~56~

Jack took a seat at the table in the briefing room, noting Sam had chosen a seat across the table from him, probably for the same reason he hadn't sat next to her in the commissary. Not only had he wanted to appear more professional, he wasn't sure he could avoid touching her if they sat next to each other. If he was having this much trouble staying focused, what must it be like for her struggling with enhanced desires? It seemed all the more imperative they listen to what Anise had to say. As much as he cherished the memory of Sam in his bed, he needed her with him on a daily basis. If the key to that was working with Anise, then so be it. Just so long as she didn't get them all killed.

Jack noticed with some irritation the Tok'ra in question had taken a seat next to him. *I thought the snake liked Daniel,* he thought sourly. Looking up, he met Sam's narrowed gaze and knew she wasn't any happier with the seating arrangements than he was.

Once General Hammond had taken his seat, the meeting came to order. "Perhaps you should start with why you're here with us today," he prompted.

"You asked for the Tok'ra's assistance," Anise said, looking around the room as if they'd lost their minds.

"I think what General Hammond means is why you and not my father or Aldwin," Sam clarified.

"As I mentioned earlier, Selmac and Aldwin are on extremely sensitive missions. Any communication from us could jeopardize their safety."

Sam looked up, glancing from Hammond to Jack. "I'm sure they're fine, Carter," he automatically reassured her, wondering if anyone else noticed how quickly he tried to calm her fears.

"So you were all that was left?" Daniel asked.

"The only one qualified, yes."

"By qualified, you mean. . . ." Daniel pressed.

"Experienced with working with the Tau'ri, of course."

Jack exchanged a glance with Daniel. There was more to it than that and he sensed Daniel had picked up on it as well.

"That's understandable," Gregg said, grinning from ear to ear at Anise.

Jack fought the urge slap his hand against his forehead. The kid had a crush on her? Perhaps he'd have to have a little chat with the good captain after the meeting!

"Anise," Hammond said, bringing the meeting back on-topic, "are you aware what our bid for assistance involves?"

"From what Jacob and Aldwin told me when they returned a few of your weeks ago, they stated Major Carter had been held captive by Eros and Psyche. By using an altered memory recall device, Psyche implanted memories of the major being married to Colonel O'Neill."

Jack winced at her description. Why was it everyone had to drive home the point Carter thought she was his wife? If she wasn't married or engaged to him in alternate realities, she was manipulated into thinking she was here. Not that it was an unpleasant thought, but how much harder did the situation between them have to be? Reminded at every turn they couldn't be together on a permanent basis?

"They were looking for information to Earth's defenses," Jack said. "They were using the false images to get her to open up, to trust them."

"And a life where she was married to you was the method they chose to gain that trust," Anise stated to no one in particular.

"Apparently," Jack mumbled, his gaze focused on the table.

"I'm afraid I don't see what I or any of the Tok'ra can do. Major Carter appears to be fine."

"We believe MajorCarter has been given at least one dose of Eros' Elixir," Teal'c informed her.

That seemed to catch Anise's attention. "I see. And you've been experiencing some of the side effects?" she asked, looking at Sam.

"Yes," she answered, avoiding looking directly at her.

"Major Carter, it would be helpful if I knew what these side effects were."

"Um, well. . ."

"Let's just say she's had some trouble distinguishing what was real and what was implanted by the Goa'ulds," Jack jumped in, realizing Sam didn't want to tell a room full of people the extent she'd been affected.

"I see," Anise repeated. "I do not know how I can be of assistance. Eros' Elixir is similar in some ways to the Goa'uld drug *nish'ta* but the effects cannot be reversed by an electrical shock."

"I thought once a person was cured of the*nish'ta* they were immune," Daniel said.

"As I stated, the Elixir is similar in that it makes the mind most pliable, but I do not know of a remedy."

"Great," Jack said, twirling a pen through his fingers.

"Colonel O'Neill, I don't expect you contacted the Tok'ra in the hopes we would have a cure. Otherwise you would have not asked for Jacob and Aldwin," Anise said. "So why do you sound disappointed when I don't have an antidote?"

Jack looked up, noticing everyone was watching him. "I guess I was hoping there was an easier way around this, but I guess we couldn't be that lucky."

"Perhaps if I had a sample to work with, I might be able to find a way to reverse it's affects."

"Doctor Fraiser hasn't been able to dectect anything abnormal in Major Carter's blood work," Hammond told her.

"If I saw her test results, maybe I could find something your doctors could not."

"You kinda cover a lot of bases for an archeologist, don't ya?" Jack pointed out.

"Colonel, perhaps the Tau'ri have a single focus in their work, but I assure you, I do not have such limitations."

Feeling properly chastised, Jack leaned back in his chair, noting the smirk Harrison was trying to wipe from his face. Yup, that kid and Anise would definitely spell trouble.

Hammond cleared his throat. "I'll talk to Doctor Fraiser about getting you a copy of the major's test results. In the mean time, Captain Harrison? Perhaps you could show our guest to the VIP quarters?"

"Yes, sir!" he answered enthusiastically. Jack just shook his head. If Hammond wanted to suck up to Anise by providing her with a boy toy she could *lo machete*--or whatever it was she called it--who was he to argue?

~57~

Early the next morning, Sam received a call along with the rest of SG-1and Janet to the briefing room. Again she found herself sitting across from Jack as Anise had already taken up residence at his side. Not that it would be a good idea for her to sit next to him, but it really irked her Anise was acting so familiar with Jack.

She tried to tell herself it was the drug, that she wasn't ready rip Anise's hair out simply because she was behaving a little too friendly with a member of her team. Harrison seemed to have hit it off with her and she didn't feel protective of him. From the time she'd met Anise, Sam knew she or the host Freya was attracted to Jack. So why now did she feel the need to watch and assess every move either she or Jack made? After the night they'd spent together, did she really think he'd take Freya up on what she seemed to be offering? It had to be the drug, right?

"Good, I see you're all here," Hammond said as he took his customary seat at the head of the table. "Anise, you called this meeting, why don't you start us off."

"I've looked over Major Carter's test results, thanks to Dr. Fraiser," she said nodding to the woman on Sam's left, "and I have to agree there doesn't seem to be enough of the drug in her system to get an accurate sample."

Sam looked over at Janet who was fighting an urge to give the Tok'ra a smug smile. Janet's opinion of Anise was about as high as Sam's, and she wasn't afraid to let her know it. Of course she wasn't the one directly looking to her for help. Sam fought a grin of her own knowing the moment she and Janet were alone Anise would be the recipient of some not-so-charitable observations. Starting with her wardrobe and ending with the way she was sitting so close to Jack she'd almost have to be surgically removed.

Refocusing, Sam caught the last of Anise's speech. "That's not to say the major isn't suffering from the effects of the potion. I wish there was something I could do to help." She almost sounded sincere, Sam thought.

"There might be," Hammond said. "Colonel O'Neill and his team feel if they can talk to Eros, he might be willing to undo what's been done to the major."

Anise was nodding her head, then volunteered her own opinion. "I believe the best way would be for one person to gain his trust, preferably female."

"You're suggesting yourself," Sam said.

"Yes. If I could become his assistant, much like Psyche was, I believe I could learn his secrets and create an antidote for Major Carter."

"Eros trusts no one," Teal'c commented. "I doubt even Psyche knew how to make the potion of which you speak. I highly doubt he would reveal his secrets to you."

"Look," Jack said, holding up his hands, "I know the Tok'ra way is a little more 'subtle' than ours. Infiltration seems to be the only way you guys know how to fight, but we're on a little shorter time schedule here. We can't wait for a year or more for you to *maybe* find a cure for Carter. I need her back as my 2IC."

"Colonel, while I appreciate the fact you need Major Carter, I don't think threatening Eros is the best way to achieve your goals."

Sam looked up at Anise's statement. Was there a double meaning to her words? Did she know how strong her bond with Jack was?

"This is why I wanted Jacob," Jack sighed, pushing away the yellow legal pad that lay before him. "He understands the urgency of this situation!"

"Because he is from the Tau'ri or because he his Major Carter's father?" Anise challenged.

"Maybe both! All I know is he didn't talk about working his way into Eros' good graces as a means to rescue Sam!"

"Sometimes a little patience is the best course of action."

"But this isn't one of those times! Are you going to help us or not? Because if you're not, this is a waste of everyone's time!"

"Colonel," Hammond warned.

"What? I might offend her? Look, Anise, I'm sorry this didn't work out. Maybe you can at least do us a favor and let Jacob know what's going on? When it fits into your schedule of course." Jack started to rise when Anise placed her hand on Jack's arm.

"I, too am sorry if Anise has offended," the voice came softer. Obviously Freya had been delegated the responsibility of placating the Tau'ri again. "Perhaps if you explained your plan to myself and Anise we could come to some sort of agreement."

Jack flashed Hammond a contrite look, retaking his seat. "I guess I don't have much of a plan," he admitted. Looking around the table he added, "basically all we had was getting a ship and finding Eros. After that we were going to have to play it by ear."

"'Play it by ear?'" Freya questioned.

"Um, it's an Earth phrase," Daniel interjected. "It means we really don't have a plan."

Jack gave him a sharp look as Sam glanced at Janet, trying not to laugh.

"What about a compromise?" Harrison spoke up. He seemed a little flustered when he had everyone's attention, but continued. "I agree we need a ship. If Anise can get one, I'm sure Teal'c and I can fly it."

Jack's eyebrows rose. "You can fly a Teltac?"

"Well, not by myself, but I think I've got the basics down. Aldwin showed me a lot about the ship's operations the last time."

Jack looked impressed. "Sweet."

"How is this a compromise CaptainHarrison?" Teal'c asked.

"We still don't have a way to contact Eros where he won't blow us out of the sky before we have a chance to offer him our deal." Pausing to take a breath, he added, "I think Anise could be our foot in the door. She can transport to his ship with an offer of assistance, maybe telling Eros she needs Psyche's notes because she wants to know how the memory recall device was altered. While she's making nice with him, we arrive, secure the ship and tell him what the *real* plan is."

"Rescuing Psyche and bargaining with her so he cures Sam," Daniel finished.

"Still sounds pretty iffy." Jack said.

"Not as iffy as your plan," Daniel pointed out.

"Freya? What do you and Anise think?" Gregg asked. Her head dipped for a moment as the echo returned to her voice. "We agree. I shall contact the Tok'ra and see about securing a ship. I will be in contact with you again by 2000 hours your time this evening. Be prepared to leave at that time. If I can not procure a ship, I will contact you before then."

