NodaDISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright 2003 by Noda
Noda7277@yahoo.com
*Two For One*
Sam looked down at her barely conscious CO. “Sir, this is your only chance. Kanan can save you, but you have to agree.”
Jack gazed at Sam through a fevered fog. She looked funny. How come he couldn’t see her face? Barely see her eyes? If only he could see her eyes he could tell if she was telling him the truth. Those eyes simply couldn’t lie.
Kanan? That sounded like some damn Tok’ra name. That’s probably why she wasn’t making more of an effort to look directly at him. *Canaan?* Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembered his rudimentary religious education. *Wasn’t that the Land of Promise?* Becoming a damn Tok’ra didn’t sound promising to him. He didn’t care if it meant his death. He didn’t care if the double-dealing Tok’ra lost vital intelligence. He was *not* going to let them put a snake in his head. A fragment of an old song drifted through his mind: “Good-bye, everybody, I’ve got to go. . .”
And then he saw her eyes. She was leaning closer, specifically looking at him, skewering him with a pleading look.
She knew how he felt about the Tok’ra. She out of all of them should understand what he was feeling right now. If their positions were reversed, he wouldn’t be asking her to go through this. Or would he? Suddenly it wasn’t about duty and honor. It was personal and it was Sam asking *him* not “the Colonel” to reconsider. It was Sam, not Carter, not his 2IC beseeching him to take this option. He almost gave in. The thought of how she would grieve nearly forced the words from his mouth. Instead, he found himself giving the only answer he could live with. Or in this case, die with.
“Over. . .my. . .dead. . .body.”
“Sir, please,” she was almost begging now. He couldn’t stand seeing that mournful look in her eyes. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words, but he blinked slowly, knowing she would understand his acquiescence as he slipped into unconsciousness.
***
Jack’s first thought was he felt better. The fever, the body aches, they seemed to be gone. Perhaps Aianna had healed him after all. He thought he remembered hearing Jonas saying something about her dying, but he’d been so out of it, he must have been mistaken. He owed her a huge debt of gratitude for risking her life once again to save his.
*Sorry, Jack, but she doesn’t get the credit.*
The voice resonating inside his head was slightly accented, one he knew he wasn’t remembering because he’d never heard it before. For a few seconds he denied what he knew was true. He had agreed to this. Blackmailed by his feelings for Sam. No, that wasn’t the only reason. How he felt for her played a part in this, but it wasn’t the only factor. The fact that Kanan would have died had an impact on him as well, regardless of Jack’s feelings about snakes, even the supposedly benign kind.
*That really isn’t a very kind term,* Kanan rebuffed gently.
“It wasn’t meant to be,” he growled, unsure if he answered aloud or just thought at the creature sharing his living space. “I thought you guys didn’t move in without an invitation,” Jack relayed to the Tok’ra.
*There was no time to ‘negotiate a deal,’* Kanan said. *My host was dying; as were you, and I have valuable information for the Tok’ra. Your sickness was quite easy to cure, much more so than my former host’s injuries. It seemed like the best solution for everyone.*
Jack caught flashes of Kanan’s memories of his former host, Marwin. The agony he’d suffered, despite Kanan’s attempts to heal him. He’d been badly burned in an explosion and it had been beyond Kanan’s ability to save him. Feelings of loss and remorse flowed over Jack, causing him a moment of empathy with the creature. But he didn’t feel bad enough to want to be Kanan’s new host.
*I promised your General Hammond as soon as a suitable host could be found, I would gladly switch bodies.*
“Yeah, well, I don’t exactly see a line out the door waiting for the opportunity,” Jack said, flexing his fingers. Maybe he should try sitting up and see how that felt. Slowly he raised himself off the hard platform he’d been placed on. His isolation chamber stood next to the pallet, looking oddly coffin-like, and for a moment, Jack wished it had been his final resting place.
*You don’t really mean that,* Kanan said.
“Will you stop that!” This time Jack knew he’d shouted. “Isn’t there someplace you can go where you’re not reading my every thought?!”
*There are ways to build up privacy screens, but it takes practice and concentration, much like Kel No Reem.*
“And I’ve always been great at that,” Jack quipped. “So how come I can’t tell what you’re thinking?”
