Disclaimers in part 1

*********

Telling the Greenfields how Jeff had been shot actually went smoother than Sam had anticipated. Everyone seemed to agree that it was an unfortunate accident. Everyone except for Ellen. She continued to stare at Sam as if she'd taken a knife and plunged it into her son's heart. She'd go from weeping uncontrollably to lashing out at Sam whenever she spoke.

Even though it wasn't necessary for Sam to identify Jeff's body, she asked to see him anyway. Jack offered to go with her, despite of the fit Ellen was throwing, but she told him she had to see him alone.

Seeing Jeff's inert body shocked her. He wasn't the first corpse she'd seen, but then she hadn't seen many lately. Nor had she been as emotionally close to them as she had Jeff. She'd spent ten years with him, and despite their problems, there had been good times. The way he wined and dined her, showed her parts of the city she was beginning to call home. His concern during her pregnancy. Not just Kelsey, but Jon as well. Taking Lamaze classes together, discussing baby names. Watching the kids grow. She knew the majority of her fond memories were tied with Kelsey and Jon, and not necessarily with themselves. For that she did feel a little guilty. In the beginning he was a good man, and he had deserved a woman who could truly love him back.

Had she driven him to his violent behavior? If she'd loved him more would he have remained the kind, caring man she'd married? The initial fight when she'd told his family about her military career seemed to be the defining event. The one that started the bubble cracking. At the time, it seemed so insignificant, but as she looked back, it truly seemed to be the catalyst. Jack was right. There had to be some missing piece she wasn't aware of.

"What was it?" she asked Jeff's still form. "What was it about the military that caused this change in you?"

Sam wiped her eyes, then continued. "I never wanted this, you know. I never wanted to hurt you, and I certainly didn't want you to die. I can't help that I love Jack, that even though I wouldn't admit it, I've always loved him. I'm sorry I used you, trying to get over him. It wasn't fair, I know. But what you've done to me wasn't fair either. We could have settled this amicably. The kids would have had time with both of us. There would have been three adults in their family. Would that have been so terrible?"

Sam knew she'd never get the answers she craved, but it helped to voice them. "Now I have to tell your children, the ones you were so obsessed with keeping, that you're dead. How am I supposed to do that, Jeff? Kelsey is going to be so lost without you. And what about Jon? If you could have only heard the way he was defending you to Jack, I don't think you'd have been so jealous. He loved you. *You* were his father. He sees Jack as a friend, and if your mother has anything to say about it, she's going to turn them both against Jack. So, maybe you Greenfields have won after all. I should have realized what I was up against and just gave in, shouldn't I? Well, I didn't. and I'm not going to give up now. I won't let your mother turn my children against Jack. They might not see him as a parent, but at least they'll see him as a friend."

Sam ran her hands through her short hair, drying her eyes again. "I'm going now. I'm sorry things ended this way. I hope you're at peace now." Sam leaned over and kissed his cold cheek. "Good-bye, Jeff."

*********

When the Greenfields insisted on handling the arrangements for Jeff's funeral, Sam didn't argue. She had enough on her mind. Like what she was going to tell her kids. Besides, this way, Ellen could have things arranged to her satisfaction. And that suited Sam just fine.

Soon after she saw Jeff, Sam and Jack left the hospital to retrieve Jon and Kelsey. Neither spoke as they made the drive to Cheryl's. Jack reached over, taking Sam's hand, and she felt her throat constrict again. She didn't need him to say anything right now, and Jack seemed to sense that, just the reassurance of his touch was enough. How was it he knew her so well, she wondered, considering the time they'd spent apart. Sam smiled at him squeezing his hand back. They kept their hands joined, resting on the console between the bucket seats.

"Turn here," Sam said. "It's the second house on the left."

Turning into the driveway, Sam noticed her children running in the front yard, playing tag or some other game that had the kids orbiting around Jon like satellites.

"They look so happy," Sam said, turning to Jack. "I don't want to tell them here, okay?"

"That's understandable. Sam, I don't want you to go home tonight. I don't want the kids to have to go there either. Stay with me. We can tell them at my place. Maybe it'll be easier for them to hear the news if they're not surrounded by memories."

Sam nodded. "I don't want to be alone," she said, looking at him.

"Undomesticated equines could not drag me from your side," he said, trying to lighten her mood.

Sam chuckled. "Where did *that* come from?"

"It's something Teal'c said to me. Remember when that alien "orb" had me pinned to the wall in the 'gate room? Teal'c was attempting to tell a joke. Worked on me, so I thought it might make you smile too. Guess it worked, huh?" he smirked.

"Jack O'Neill, you have the most perverse sense of humor of anyone I know," Sam said, shaking her head.

"I am kinda lovable, aren't I?"

"Definitely," she said, seriously. "I think we better get this over with."

Cheryl met them at the door as Sam was about to knock. Jack was watching the kids playing when they suddenly noticed him on the porch.

"Hi, Jack!" Jon called, almost running over to him.

"Hey, Sport," Jack said, ruffling his hair. Jon didn't say anything, just ran a hand through the unruly mass.

"And here's the Squirt," Jack said, tugging on Kelsey's ear.

"I'm *not* a squirt!" Kelsey said, stamping her foot.

"Oh, then what shall I call you?"

"My name is Kelsey," she stated crossing her arms, standing just like Sam did when she was making a point.

"All right then, *Kelsey,* how 'bout you, me, Jon and your cousins play a game while your mom talks to Aunt Cheryl?"

"Goody! I want to play Red Rover, but they say I'm too little, but if you play they can't say that!"

Jack looked at Sam with a pleading look.

"Hey, don't look at me," she smiled. "You're the one who started this!"

Jack sighed as he stepped off the porch. "Me an' my big mouth," he grumbled, but Sam could tell he was complaining for her benefit. The "normalcy" of his behavior helping to restore some of her balance.

"Sam," Cheryl said, dragging her into the house, "I know you're trying to act like nothing's wrong for the kids sake, but you have to tell me what happened! Mike called me a few minutes ago and told me Jeff was shot, but how? I mean what was Jeff doing with a gun in the first place?"

"Oh, Cheryl," Sam sighed. "I feel as though I've repeated this story a hundred times already," she said, sitting down on the sofa, scrubbing her face with her hands.

"I don't know what else I can tell you. I'm sure Mike gave you the pertinent details. I don't know how or when Jeff got the gun," Sam said, looking up at Cheryl as she joined her on the couch. "Obviously he didn't want me to know about it. I still get shivers thinking about that. . .time bomb being in my house. He had the damn thing loaded, with no safety on it!"

"Oh, my, God," Cheryl breathed, staring at her wide-eyed. "That'd freak me out, too." She waited a moment then said, "so, that's what the fight was about?"

"No, I was planning on taking the kids to see some friends in Canada. Janet and Daniel Jackson, I think you've heard me mention them before."

"Yeah, the names sound familiar," she said. "So Jeff got that upset just over you taking a vacation?"

"Well, I'd asked Jack to go, and not him."

"Oh," Cheryl said, her expression conveying her disapproval.

"Daniel and Janet are old colleagues of ours from my Air Force days. They'd invited him as well as me."

"But not Jeff," Cheryl said.

"They didn't say that, but I didn't ask him," Sam said. She could see the question Cheryl was about to ask and elaborated. "Jeff had been telling me all summer how busy he was, plus, knowing how he felt about the military, I figured the last thing he wanted to do was sit around all week with us exchanging old 'war stories.'"

"I suppose, but you could have asked him. You know, for your husband having just been shot, you sure seem awfully calm," Cheryl observed.