Sam looked up, smiling with the prospect of actually having something physical to do. "I'll be ready to go, sir," she said, gathering her papers.

"Ah, no, Carter."

"No, sir?"

"You won't be going on this mission," he clarified.

"But, sir! I'm the reason this mission is taking place, if you think I'm going to just sit back here and wait. . ."

"Major, Colonel O'Neill has a point. The reason for this mission is because you're not fit for field duty at this time. That would include this assignment," Hammond said.

"But, sir!" Sam protested again. "Janet! Tell them! Tell them I can handle this!"

Janet gave her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Sam. I have to agree with them. You're judgment has been impaired due to bouts of emotional outbursts. You can't afford that while you're on a mission."

Sam flung her a look of disappointment. Even Janet was against her! She could keep her hands to herself! Did they all think in the middle of a fire fight she was going to pin Jack to the wall and have her way with him?

"Janet, you don't understand! Okay, I had a little lapse of judgment yesterday in the commissary, but nothing since then!" Sam looked up, noting the incredulous stare Jack was giving her. So, she slept with her commanding officer, but that didn't count, did it? It was off-duty!

"Major," Janet stressed, "the very fact that you're arguing with me, with your commanding officers, only proves my point. I'm sorry, but I can't recommend you for this mission."

Sam knew she was defeated. The battle might be over, but the war wasn't lost yet. She'd find a way to get on that ship. Even if it meant going as a stow-away.

~58~

Daniel helped Harrison carry a metal case into the embarkation room. "Jeeze! This thing weighs a ton!" he grumbled to the captain manning the other end of a slightly rectangular box. "What's Jack want this for anyway?" Daniel asked exhaling his last words as they set the crate on the floor.

"I'm not sure," Gregg said, removing his cap, wiping a sheen of sweat from his forehead with his arm. "All I know is Colonel O'Neill requisitioned it, and I was told it was supposed to be here by 2000.

"Must be some extra weapons," Daniel commented to no one in particular. Still, should a couple of extra guns weigh that much? Harrison gave him a non-committal shrug before changing the subject.

"So, what do you know about Anise?"

Daniel tried to hide his grin at Harrison's less-than-subtle approach. "Not much actually. We first met her when she came here wanting to test some alien arm bands she'd found. Apparently they didn't work on blended people, so she used us as guinea pigs. They were pretty incredible until they almost got us killed."

"Then the next time she showed up, Martouf and Lieutenant Astor died. Almost fried Jack's brains in the process as well. So, you can see why we weren't exactly happy to see her being the one offering to help."

"She told me about those incidents when I took her to her quarters. She said she hoped we could become better acquainted, despite what the rest of you may feel."

"Well, I'm not going to tell you who or who not to be friends with, but some friendly advice? I wouldn't get too close to her if I were you. She has kind of a high mortality rate among her 'friends.'"

Harrison nodded, looking at his watch. "Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c should be here at any minute."

"Actually, I'm surprised Jack isn't here. He's always early."

"Maybe he had to take care of a few last minute details. He's coming now," Gregg said, looking toward the huge retracting door. Daniel turned and noticed Teal'c following him.

"'bout time," Daniel said, happy to be able to razz Jack for once about his tardiness.

Ignoring the comment Jack asked, "You seen Carter?"

"Uh, no. Now that you mention it, I haven't."

"Did you try her lab?" Harrison suggested.

"Yeah, I even had her paged. Weird. I thought she'd at least see us off." Daniel didn't miss the note of sadness in Jack's voice.

"Maybe it was too hard for her to sit back and watch while we left," Daniel said. "I know I wouldn't have taken being left behind lightly and I'm sure Sam is worse."

"Yeah, that's probably it," Jack sighed, the crease between his brows deepening as he frowned.

"It is time, O'Neill," Teal'c reminded him.

"Right. Well, I guess we just stand here and wait to be beamed up, huh?"

"The Tok'ra are most prompt when they have made arrangements," Teal'c said.

"So, any second now. Hey, what's with the. . . ." Jack's words were cut off as the transport rings descended around the four men.

". . .box?" he concluded.

Daniel blinked, trying to adjust his vision to the dim lighting of a Teltac's cargo bay. "What?" he asked.

"I said, what's with the box?"

"You're the one who requisitioned it!" Daniel stated.

"Did not."

"Yes, Jack, you did. Harrison came by my office and asked me to help him move it to the 'gate room because he couldn't lift it by himself. He said you'd signed the orders and told him it was to be in the 'gate room by 2000." Daniel tried to keep the condescending tone from his voice, but when Jack played dumb it was so hard not to. Why he would deny having given the order was beyond him. Sometimes, Daniel thought, Jack moved in mysterious ways. He could tell Jack was going to argue further when Anise stepped into the cargo bay, interrupting them.

"I see you have all arrived. You may leave your equipment there," she said, pointing to a corner. Daniel's gaze roamed around the cargo hold noting it wasn't the same ship Jacob had acquired. Although it was a newer vessel, it was even more stripped down, not even having the crude bunks of the other space craft.

"If you would join me on the bridge, we have to move quickly, before your planet's detection devices discover our presence." It seemed strange to Daniel they had to move out of range of NORAD's satellites when Earth had a treaty with the Tok'ra. But he knew very few people, or agencies for that matter, were aware Earth had an agreement with an alien power.

Once in the command center, Anise began issuing orders. "Captain Harrison, if you would assist Teal'c in navigation, it would be much appreciated. If the need arises, I'll need you to fly the ship while Teal'c mans the weapons." Anise sent the young captain a warm smile which neither Jack nor Daniel missed. Apparently Harrison's interest wasn't one-sided. Exchanging a glance with Jack, Daniel tried to hide his grin, but without much luck. Anise turned, catching the smirk, causing him to sober.

"Uh, what would you like Jack and I to do?"

The affectionate smile melted from Anise's face. "You may sit there, out of the way." Daniel watched Jack bristle under her orders, but he managed to keep any derogatory comments to himself.

Daniel was as restless as Jack. Although he didn't have the technical know-how to fly the ship, he was sure there was something he could be doing. "Anise, I know the Earth myths about Eros, but maybe if you could tell me what you know about him and his relationship with Psyche it might help us when it comes time to negotiate."

Anise turned her attention from the console in front of her, cocking her head slightly as if the thought hadn't occurred to her. "She is very devoted to Eros."

"We know that part," Jack said, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

"I do not understand what you wish to know."

Daniel thought about how to rephrase the question. Sometimes for all her intelligence, Anise could certainly be obtuse. "What about her relationship with Apophis? Any chance she's switch sides?"

"I don't know what you mean by switch sides."

"He means would she dump Eros for Apophis because he's the guy with the power now," Jack added impatiently.

"No, I do not believe she is ambitious in that way."

Getting information out of her was like pulling teeth, Daniel thought. Maybe they would have had better luck if Gregg had been the one asking the questions! "In what way *is* she ambitious?"

Anise seemed to be measuring her words. "Her fascination is with mind control. While I don't doubt she is genuinely attracted to Eros, I'm sure the fact he has the Elixir is a powerful incentive for her loyalty as well."

"So you're saying if Apophis is looking for a new queen, she wouldn't be a willing participant."

Anise almost laughed. "No, Dr. Jackson, far from it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Apophis didn't have to use the Elixir on her."

"Now there's irony for ya," Jack said. "So, now she's gonna be doped up, drooling at Apophis' feet and we're going to have to try to separate them. Great. *This* should be a piece of cake."

Daniel's mind whizzed in several directions at once. "Wait, Jack! It might not be as bad as you think!"

"In what way could this *not* be a bad thing?"

"If we get Psyche back, Eros is going to have to undo what his Elixir did to her, right? Otherwise she's going to be running back to Apophis first chance she gets."

"Yeah, so?"

"Don't you see? If he has to come up with a cure for her, he can cure Sam!" Daniel pointed out.

"That doesn't mean he'll do it without a little more motivation. First he cures Sam, then he can cure Psyche."

"Whatever," Daniel said, waving his hands. "I just think we might have found something we can use to our advantage."

Jack was yawning. "Great, Daniel. Look, I don't mean to belittle this revelation, but I really need to get some sleep before we reach wherever it is we're going," he said, looking pointedly at Anise. "I suggest you all do the same. I'll be in the cargo bay if anybody needs me."

~59~

Jack couldn't believe how tired he was. Well, it wasn't surprising since he and Sam hadn't actually done much sleeping the night before. God, was it only yesterday? It seemed like a lifetime ago. He smiled at the memory of waking up next to her, wishing desperately it could be for longer than the one night. The option was there. He could have prevented this entire mission if he'd just taken his cue from her false memories and retired. But there was a part of him that just couldn't do that. Not while he was still able to be out here. He might not be making much of a difference, but it was something, and he wasn't ready to give it up yet. Not even for Sam. And she understood that. Just one more thing about her that amazed him.

Stifling another yawn, Jack entered the cargo bay. *Funny,* he thought, *for a second I thought I smelled vanilla.* He grinned once more, remembering how scent reminded him of Sam. He was about to lay down on the floor when he noticed the box that had arrived with them. He was curious about the contents since he most certainly had *not* authorized its transport, regardless of what Daniel said.

Flipping the latches, Jack lifted the lid, jumping back in surprise when he saw a body within. "Holy Shi. . . .Carter?! What the *hell* do you think you're doing?"

Sam sat up, giving him a guilty look. "Um, stowing away? Sir?" Sam climbed out of the small box, flexing cramped muscles. "Oh, and thanks for letting me out. I hadn't quite worked that bit out."

For a moment Jack was speechless, then anger kicked in. "I thought I gave you and order, Major!"

"Sir, I couldn't let you all go off, risking your lives just so I could get over some crush!"

Jack's eyebrows raised. "Crush? I'd say the situation is a little more serious than that!"

"Jack," Sam said, placing her hand on his chest, "you know what I mean. Look, I know you were trying to protect me, but how would you feel if it was you? Would you let us go without you?"

Jack felt his anger dissolve. One look into her wide, blue eyes and all sense seemed to leave him. Maybe she wasn't the only one who couldn't trust their judgment. "No," he sighed. "I guess not. But damn it, Sam! The reason we're out here doing this is because you're not battle-ready. What happens if you turn into Martha Stewart while were out here?"

Sam laughed. "Jack, I can assure you, in our entire short-lived marriage, I was never Martha Stewart!"

"You know what I mean! What if you're surrounded by Jaffa and you suddenly start thinking you left a casserole in the oven? Not exactly a good strategy!"