*I have had many years to develop the techniques I speak of.*
Jack’s vision swam as he tried to move off the bed. “Isn’t that convenient.”
*I would suggest that you rest a bit more before moving around. I haven’t healed you completely.*
“Well, thanks for nothin.’”
*Perhaps this arrangement will not be as bad as you fear.*
“Hey, I didn’t say I ‘feared’ anything!”
*You didn’t have to,* Kanan said pointedly.
“Look, I don’t know about you, but this ‘arrangement’ isn’t working for me. So the sooner I’m back on my feet, the sooner we can find you someone who wants you in their head.” Jack took a tentative step and crumbled to the floor, just as another Tok’ra entered the room.
“He is very stubborn,” Kershak said, the hollow sound of her voice reverberating off the crystalline walls.
Jack’s eyes glowed as Kanan took possession of his body. “He fights me at every turn. Even when he was unconscious it was a struggle.”
“Then why did he agree to the blending?”
“He was dying. I believe there were some personal reasons involved.,” Kanan said, but revealed nothing more.
“Perhaps you should tell the Council your findings and leave him. It seems to be what he desires.”
Kanan hesitated a moment. “Yes, it is. But he is not fully recovered. I owe him at least that much.”
Kershack, grinned. “You like him. I can tell.”
“I believe ‘like’ is too strong a word. I find him interesting. He has been through many battles, and can teach us new skills, even if they are primitive. It seems to be how the Tauri have succeeded against the Goa’uld in the past.”
“It’s more than that,” Kershak insisted. “I think you finally have a host who is your equal. Marwin was a good man, but he certainly was no match for your, shall we say, ‘passions?’”
This time it was Kanan who grinned. “If you are referring to how I obtained information on Ba’al’s fortress, then perhaps you are right. But as far as passion during a fight, I never found Marwin lacking.
Kershak ran her hand appreciatively over Kanan’s new host’s chest. “I don’t believe this host is lacking either.”
“Don’t get any ideas, Kershack,” Kanan warned. “There is a Tauri woman to whom he is loyal. Although I am not exactly sure in what way. I am sure she was instrumental in his agreement to this arrangement. He claims he can keep nothing from me, but he has managed to hide this. Perhaps it is because he hides it from himself as well.”
“Pity,” Kershack said, giving Jack/Kanan one last look as she helped him back to the bed. “But then I suppose you’ll be leaving him before long anyway, and he’ll return to the Tauri.”
“Yes, I believe he will. I don’t think there’s anything that would convince him to stay with us.”
*******
Sam sat in her lab, staring sightlessly at the screensaver of her computer. Jack--the Colonel--had been with the Tok’ra for over two days and still there was no word. Why didn’t they contact them? She wasn’t the only one concerned, wondering about O’Neill’s fate. The rest of SG-1, as well as Janet, General Hammond and several others who worked with him on regular basis, were all on edge, waiting for something, anything from the Tok’ra. But no signal of a message came in. Sam was sure the technicians in the control room cringed when they saw her coming, asking the same questions they didn’t have answers to.
Sighing, Sam stood and gathered the papers littering her desk. This was all her fault. She shouldn’t have made it personal. It was the last thing the Colonel had wanted. There wasn’t a person on the base who didn’t know how O’Neill felt about the Tok’ra. They were all looking for a way to rationalize the decision they’d talked him into. Choosing his life over his protests. Hammond wasn’t going to loose a good soldier if he could help it. As much as she dreaded his reaction to finding out he was now a Tok’ra, Sam silently begged whatever power would listen that they’d soon receive some word of Jack.
Teal’c knocked lightly on the frame of her door, causing Sam to look up. She smiled when she saw him, even though he wasn’t looking particularly happy. Although, with Teal’c, it was hard to tell. But since she’d gotten to know him better, she could judge his mood by his stance, which gave away more than his facial expressions ever did.
“Hey, Teal’c.”
“Majorcarter.” The silence stretched between them and she was starting to grow impatient for him to speak.
“Is there something I can do for you?”
“Indeed there is.”
Again Sam waited for him to tell her what was on his mind, but it was like pulling teeth. “What is it?”
“I do not believe we made the right decision concerning O’Neill’s welfare.”
Sam took a seat. This wasn’t going to be a short conversation. “Teal’c, you were there. You saw that he agreed to this.”