Sam got up and paced the room. "And if I were crying hysterically that would be better? Cheryl, I've finally gotten so I've stopped shaking and I can talk about this without bursting into tears and now I'm too sedate? I'm sorry my grief isn't living up to your expectations!" Sam squared her shoulders, heading for the door.

"Thanks for looking after the kids for me, we'll be going now."

"Sam, wait! Look, I'm sorry. I guess Mike's attitude is rubbing off on me. They were a little 'upset,' to say the least, that Jack showed up with you."

"I couldn't make it through this without him," Sam said, turning to face Cheryl.

"I know the two of you have a bond that we don't understand," she said.

"It's more than just Jon," Sam said. "Jack and I have been through so much in the past, it's like we know what the other one is thinking and feeling. It was like that with the other guys on our team, too. It's what made us special. I can't explain it, and I sure as hell am not going to apologize for it."

"I'm not asking you to, Sam, but I do have to ask you this, and I promise I won't tell the rest of the family. Are you and Jack having an affair?"

Sam looked down at her hands, watching her fingers twist nervously with each other. She never thought of it in terms of an affair. It seemed like such a dirty word, so condemning. "Yeah, I guess technically, we are." Now Sam did cry. "It's not like we planned this or anything, and I can't help the way I feel."

Cheryl pulled her into a hug. "I know." she said, holding her as Sam literally cried on her shoulder.

"That's what the fight was about, wasn't it?" Cheryl asked. "You told Jeff you were leaving him."

Sam pulled back. "How did you know?"

"Well, it stands to reason, with the way you and Jack feel about each other. I don't see either one of you being willing to give the other up."

"I never wanted this to happen," Sam said, wiping her eyes. "You have to believe that."

"Sam, I've known you ten years, and in all that time I never once thought you were anything but loyal to Jeff. But the moment I saw you with Jack, I knew. I guess I'm just a little surprised you acted on it. I know you didn't plan on this, but it *did* happen, and unfortunately it's gone beyond just you and him."

"I know. If Jeff could have just talked to me, instead of getting so crazy, he'd still be alive. But he was obsessed, you know? I know it wasn't because he loved me so much. Don't get me wrong, I know he loved me in his own way, but his hanging on to me was more to get back at Jack than it was concern for our marriage. He said some pretty ugly things to me when we were arguing."

"Like what?"

"Oh, mostly name calling, but it wasn't the first time. I don't know what it was that pushed him over the edge, but he wasn't the same man I married. I suppose that made me even more receptive to Jack when he arrived."

"Sam, I know Ellen, and she is probably blaming you for all this, but don't let her get to you, huh? I can't imagine what she must be going through. You know Jeff was her favorite. If you ever feel like talking, give me a call, okay?"

Sam hugged Cheryl again. "Thank you," she whispered. "You don't know what that means to me."

"Hey, us 'outsiders' have to stick together, right?"

"Right. Thanks again, Cheryl, for the kids and everything," Sam said, heading for the door. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Sounds good. And Sam? Hang in there."

Sam nodded, opening the door. Shading her eyes from the afternoon sun, she looked for Kelsey, Jon and Jack. There was an undeveloped lot behind Cheryl and Mike's house, and that's where she found them. Jack, of course was easy to spot because of his size, but he was getting as excited as the kids when an opposing team member tried to break through their line. Sam shook her head, smiling, wondering if she was up to three kids at the moment.

*********

Jack pulled out onto the expressway as Jon cried, "Hey, Jack! You're going the wrong way!"

"I thought maybe you guys would like to spend a night at my place tonight," Jack said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"I thought we were going to Daniel and Janet's," Jon said, sounding disappointed.

Sam and Jack exchanged glances, then Sam said, "well, we missed our flight, so we'll have to see about going later."

"Aww, man!" Jon whined, slumping in his seat. "I knew when Aunt Cheryl said you'd be late something had happened and we wouldn't get to go!"

"Hey, now!" Jack said, looking in the rearview mirror to see Jon's face. "What's so bad about spending the night at my place? You've never even been there!"

"No, but I was looking forward to seeing Sean. And how come we don't just go home? Won't Dad wonder where we are?"

"Look! There's the Mall of America!" Jack cried, trying to distract Jon from his current line of questioning. "You guys ever been there?"

"Hundreds of times," Jon said, still sulking.

"I got to go on some rides there," Kelsey said. "I like it there. Can we go? I wanna go on some rides!"

"Maybe some other time," Sam said, looking over at Jack again, this time her expression didn't seem so confident.

"Whaddya say we order in a pizza, get some movies and just hang out? It'll kinda be like a sleep over."

Jon seemed to perk up at that suggestion. "Can we pick out the movies?"

"Sure," Jack said. "What ever you want."

"I guess it won't be so bad if we don't get to Daniel and Janet's tonight," Jon said.

Jack blew out a breath and looked over at Sam. At least he hadn't asked any more questions about Jeff. He wondered if they even needed to stop for movies. Once Sam told them about their father, Jack was sure a movie would be the last thing on their minds.

God, what Sam must be going through, he thought. He knew how much his own stomach was in turmoil, it had to be twice as bad for her. She never ceased to amaze him. Even in a situation like this, she remained strong, holding up much better than he expected.

The trip to rent movies was an experience in itself. Neither Jon nor Kelsey could agree on a film, and after nearly a half an hour, Jack finally decreed they could each get one. Then they started squabbling about who got to watch their movie first.

"I thought you said they get along," Jack said, pulling into the parking lot of his building.

"This is getting along. You'll know it when they aren't!" Sam smiled.

"This is where you live, Jack?" Jon asked, staring at the red brick exterior of the former mansion. "It's old!" he cried.

"Vintage," Jack corrected.

"Mom, what's 'vintage' mean?" Jon asked

"Old," she replied, laughing at the look Jack gave her.

"It's better on the inside," Jack said, feeling slightly defensive.

"I'll bet," Jon whispered to Kelsey, causing her to giggle.

Jack knew he must have looked disappointed because Sam leaned over and said,

"Hey, if they're picking on you, at least they're not fighting!"

Jack got out of the car, opening the door and unbuckling Kelsey. "Okay, since you guys have been pickin' on where I live, this means I get to choose what goes on the pizza!"

They all started arguing with him at once as they walked toward the entrance of the building.

"Okay, you guys gotta be quiet now, because I'm sneakin' ya in. They don't allow kids here."

"How come?" Kelsey said, her voice sounding even louder in the quiet hallway.

"Because they're so noisy!" he whispered at her, almost as loud, causing her to start laughing again.

"Okay," Jack said, this time lowering his voice. "We'll all be real quiet until we get to my apartment, right?"

"Right!" Jon said, his voice only slightly less than it's usual volume.

Opening his door, Jack noticed his neighbor, Mrs. Simon, peaking through her door, which was slightly ajar.

"'Evenin' Mrs. Simon! How are you today?" Jack called, causing the woman to promptly slam her door.

"She's the nosiest woman I've ever met, and she hates getting caught!" Jack whispered to them as he ushered everyone inside.

Jack was doing everything he could to keep the mood light. Perhaps he was going a bit overboard, but he knew what Sam and her kids were going to be facing soon, and he wanted to keep them happy as long as he could. Once inside, he suggested to Sam they order the pizza right away, and eat dinner before she told them. There was no way they were going to feel like eating after Sam broke her news.

Jon walked around Jack's apartment, surveying the sparse furnishings. "You got any games?"

"No, not really. I've got a deck of cards, though. Wanna see if you remember what I taught you about poker?"