"Oh, I don't know. My casseroles are probably as deadly as zat blasts! Seriously, Jack, I won't compromise this mission. I agree something needs to be done, but there was no way I was going to sit home knitting socks while you guys were out here looking for a cure for me!"

"You knit?" he asked, a slow grin spreading across his face as he teased her.

"You know what I mean," she said as she moved closer, pulling him into a hug.

"Uh, Carter?" he said gently pushing her away. "Not exactly the right time or place, ya know?"

The expression on Sam's face as she backed away tore at his heart. But he knew he couldn't let her keep acting so familiar, especially with the others on board. Not that they weren't friends, well most of them, anyway. If he hoped to convince the rest of his team he'd changed his mind about letting her accompany them, she'd have to start acting a lot more like Carter and a lot less like Sam.

Sam nodded, visibly pulling herself together. He didn't know where she found the strength. Here she was, under the influence of some kind of drug and she could force herself to act professional. All he was affected by was over-active hormones and he could barely do the same.

Maybe this mission wasn't really necessary? Maybe Sam *could* get over this on her own. But did he want to leave her in this condition? A dull ache in the pit of the stomach that never quite went away? That was how it felt to him all the time. What must it be like for her? The first time the ache had left him was the night he spent in her arms. He wondered if Eros had a cure for plain old everyday longing. If so, he could certainly use a dose.

"Sir?" Sam asked, causing him to look up at her once more. She was standing apart from him, shoulders stiff, hands behind her back. "Where are the others?"

"On the bridge," he said clearing his throat. "It's still a long way to where we last found Eros. Anise thinks he's probably trailing Apophis' ship, waiting for an opportunity to rescue Psyche, so who knows when we'll actually find him. I really came back here to catch a few hours rest, then you pulled your 'Sam-in-the-box' thing, popping out like a puppet." She smiled at his description, causing a grin of his own to turn up the corners of his mouth.

"So, I guess I should go, let you catch some shut-eye," she said, still not moving.

"No, you don't have to go. In fact, there's not much else to do right now. You could stay . . . ." What the hell was he doing? One minute he's pushing her away, telling her to act like his 2IC, and the next telling her she didn't have to go. Well, they didn't have to sleep side-by-side, he reasoned. They had the whole cargo bay to stretch out in. They slept closer when they shared a tent on missions.

Sam gave him a small smile. "I think maybe I might be of some use in the command center," she said, her eyes never leaving his. "Besides, it was so comfy in that box, I drifted right off."

Jack smiled at her lie. It probably was for the best they put a little distance between them. "Ya know, Carter, I told you to stay behind, but I think I would have been a little disappointed if you hadn't found a way to get on board." Sam nodded in understanding. "But you *ever* pull a stunt like forging my signature again and I'll have you up on charges so fast your head will spin." The twinkle in his eyes belied his words, and Sam looked at her toes, trying to hide her amusement.

"Yes, sir," she said, heading for the doorway.

"I mean it, Carter!" he called after her, watching the door slide shut after her exit. "I'll have that cute little butt of yours in a sling!"

~60~

After the initial shock of her appearance on the bridge, Sam gave Harrison a hand with scanning for Eros' ion trail. She was impressed with how much the young captain had learned in his short experience with Teltacs. In fact, he seemed to have a better grasp of the alien technology than she did, and she found herself slightly envious of his quick understanding. She'd always been the whiz kid. It was a bit disconcerting to have her position usurped. Still, she found herself liking him. Hammond had made a good call when he placed him on SG-1. But that position was temporary, she reminded herself. That's what this mission was about, and she was tempted to warn Harrison not to get to attached to his position on the team.

Once they'd spotted the ship's emissions, Sam found herself wandering around the command center, unknowingly taking the same seat Jack had occupied earlier. Leaning against the bulkhead, she closed her eyes. Despite what she'd told Jack, she was tired. Especially since the adrenaline from stowing away had faded from her body. Teal'c and Daniel had joined Jack in the cargo bay, but Sam decided it was better if she remained on the bridge. She must have drifted off, as she hadn't noticed Anise taking the seat next to her until she spoke.

"Major Carter, I hope that I am not disturbing you."

Sam blinked, trying to collect her thoughts. There was nothing worse than being woken from a doze to disorient a person. It wasn't Anise, Sam realized, but Freya "No, that's okay," she answered, her mouth dry. She wished she had some water to wash away the hoarseness her voice had acquired.

"I am curious as to why you disobeyed Colonel O'Neill's orders," she stated.

Sitting up straighter, Sam felt instant irritation at Freya's words. "They weren't exactly orders," she said. "He just said I shouldn't come along on this mission."

"That is a rather loose interpretation of the events," Freya pressed.

"You see how well you'd handle things if all your friends hopped on some ship, risking their lives for you. I think you'd do the same thing I did."

"Not if I was ordered not to."

"He didn't order me to stay on Earth!" Sam yelled, causing Gregg to look up from the station he was manning. How was it this woman always managed to get under her skin so fast? Half of the horror of the za'tarc testing was her conducting the tests. Still, both Anise and Freya had annoyed the hell out of her from the time they'd met. It was probably due to the fact she'd been all over Jack like a bad suit from the time she'd stepped through the Stargate.

"I did not mean to upset you," Freya said, her placating tone aggravating Sam further. She knew she shouldn't be so waspish to the woman. After all, she was responsible for them having a ship and some sort of plan to infiltrate Eros' space craft.

"I'm sorry, too," Sam said, rubbing hands over her tired face. "I guess this is getting to me more than I'd like to admit."

"Your attraction to Colonel O'Neill is nothing new," Freya observed. Sam clenched her fists, willing the Freya to drop the subject before she said something she was going to regret.

"We were managing," she said lamely, knowing it was barely the truth.

"And now?"

"Look, Freya, I *really* appreciate the fact you and the Tok'ra have been so generous in helping me, but I don't want to talk about this, all right? It's rather embarrassing."

"I still do not understand why the Tau'ri insist on hiding their feelings over something as natural as attraction. When I kissed Colonel O'Neill. . ."

"YOU WHAT?"

"When I kissed Colonel O'Neill, as a means of apologizing for the za'tarc testing, he was most unreceptive. When I offered to *Lo'machen* he seemed even more resistant."

Sam didn't need a Goa'uld dictionary to catch the meaning of Freya's offer. Jealousy raced through her and she couldn't stop her menacing words. "Listen, you bi. . . ." she swallowed the epithet, continuing in a low voice. "You keep away from Jack, do you understand me? That goes for the rest of my team as well!"

"Major Carter, I will forgive your words as I believe you are not quite yourself. As for the rest of your team," she paused, glancing over at Harrison, "I shall let them decide for themselves what relationship they wish to have with me." Freya stood, returning to her console, leaving Sam almost shaking with repressed anger.

She'd made a pass at Jack? How dare she! He was her. . . what? Lover? Friend? No, he was her CO and as such she had no right to the jealousy she felt over him. The mental image of Freya kissing Jack made her blood run cold. Why her? Her mind raged. Of all the bimbos in the galaxy. . . . Then she remembered Kynthia, and Laira and who knew who else he'd had encounters with. And he'd had the nerve to be threatened by her friendship with Martouf? What kind of a double standard was that? She was about to storm into the cargo bay and give him a piece of her mind when she realized it wasn't *her* mind creating the embittered emotions. This wasn't her, not really. Sure, she couldn't help feeling some possessiveness when it came to Jack, but this irrational loathing of anyone who showed an interest in him wasn't who she was. He was an attractive man. He was bound to garner second looks from females, regardless what planet they came from.

*I have to fight this,* she thought. She'd be damned if she was going to give that woman the satisfaction of knowing how upset she was! She'd already given her enough fuel for their next argument. She didn't need to give her anymore.

~61~

As they had suspected, Eros was no longer in the area of space where they'd recovered Sam. However, the ion trail was strong, mixed with the evidence of another larger ship. No doubt Apophis. He had to know the smaller vessel was trailing him, but the little group aboard the Teltac found no indication there'd been any kind of battle between the two ships. In all likelihood, Apophis was literally stringing Eros along until which time he became bored with the game he played with him. Psyche was probably going to need subsequent doses of the Elixir, and it was in Apophis' best interest to keep Eros alive.

"Okay," Jack said, beginning to organize the initial leg of the mission. "First thing we need to do is secure Eros' ship. Now it's not going to be easy with just the four of us, but if we do this right, we'll make it. Harrison, I want you to. . ."

"Excuse me, sir, but doesn't Captain Harrison need to stay on board the ship?"

"Are you questioning my orders, Major?"

Everyone turned to look at Sam, causing her to gaze at her feet. "Ah, no sir. I just thought someone needed to stay here."

"You'll be staying on board," Jack said, returning his attention to the group gathered in front of him. "As I was saying. . ."

"Sir, I'm really not the one to leave on the ship. Captain Harrison is much more versed in its operation. And. . ."

"Major? A word?" Jack said, pulling her away from the small collective. "Carter, what the hell do you think you're doing questioning my orders? I think I know what's best for this mission!"

"Jack, " Sam said, causing him to tense at her intimacy. "You and I both know you're trying to leave me behind because you think it's safer here, and I won't stand for it! You know I have more field experience than Harrison, besides the fact he really *does* have more knowledge of how this ship is run. He's been working with Teal'c and Anise practically the whole flight! I won't let you leave me behind!"

He couldn't believe he was standing there, arguing with her! Even if her reasoning did make sense, it was not her place to dictate the parameters of the mission!

Changing tactics, Sam softened her voice. "Please, Jack. This is about me. I can't send someone else off to do my battles."

Jack knew leaving her on the ship was going to be difficult, but she was more of a liability if she joined them. Hell, she was already questioning his orders and they hadn't even left.

"Carter," he sighed. "This isn't up for debate. When I give an order, I expect you to follow it, regardless of what you see as our personal relationship. Now. You will be staying with the ship, is that understood, *Major?*"

Sam was about to continue her argument, but Jack stopped her with a hand on her arm. "This is why the regs are there. Don't make their case for them."

Pulling herself together, she said, "You're right, sir. It was entirely unprofessional of me."

"Well, not entirely," he said giving her an understanding smile. "Believe me, I know how tough this is for you, Sam, but it's for the best."

Sam managed a small smile. "Yes, sir."

Finalizing their plans, they decided to go with Anise's suggestion of contacting Eros as a interested customer. Once arrangements were made and she was distracting him, the rest of the team would secure the receiving room, offer Eros their "terms" for Psyche's rescue and hope for the best. Not the best of plans, Jack thought, but there was a lot of room for variables at this point. First thing they had to do was get Eros to agree to help them. Actually *getting* Psyche was another matter entirely.