“I believe I was acting upon my own need to see O’Neill survive. As I believe you and Generalhammond were as well.”
Floundering for a moment, Sam found her voice. “I don’t think any of us were thinking too clearly of the consequences at that moment. A decision had to be made, and we did it.”
Teal’c stepped further into the room, unclasping the hands he held behind his back. “I agree, but now I wonder if we were doing what was best for Colonelo’neill or what was best for us.”
Sam felt her convictions begin to crumble. She couldn’t have stood by as the Colonel died, she just couldn’t. Not when there was another option, even one he loathed. But Teal’c was correct. Had they had the right to save him when it was by a means he’d told them he’d never even consider? She hadn’t read his acceptance wrong, had she? Didn’t he agree before losing consciousness?
“You’re right,” she said at last. Sam looked at him with a pained expression. “Maybe we shouldn’t have done this to him.”
Teal’c stepped even closer, placing a large hand on her shoulder. “I did not come here to cause you distress. I think perhaps it was to ease my own conscience. I too could not stand by and watch him die, despite his feelings for the Tok’ra. I believe once he has been healed and Kanan has chosen a new host, he will see what we did was in his best interest.”
Sam’s expression brightened slightly. “You really think so? I could live with his anger if I knew somewhere he understood why we had to do this.”
“I think eventually he will come to see we meant him no harm.”
Sam nodded, feeling some what better than she had a few minutes ago. There was no escaping the fact Jack was going to be pissed as hell at the situation they placed him in, but at least he’d be alive for him to be pissed.
“I just wish the Tok’ra would send some word about what was going on.”
“Perhaps it is unwise to send a communication at this time. The Goa’uld have been even more relentless in tracking down the Tok’ra since Revanna. I am confident when it is safe, we will have word of O’Neill’s progress.”
Sam stood, running her hands along the legs of her fatigue pants. “Again, you’re right. It’s just that waiting is so hard.”
Teal’c didn’t answer, merely nodding his head in agreement. “If there is some word, I shall inform you immediately.”
*********
How could he agree to this? Jack raged at himself. Kanan had wisely retreated to some quiet corner of his mind, and he could almost believe this was a bad dream. Almost. Until he felt the presence of another mind within his own. God! How did Jacob stand this? From what Sam had told him, Jacob had been as private of a man as he himself was. How had he ever learned to live with, and even embrace this dual life?
*Perhaps you should ask him.* “I wasn’t talking to you!” Jack snapped back at Kanan.
*Sooner or later you are going to have to resign yourself to the fact that I am here. It would be much easier for both of us if you accepted it. It would make the blending much easier.*
“Hey! There’s going to be no ‘blending’ here! You’re like. . .like an antibiotic that’s cured my disease, and when you’ve done that you’re outta here!”
Kanan’s tone was no longer as patient as it had been. *Once you are cured, it is time for you to hold up your end of the bargain. I must report my findings to the Council.*
“There is no ‘end of the bargain’ to hold up because I wasn‘t given much of a choice!”
*You seem to be under the mistaken impression that this is something I wanted. I assure you, O’Neill, this is the last option I would have chosen. I *do not* take hosts unwillingly. As repugnant as you find me, the thought of blending with you is equally distressing to me. But I have vital information that needs to be relayed, and you seem to be my only hope for accomplishing that goal.*
Chastised, Jack was silent for a moment. Okay, so they both were in unpleasant situations. He’d been through worse, right? Well, he couldn’t think of anything at the moment that was worse than this. Except maybe being in a prison in Iraq. But wasn’t this a prison of sorts? He was being watched, monitored, possibly influenced by thoughts that weren’t his own. He wasn’t entirely in control of his own body and that scared the hell out of him.
That was the real crux of the matter. The fact that if he relinquished control or not, this *creature* could take over his body and do what it wanted with it. While he was helpless to stop it.
*It’s not going to be like that,* Kanan assured him.
“You say that now, but if push comes to shove, I know your morals are going to go straight out the window.”
*There are no windows here,* Kanan said, perfectly deadpan. Jack had to stop himself from smiling. Okay, so the snake had a sense of humor, that didn’t mean he wanted him as a roommate. *I believe it would be a good thing if you talked to Jacob and Selmak,* Kanan repeated. *As a former Tauri, I think he could be most helpful during your adjustment.*
At least this time he didn’t refer to it as his blending, Jack thought. Maybe Jacob could be of some help. “Fine. Send him in. But don’t be expecting any miracles.”