"Sure! I've even got some money to bet this time!" Jon emptied the pockets of his jeans, tossing the contents onto the coffee table. Besides the requisite blue lint, there was about two dollars in change along with a piece of wrapped candy that looked like it'd spent more than a day in his pocket. Jon unwrapped the candy, promptly popping it into his mouth.

"Can Mom play too?" Jon asked, his speech distorted from the candy in his mouth.

"Sure," Jack said, looking at his watch. "We should have time for a few hands before the pizza gets here."

"I wanna play too!" Kelsey said, sitting on the floor next to Jon.

"You're too little," he said. Before another argument could break out, Jack interjected,

"Tell you what, Kelsey, we'll give you some cards and when it's you're turn you can play some of them, okay?"

Jon rolled his eyes, but kept silent, as Jack dealt the cards.

"Sam? You in?" Jack called.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a minute." Sam stepped out of the bathroom and Jack could tell she'd been crying. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms, but settled for a smile as she joined him on the couch.

Using the coffee table as their playing surface, Jack started the game. Neither he nor Sam were concentrating on what they were doing, and Jon ended up winning every hand. The arrival of the pizza put an end to their poker game, saving Jack from feigning interest in the cards.

Fortunately, the kids didn't seem to notice the somber mood of the adults as Sam and Jack toyed with their dinner. Jon was attacking the food with gusto, talking about the birthday party and what they'd done with their cousins. Forcing a smile, Sam nodded at appropriate places, but Jack could tell she was preoccupied with how to start a conversation she was dreading.

"So, we're going to go see Sean and his mom and dad tomorrow, right?" Jon asked, reaching for another slice of pizza.

Sam looked over at Jack, taking a deep breath then returned her gaze to her children. "Uh, no, it's going to be a few more days, but I think we'll go see them after that."

"Why do we gotta wait so long?" Jon whined..

Sam set down her half-eaten pizza, wiping her hands on a napkin. "I'm not quite sure how to tell you both this, so I guess I'm just going to have to just say it."

Jack started to rise, hoping to give Sam a little privacy, but she placed her hand on his arm, stopping him. "Please, Jack do you mind staying?"

"No! I just thought. . . ."

"It helps to know you're here," she said. Jack noticed she moved her hand back to her lap. He knew as well as she did that any overt signs of affection between them were inappropriate at this time.

"Kids, there was an accident today," Sam started, taking a deep breath. "Your dad was shot."

"Shot!" Jon cried. "Did someone try to rob us?"

"No. I was getting ready for us to take our trip, and when you're dad came home, we got into a fight."

Kelsey and Jon already looked scared, just at the mention of a fight between their parents.

"But you made up, right?" Jon asked.

"I tried to get him to stop yelling," Sam said, "but he was so angry he wouldn't listen to me."

"Like the time I left my bike in the driveway and Daddy ran over it?" Kelsey asked, her big blue eyes seeming even larger as tears threatened to spill.

"Yeah, Honey, like that, only he was much more upset with me."

"What were you guys fighting about?" Jon asked.

"Adult stuff. I don't think you'd understand. Anyway, your dad was yelling so loud, you could hear him outside. Jack was coming by to pick me up to take me to your Aunt's house. He heard how angry your dad was and he was afraid he was hurting me."

"Dad would never hurt you!" Jon cried.

"Well, I didn't know that," Jack said, trying to take a bit of the pressure off Sam. "When I got inside, I saw your mom wasn't hurt." He stopped there, letting Sam continue.

"Your dad was even more angry that Jack was there," Sam said, glancing over at Jack. "He had a gun and was telling Jack to get out.," she said, her voice just above a whisper.

"Dad was gonna kill Jack?" Jon exclaimed.

"I don't think he wanted to kill him, Jon. I think he just wanted to scare him." It wasn't exactly the truth, but close enough. Jack knew Sam was walking a fine line between defending his actions and not discrediting Jeff in his children's eyes.

"Jack was trying to talk to him, to get him to put down the gun and talk about why he was so mad."

Jack looked at the frozen features of the children before him, their eyes trained on their mother, waiting for her to continue.

Sam swallowed and began again. "Jack tried to get the gun away from your dad, but he didn't want to let go. They were fighting over it when it went off, and your dad was accidentally shot." Sam stopped to wipe the tears that started to flow, then added,

"He was bleeding a lot, and not breathing. Jack tried to help him, and for a while it worked. When the ambulance arrived, they got your dad breathing again, and I thought he was going to make it."

"What do you mean?" Jon asked, looking between his mother and Jack. "Isn't Dad in the hospital?"

"He, uh, he died on the way to the hospital," she whispered, tears running down her face. Sam dropped down to the floor, enveloping her children in tight hug. Jon allowed her to hold him for a moment before he pushed her away.

"No! I don't believe you! You're just saying this because you want to be with Jack! Dad isn't dead! He can't be dead!" Jon ran to where he'd tossed his jacket, grabbing it, he moved toward the door.

"I want to go home now! I want to see Dad!"

Sam got up and went over to him. "Jon, I told you the truth! I'm sorry, but denying it didn't happen isn't going to change things!"

Jon started to cry. "I don't believe you!" he said again, tears streaming down his face. "I want to go home! Please, Mom! I want to see my dad!"

Jack's heart nearly broke as he watched Sam try to pull Jon into her arms once more. He looked over at Kelsey who continued to sit on the floor, looking bewildered. It was obvious she didn't understand what was going on. Wondering if he had a right to intrude on Sam's family, he took a chance and approached the confused girl.

"I don't understand," Kelsey said, her bottom lip quivering and tears starting to slip from her eyes. Jack held out his arms and she allowed him to embrace her, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I sorta know what dead is," she said, sitting up to look at Jack. "I had a goldfish named Petey and he died. Daddy said he was with the other fishes in Heaven. Is my daddy in Heaven with Petey?" she asked, causing Jack's already thick throat to constrict even further.

"Yeah," was all he could manage.

"Daddy said it's like going to sleep and never coming back," she said, tears starting to flow in earnest now. "I don't want my daddy to go away!" she wailed.

"Oh, Kelsey, I didn't want your daddy to go away either. It was an accident. Do you know what that means?"

"When you do something but you can't help it?" she asked.

"Yeah, something like that. Kinda like when you left your bike out and your dad ran over it. I don't think you meant to leave it there, did you?"

"No, I sort of just forgot," Kelsey said, picking at the buttons on the front of Jack's shirt.

"This was kinda the same thing. I was trying to keep your dad from getting either of us hurt, but it didn't work."

Kelsey pushed away from him, and Jack let her down. He watched her cross to Sam and Jon and crawl onto her mother's lap. Jon had calmed down some, but he was still begging Sam to take them home. Part of him thought maybe it would be better for them to be in their own home, but then Jack thought about the state their house was in. He'd cleaned the stains off the floor as best he could, and cleaned up the glass from the shattered patio door, but the evidence was still more graphic than the kids needed to see. For the first time he thought of the fact that Sam's house was vulnerable with an unlockable entrance. He'd have to remedy it tomorrow.

"Jon!" Sam finally said firmly, "we aren't going to go home tonight! I don't think I could face. . . ." Sam hugged Kelsey closer.

Jon softened at the sight of his mother crying. "I'm sorry, Mom," he said wrapping his arms around his mother and sister.

Jack watched them for a moment, wishing there was some way he could add his own measure of comfort, but this was between the three of them. He also knew this relatively calm acceptance wasn't going to last. They were all in shock right now; the full impact of Jeff's death hadn't hit them yet.