~62~

Eros was working in his lab when he heard one of his Jaffa announce his presence. "My Lord, you have a communication from and Anise of Marrin. She is on a ship which has matched our flight pattern.

"The name sounds Tok'ra," Eros muttered more to himself than to his First Prime. "What does she wish of me?"

"She claims to be a customer."

"Odd. The Tok'ra usually abstain from using anything of Goa'uld origin. Now I am curious. You may tell her I'll meet with her in my receiving room in ten time segments."

"As you wish, my Lord," the Jaffa answered right arm crossing over his chest as he bowed.

***

"Hey everybody! It's showtime!" Jack called out as Anise stepped into the area of the transport rings. Sam and Harrison stood at the control panel, going over the transport together.

"Don't worry," Gregg assured her. "I know how they work."

Anise smiled back, lending her features a softness Jack hadn't noticed before. She probably wasn't so bad, he thought to himself. Just not his type. Definitely not his type.

"I have every confidence in your abilities," she said, wrapping a mantle about her shoulders. "I am ready."

***

Eros watched the transport rings deposit a lone woman into his reception area. He'd encountered few Tok'ra in his life, but they seemed to have a hauteur attitude even the Goa'uld did not possess. A type of innate superiority, from their assumption they were somehow better than the Goa'uld. Perhaps they had evolved beyond the petty feuding that plagued the Goa'uld as a whole, but basically, they were still the same race. Maybe individually they had no agenda, but as a group they certainly did.

"Welcome," Eros smiled warmly. "It isn't often I have a visit from our friends among the Tok'ra."

Anise dipped her head, in acknowledgment. "I would imagine."

Eros smile slipped slightly, but he was used to paying homage to those who saw him as little more than a merchant. "I take it you're interested in the Elixir?"

"Actually, my interests lie in a different direction."

"Oh?"

"I believe you have a device either taken or traded from the Tok'ra?"

"I'm not sure what you mean," Eros said, settling back on his divan.

"Perhaps it belongs to your former companion, Psyche."

Eros tensed at the mention of her name. "What do you know of her?"

"Only that she is no longer with you."

"You spoke of a device," Eros said, trying to switch the focus of their conversation away from Psyche. If she was his weakness before, he was even more vulnerable now.

"A memory recall device," Anise clarified. "One that has been altered to create memories, rather than stimulate their recollection?"

"You wish it back?"

"Actually, I'm more interested in the alterations Psyche has made to the device. I've had some thoughts of my own on different applications for the mechanism. Perhaps if I were to help you in liberating your companion, we could strike some kind of deal?"

Eros chuckled. "I do not see how your solitary assistance could make a difference. Besides, I do not understand the technology. Only Psyche knows how it works."

"An even greater incentive for me to help you."

"Again, I don't see how you can help. . . " Just then Jack, Teal'c, Daniel and Gregg burst through the outer doors. Teal'c had Eros' First Prime at the end of his staff weapon, while Jack held a zat to a second Jaffa's head.

"Maybe what you need is a little extra help," Jack said, pushing the unarmed Jaffa further into the room. The man he'd been guarding stumbled, grabbing a long metal rod that was part of the decor, turning to wield it in defense of his god.

"Ah!" Jack warned. "Try it and Eros dies." The Jaffa wavered for a moment, looking to Eros for direction. It took a moment, but eventually he issued an order for his guard to stand down. Both men rushed to Eros' throne, falling to their knees.

"Forgive us, Lord. We we're taken by surprise." Eros was furious at their ineptitude, but had little choice but to forgive them. He had precious few Jaffa as it was; he couldn't afford to kill them out of anger.

"You shall be dealt with," was all he said, turning his attention once more to the uninvited Tau'ri. "You are the Tau'ri that helped the woman escape," he stated. "You are the reason I no longer have my beloved!" He made a move to wrestle the zat from Jack, but even with his superior strength, he was no match for a combat trained soldier. It was only a matter of minutes before Jack had him pinned to the floor, both men breathing hard.

"Don't give me a reason to use this," he hissed in Eros' ear, as he waved the zat before his face. "Because believe me, right now I don't give a flying fu. . ."

"Jack!" Daniel exclaimed.

O'Neill climbed off Eros, pulling down his jacket as he stood. "Yeah, Daniel. You're right."

Eros slowly rose, wiping a trickle of blood from his mouth. He never would have believed the Tau'ri could move so fast for his advanced age. Glancing at his Jaffa, he saw the look of confusion and disbelief on their faces. This was going to take more than extra measures of Elixir to maintain their silence. He was supposed to be a God. And Gods weren't easily subdued by mere Tau'ri. Nor did they bleed.

"Okay, here's the deal," Jack said, distracting Eros from his latest set of worries. "You want Psyche back and I want Carter back the way she was. No false memories and no side effects from that love potion of yours."

Eros smiled. So, he had something the Tau'ri needed after all. He hadn't thought of the additional benefits of the woman's possible addiction to the Elixir when he'd administered it at Psyche's suggestion. He'd planned to dispose of her long before the potion had a chance to wear off.

Looking again at the man who'd embarrassed him before his guards, Eros realized this was the Tau'ri of the woman's memories. He was upset the woman now had feelings for him? Even he found her attractive, surely one of her own kind would have found her even more desirable. Why would he want her back to the way she was?

"I cannot remove the memories. Only Psyche knows the technology of the device. And, as you already know, she is gone." Eros tried to keep his voice hard, but just the mention of her name sent a spear of pain through him.

"That's why we're here," Daniel spoke up. "We want to make an arrangement with you."

"What do you have that I could possibly want?" Eros sneered.

"The ability to rescue Psyche, for one thing."

Eros' sneer turned into full-blown laughter. "Four Tau'ri, and a Tok'ra are going to rescue Psyche from Apophis' forces? You are delusional!"

"And you, and your Jaffa," Jack added.

"This grows more ludicrous by the moment! What makes you think I would lend my strength to your pitiful cause?" Eros thought on the strange phrase. "So you are saying because we face a common foe we should join together?"

"That's it," Jack said.

"And how do you know I won't betray you to Apophis in trade for Psyche?"

"I guess we don't," Daniel said, looking back at the rest of his team. "We'll have to trust you, just as you have to trust us."

"Trust you? I have nothing to lose if I turn you over to Apophis."

"Ohhhhh, I think you do," Jack said. "Before we introduced ourselves, we took the liberty of planting a little bomb on board. Even if you find it, we're the only ones who can stop the detonation. A little insurance against our continued good health."

"And if you die at Apophis hands? I will still lose my ship!"

"Then I suggest you don't let that happen."

Eros' teeth clenched in frustration. He hated being manipulated. And by Tau'ri no less! But did he have a choice? What if they really could help him rescue Psyche? Wouldn't it be worth the humiliation? And just because he agreed to work with them it didn't mean he had to give them anything once they'd returned to his ship.

"Very well," Eros sighed in defeat. "What is it you require from me?"

Jack's self-satisfied grin lit up the room. Looking at Teal'c he said, "well, for starters, how about some Jaffa armor, size extra-large?"

~63~

Sam couldn't sit still. She knew Jack had a point about her joining the team, but the waiting was killing her. She never realized how hard it was for the guys left behind. How on Earth did General Hammond do it? Maybe it was a learned behavior, but she hoped she didn't have the chance to find out.

Pacing the bridge, she checked the controls again, making sure she was ready when Jack's signal for transport came in. Taking a seat on a bench, she wished she could find something to do. Something to distract her from watching how slow time seemed to be moving. The thought reminded her of Jack, and a time when he'd said practically the same thing to her.

*"Sam, you need something to distract you. Why don't we go for a picnic? I know the perfect spot in the mountains. There's a stream, and nice little stand of birch if we need some shade. Whaddya say?"*

It was soon after their return from Maui, and she'd still been uncomfortable with the relationship Jack claimed they had. However, the more time she'd spent with Jack, the more she'd begun to relax, and let herself hope--just a little--it might be true. Although her rational mind had continued to question the validity of what she'd been experiencing, there was a corner of her that longed for his words to be the truth.

The drive into the mountains had been pleasant, and Sam noted how it was almost possible to see a change come over Jack as they'd left the city behind. *He belongs out here,* she'd thought. Even though he seemed content with his life in Colorado Springs, he thrived outdoors. She wondered what he was like at his cabin, and remembered feeling a stab of regret she'd never taken him up on his many offers. Perhaps she had while they were dating. She couldn't imagine she wouldn't have accepted after they were officially seeing each other. Unfortunately it was just one more thing she couldn't remember about the past two years.

For the most part, they'd rode in silence, just enjoying being together. Once they'd reached the picnic spot, Sam could see why Jack had suggested they come. It looked like a postcard--pristine nature seemingly waiting for a photographer.

Jack had smiled at her reaction, taking her hand, and leading her to the clearing by the stream. Somehow it felt familiar, like he'd brought her there before. When she'd questioned him about the possibility, his face brightened, as if she'd given him something special.

"We come here all the time," he'd told her. "It's not surprising you remember it."

"Well, I don't know if remember is exactly right, it just feels like I've been here before. Like this is a special place."

Jack had seemed a little flustered as he'd spread a blanket on the ground. "We made love for the first time right about here," he informed her as the cover had settled to the ground.

Sam remembered how her cheeks had burned at his words, unsure how to respond to his revelation. They'd never really discussed the details of their personal life, and she'd found it a bit embarrassing. She wasn't sure why, when she could certainly imagine making love to him there, amongst the carpet of falling leaves.

After a few more awkward moments, they'd managed to relax and enjoy the day. The sun was warm without being hot and their laughter had lent a feeling of intimacy to their conversation. Sam had been leaning back on her hands, legs outstretched. She was talking about some scientific theory Jack had asked her to explain, when he'd laid down on his side, plopping his head into her lap. At first Sam was startled by his sudden movement, but the weight of his head felt comforting, and the tension had eased from her.

It wasn't long before she'd looked down, noticing her fingers had automatically wound themselves in his hair. When she realized what she was doing, she snatched her hand back, self-conscious at her familiarity.

Jack had rolled over onto his back and looked up into her flushed face.

"That felt good," he'd said quietly, and slowly she'd lowered her hand to his head once more, threading her fingers through his short, graying hair. He'd closed his eyes, releasing a sigh as he asked her to explain about the decay rate of naquada again. She'd smiled at his request, knowing he wasn't processing a word she'd said.

