a beautiful woman wait!
*********
Damn, he looked good, Sam thought. When he opened the door dressed in a black shirt and a pair of khakis, she had to consciously stop from gawking. She felt a tad uneasy in the dress, but didn't regret her choice. The look that crossed Jack's face when he saw her was worth it. Too bad she was here primarily to pick up a book on star-gazing. Although, after dinner, perhaps she could convince Jack to point out some of the things he'd learned from the book.
Sam looked up as Jack slid the glass patio door back with one hand while balancing containers with the other. "Let me help you," she said, coming to his rescue.
"Thanks," he said, handing off a bowl with marinating steaks.
"You really didn't have to go to all this trouble, Sir." Sam looked over at the table, noting there was real plates and even candles. The scene struck her as romantic--dining under the stars amid the intimate ambiance of his home. Surely he didn't mean for it to be. He probably opted for china over paper plates because they'd be less likely to blow off the table. But then wouldn't the candles be in danger of being extinguished? They flickered in the gathering twilight, casting a golden glow on the place setting.
She couldn't help herself from asking. "Candles, Sir?"
"Uh, they attract less bugs," he said, quickly turning back to the grill.
Oh. Of course, Sam thought. He hadn't intended the setting to be romantic at all. He was just being his usual, practical self. On the one hand, she was relieved. The evening was starting to take on a decidedly personal tone, and his logical answer seemed to put a stop the thoughts she was beginning to indulge in.
"You know, it would be really nice if you'd call me by my name when we're off duty. 'Sir' and 'Colonel' imply a distance, and I thought we were friends."
"We are friends. . .Jack." It was almost a struggle to say his name aloud. Not that she hadn't thought of him as 'Jack' in her mind, but thinking something and doing something were two totally different things. Especially when she considered where her thoughts were headed.
Sam began to pace a bit on the deck as she watched Jack fixing their dinner, impressed by his confident movements. While the man could barely make boxed macaroni and cheese, he cooked a mean steak.
"So, Carter, what made you pick out that particular book for me?"
"Hey, I thought we agreed to a first name basis, here," she grinned, taking a sip from her beer.
"Sorry. Sam. What made you choose that book?" he asked again. Did he seem a bit hesitant this time? What would make him self-conscious over repeating his question?
Sam leaned back against the railing. "Um, I don't know. A friend of mine read it and she said it changed her whole perspective. She's kind of a 'hard sell,' so I figured if it made such an impact on her, it had to be pretty good."
Sam met Jack's gaze, wondering about the enigmatic smile that was breaking out over his face.
"What?" she asked.
"Well, I can see how it would revolutionize her thinking. I had no idea there were so many different ways to approach the subject. I mean, sure I knew some of them, but there was such a variety of options, I was surprised by how much I *didn't* know."
"Yeah. She said it was really informative. That it blew away so many preconceived notions."
"It does that," Jack agreed. "It's been an eye-opener on so many levels."
"I'm not sure I know what you mean."
"Well, who would have thought, you and I would ever be here, discussing a book like that. And agreeing on it!"
"I don't know that it's so hard to believe. After all, we have some common interests. We both get pleasure from many of the same things."
Jack just about choked on his beer.
"Uh, Jack? I think the steaks are burning."
"Wha. . ? Huh? Oh, yeah. Guess I was just thinking about what you said." Jack quickly flipped the steaks, salvaging them at the last minute.
"You seem surprised. I thought we've connected on several levels since we've started our relationship. Our working relationship, that is," she was quick to add.
"I guess we have. I'm a little shocked you're being so candid about our relationship. Normally you don't like discussing things of a personal nature."
"I guess it's the atmosphere here," she sighed. "I don't know. There's just something about being away from the base that's so liberating, so freeing. Almost like we're normal people sharing an evening together. Not a Major and a Colonel."
*********
Jack was still reeling from her pleasure comment. The woman certainly knew her way around a double entendre! How she could deliver the lines so straight faced was beyond him. He never had Sam pegged as the consummate actress she was turning out to be! And then that comment about being ordinary people, without military ranks. Was she suggesting they forget the regulations?
"It's too bad Daniel and Teal'c couldn't make it. I think it would have been fun with all four of us."
Fortunately, Jack hadn't taken a swallow of beer as Sam sprang her latest revelation on him. Who knew Carter could be this kinky?
"Looks like they're done," Jack croaked, indicating the steaks. "You like yours on the rare side, right?"
"Yeah, somewhere near medium rare, so it's hot and juicy."
The tongs clattered from Jack's hand onto the deck. Geeze! Were they even going to make it through dinner?