Jack started to clean up the remains of their dinner, wondering if it was worth saving the rest. He was in the kitchen, tossing out disposable plates and cups when Sam walked in, carrying a bottle of soda. Jack peeked around the corner, noticing he couldn't see Kelsey or Jon from his location. He pulled Sam into his arms, stroking her hair.

"How're ya doin'?"

Sam held on for a few minutes before backing up slightly. "Okay, I guess. I wish I'd been able to explain things better."

"Sam, you did fine. There's no easy way to tell your kids their father isn't gonna be around anymore." Even he was finding it difficult to say Jeff had been shot and killed. The level of devotion the kids had toward Jeff left Jack feeling even more guilty for the way things had turned out that afternoon. Maybe some day, if he was lucky, Kelsey and Jon might direct a portion of that devotion toward him. But that day was a long way off, he knew, if indeed it would ever come. Jon was sure to have conflicting emotions, especially in light of the conversation they'd had in the park.

"I'm going to put the kids to bed. I know it's a little early, but they're tired, whether they'll admit it or not. Maybe things will look better for them in the morning," Sam said.

"Put them in my bed. I'll take the couch."

"I'm going to lay down with them. I don't think they should be alone right now."

"Good idea. If you need anything. . . ."

"Thanks, Jack," she said, leaving his arms, trailing her hand across his stomach as she passed him.

Jack braced himself against the counter, looking into the sink. If only there was some way to take this day back, he never would have broke into Sam and Jeff's house starting the chain of events he had. Sam was trying to keep him out of it, but there was no getting around the fact Jeff probably wouldn't have produced the gun if he hadn't shown up. Jeff might have hurt Sam, but could she be hurting any more if her pain had been physical rather than emotional?

*********

Sam settled Jon and Kelsey on either side of Jack's bed, crawling in between them. Jon had protested retiring so early, but when Sam explained she needed a hug, he stopped complaining and agreed to lay down.

Jon slipped under Sam's right arm, while Kelsey cuddled under her left.

"I know this has been horrible day," Sam said, reaching over to dim a lamp beside the bed. "But we'll get through this. We've got each other, right?"

"I want Daddy!" Kelsey wailed, burying her tear-stained face on Sam's shoulder.

"I know you do, Sweetie," Sam soothed, rubbing her hand against her daughter's back. Jon was trying to pretend he didn't want to be huddled up to her, but she could tell he was grateful for the closeness. It was such an awkward age for him. Too old to be coddled, yet too young to face his grief without some physical comfort from his mother.

"Are you and Jack gonna get married now?" Jon asked.

Sam was caught completely off guard. How was it Jon always seemed to ask the most awkward questions? Yes, they'd talked some about wanting to be together, and Jack had essentially proposed, but when the actual event would take place had never been discussed. Today's occurrence had certainly changed things. Would either of them feel comfortable bringing their relationship out into the open under these kinds of circumstances?

"I don't know, Honey," she answered honestly. "You know I care for Jack a lot, and he cares for me, but I can't think about that right now. Getting through the next few days is all that matters."

"Do you like Jack better than you like Dad?" Jon pressed.

Sam turned to look at him. "Jon, why do you keep asking me these questions? I liked your dad and I like Jack. I just like them differently." Sam guessed Jon was looking for someone to hold accountable for the reason his father was gone, and Jack was an easy target. Especially since he'd been the one struggling with Jeff when the gun went off. As much as she wanted to allay Jon's fears, Sam didn't want Jon to think of Jack as "the bad guy." When this nightmare was over, she still hoped, one day, they could be a family, and it wouldn't do to have Jon blaming Jack.

"You like your dad and Jack differently, don't you?" She was having a hell of a time with her tenses. Did she refer to Jeff in the past tense, or speak of him as if he was still here?

"Yeah, I guess that's why I asked. Sometimes I feel bad that I like Jack, and, well, I think maybe I'm the one who made dad get hurt." Jon grew quiet, silent tears slipping from his eyes.

"Jon, how on Earth could this be your fault?" Sam asked. Jon remained speechless, causing Sam to tip his chin up so she could see his face. He looked over at Kelsey, but she'd fallen asleep, exhausted.

Jon swallowed, obviously not wanting to tell his mother what he'd been thinking.

"Come, on, Honey. How many times have I told you you can tell me anything?"

"I know, but I've never done anything this bad!" he cried, wiping angrily at the tears that wouldn't stop coming.

"Please tell me," Sam said, rubbing his back.

Jon took a deep breath, hesitated a moment, then said. "When I was in the hospital, I used to imagine what it would have been like if Jack had been my dad. I mean I know he's my real dad and all, but if he'd always been around, like my dad was. I think someone got mad that there were times I wished Jack could be my dad. I think that's why dad got shot."

Sam disengaged her left arm from Kelsey, wrapping it around Jon, pulling him so tight, she was probably hurting him.

"Oh, Jon! There is no way you're responsible for this! It was an accident! And just because you thought about what it would have been like if Jack was your dad, doesn't mean you didn't love *your* dad!" Sam loosened her hold on him slightly, allowing Jon to move away from her just a bit. She brushed the bangs from his forehead, as she'd done since he was a baby, hoping the gesture would reassure him.

"But, Mom! What if dad knew I thought that?"

"Honey, your father knew how much you loved him, and he loved you, even when he had to share you with Jack."

"But that made him sad, didn't it? That he had to share me with Jack."

Sam drew in a breath and nodded. "Yeah, it made him a little sad," she said glossing over how upset it really *had* made Jeff. "But that was his problem, Honey. It had nothing to do with you. I know you're angry, and scared, but if we all stick together, we'll get through this. That means letting Jack help you too. He's still your friend and cares about you, so try not to shut him out, okay?"

"Okay," Jon said, yawning.

"Close your eyes," Sam whispered, and started to hum a song she used to sing to him when he was a baby. It was an Abydonian lullaby Daniel had taught her years ago. Even if she never got the words quite right, the tune was soothing, causing Jon to yawn once more.

"You used to sing that song to me when I was little," Jon said, sleepily, causing Sam to smile.

"Go to sleep," she said softly, waiting until he heard his breathing deepen to move him into a more comfortable position. She was tired herself, but she wanted to talk to Jack.

Sam walked out into the living room, spying Jack lying on the sofa. He too appeared to be asleep, but at the sound of her footsteps, he woke.

"Sam?" he asked, sitting up, "everything okay?"

Sam sat down next to him, laying her head down on his shoulder. "As okay as it can be, I guess. They're asleep, anyway."

Jack's arm wound around her, tracing a pattern up and down her arm. "How're you doin'?"

"Okay, I guess. I feel better when I'm with you."

Jack hugged her tighter. "Wanna sleep out here with me? I know there's not much room, but we could make do."

"It's tempting," she yawned, her own fatigue setting in now that some of the shock was beginning to wear off. "But I really should be there in case the kids wake up."

Jack nodded. "I understand. Stay for a little while, though?"

"You talked me into it," she smiled. They were silent for a while, then Sam said,

"Jon's got some crazy idea that he's the cause of this."

"Whoa! Wait a second, back up. How the hell is Jon responsible?"

"He thinks Jeff's death is some kind of punishment for thinking about what his life would have been like if you'd raised him."

"So he was daydreaming, thinking of the 'what ifs.' How does that make him responsible?"

"I suppose he felt guilty. You know he's felt pulled in two directions since he met you and found out you were his real father. I still hate that term, but 'biological father' sounds so cold, so impersonal, I don't like that one either."

"Sam, I know what you mean when you refer to Jeff as Jon's father. I know you're not trying to take anything away from me by calling him that."