"Carter! Carter do you read?"

Sam shook her head, trying to clear away the memory she'd been engrossed in, as she scrambled to her feet, reaching for the comm button.

"Here, sir!"

"We're transporting to Apophis' ship so be ready to get us out of there, understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"That means no daydreaming," he teased, but there was a hint of a reprimand in his voice as well. How had he known? Even in his absence she felt embarrassed.

"No, sir. I'm ready."

"I know we can count on you, Carter."

"Good luck, sir."

"Roger that." The transmission ended, and Sam felt the tension in her stomach increase. It was dangerous enough going aboard Eros' ship, but Apophis' ship was another story. She just hoped Jack knew what he was doing.

~64~

The waiting was driving her insane. Surely her slipping into improper delusions wasn't worth the risk they were taking. As time dragged on, the possibility they wouldn't be returning increased. Why hadn't she heard something? Couldn't Jack at least signal her a word or two to let her know they were still alive? It was just like a man not to call! Sam smiled to herself at the notion. Rescuing one Goa'uld from another was hardly the same as stopping off after work and having a beer with the guys!

Sam stood at the console, where she'd been for over an hour, fingers a hair's breadth away from the controls that would activate the rings. Suddenly, she heard Jack's impassioned voice over the ship's speakers.

"Carter! Get us out of here!" Almost before he'd finished his sentence, Sam's fingers executed the necessary movements, and she signaled Eros' ship to follow them once her team was on board. The moment she had confirmation of their patterns within the rings, she input the co-ordinates of the rendezvous point, setting the ship for top speed. Running to the cargo bay, she waited breathlessly for the rings to deposit her team and their captives. Quickly counting heads, she noticed there was only one extra person standing in the cargo hold.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" Jack yelled at Anise. "In case you don't remember, Eros is kind of a vital link in this whole thing!"

Anise stood calm in the face of Jack's anger. "I could not prevent his being injured."

"No, but you sure as hell didn't need to zat him two more times!"

"Apophis would have used a sarcophagus to revive him, and no doubt tortured him for his secrets. I was merely providing an act of mercy."

"What happened?" Sam asked, confused by the argument taking place in front of her.

"Oh, nothing much other than Anise here took it upon herself to destroy the only chance we had of finding a cure! *We* could have revived him in the sarcophagus too ya know," he said, his irate gaze leveled at Anise again.

"Colonel O'Neill, need I remind you we barely escaped Apophis' ship with Psyche. I doubt we would have had time to use the sarcophagus before we would have been captured."

"That's beside the point. No Eros, no cure. End of story."

"Before he died, I managed to get him to tell me where his files are stored. I believe I may be able to synthesize a cure myself, if given access to his facilities," Anise informed him.

"And what if you can't? Then what do we do?"

"Colonel," Harrision said, stepping closer to Anise, "I'm sure she didn't allow Eros to be shot on purpose."

"Stay out of this, Harrison," Jack warned, removing his gun and his pack, tossing the latter to the floor.

"Colonel O'Neill," Freya's softer voice addressed him. "I can assure you, Anise did everything she could to prevent Eros from being harmed. I believe there is a good chance she can manufacture an antidote as she claims."

Sam's attention was drawn away from their debate as the woman lying on the floor elicited a moan. She looked familiar. This was the woman who first came to see her when she'd been captured. Until now, she hadn't remembered the actual events of being taken prisoner. She remembered the fire fight on P2X-993, being hit with a zat blast, lying there paralyzed and in pain, feeling panic set in as she watched the 'gate activate and her team mates run through, leaving her at the mercy of the Jaffa.

They weren't leaving her, she'd told herself. They would be back. They'd just gone through to get more troops. All she had to do was wait a few minutes more and they'd be back. But they didn't come, and the Jaffa did.

*Noooo!* her mind had screamed in denial. *Jack hadn't left her! He couldn't leave her! No one gets left behind!* She didn't know what froze her movements more, the electrical charge of the zat or the fact Jack had left her on the planet with a pack of advancing Jaffa.

In her numbed state she couldn't even struggle against the warriors who'd grabbed her, hauling her upright as transport rings descended around them. The next thing she remembered was being in an audience chamber, on her knees before a handsome young man, claiming to be the god Eros, and at his side was this woman. Psyche, obviously.

He'd done the usual posturing and threatening Goa'ulds did, and Sam had not been surprised when he demanded information about Earth and its defenses. What she hadn't expected was to be dragged off and hooked up to a memory control device. Now she was truly terrified. She'd been trained to withstand torture, but there was nothing she could do about this kind of invasion of her mind. Or had there been? If they could have extracted the information they wanted, why go to the trouble of creating a false life? One she would have felt loved and secure? Did she have to willingly tell what she knew?

Sam was pulled from her musings as Psyche moaned again, starting to regain consciousness.

"She should be restrained," Anise said, in control of the body once more.

"Why was she unconscious?" Sam asked.

"It was necessary to use a zat'nik'tel in order to keep her from alerting the guards of our arrival," Anise told her.

"She didn't want to be rescued?"

"She is under the influence of the Elixir, and believes herself to be in love with Apophis. As such, she would have tried to thwart our efforts to remove her from his presence."

Harrison reached into his pack for a plastic band, securing Psyche's wrists.

"Is that really necessary?" Sam asked, surprisingly sympathetic to the woman's plight.

Gregg chuckled. "She fights like a wildcat, and once she starts screaming for Apophis. . . ."

"I get the point," Sam said. She knew how she would have been if she'd been taken from Jack at the height of her addiction to the Elixir. Looking at Jack now, she didn't know what to feel. They'd never really talked about her capture, and now she knew why. He'd left her. She couldn't believe he was actually capable of doing it.

"Hey, nice job on getting us out of there, Carter," Jack smiled at her.

Sam's voice was cold and she couldn't quite make her eyes meet his. "Thank you , sir. If you'll excuse me, I should get back to the bridge." Rising from the floor she stalked past Jack, without sparing him a glance.

~65~

Jack watched Sam stride out of the cargo bay. "What was that?" he asked, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the retracting doors.

Daniel looked at him, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know that I could say. She's obviously upset about something. Maybe because Eros is dead?"

Glancing around the room Jack noticed everyone but he and Daniel suddenly seemed to have some task to perform--Harrison and Anise were trying to settle Psyche down, and Teal'c had headed for the control center after Carter.

"She can't still be pissed because I left her on the ship?" Jack speculated.

Daniel raised his eyebrows, "Well, I suppose it's possible, but that's kind of petty for Sam."

"Yeah, I know," Jack said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "So, it's not just me thinking this is odd?"

"No, I think something's up," Daniel confirmed. "You might want to ask her."

Jack winced. He didn't know what was bugging her, but he could tell it was directed at him. He wasn't looking forward to trying to work it out of her.

"Yeah, guess I better get this cleared up," he mumbled, hoping Daniel would offer to talk to her for him. Apparently, Daniel was either not catching his drift or was purposely staying out of it.

Jack stepped onto the bridge, noting Sam was questioning Teal'c on the details of their time on Apophis' ship.

"Hey," Jack said, trying to sound casual as he approached the pair. "Any sign Apophis is following us?"

"The only ship I can detect has Eros' signature," Teal'c informed him as Sam looked down, apparently totally engrossed in the control panel.

"Carter? Can I have a word with you?"

Sam glanced over at Teal'c, a silent plea for an excuse not to talk to him. Either the Jaffa didn't recognize her request, or he thought Sam should talk to him as well.

Quietly she answered. "Yes, sir."

"Let's go over there," he said, jerking his head towards the far side of the bridge. Settling on the bench, Jack found his fingers twisting with each other as he tried to think of an opening. "You feelin' okay?"

"Yes, sir. Why do you ask?"

Damn, she was going to make him pull every answer out of her. "Well, you're not exactly acting like you're overjoyed to see us. You mad at me because I didn't take you on the mission?"

"No, sir."

"It's Jack, Sam. You've been calling me Jack practically the whole time we've been out here. You don't have to be so formal."

"Yes, sir, I do."

"And why is that?" he asked, leaning further forward trying to see her face.

"Because if I was to speak to you off the record, I don't know that I'd like to hear what you have to say."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he practically yelled at her.

Apparently Sam's resolve broke and she turned to face him. "You left me! You left me on that planet teaming with Jaffa while you returned through the Stargate!"

Jack blanched, his gut aching as if he'd just been kicked. *Where had this suddenly come from?* he wondered. He'd never brought the subject up to her since she didn't seem to remember it. He knew it had been cowardly, but this was the reaction he'd feared. His voice cracked as he tried to explain.

"It's not what you think, Sam."

"Oh? And how many ways are there to take you leaving?" she fired back at him. "You left me, Jack. Whatever happened to no one gets left behind?"

How could he expect her to understand his actions when he didn't comprehend them himself? She was right. He had left her. All because he was too damn worried someone might see how much he cared about her. How much he loved her. He was so concerned that he'd be seen as less than professional, he'd sacrificed the one thing in his life that gave meaning to life. How could he ask for her forgiveness for such a reprehensible act?

"I couldn't get to you, Sam. God knows I tried, but there were just too many of them. I had to get help; it was the only chance we had." Jack swallowed the lump in his throat, fighting the fact he felt his eyes growing moist. "I should have stayed with you, even if it meant getting captured too. I never should have left you." He turned away, trying to cover he was wiping at his eyes.

Sam had grown quiet, and he chanced a glance back at her, hoping to gauge her reaction to his confession. He was surprised to find tears in her eyes as well. She swept them away with her fingers, still silent.

"Sam?" he asked, hoping to dispel the pain that had settled around his heart. He wanted this tension over with. If his actions had destroyed everything they ever had, or ever could have, he had to know.

She looked up at him, meeting his gaze. "I didn't remember any of this before I saw Psyche," she began. "I guess it was seeing her that brought back my real memories. The point is, you should have told me, Jack. You could have explained what happened. How do I know there isn't more you're not telling me, just because I haven't remembered it?"

"There isn't, I swear!"

"How can I believe you?" Lowering her voice she said, "the night we spent together, you told me you loved me. How can I believe that now? We're they just words, Jack?"

"God, Sam! How can you say that? You know I love you!"

"Do I? If you really loved me, you wouldn't have kept something like this from me."

Jack looked down at his feet. He was losing her. He could feel her slipping away as surely as if Eros' Jaffa were in the room stealing her from him once more. Was there anything he could he say to convince her?