*As you Tauri say, I will not hold my breath.* Again Jack felt the twinge of a smile starting to form, but he fought the urge. This whole thing was just too weird to start taking it in stride. *Perhaps you should rest, and allow me to further heal you. You can speak with Jacob tonight at the evening meal.*
“Whatever,” Jack thought as he felt the veil of sleep begin to envelope him. Was he really this tired or was this something Kanan was doing to him?
***
Jack entered what he termed the Eating Cave. Given the Tok‘ra‘s recent losses, he was surprised by the number of people seated at long tables. They were made of the same crystalline material as the cave walls, and in some strange way, it reminded him of a mess hall. He found the thought slightly comforting.
*Jacob is seated at the last table on the left,* Kanan told him.
“I see him!” Jack sniped internally. “I haven’t lost all my faculties yet, you know!”
As he approached, Jacob stood. “Having an argument with yourself, Jack?”
“What makes you say that?”
Jacob chuckled. “I remember making that face a lot when I first got here. It’s good to see you again,” he said, extending his hand.
Jack accepted it. “Yeah, well, I wish it was under different circumstances.”
Jacob took his seat, motioning to Jack to do the same. “Believe me, we all do.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just that we know how you feel about symbiotes and how Kanan feels about unwilling hosts.”
“He really does find this hard, huh?”
“Why don’t you ask him. He’s the one who can tell you how he feels better than the rest of us.” Jacob reached for a basket that held something that resembled bread and Jack took a piece. He didn’t realize how hungry he was until he saw the food on the table. Although, he didn’t recognize much, if any of it. Normally he wasn’t a picky eater. His Special Ops training had him eating anything he could find to stay alive, but the strange color and texture of the food was off-putting, to say the least.
Noticing his scowl, Jacob suggested, “If you’re having trouble with the food, why don’t you let Kanan eat it? Selmak would like to talk to him anyway.”
*Okay, so this would be weird,* Jack thought. If Kanan ate it, who tasted it?
*Would it hurt to find out?* Kanan asked.
“Um, no,” Jack replied to the presence in his mind, still unsure how this was done.
*Just give me permission. Eventually this will become involuntary, but for now you simply don’t have to fight me.*
Jack wasn’t sure he wanted it to become automatic, so he just thought: “have at it.”
It was the strangest feeling. Like someone brushing past him, but not touching him. He felt his vocal cords moving, heard the words, but they were not his. His hand moved under it’s own violation, or rather Kanan’s. It was kind of like a game he’d played as a kid when he’d pretend to be a puppet and someone would move his arms and try to imitate his voice. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. It wasn’t unpleasant, it just felt odd. And so long as Kanan didn’t try to do something he didn’t agree with, he thought he’d sit back and try to learn to accept this new sensation.
Jacob’s eyes glowed as Selmak came forward. “Kanan, my old friend, it is good to see you again.” He embraced Jack’s body in a much warmer, more personal way than Jack and Jacob had greeted each other. “Thoran has told me of your experiences. I am sorry you have been forced to take a less -than-willing host.
“As am I. This O’Neill is most resistant to the idea of blending. I hope a suitable host can be found soon. For both our sakes.”
*You’re not the only one,* Jack directed at Kanan. This part was kind of fun, he thought. Screwing with Kanan’s mind when he was trying to concentrate, as Kanan seemed bent on doing with him. But Kanan wasn’t new at this like he was. He felt what could have been termed a mental “slap” from Kanan, and the reprimand didn’t go unnoticed by Jack. *Okay! Have your little chat with Selmak, but I want to talk to Jacob when you’re through.*
*You will have your turn,* Kanan told him as he turned back to Selmak.
“Even thought our mission was not completely successful, I do have information that could make a difference in our fight with the Goa’uld.”
“Thoran made that quite clear. How soon do you think it will be before you’re up to talking with the Council?”
“I think perhaps it would be best to give O’Neill one more day to come to accept his new situation. I believe Jacob could be instrumental in helping him through this adjustment.”