"I'm really not, you know. I hope I convinced Jon caring about you in no way meant he didn't love his father, and not to turn his anger onto you. Frankly, I don't know how this is going to play out. Kelsey worries me too. I know she's young, and doesn't really understand what happened, but she was so attached to Jeff. And if Ellen has anything to say about it, she's never going to let her forget him. Not that it's bad, but it keeps her from moving on, too. Maybe I'm worrying over nothing, I don't know. I hate being this uncertain!"

"Sam! Give yourself a break! No one expects you to just pick up the pieces of your life, as if nothin' happened! This is gonna take some time, for all of us."

Sam looked up at him. "How are you dealing with all this? I mean in all the confusion, I never asked how you're doing."

Jack sighed. "I keep kicking myself for just charging in there like I was your 'savior' or somethin'. Maybe if I'd slowed down a little, Jeff wouldn't have felt the need to get the gun. I don't know. It all happened so fast, I don't know what I could have done different. I feel like I'm blaming Jeff for all this when it's just as much my fault. I keep wondering if I did everything I could to get the gun away from him without it going off." Jack shook his head. "I keep drawing a blank."

"I was there, Jack. I don't think there was anything different you could have done. So, take your own advice and 'don't beat yourself up.'"

Jack nodded. "Get the feeling we're always gonna have the odds against us?"

Sam turned her head on his shoulder, looking up into his face. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when we were at the SGC we had the regs to worry about. Then, through my stupidity, there was all this time and distance. I find you again, and then it's your marriage that's blocking our way to happiness. And now this. I sometimes wonder if we're ever gonna see more than just a light at the end of the tunnel."

"We'll get there, Jack. We've been through too much to let this stop us." she said, hugging him close.

"I love you," Jack whispered as he placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"I love you, too. I don't know how I would have made it through this day without you," she mumbled into his shoulder, yawning once more. "I should probably get some sleep," she said, pushing away from him.

"I wish you could stay with me tonight, but I understand."

Sam gave him a small smile, leaning over to kiss him good-night. How much longer would it be before she could wish him a good-night and not have to sleep in another bed?

*********

The next few days had put Sam and her kids through an emotional wringer. Jack had arranged for their patio door to be replaced, and insisted on cleaning up once more before Sam brought Jon and Kelsey home.

He watched the children as they entered the house, looking around as if it was the first time they'd seen it.

"It feels funny here without Dad," Jon said, walking over to the new glass door leading to the deck. "It's kind of like when he's at work, but different too."

Jack didn't know what to say, feeling very awkward standing in the living room where only two days before this nightmare began. Sam was pale as a ghost, swallowing as she looked around at her house.

Putting his arm around her shoulders, Jack noticed she was shaking. "You okay?" he asked, as the kids headed toward their rooms.

"Not really. Jack, I thought maybe I could stay here, that maybe the familiarity would be good for the kids, but I can't stay here. I could never sleep, knowing. . . ."

"I know," he said, pulling her into a hug. They stood, silent for a long moments then Jack asked, "How did the visitation go?"

"Horrible. I'm glad you took the kids; Ellen was so nasty to me. That is until friends and relatives were around. God, I never have to wonder where Jeff got his dual personality from! When she had an audience, she would hug me, keep saying 'poor Samantha, I don't know how she and the children are going to deal with this loss.' Then she'd tell everyone how I had the comfort and support of the family to help me get through. Ha! Some support! At least they were all civil to me. Cheryl was truly a life saver, though."

"Ellen didn't say anything about me having Jon and Kelsey?"

"Oh, to me she said plenty, but to her friends, she went on how she was so glad they didn't have to be there. I'll never understand the custom of viewing the body. If I had my way, this never would have happened and it'd be a closed-casket funeral. I remember when my mother died, sitting at the visitation having people come up to me, trying to offer words of comfort when there was nothing they could say. And the person lying there with caked-on make up wasn't my mother. She looked like some figure from a wax museum. I think the actual funeral was much easier to bear than sitting there next to that casket." Sam shook her head from the memory. "It wasn't any easier today."

Jack just held her tighter, remembering his own experiences with death and the rituals accompanying it.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but the kids aren't the only ones who miss Jeff. There's a part of me that's grieving for my loss of him as well."

"Oh, Sam," Jack sighed, kissing her temple. "Of course I understand! Just because you didn't want to stay married to him doesn't mean you don't still have feelings for him! Hell, I'd be worried if you *didn't* miss him on some level! You had some good years together, even if lately things have been bad. He gave you Kelsey, that in itself is reason enough to mourn him."

Sam punched him lightly in the arm. "You're not supposed to be so damn understanding, you know."

"I'm not?"

"No, you're making it pretty hard for me not to love you even more," she said, raising her face to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

Jack smiled and gave her a quick kiss back. "Damn, onto my plan already! So, ya ready to pack up this show?"

"The sooner I'm out of this house, the better," she said.

Jack watched Sam walk to the back of her house, in search of her children. He hadn't wanted to dwell on the point, but being here gave him the creeps too. He was glad they were heading to Canada after the funeral.

Daniel and Janet were insistent on coming for the service, but after talking to both him and Sam, they relented and agreed to wait for Sam, Jack and the kids to join them in Toronto. Jack couldn't see the sense of trying them trying to arrange their schedules, as well as pack up their kids for what he saw as a wasted trip. The point was to lend support to Sam, Jon and Kelsey, and they would be doing that anyway, by opening their home to them. Jack assured Janet he was doing all he could for Sam, and although her presence would have been a comfort, nothing would make tomorrow's events any easier.

*********

Jack was up early the day of the funeral, anxious to have this day over for several reasons. Not only would it mean getting away and spending some much needed re-acquainting time with the Jackson's, it might put some closure on this episode for Sam, Kelsey and Jon.

He wasn't kidding himself that the next few months were going to be easy. In fact, they were probably going to be some of the most difficult he'd lived through, considering emotional issues weren't his forte. He'd come too far to give up now. He wanted a life with Sam, and the kids, and it was worth any hardships that were sure to come.

"And the first hardship is to try to make some breakfast," he muttered to himself, measuring coffee into a filter.

"Talking to yourself, now?" Sam asked with a yawn. "I hope I haven't committed myself to the wrong man again," she smiled.

"I guess that depends on your definition of 'wrong,'" he grinned back at her, starting the coffee. "Feel like something to eat?"

Sam slipped her arms around his waist, giving him a kiss. "Not really, but the kids should eat something."

"The kids aren't the only ones," Jack gently reminded her. "You're going to need something to help you make it through today."

"I've got you," she said, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Food," he said. "No argument."

"Gee, just when I thought it was going to be really nice waking up to you," she grumbled, "you go and turn all 'mother hen' on me."

"What are you going to tell you're kids when they get up?"

"That they should eat something."

"I rest my case."

"And a nice case it is, too," she said, giving his butt a squeeze.

Jack was a little surprised she was flirting and teasing him, especially considering what was taking place in a few hours, but then maybe that *was* the reason. He knew Sam was dreading facing relatives and well-wishers as much as she had yesterday. Perhaps this was her way of distracting herself from the reality of the day. If that was case, he was more than willing to keep the mood light.

They stood in the kitchen, simply holding each other until Jack heard the scuffling of feet and a tired, "mommy?" Springing apart like guilty teenagers, Jack released Sam, grateful it was Kelsey and not Jon. So far she hadn't seemed to mind Jack hugging Sam, not like Jon did. It was ironic in a way. Jon was his child, and yet it was Jeff's offspring who was more accepting of his relationship with Sam.

Kelsey stood in the doorway of the kitchen, rubbing her eyes. "Are you making pancakes?" she asked.