"Sam, I was wrong," he spoke honestly, still staring at his feet "I did leave you, but not for the right reasons. For all the wrong ones." Forcing himself to look up, he gazed into her eyes once more. "I was scared. Sacred any action on my part that could have been construed as heroic would have had everyone pointing fingers at me, claiming the only reason I risked my life is because it was you. Because of my unprofessional feelings for you.

"You think I don't hear the gossip? The rumor mill's been cranking out stories of our 'involvement' long before our confession with that za'tarc thing. And I was scared," he admitted again. "Not so much for me, but for you. It shouldn't be a double standard, but you know it is. If the regs are broken, or perceived to be broken, it's always the woman's fault. I couldn't let that happen to you. I was determined to run any missions we had by the book so there could be no claim there was favoritism on SG-1 and they couldn't remove you as my second.

"So, against my better judgment, I followed procedure, and returned for help, but by the time we got back, you were gone. Here I was trying to follow the rules so I wouldn't lose you, only to lose you to something far worse."

Sam was the one to break eye contact with him. "Wow. That's some speech," she said, taking her turn at staring at the floor. "I know you did what you thought was right, and I can't fault you for that. Maybe I'm looking at this from kind of a warped, perspective, as well."

"What do you mean?"

"You know how getting shot with a zat feels. You panic when you're paralyzed. So there I was, unable to move and this group of Jaffa are headed in my direction. I can't move my head, but I hear the 'gate engage and out of the corner of my eye, I see you all heading for the wormhole. I was terrified, lying there waiting for them to either finish the job or take me captive. Then once I was on Eros' ship, he's telling me how I owed the Tau'ri no loyalty when they'd abandoned me. I kept trying to convince myself there was a logical reason you'd left, but the more he taunted me, the more I started to think there might have been a grain of truth in his accusations. I was scared, and he knew how to prey on that fear. When I saw Psyche, all those emotions came back."

"I can't imagine what I put you through," Jack whispered. "I know there's no way I can ever make it up to you, but I'll try, Sam. I promise, I'll try."

"Jack," she said, placing her hand on his arm, causing him to turn to her, "I understand the reasons behind your actions, now. I guess I'm more upset you felt you couldn't tell me about it." Jack was about to defend his omission, when Sam placed her fingers on his lips. "But I know why you did it. I don't know that I'd be racing to tell you something like this, either."

"So. . . ."

"So, I'm saying maybe I over reacted a bit. It's just that all those feelings hit me at once, and as you're aware, I'm not doing too well in the dealing-with-emotions department lately." Her small smile produced a grin of his own, as he felt a bubble of hope rising in his chest.

"So, we're okay then?" he asked, optimism tingeing his voice.

"We're okay. Or we will be."

Jack grabbed her, holding her close, not giving a damn who saw him hugging her. "Thank you, Sam," he breathed into her hair, eyes closed. "I don't deserve how forgiving you are."

Sam squeezed him back. "No you don't, but that's beside the point."

Jack pulled away from her, relieved to see the humor shinning in her eyes. "I wish there weren't so many people on this ship. I'd show you how grateful I am."

"And I just might let you try to make it up to me," she grinned.

Jack felt an incredible weight lift from his chest. She was right. He didn't deserve her generosity. Somehow, someday he *would* find a way to repay the gift she'd given him.

~66~

Sam stood with Anise in Eros' lab, distracted by the muffled sounds of Psyche's ranting coming through the door connecting the lab to the Goa'uld's personal chambers.

"There's something missing," Anise said, inputting the password she'd gotten from Eros into the computer. "I keep getting an error message about not enough information."

"Perhaps he lied when he gave you the password," Sam said, coming to stand next to her.

"I do not think so. It is not claiming the password is invalid, only that more information is required. They both looked up as some large object shattered against the door in Psyche's room, followed by a stream of Goa'uld curses.

"What did she say?" Sam asked.

Anise actually looked a bit shocked. "Suffice it to say Psyche does not have the best opinion of us or our goals."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I got that." Shaking her head slightly, Sam refocused. "Tok'ra technology is similar to this isn't it?"

"Yes, there are several similarities between the data base's configuration and our information storage units, but I have never seen this type of interface before."

Sam tried to remember what actions the Tok'ra took to access their data base. "Don't you need a palm print or something to activate your computers?"

"It's a DNA verification," Anise confirmed.

"Wouldn't Eros have a similar safe-guard?"

Anise's fingers moved quickly over the console, then nodded. "Yes, that is what it seems to be requesting. But Eros' body was destroyed when I shot him the third time with the zat'nik'tel."

Sam thought she actually looked remorseful for her actions, even though at the time Anise claimed to have disintegrated his body to keep Apophis from getting his hands on him.

"We wouldn't need much," Sam said. "A few hairs would do." The women exchanged glances then looked at the door to Psyche and Eros' chamber that had grown suspiciously quiet. "I'll do it," Sam said, squaring her shoulders, readying herself for a possible hand-to-hand confrontation.

"No, Major Carter," Anise said, stepping in front of her. "A Goa'uld's strength is many times that of a normal human. No offense to your abilities, but I believe I would be the more logical choice."

Sam was about to argue, but she knew Anise was right. Psyche was in a rage, and still under the influence of the Elixir, making her even more dangerous. "Fine," she said, "Try not to kill her, okay?"

"I shall restrain myself."

Sam gave her a wry smile as she turned to concentrate on the alien console before her. They had a lot of work ahead of them. The sooner she figured out how to access the files they needed, the sooner this would all be over. And she wouldn't remember her life with Jack. She could get back to being his 2IC and his friend. So why did the prospect suddenly make her feel like the bottom had just dropped out of her world?

~67~

Jack paced the corridor outside of Eros' lab. Anise had guaranteed him the remainder of Eros' Jaffa would not cause trouble, but he'd been on the receiving end of her promises before. He wasn't sure how she'd managed to keep the Jaffa in line, and he didn't ask. So long as they stayed away, he was satisfied.

That's not to say he wasn't alert. He was wound tight as he guarded the hallway along with Daniel and Teal'c. "What the hell is taking them so long?" he groused to no one in particular.

"It hasn't been all that long," Daniel said, slightly more relaxed than Jack, but still ready for trouble should it arrive with the clank of heavily booted feet.

"Well, it feels like ages," Jack grumbled, leaning against the wall and sliding to the floor.

"Even if they get into Eros' encrypted files, all we have is Anise's word she can replicate an antidote," Daniel said, sliding down next to him

"Yeah, that fills me with confidence," Jack said, maintaining his grip on his gun. So far the Jaffa had kept to themselves, but that didn't mean they would. Again, he was at the mercy of Anise's assurances about their co-operation. And trust wasn't a word he'd use in the same sentence with her name.

"So. . . ." Daniel said, glancing at Jack then looking away.

"So, what?"

"So, what do you think their chances are of finding a cure?" Daniel asked.

Jack shrugged. "About as good as anything Anise claims she can do."

"She has been right on occasion," Daniel defended.

"I guess," Jack said, running a hand over his face, wondering where Daniel's conversation was leading.

"Do you want her to be cured?" Daniel blurted.

"Psyche?"

"No, Sam."

"Oh." He'd known what Daniel meant, but it was a touchy subject.

"Well?"

"Of course I do, Daniel! Why the hell do you think we're out here? We're trying to get Carter, *our* Carter back."

"And what about *your* Carter?" Daniel pressed.

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, Jack! Don't tell me the idea hasn't crossed your mind. Especially when she thought she was your wife."

Jack turned his head, pretending to look down the corridor. "I guess it crossed my mind. But that's all," he said turning back to look at Daniel. He felt a twinge of guilt at his omission of their night together. The one perfect night where he'd finally been able to show her how he really felt. What if Psyche did remove the false memories? Would the real ones go as well?

"The regulations," Daniel said, nodding in understanding. "What if they weren't there?"

"They are, so there's no use in going there," Jack said angrily, standing and effectively ending their conversation by striding away.

"You know the universe won't end if you admit you love her," Daniel called after him.

*No,* Jack thought. *Just my corner of it.*

~68~

Sam watched as Anise input the final information. She hadn't realized she was holding her breath until she breathed a sigh of relief at Anise's announcement that she was in.

Things were actually moving along quite well considering Anise had practically been stabbed with a shard of the pottery Psyche had smashed against the door. She had continued to wail for Apophis, threatening when pleas had failed. Anise hadn't gone into details, but had returned with several strands of Eros' hair, enough to get a clear reading of his DNA.

Sam had to admit to feeling a bit out of her league as she watched Anise sort through Eros' files. Of course it didn't help matters that she couldn't read Goa'uld. Maybe Daniel should have been the one helping her.

"There is a problem," Anise said, looking up from the console.

"What kind of problem?" Sam asked, moving closer hoping she could make sense out of what was on the screen.

"Apparently there is no single Elixir. There are formulas for loyalty, passion, devotion, among other aspects of love, as well as the negative side, hatred, deceit, distrust."

Sam was nodding her head. "So there's no single cure. Eros must have custom made his potions based on the requirements of his customers."

"That is the way it appears."

"So how do we know what mixture Psyche was given, or what they gave to me? Is there any record of that? How can we come up with an antidote when we don't even know what to base it on?" Sam's voice continued to rise in frustration. They couldn't have gotten this far only to be stopped by this latest glitch!

"Major Carter," Anise spoke calmly. "Allowing yourself to become agitated will not produce positive results. Perhaps there is some way to synthesize a broad-spectrum antidote. One that would take into account several variables."

Sam took a deep breath. She hated to admit Anise was right; getting upset wasn't helping matters. What was worse, she was beginning to have doubts about whether she wanted to have her false life with Jack removed from her memories. True, it was interfering with her functioning as a soldier, but when it was her only connection to Jack, why was she trying so hard to rid herself of it?

"Major Carter?" Anise asked, apparently for the second or third time. "Are you feeling well?"

Sam cleared her throat. "Um, yes. Fine. You were saying?"

"I was thinking perhaps we should try our sample antidote on Psyche, then make one for you taking into account your altered physiology."

Sam's head still seemed immersed in her previous thoughts. "Whatever you think best. You know, I was thinking there's really no need to try to remove the memories Psyche gave me. I mean if you cure me of the Elixir, there's no reason to remove the images she gave me is there?"

Anise's head was cocked as she observed Sam. "How long have you felt this way?"

Sam felt nervous at her scrutiny. "Well, I've never really seen the memories as posing any kind of threat."

"I disagree. From what I understood, your memories are impairing your ability to interact with Colonel O'Neill in a professional manner. I do not see that this has changed."