Jack served Sam her plate with a shaky hand, afraid if she didn't take it from him, he'd drop it. Besides the steak, he'd made baked potatoes and corn on the cob, and he'd done a pretty fair job, if he said so himself. Especially in light of the sexual innuendoes Sam was dropping into practically every sentence. It was amazing he could even respond with coherent conversation.
"Want another beer?" he asked, badly in need of another himself.
"No, I'm fine," she said, settling into her chair, placing a napkin on her lap.
"I'll be right back," he smiled, almost running into the house. Once in the kitchen he took a deep breath. Okay, the book was plainly an excuse to come over, right? He couldn't be reading the wrong thing into her statements, could he? Maybe if the book had been on some innocuous subject like. . .like star-gazing for instance, he wouldn't be contemplating a hidden agenda for her coming over, but come on! That book said it all!
Grabbing another beer, he rejoined Sam on the deck. "Hey, you didn't have to wait for me. I don't want you're meal to get cold."
"Mmmm," she said leaning back onto her chair. "It's too warm a night for that. The breeze is so soft, it's almost like a caress."
Damn it! If she was going to keep this up he'd never even get to the first bite of his steak! Jack watched Sam as she cut a portion of her sirloin, and lifted it to her mouth.
"Oh, Jack," she sighed. "This is *so* good! I'm usually not much of a steak eater, but every once in a while there's nothing like a good piece of meat."
Okay. That was it. She had to be doing this on purpose!
*********
"Oh, I agree," Jack said, taking a bite of his own steak. "When that warm meat surrounds your tongue, there's just no way to describe it."
Sam swallowed, reaching for her beer. It was dangerously close to empty. Perhaps she should have had Jack get her another. He wasn't implying, anything, was he? He'd certainly made the statement sound sexual, but maybe it was just her imagination. He was still distracting her by looking so damn good dressed in something other than blue or green. And the way his brown eyes looked increasingly dark in the candlelight, they were driving her crazy. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. After all, she didn't want him getting the wrong idea. All she wanted was to borrow his book. Perhaps she should have had him bring it with him to the base the next day.
All right. So *maybe* she had an ulterior motive in accepting his invitation. She wanted to spend some time alone with Jack as it happened so seldom. Plus, she wanted to know what he'd learned from the book and if there was anything he could teach her. She might know the physics behind stellar phenomenon, but the beauty and the myth was something she wasn't acquainted with. Besides, there was something exciting about Jack teaching her. Something only he could show her.
Sam leaned back, releasing a contented sigh. "I don't know when I've been so full. It was a wonderful meal, Jack. Thank you."
"You're welcome. I'm glad you came over," he said, playing with the edge of his napkin.
Sam leaned forward, reaching for her beer, and found it empty. "You mind if I get myself another?" she asked, standing and picking up her plate.
"No, not at all. Make yourself at home." Sam reached for his plate and he tried to stop her. "Hey, I'm the host here, you don't have to do that!"
"It's no problem," she said, "I'm going in anyway. Do you want another beer?"
"Uh, no thanks, I think I'm going to want a clear head later."
"Planning on making use of your new-found knowledge?" she smile at him. "That reminds me, as long as it's such a nice night, maybe you could take me up on your roof and show me some of the finer points of what you learned? It's always nice to have a little practical application to enhance the reading experience."
Jack seemed to be having trouble articulating a response, but finally managed to form a couple of sentences. "The book's on the coffee table. Have a look at it when you go in."
"Thanks, I will."
Sam deposited the dirty dishes in Jack's sink, retrieved a beer, then headed for his living room. Only one or two lights were lit, but it was obvious there was only one book on his table. Sitting on the sofa, she reached for the over-sized hard cover. Sam didn't look at the title, after all, she ordered it, she new what it was called. Opening the book, she noticed Jack had folded the corners of certain pages. *Must be something of particular interest to him,* Sam thought, skipping ahead to a marked page.
The book easily fell open, as if the page had been visited quite often. It was difficult to make out the illustration in the low light, so she reached over, turning up the brightness of a lamp. When she looked back at the book, Sam gasped, practically dropping the volume as a bright red flush covered her cheeks.
"Holy Hannah!" she breathed, looking at the way a pair of obviously male and female bodies were joined. She kept blinking at the picture, wondering how in the world the couple had achieved the position without being contortionists.
Sam slammed the book shut, noticing the title for the first time "Kama Sutra: A beginner's manual." *That* was for *beginners?* Slowly, the shock started to wear off, as she felt her embarrassment and confusion rise. Why had Jack told her the book was on the coffee table? It was definitely the only book lying out. Nope, nothing on the sofa, other chairs or floor. Just an Indian sex manual.