"Well, I don't know if Jack wants to . . ." Sam started.

"Sure, we can have pancakes if you like," Jack chimed in. "That gonna be okay with Jon, too?"

"I'll go see!" Kelsey said, running back toward the bedroom.

"God, I wish I had her energy," Jack sighed, turning to the cupboards, hoping after he promised pancakes, he had the ingredients to make them.

It wasn't long before Jon joined them. He was sullen, barely speaking as he picked at his meal. That in itself caused Jack concern. Although he wasn't well-versed in Jon's eating habits, he'd never known him to just toy with his food. He almost always had an appetite.

Jon was taking Jeff's death hard, but Jack supposed that was to be expected. Kelsey, he figured to be the most upset, but then, being older, Jon had more comprehension of what death truly meant. Jack wished there was something he could do to help them through their grief, but he knew other than listening, there wasn't much he could offer.

The trip to the church was silent, even Jon and Kelsey had called an unofficial truce. Jack looked over at Sam, giving her a warm smile, assuring her as best he could.

"I'm gonna wait out here," he said, upon their arrival.

"That's probably a good idea," she said, her voice already raw with unshed tears. "I wish you didn't have to."

"I know. It's okay."

Jack helped Kelsey out, then watched as Sam wound her arms around the shoulders of her children, leading them into the church.

Leaning on the door of his car, Jack noticed Mike and Cheryl approaching the entrance. As expected, Mike completely ignored him, but Cheryl managed to give him a nod and a weak smile. Jack returned the gesture, knowing she would have said something to him had Mike not been there.

The rest of the family were probably already inside, Jack surmised, as the other people entering the building were people he'd never met. Clients and friends no doubt. At least they weren't staring at him, accusingly. They did give him curious looks, though. Probably wondering why he was loitering outside instead of going in.

Jack sighed and opened the passenger door, reaching for his cell phone. Sitting sideways on the seat, he dialed Daniel's number. After the third ring, a child answered,

"Hi, this is Jack," he spoke into the phone. "Is your dad there?" There was a shuffling noise, then a clunk as the phone dropped. In the distance he heard the child calling, "Daddy!" causing a grin to break out on his face. He could just imagine Daniel being shaken out of some reverie as his kid pulled on his sleeve to get his attention.

Before Jack could really get impatient, Daniel picked up the phone.

"Took ya long enough," Jack smirked.

"Well, I was in the middle of this really fascinating. . .Jack?"

"Yeah, who'd ya think it was?"

"One of my student's I guess."

Jack heard Daniel turn to the child and say, "That's okay, Kendra, I've got it now. Sorry about that. She's at an age where the phone really intrigues her. So, what's up? Don't tell me you guys are canceling *again!*"

"Naw, nothin' like that. I'm outside the church right now, just thought I'd let you guys know what's goin' on."

"Everyone holding up all right? You know Janet and I really wanted. . . "

"I know, Daniel, but it would have been a wasted trip. Sam's gonna need your support just as much when we get there."

"How's she doing?" Daniel asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Good, considerin'."

"And the kids?"

"Well, I don't think it's really sunk in yet. Jon's been pretty upset, but I guess he's got a little more idea what this is about. Kelsey just keeps saying she wants to see Jeff. I hope when she does, it doesn't freak her out too much. I suppose this is necessary on some level, but it just doesn't seem right that your last memory of a person is seeing them lying in a casket like that."

Jack knew what he was talking about. He hadn't told Sam, but in reality he was grateful he wasn't welcome at the service. All he thought about last night was the horror Charlie's funeral had been. And they still had to face the cemetery yet.

"Some time away should be good for you all," Daniel said.

"That's what we're hoping. So, Space Monkey, you're not planin' on messing with your research the whole time we're there are ya?"

Daniel's laughter drifted from the phone. "What?" Jack asked.

"Do you know how long it's been since I heard 'Space Monkey?'"

"Probably the last time ya saw me," Jack grinned.

"It's going to be really great to see you again, Jack," Daniel said, his voice suddenly serious.

"Yeah, same here," Jack replied. "I just wish we'd made it up there before all hell broke loose."

"Things happen for a reason, you know," Daniel said.

"Don't be goin' all Zen on me, Danny," Jack warned.

"Well, it's not Zen, exactly, more. . ."

"Ah!" Jack cut him off. "Save the lecture for Sam, okay? Look, I should go here. Our flight gets in around 1700 hours, you still gonna pick us up?"

"Still the game plan. See you soon."

"Bye, Daniel."

Jack clicked off the phone, placing it back on the console between seats. There really had been no reason to call him other than to pass the time, after all, he was going to see Daniel in a few hours. It was just that he needed to hear an understanding voice. Sure he had Sam, but she could divide her attention in only so many directions. Besides, he was supposed to be her support. Talking to Daniel for a few minutes helped him forget where he was, and the weight resting on his shoulders. Truth be told, he needed this reunion with the Jackson's just as much as Sam did.

***

Once again Jack found himself on the outside of the proceedings as Jeff was laid to rest in the cemetery. *"Laid to rest," what an odd euphemism,* Jack thought as he twirled a stem of grass between his fingers. He'd gone from patiently leaning against his car to pacing, waiting for this last ritual to end. Even at his distance from the gravesite, Jack could see Sam wiping her eyes, and Jon and Kelsey clinging to her, weeping as well. He suspected part of Kelsey's tears were in response to the other crying adults, but Jon's occasional swipes at his eyes were genuine.

Jack watched the casket being lowered into the ground and felt his blood turn cold. All he could think of was Charlie and how inconsolable Sara had been. How little help he'd been to her, both so wrapped up in hurt and blame they couldn't even touch each other to share their grief.

Jack looked up, hearing a keening wail as Darrell literally dragged Ellen away from the grave. He didn't like the woman, but he could certainly understand her pain at the loss of her child.

Sam walked across the manicured lawn of the cemetery, carrying Kelsey on her right hip, her left arm wrapped around Jon's sagging shoulders. Jack could wait no longer. Moving forward, he met them half-way.

"Are you okay?" he asked Sam, taking Kelsey. Sam looked as though she was about to drop, the toll of this day sapping her energy.

"I will be," she smiled gratefully at him. "Let's just go. I want to see Janet."

Jack knelt down by Jon. "Ya doin' okay, Sport?"

"I guess," he said, wiping at his eyes once more.

Jack ran his hand over the boy's head, but remembered to smooth the hair back into place. "I agree with your mom; it's time to go."

As they turned to leave, Jack heard Ellen calling out to him.

"You're like the proverbial bad penny, aren't you Mr. O'Neill? Always turning up in the most unwanted places."

Jack set Kelsey on the ground. "Sam, why don't you take the kids and meet me at the car."

"This concerns her as well," Ellen said, giving Sam an icy stare.

"Jon, take your sister back to the car. We'll just be a minute," Sam said, giving her son a smile. Jon simply nodded, no doubt so preoccupied with the day's events, he didn't see the hatred with which his grandmother glared at his mother and Jack.

They'd barely left when Ellen turned on Sam.

"Well, you certainly got what you wanted!"

"Ellen, how could you possibly think this is what I wanted?" Sam said.

"You have your lover, Jeff's business and property, I'd say things worked out exactly as you planned."

"Planned?! Ellen, we've been over this so many times, I'm not even going to dignify your accusations with an answer!" Sam turned, taking Jack by the arm when Ellen's next words stopped them both.