"It's the Elixir that's making my behavior irrational. Once that's out of my system, I'm sure I'll be fine. Back to normal."

"You have never expressed this desire prior to today. I believe this is some sort of pre-programmed defense mechanism Psyche used to prevent tampering with the false memories she gave you."

"That's ridiculous! Just because I don't want to give up my life with Jack you think this is some sort of pre-planned plot by Psyche? Why go to the trouble when they were going to kill me as soon as they had what they wanted from me?"

"I believe Psyche manipulated you just to see if she could. I hesitate to use the term 'experiment,' but I believe that is how she saw you."

Could Anise be right? Is that why she suddenly felt so panicked at the thought of losing her memories of their life together? It almost felt as if she was on the verge of losing him completely. Just then the outside door slid open and Jack poked his head in.

"How's it going, kids?"

It took all of Sam's willpower not to run to him, take him in her arms and beg him not to let Anise cure Psyche so she could remove her memories of their life. She knew these feelings were wrong, but something was intensifying her need to hang on to her false recollections. The closer they got to an answer, the more she clung to the idea she would lose everything, even her friendship with him.

Sam swallowed and forced a smile. "Great, sir. Anise is closing in on some possible combinations for a cure."

Jack's eyebrows raised. "Really?"

"Major Carter is being optimistic, but given time, I believe I will be successful."

"Carter? You okay?" he asked, giving her a quizzical look.

"Fine, sir. Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's just that you look a little unsure about this whole thing. Is there some kind of problem?" Jack looked from Sam to Anise.

"I feel Major Carter is suffering from an increased need to retain her false memories. It could be a type of fail-safe instituted by Psyche." As if on cue, another crash came from Psyche's chambers followed by her insistent cry that Apophis would slay them all for taking her from him.

"She been like this since she woke up?" Jack asked.

"Yes. As time goes on she seems to be getting even more violent."

"And this is what Carter has to look forward to?"

"Not to the same degree, but I presume she could have similar reactions."

"Then I should let you get back to work." He'd turned to leave when Sam found herself moving toward him, unable to stop her actions.

"Jack," she said, reaching out to touch his arm. "Don't let them take the memories our life from me. It's all I have!"

Gently, he removed her hand, then quietly, so as not to be overheard he said, "we have real memories, Sam. You don't need the fake ones."

Sam pulled back, nodding slightly. He was right. No matter what happened, they couldn't take that one magical night from her, or him.

~69~

Sam sat staring at Psyche as the Goa'uld glared back at her. She remembered her first impressions of this woman, standing beside her god, her lover, with a cold expression on her face. She was so classically Goa'uld, she was almost cliché. Although, neither she nor Eros seemed as menacing as Apophis or any of the other System Lords. Perhaps that's what separated the Lords from the wannabes, she thought. Eros and Psyche were young and as such, struck her as over-compensating for their lack of experience.

That wasn't to say she hadn't viewed them as a threat. As their prisoner, she had certainly been at a disadvantage, but she couldn't say she'd been any more intimidated by them than any other foe. Now that the tables were turned, Psyche seemed almost vulnerable, and Sam felt a grain of sympathy for her.

Her normally impeccable appearance was now disheveled. Sleek, dark hair tangled, clothes torn, she looked as though she'd been through a battle. Perhaps she had.

"May I have some water, please?" Psyche's voice was hoarse, no doubt from continual shouting.

Sam rose off the chair she'd pulled in front of Psyche, and crossed to the one remaining pitcher that hadn't been smashed. Pouring a small amount of water into a glass, she held it for Psyche as she took a long drink.

"Thank you." Sam retook her seat, continuing to stare at the woman across from her. "You can untie me. The danger is past."

"I think just for fun we'll wait a few minutes," Sam said, settling back in her chair.

"I insist you release me! My hands are growing numb."

"Wiggle your fingers. They'll be fine."

"Why do you persist in restraining me? I have done nothing to harm you!"

Sam's laugh came out as a snort. "I suppose messing with my head, giving me false memories to try to trick me into revealing Earth's secrets counts as nothing with you."

"I do not understand why you are so resentful. I gave you your heart's desire. Something you thought you'd never could have. How has this been harmful?"

"Oh, don't go playing the benevolent goddess with me!" Sam shouted. "You *used* me! You tried everything to make me trust Jack, but it failed. You pushed too hard. Jack never would have questioned me for information like that."

Psyche gave her an arch smile. "Apparently I succeeded on some level. You did fall in love with him. Or should I say fell deeper?"

Sam looked away, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of seeing the truth in her eyes.

"What I implanted seems to be affecting you still. You think I can't see the effect my programming has had on you? I know your soul, Samantha, probably better than you do yourself."

"Look, you can try that Goa'uld 'I'm a god' crap on someone else. I know the *myth* of Psyche and Eros. Just because you and Eros have emulated their personalities in the hopes of garnering a following, doesn't mean I believe it."

"My, my, I would say experiencing a life with Jack has rubbed off on you. Tell me, Samantha, you say you want the memories of that life removed. Is it you who want the memories gone or is it Jack? It is he who keeps telling you they are a hindrance, is it not? He does not love you, Samantha. I am the one who has given you his love. Release me and I shall ensure you have his love for all time."

Sam wavered. She knew Psyche was baiting her, preying on her Elixir-induced paranoia of losing Jack. But that didn't mean she could totally ignore her words. She was right when she said it was Jack pushing for her to be de-programmed. But it was so she could become a functioning member of SG-1 once more. She had to keep that goal in sight and disregard Psyche's attempts to sway her. Sam was about to comment when the door slid back, revealing Anise.

"Murderer!" Psyche screamed, straining against her bindings. "You killed Eros! I watched you slay my love!"

Sam looked over at Anise. "Well, it's a step in the right direction," she said calmly. At least she's not yelling for Apophis anymore."

"I had hoped we would see more conclusive results in a shorter period of time," Anise said, her voice sounding disappointed. "Since it appears to be working, perhaps a second dose is necessary to complete the task. I shall return in a moment." Anise left, and Psyche turned her livid gaze towards Sam, but remained silent.

Shortly, Anise returned with a vial of the same potion she administered to Psyche over two hours ago. Holding her head, she forced the liquid down her throat.

"You shall fail! No one has ever been cured of the Elixir!" Psyche cried, choking on the solution.

"Then you better hope you're the first otherwise you'll be pining away for Apophis for the rest of your life. You want that?" Sam pointed out.

Psyche's head fell forward, eyes glazed. "No. I despise him," she uttered vehemently.

Sam and Anise watched her for signs of deception. By now Psyche would know this was what they were waiting for. Proof they'd broken the hold the Elixir had over her. Sam had already witnessed her talent for guile, and wasn't about to be taken in easily.

"Would it work that quickly?" Sam asked.

"I do not believe it would." Anise stepped closer examining Psyche's dilated eyes. "However, her physical changes would indicate she is under the effect of the counter agent.

"You don't understand," Psyche said, shaking her head. "The degradation he subjected me to." Her words were slurred, as if she were drunk. "He made me renounce my love for Eros, before he. . . . Tears began to stream down her face, as her anguished cry filled the room. "Eros, my love! Forgive me! I will always love you!"

Sam felt her eyes welling up in the face of Psyche's obvious pain. "Let her go," she said.

"I do not believe that is wise. . . ."

"I said let her go!" Sam exclaimed, rising to release the bond herself. "She's suffered enough."

"Major Carter. . . ."

"I'll take full responsibility. Look, send Teal'c in here if you still have doubts," she said, helping the sobbing woman to her bed.

"I do not understand your sudden compassion for this woman. She has held you captive, altered your memories, you owe her nothing."

"Maybe not, but I need her to end this."

Anise finally seemed to understand. "I shall record our results and attempt to make a formula based on your physiology."

Sam looked up as Teal'c entered the room, giving him a tired smile.

"I guess Anise still isn't convinced, huh?"

"It is a wise precaution, MajorCarter."

"I guess," she said, pacing as she continued to watch Psyche. Although she was past hysteria now, tears were still streaming down her face. *I wonder if that's how I'm going to feel after she takes my memories?* Sam wondered. At least she'd have Jack in some capacity. Psyche had no one. She couldn't believe she could actually feel sorry for her. This was the woman who'd turned her life upside down--several times.

"You feel empathy for her," Teal'c observed.

"Yeah, I suppose I do," Sam admitted, looking over at him. "How sick is that?"

"You have a great capacity for forgiveness. You see it as a weakness but it is one of your greatest strengths."

Sam's smile was warm and genuine. "Thanks, Teal'c." She looked at the floor, unsure what else to say to his compliment. "Where are the colonel and Daniel?"

"They are taking turns guarding the corridor outside the lab."

"Has there been trouble?" she asked, realizing she'd been so wrapped up with Psyche she hadn't considered the possibility of a revolt.

"No Jaffa have appeared. Whatever Anise promised them in return for the co-operation appears to be working."

Sam stifled a yawn. "It's been a long night. Hopefully this will all be over soon. I'm going to see if Anise needs any help. Keep an eye on her, will you?"

Teal'c inclined his head in response. Sam exited the chamber, taking a deep breath. This was it. The beginning of the end.

~70~

Jack stood in Psyche's lab, hovering near Sam, but trying to appear as though he wasn't. He knew he wasn't succeeding. Anise's cure took less time with Sam, but there was still the matter of removing her false memories. He could tell Sam was nervous. He couldn't blame her. If someone--especially a Goa'uld--was messing around with his head for a second time he wouldn't exactly be hopping up on that table either.

Psyche had composed herself once more, but didn't seem to be too thrilled at the prospect of undoing her work. He was a little curious about that, actually. Somehow Sam had convinced her it was in Psyche's best interest to help her. Jack had a sneaking suspicion Teal'c had something to do with the persuasion as well. The others were clustered in the small lab until Psyche motioned them to leave.

"Samantha, if you would take your place on the table, we will begin. Colonel O'Neill, perhaps it would be best if you wait outside."

"Sorry, no dice. I'm not leaving her in here alone with you again. No offense."

Psyche inclined her head in acknowledgment. "I shall allow you to stay, but the others must go. Especially the Tok'ra. The technology might have been theirs originally, but I will not allow her to access my advancements." Obviously there was something going on between the two of them but Jack didn't have the time or energy to care. He put it down to some kind of professional animosity.

Jack jerked his head towards the door, getting the others to leave.

"If you are ready," Psyche began.

"Wait!" Jack called. "I want to have a word with her first."

Psyche sighed, indicating he should get on with it. Turning to face her, Jack found himself suddenly at a loss for words.