*Okay, calm down,* Sam told herself. *This isn't his subtle way of telling you he wants sex.* There had to be some mistake. Maybe he'd been looking at it and simply forgot to put it back on his bookshelf. In his bedroom. Then she felt embarrassed for him. This is probably not the sort of information you want your 2IC to know about you. It was deeply personal, and Sam felt like a voyeur.
"Did you find it?" Jack called from the patio.
How the hell did she answer him? *I didn't know you had it in you, Colonel!*
"Sam?"
"Uh, no, I uh, didn't see the book I sent you!"
"Come on, Sam! How can you miss it? It's huge!"
Sam's head jerked up. He *was* talking about the book, right?
Jack's voice was a little quieter as he shyly stated, "I have to admit, Sam, you surprised me with this."
*I surprised *you?* *
"After all, the good little soldier act you pull on the base, certainly had me fooled. I never would have suspected you led this secret life."
*Secret life? What the hell was he talking about? If anyone was leading a "secret life," it was him! If he left this kind of a book out for anyone to see, what did his private stash look like?*
Jack stepped into the living room, hands full of more dishes. "I have to say, when you asked me to show you what I'd learned, I was pretty flattered."
If it was possible, Sam's face became even redder. There had to be some mistake, some misunderstanding, because this book was *not* what she'd been asking him about!
Jack returned from the kitchen, walking boldly up to her, pulling her into his arms, kissing her soundly. Sam was so caught of guard, all she could do was stare at him as he pulled back.
"It was subtle, Sam, but the book, the dress, accepting my invitation, it said it all." He closed the distance between them once again, hungrily tasting her lips. It took a moment for his words to sink in, but when they did, she found herself pushing him away.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, *Sir?* Had I known a book about star-gazing would get you so worked up I would have gotten you something on gardening!"
Jack's eyes we're still focused on Sam's lips when realization dawned. "Star-gazing? You didn't send me a book on the stars! You sent me this!" he said, reaching over to pick up the book on Kama Sutra, practically waving it in her face.
"Uh, Jack, *I* ordered it. I think I know what I got you."
"Well, maybe you clicked on the wrong thing because *this* is what I got."
Sam looked at Jack again, more confused than embarrassed at that point. "Do you have your receipt? Maybe there's some explanation on that."
"I threw it out, but I think it's still in the garbage can."
Sam followed Jack into his den, watching as he sorted through his paper trash.
"Here it is," he said, handing her the print-out.
There it was. In black and white: One copy of Kama Sutra shipped to J. O'Neil, 365 Oakview Ct., Colorado Springs, CO 80903.
Sam started to laugh. The more she thought about it, the more absurd it became.
"What's so funny?" Jack asked, clearly not finding any humor in the paper.
"Look. . . .look at the address," Sam managed, bursting out laughing again. "J. O'Neil. One "L." And the number--365 Oakview. Yours is 635 *Fair*view!
"Well it's not *that* funny," Jack said, looking down at the receipt. "I kinda liked the book."
Suddenly Sam sobered, realizing he thought she'd sent him the sex guide. A second later everything seemed to click: the invitation to dinner, romantic setting, slightly veiled comments. . . . And, oh, God! Some of the things *she'd* said, thinking they'd been discussing the stars!
She didn't know whether to feel mortified for her unwitting comments, or bad for Jack. He was obviously disappointed to learn the book wasn't a hint from her she wanted their relationship to change.
"Jack, I don't know what to say," she said, staring at the carpet, unable to meet his gaze. "This is *really* awkward. I mean, I'm flattered you thought. . . that you consider me a. . .you know if the situation was different. . .maybe then. . . ."
"Yeah," he said, running a hand through his short hair, leaving his hand resting on the back of his neck. "Look, Carter, Sam, I didn't mean to insult you or force myself on you like that. I mean grabbing you and kissing you was pretty Neanderthal, even for me," he tried to joke. Sam smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood. "You have every right to report this. I promise I'll take whatever punishment Hammond deems necessary. I acted inappropriately and I. . ."
"Jack! It's okay! Look, it was just a kiss! No big deal, all right?"
"No big deal?" he asked, looking a little down-hearted.
"Well, as far as kisses go it was a big deal," she smiled. "Actually, it was very nice. More than nice. It was. . .well we'll say it was no big deal, okay?"
"Okay. I guess this means you're not interested in borrowing the book," he said, placing it on his desk.
Sam reached over and picked up the weighty volume, giving him a teasing grin. "Now I never said, *that!* I have it on good authority this is a *fascinating* treatment of a very old science." This time she consciously decided to make her statement ambiguous. After all, it never hurt to leave the door open for future "discussions. . . ."
The End.
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