"That's always the military way, isn't it? Give you a statement, but no explanation. You're just supposed to accept it and move on. I knew of your 'career' before you married Jeff. I begged him not to marry you, that it would only lead to trouble, but he wouldn't listen. He was so in love with you, kept saying how you were different, how you'd been disappointed by the military too, and it would make up for all the hurt in the past. He was always blind when it came to you. I think it was the very fact you *were* military that drew him in. Like a moth to a flame."

Jack turned around, facing Ellen. He'd had it. All the ambiguous references to the military, how the different organizations were blamed for every misfortune in this family.

"What the *hell* does Sam's being in the Air Force have to do with *anything?* You and your family have been treating her like an outcast ever since she admitted it. What *is* it with you people, anyway?"

Darrell's arm wrapped around Ellen's shoulders as he calmly answered, "I don't suppose Jeff ever mentioned David?"

"David?" Sam echoed, looking as if she were trying to place the name. "I know he wanted to call Jon, David, but other than that, no."

"David was our son," Darrell said, his voice still neutral.

"You don't owe them any explanations!" Ellen hissed.

"No, but you know as well as I do, Jeff had more 'issues' with David's death than Mike or Cindy. You saw how it was affecting him. You just didn't want to acknowledge it."

"You had another son?" Sam asked, clearly shocked at the revelation.

"Our oldest," Darrell continued. "He joined the Army, straight out of high school. He said he wanted to earn money for college, but it wasn't necessary. We would have helped him with school. He was enamored with the adventure of it all. He was going to go to different countries, see the world, or so he thought. Turns out he got stationed in Georgia, and hated it. We knew he'd fallen in with some bad people just by his change of attitude when we'd see him, but he was always what I'd call his 'old self' when he was with Jeff. Jeff was five when David signed up, and worshipped the ground David walked on.

"Any how, David's commitment was almost up when we received word he'd been killed by 'friendly fire.'" Ellen looked away, refusing to even gaze in the same direction as Sam and Jack.

"I'm sorry," Jack said, glancing over at Sam who'd lowered her head.

"I never knew," she said, raising her head to look at Ellen. "I'm sorry."

"You think I give a damn about your sympathies? One of my sons wasn't enough for you to take? You had to kill another of my children? How much more does this family have to pay?"

If it was possible, Jack was even more confused.

"We tried to find out what happened," Darrell resumed his tale, "but everywhere we turned, all we got was, 'it was an unfortunate accident,' and they left it at that. So we tried going higher up. All we'd been told was it was training exercises and there was no investigation beyond the initial inquiry. They couldn't or wouldn't tell us a thing. Naturally, we didn't let it drop, until one day, two officers knocked on our door. They told us David had been involved in drug trafficking and if we stopped trying to stir up trouble, his record would reflect he'd died honorably, an unfortunate victim of friendly fire as we'd been told. But if we continued to insist on an investigation, more than just David's record was in jeopardy. They made it perfectly clear my family was being threatened as well."

"But they couldn't do that!" Sam exclaimed. "You should have gone to their commanding officers, told them how they'd threatened you!"

Darrell sighed. "I had no idea how high up this went! Besides, I'd just lost one son, I wasn't about to have any more of my family fall victim to an 'accident.' So, we just let it drop. As far as we know they were never caught. The thing is, I know David. He might have been a little wild, but basically he was a good kid. He wouldn't get mixed up in selling drugs. We think he was probably going to inform his superiors about the soldiers who *were* involved in the sale of drugs, and the rest got nervous, so they murdered him, under the guise of friendly fire. But we could never prove it."

Jack looked over at Sam, then back at the Greenfields. "I truly am sorry about your son. I wish I could say this sort of thing doesn't happen in the military, that they're more honorable than that, but the truth is, they're not. There's opportunists everywhere, even in the service where you'd like to think 'honor' still has some meaning."

Sam drew Ellen's attention back to her. "So what you're telling me is the reason you've had this animosity toward me since I've known you is just because I happen to be peripherally associated with the group that killed your son? I probably wasn't even enlisted when this happened!"

"My dear," Ellen sneered, "you're being in the Air Force stirred up more than just bad memories for my family. Especially for Jeff."

"Then tell me! What the hell did I do?"

"It wasn't so much what you did, as what you represented," Darrell said. "As I told you, David and Jeff were very close, Jeff's attachment to him bordered on obsessive."

Again Jack exchanged looks with Sam. *Well, he sure got an early start on the obsessive thing,* Jack thought to himself before he refocused on Darrell's explanation.

"David promised that the next time he came home it was going to be for good, and Jeff couldn't wait. Every day he'd ask if that was the day David was coming home. To tell the truth, he got a little annoying."

*Only a little?* Jack thought irreverently.

"The news of David's death was devastating to him. We even took Jeff to a psychologist for awhile."

"Darrell," Ellen admonished. "Is it *really* necessary to bring all that up, especially in front of a . . .stranger?"

Darrell ignored his wife's plea. "Sam, when he met you, he kept going on and on about how you were the best thing for him, how you distrusted the military, and with you, he'd finally be able to accept what had happened to David. Personally, I think he was grasping at straws. I never realized how much he was still hurting over David's death. He seemed to have moved on so successfully. He had his own business, things were really looking up for him. I was surprised when he was happy you'd been in the Air Force, almost as if that's what drew him to you."

Sam shook her head. "Kind of ironic, don't you think? He wanted to marry me because of my service record, and yet it's what drove us apart."

"I think that day at the party he finally realized you weren't the 'cure all' he thought you'd be. Don't get me wrong, Jeff did love you, but instead of helping him over his grief, you were a constant reminder of what he'd lost." Darrell looked over at Ellen, who's eyes were closed, as if shutting out her husband's confession.

"Then Jon got sick. I think he saw it as an opportunity at a second chance until Jack showed up."

Jack felt himself tense. *Here it comes,* he thought.

"Just the idea of Jack was bad enough, being Jon's real father and all. But the fact that he too was former military was the final straw. You were drawn to him, Sam. Maybe you'd never really gotten over him or you found something new together, I don't know, and it's not my place to comment on it. I do know that Jeff was threatened by it. What man wouldn't be? Jeff just saw it that once again the military was taking what he loved away from him. I'd tried talking to him about it, but he wouldn't listen. All he could see was some faceless organization was taking from him again. I should have realized how unstable he was," Darrell said, looking down at the ground, "but I didn't want to face the fact my son had emotional problems. I never wanted to see it, I guess. So, I guess I'm just as much at fault as anyone."

"Darrell! How can you say that? There's the man who shot our son!" Ellen cried, pointing an accusing finger at Jack.

"Ellen, we've both been in denial about Jeff, and you know it. Why else have you tried so hard to protect him all these years? Neither one of us wanted to face the fact he had problems. If we hadn't stuck our heads in the sand, maybe this wouldn't have happened."

"It was an accident," Sam said, looking at both her in-laws. "Looking back we can all find instances where we should have done something differently," she turned to look at Jack. He knew she was trying to assuage his own guilt, as she tried to ease Ellen and Darrell's "I too keep wishing I could have done something more. The truth is, we did all we could. All of us."

Some of the tension between them had been resolved with Darrell's revelation, but no one was comfortable by any means. Jack coughed. "Sam, we should probably get going. The kids. . . ."

Sam nodded. "We're going to Canada to see our friends for a week or two," she informed the Greenfields. Turning to walk away, Jack heard Darrell call to Sam,

"Call us when you get back?"

Sam smiled, nodding her gratitude at the chance for reconciliation Darrell was offering her.

Heading toward the car, Jack took Sam's hand, weaving his fingers through hers. He smiled to himself; things were going to be okay.