"I suppose I should say something profound," he joked, provoking a nervous smile from Sam.

"Is there anything profound to say?"

"Only that I wish. . ."

"I know. So do I. I don't want to 'lose' you, but I know this is for the best. Sir."

Jack knew the 'sir' was added intentionally, to remind them both why they were doing this. "You know, Sara always said I was hell to live with. You'll probably be grateful in the end."

Sam stared straight into his eyes, and his breath caught at the emotion on display. "She was wrong," Sam whispered.

Jack leaned closer, his voice soft and low. "One last kiss as husband and wife?"

Tears sprang to her eyes as she pulled him closer, their lips meeting with passion, anguish and promise. They broke apart and Jack wiped a tear from her face that had escaped. "Ready?"

Sam closed her eyes and nodded. He helped her lie back onto the table, brushing the hair back from her face. "I'll be right here." Again Sam nodded as if she didn't trust her voice. Turning to Psyche he said, "Let's get on with it."

Jack winced along with Sam as the memory interface bit into her temple. Psyche attached the wires, then moved to her console, initiating her procedure. Jack watched the images on the thought-screen, starting with what was her first memory, the one she'd told him about their honeymoon in Maui. It felt oddly voyeuristic and disappointing at the same time. This *could* have been their life, if only things were different.

The images were coming faster and faster until they were almost a blur, then the screen went blank.

"What happened?" Jack asked.

"It is complete," Psyche informed him.

"What about stuff that actually happened to her? None of that was removed, was it?"

"No, everything she has experienced as herself has remained. May I ask you a question?"

Jack was surprised that as a Goa'uld she didn't just demand an answer. "Depends."

"You obviously feel deeply for Samantha. Why did you wish for her to forget your life together?"

"We have a duty, and that duty doesn't allow us to be together like that."

"That is what Samantha has said. What is the real reason?"

Jack felt flustered at being found out. "The real reason? Because it was fake. One sided. If Sam and I *are* fortunate enough to have a relationship some day, it's going to be something we both remember."

"But you already have something to remember don't you?" Psyche's smile was enigmatic. Did she know? Had she seen what happened between them with that memory recall thingie? He didn't remember seeing any of that, but how did he know what she was capable of viewing while in her head?

Jack coughed. "Can't you disconnect that thing?"

Psyche's knowing smile remained as she moved around the table to disconnect the device, helping Sam sit up.

"Carter? You doing okay?"

Psyche removed the interface, causing Sam to jump. "Yeah, just a little light headed," she said pushing herself off the table. Her knees buckled but Jack caught her. She looked in his eyes, and he noticed something was different. She was back. Not that her gaze was any less warm, but there was a difference about her, and Jack couldn't help feeling a sense of loss. After a moment she was standing on her own, taking a few tentative steps.

"Samantha Carter," Psyche spoke, reminding both of them they weren't the only ones in the room. "I have fulfilled my end of the bargain. You will now tell me the password to Eros' files."

Sam steadied herself with Jack's help. "I would have thought you would have guessed it. What does the Elixir promise?"

Psyche thought for a moment. "Eternal bliss."

It was Sam's turn for an enigmatic smile. "Let's go home, sir."

Sergeant Walter Davis adjusted his headset as he called out, "Incoming wormhole. Receiving SG-1's IDC, sir."

"Open the iris," Hammond ordered, standing straighter, his hands behind his back. *Right on schedule,* he thought. He could count on one hand the number of times SG-1 had returned when they were supposed to. He took it as a good sign, and didn't call for a medical team.

His optimism was short lived as he saw Carter come through the 'gate and quickly turn to watch O'Neill being supported by Jackson and Teal'c. Carter turned, looking up at the control room window.

"We need a medical team!"

Regretting his earlier decision, Hammond called immediately for Fraiser and her staff. *Even on time SG-1 manages to find trouble,* he thought to himself as he hurried to the 'gate room.

"What happened?" he demanded as soon as he stepped through the doorway.

Carter started to speak, but O'Neill cut her off. "It's my knee. Just a little twisted, sir. Everyone is over-reacting. A little time in the hot tub and I'll be good as new."

"I'll be the judge of that," Fraiser said, motioning two corpsmen to relieve Daniel and Teal'c of their burden. "In the first place, Colonel heat is the last thing that knee needs."

"So, what happened?" Hammond asked again.

"Well, sir, there was gun fire, and Colonel O'Neill called for a retreat to the Stargate when he tripped on a rock and. . ."

"Carter! You've got it all wrong!" Jack interrupted. "Sir, the part about the retreat was right, but I did *not* trip on a rock! I was. . ."

"That's right," Daniel jumped in, grinning. "You stepped in a hole, and wrenched your knee."

"Daniel, that's not how it happened!"

"I must disagree, O'Neill. DanielJackson and I were behind you and witnessed the entire event."

Jack gave up. "Jeeze, you guys, couldn't you have at least said I rescued several children from a burning building or something and as we were running away I was forced to wrestle a Jaffa to the ground and *that's* how I hurt my knee?"

"Oh, I must have missed that part," Sam said, trying to suppress a grin. "Must have been while I was concentrating on my soil samples."

Hammond couldn't help but smile at the good-natured ribbing O'Neill was getting from his team mates. He'd had his doubts about SG-1 returning to the cohesive team they'd been before, but from all indications, Carter and O'Neill had been able to put the incident behind them. Oh, there was still the flirting, but he expected that from any mixed-gender team. He'd always been impressed with their professionalism, and he still was.

"Get him out of here Doctor, before the bull gets any deeper."

Fraiser's smile joined that of the rest of the occupants of the 'gate room. "Yes, sir. Come on, Colonel," she said, wheeling him towards the door. "You can tell me all about what really happened on the ride to the infirmary."

***

Jack leaned back against the pillows of the hospital bed. Damn, but the beds in the infirmary were uncomfortable. Did the designers think as long as you were in pain a lumpy mattress wouldn't matter? These were the kind of Earth shattering thoughts he'd had lately. He'd even asked for his paper work to help break the monotony. He made it half-way through his report, but when he got to the part about his accident, he found there was just no way to word a stupid accident to make him come out looking like a hero.

He began paging through a magazine Daniel had left him, but it was mostly ads. He stopped when he saw a picture of a tropical beach, and the word "Maui" scrawled across the water.

He'd tried to forget about the whole Eros and Psyche mess, but sometimes there was just no escaping the memories. He laughed at the irony of his thoughts. It was Sam's false memories that started it all, but it didn't mean the thought of his supposed life with her didn't pop into his mind every now and again. Like every time he saw her. She was actually handling the situation better than he was, but he could tell she was making a special effort to be professional these days. Maybe someday they'd be able to relax enough to be just themselves again.

"Hey, sir," Sam's cheery voice called from the doorway. "Like some company?" He couldn't help the unreasonably happy mood he suddenly found himself in at her appearance.

"Sure," he said, striving for nonchalance, but failing miserably. "Have a seat. So, what's going on in the real world?"

"You mean the world outside the SGC?"

"I mean outside the infirmary, and you know it, Major."

Sam flashed him a cheeky grin, as she changed topics. "How's the knee, sir?"

Jack tried to lift his leg off the bed but was greeted with a stab of pain. "Peachy," he said through gritted teeth. "Doc Fraiser said it'll be good as new after *several* weeks in this brace and after several *more* weeks of excruciating physical therapy. But other than that. . . ."

"So, looks like you're going to be out of commission for a while," Sam said.

Jack couldn't help but recall this was how they'd gotten together in Sam's fabricated life. He'd been laid up, and the ground work for their future relationship had begun with her visits to him in the infirmary. The continued irony of the situation wasn't lost on him.

"You heading up SG-1, then?"

"There's been no official word, yet. Besides, we're short a person again since Harrison is off with the Tok'ra."

"Yeah, how is our little foreign exchange student doing, anyway?"

"Fine last I heard. He keeps saying Anise wasn't the reason he volunteered to go with them, but you'd have to be blind not to see the attraction between them."

"Well, they say there's someone out there for everyone," Jack said, his gaze meeting Sam's. They stared at each other, then Sam finally looked away. That's the way it always was; Sam keeping them on the straight and narrow. How did she deal with the fact she'd initiated things that night? Especially when she supposedly didn't remember having been under the influence of Goa'uld technology?

"I heard he's even thinking of becoming a host," Sam added.

"Oh, for cryin' out loud! Didn't that business with Eros and Psyche teach that kid anything?"

"I think that's where he got the notion, sir. He seemed rather impressed with their entire culture, not just Anise."

"Well, I guess there's no accounting for some people's taste. Sorry, no offense to your dad. He's a great guy."

Sam just nodded. The look on her face puzzled him. "Sam? What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing," she said, trying to cover the fact she'd drifted off for a moment.

"Come on, you don't make that face over nothing."

"And you know all my expressions, now?" she asked, her tone light.

"Most of them," he said, smiling. "When you're concentrating on something you get this little line right here," he said, touching her forehead between her brows. Sam jumped at the unexpected contact, self-conscious at his familiarity. "So, what's up?"

Sam looked away, took a deep breath then returned her gaze to his. "Talking about Harrision and that mission with Anise got me thinking. I know Psyche removed some memories from me, memories she gave me when she and Eros captured me, but no one will tell me what they were. Not even you."

"Sam, we've been over this. What good would do to have gone to all that trouble to remove the memories to tell you now? You didn't do anything you shouldn't have, they were just distracting you, interfering with your ability to make rational choices."

"And that's all? I didn't, you know, act inappropriately or anything, did I?"

Jack tried to keep his face neutral, but by the look on her face, he knew he hadn't managed it.

"Oh, God," she said, burying her face in her hands. "This has something to do with that night, doesn't it? That night we. . . . I never understood what came over me to act like that. That's it, isn't it? That's why no one will talk about it because I broke the regs. God, this is embarrassing!"

"Would you keep your voice down! No one knows about that night and no one's going to," he assured her. "Look, they made you believe you were in a relationship with me, that's all." It was more than he'd intended to tell her, but he knew if he didn't give her something, something that rang true, she wouldn't stop until she found out the entire truth. Then the mission *would* have been for nothing.

"But why that?"

Jack shrugged. "They're Goa'uld. How do I know?"

Sam seemed satisfied for the moment. He wished he could tell her, tell her everything. As it was, he had to settle for someday when the fantasy became reality. Picking up the magazine off his lap, he noticed the travel ad again and a slow smile spread across his face.

"So, Carter. Ever been to Maui?"

The End

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