*********

EPILOGUE--18 months later

Sam sat down on a snow bank, placing a thermos of hot chocolate and a stack of cups at her feet as she watched Jack and Jon skating on the cleared ice of the small lake. Kelsey sat down next to her, offering her foot to her mother.

"Kelsey, if you're going to learn to skate, then you need to learn to tighten your own laces," Sam said, performing the service anyway.

"I can't get them tight like you can," she said, pulling her mittens back on.

"There, all set," she said, helping her daughter to stand. "I think you should wait for Jon or Jack to give you a hand," Sam cautioned, but Kelsey wouldn't wait. She started out onto the smooth surface, flailing her arms and promptly landing on her butt. Sam tried not to laugh, but the scene was just too comical. Crossing the ice in her more stable boots, Sam helped Kelsey up as she heard Jon cry,

"Dad! Come on! I want a turn!"

Looking over at Jack, Sam could see he was showing off, skating around Jon, working his hockey stick so the puck stayed just out of Jon's reach. It still sent a tingle down her spine when Jon called Jack "dad." It hadn't happened right away, of course, and the first time he'd said it, Jon seemed almost embarrassed. Kelsey, not one to be left out of anything, insisted on calling him dad as well, and since that day, the only time they ever referred to him as "Jack" was when they were at their grandparents.

Relations with the Greenfields had never progressed much past the civil stage, but at least there was no open hostilities. In some respects, Sam felt better about her relationship with Ellen now, than when Jeff had been alive. At least she knew she was getting genuine emotions from Ellen, not what proper society expected of her. Cheryl remained a friend, and even after Sam and Jack were married, they were welcome in her home.

That small amount of normalcy seemed to have an enormous effect on Jon and Kelsey, helping them accept what had happened. Their father was gone, but their mother, grandparent, aunts, uncles and cousins were still there, as they'd always been. It was one of the motivating factors in Sam and Jack's decision to remain in Edina instead of moving to back to Colorado Springs. Sam knew Jack was homesick for the mountains, but he told her they could visit. So, Jack sold his house in Colorado, and they bought a house on the fringes of Edina. Far enough from the Greenfields, but still close enough that Jon wouldn't have to change schools. After all he'd been through that summer, the last thing Sam and Jack wanted was to saddle him with a new school.

Their wedding wasn't exactly a fairy tale, but it suited them. Jack teased Sam about wanting to marry her in the desert, amid sand and ruins, where their love had first been consummated. She might be sentimental, she'd argued, but trying to shake sand out of her underwear for a week wasn't her idea of romance. In the end, they settled for an outdoor wedding at Daniel and Janet's. All the kids were involved, and Jacob managed to get away from the Tok'ra long enough to attend the ceremony. Teal'c was absent, as no one was quite sure where he was these days or what he was up to. Sam had a feeling Jacob knew, but for some reason felt he couldn't tell the remainder of the ex-SG-1 what he was doing. Even Hammond was there. Sam hadn't realized how much she'd missed him over the years until she saw him standing in the Jackson's yard. She had to admit she'd been feeling a little apprehensive about marrying her former C.O. in front of her former General. Hammond had put her fears to rest when he'd hugged her and said, "Well, it's about damn time!"

Jack skated over to Sam, positioning the blades of his skates parallel, showering her with ice-dust as he came to a halt in front of her, grinning.

"Jack! You're going to get me all wet!" she cried, pretending to be angry as she brushed the ice crystals from her coat.

"That's later," he whispered suggestively in her ear, before giving her a kiss on the cheek. They watched as Kelsey tried unsuccessfully to get to her feet once more.

"Jon!" Jack called out to him, stabbing his hockey stick into the snow bank. "Give your sister a hand, okay?"

"Aw, Dad! I just got the hang of this!" Jon cried, dancing the puck around from one side of his stick to the other. "See?"

"Hey! That's pretty good, Sport! I'm impressed!"

Jon gave the puck a soft slap shot, sending the disk toward Jack's feet before showing off, skating backwards over to his sister.

"I don't have to wonder where he gets his modesty from," Sam teased, jabbing her elbow into Jack's ribs. Jack moved his arm around Sam, and she lay her head on his shoulder.

"Cold?" he asked.

"A little, but not bad. It's a gorgeous day,"

"Ya, sure, ya betcha!"

Sam turned to look at Jack. I think half the reason you like coming up here is so you can talk like the natives for a week and not feel silly."

"On to me already, huh?" he smiled.

"Seriously," Sam said, "coming to your cabin was a great idea. The kids needed to get away as much as we did."

"Hey! What's this 'we' stuff? *I'm* not the one working twelve to fourteen hours a day! I'm a 'man of leisure.'"

"And you love telling everyone I'm the one working, don't you?"

"Damn straight! The women down at the grocery store call me a 'kept man.'"

"Well, just you remember it's me that's keeping you!"

Jack kissed the top of her head. "As if I could ever forget." Jack picked up Sam's left hand, playing with the diamond and band on her finger. "Six months today," he said, smiling at her.

"Took us long enough, huh?" she said, settling back on his shoulder once more. "You know, until you were kissing me at the end of the ceremony, I was sure something was going to happen to keep us apart."

"Like what? The heavens opening up and being struck by lightning?"

"No, nothing quite that dramatic, but something. One of the kids objecting at the last minute. Daniel having a heart attack because we finally said 'I do,'" she smiled.

"Well, I was waiting to get struck by lightning," he said. "It's about the only thing that *hasn't* happened to me!"

"It's just too bad we had to wait so long," she sighed.

"'Good things come to those who wait?'" he offered.

"Happiness is a warm puppy?"

"The only good cliché is a dead cliché?"

Sam held up her hands in defeat. "Okay! All right! I give up! Your the master!" she said, bowing her head. When she looked up again, Jack's eyes were boring into hers, dark with desire. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Sam pushed him back into the snow bank, kissing him deeply.

"Happy anniversary," she whispered before capturing his lips again. Before she could get lost in the moment, Sam heard Kelsey giggle and Jon sigh.

"Oh, man! Do you guys always have to do that?"

Jack sat up, bringing Sam with him. "Yes, as a matter of fact, we do. We're newlyweds, remember?"

"Yeah, but you're *old!*" Jon protested.

"Oh, yeah? Think so, do ya?"

Before Jon could answer, Jack was back on his feet, chasing after the boy, gaining on him, even though Jon had a head start. Jack swept Jon off his feet, swinging him around, tickling him unmercifully.

"Dad! Stop!" Jon managed to cry in-between bouts of laughter and gasping for breath.

"So, ya gonna give? Am I too old?"

"N. . .No!"

"All right! That's better!" Jack said, setting him on the ice once more. "Come on. Your mom's got some hot chocolate," he said, skating back toward Sam and Kelsey.

"What am I going to do with you?" Sam asked, shaking her head at Jack. "I can't believe I leave my children in your custody while I'm at work!"

"Oh, he's much worse when you're working," Jon said, giving Jack a jab to the stomach.

"Paybacks, Sport! Ya know what they say!"

"If you two are *about* through. . . ." Sam said. The exasperation in her voice was put on only for their benefit. "Kelsey and I were going to have some hot chocolate. Would you like some?"

Jack gave her his best contrite look, causing her to smile, shaking her head again. Sometimes it was almost as if she and Jack hadn't missed those ten years. As if they'd been together forever, and her life with Jeff had been a dream.

Sam passed out cups of cocoa and Jack held his up in a toast. "Here's to not only seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but clearing the entrance as well."

Sam's eyes met Jack's. It might be another cliché, but she had to admit, some things were worth the wait.

The End

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