“He feels the same,” Selmak agreed. “He knows how stubborn O’Neill is. Kanan, for what it’s worth, we all appreciate the sacrifice you are making on behalf of the Tok’ra. And the Council is doing everything it can to find you a new host.”
“Thank you, my friend. And now, tell me of what’s been happening here.”
Jack stopped paying attention to Kanan and Selmak’s conversation. It was all information he knew. The attack on Revanna, the abortive strike against the Goa’uld, it was all old news to him. Instead he became interested in other images that occasionally drifted through Kanan’s mind. Something about a woman. A woman he was involved with. *Now this was something interesting!* Jack thought. Unfortunately, it also brought thoughts of Carter to mind and he didn’t necessarily want Kanan picking up on his feelings for her. Especially when he was talking to Jacob and Selmak.
But the thought had crossed his mind, and that was probably enough for Kanan to pick it up. After all, if Jack could get fleeting images of woman from Kanan , with all his training in blocking certain thoughts, Jack figured he was an open book. Maybe he’d be lucky and Kanan wouldn’t want to discuss the chapter dealing with Carter.
*********
Jack/Kanan strolled the endless tunnels of the Tok’ra’s new base, each with a different purpose. Kanan was familiarizing himself with the new layout and Jack just needed to be moving. God he was sick of gray and purple! If, no *when* he got out of this mess he was going to rid his life of anything remotely shaded purple.
*Is there nothing about our existence you can appreciate?* Kanan asked, startling Jack from his reverie. It was times like this he could almost forget Kanan was there.
“Um, no,” he answered. Okay, maybe there were one or two things that were kind of cool. Like the fact that he felt stronger, and his knees had stopped their constant aching. He hadn’t even realized how much he’d come to accept the pain until it was gone. He hoped he didn’t get that back *when* Kanan left him.
*I have healed your physical injuries. Even old ones. It is most impressive how you’ve lived with some of the damage.*
“Well, I didn’t have a lot of choice, did I?”
*You could have become a host before this.*
Jack snorted at the idea. “Yeah, right. I’m sure you realize why I’m not even going to qualify that with an answer.” He could almost feel Kanan smile at him.
*I understand your reasons, but I think you are misinformed.* Kanan had forced Jack’s feet to stop moving, and for a moment Jack felt a flash of panic.
“I thought you told me you wouldn’t take over my body unless I gave you permission!”
*There is someone you need to talk to further. These are Jacob’s quarters.*
“You don’t think it’s up to me if I talk to Jacob or not? We did talk. Over dinner.”
*No, Selmak and I talked, you barely spoke to Jacob.* Kanan’s voice in his head was firm.
Gripping the short hair at the sides of his head, Jack sighed in frustration. “This is driving me nuts!” he spoke aloud.
*Which is precisely the reason we are here. For you to talk to Jacob. He can help you.*
“Fine! Whatever! Just stop talking to me for five minutes!” Kanan silently propelled Jack through the opening into a small chamber. “Don’t you people believe in knocking?”
“There’s no need,” Jacob said, rising from some project he was working on. “We have no secrets here.”
“Okay, so what if you were going to the bathroom?”
Jacob gave a little laugh. “There is a little more privacy, then.”
“That’s a relief,” Jack said, looking around the small room. “No pun intended.”
Jacob’s smile remained in place. “I was kind of hoping blending would take your edge off.”
“And disappoint everyone?”
Jacob motioned to a low bench that served as his bed. “Have a seat.”
Jack continued to look around, still contemplating if he wanted to have this conversation. He knew Jacob was going to try to convince him of the benefits of being Tok’ra. Hell, he’d practically become a walking ad for them lately, and Jack wasn’t sure he wanted to become one of the newly converted.
Sitting on Jacob’s pallet, Jack’s hands were in constant nervous motion. Thumbs twirling around each other as his legs barely managed to keep still.
“Kanan could help you with all that nervous energy, you know.”
“I don’t *want* help with it!” Jack snapped. “I happen to like the way I am, bad habits and all!”
Jacob gave him a flat stare. What was it about Jacob that he could make him feel inferior with just a look?
“Jack, no one is pleased about this situation, but you’re acting like a petulant child. As soon as a suitable host can be found. . . “
“I know, he’ll leave me. But how long is that going to take? I can’t sit around here and wait forever!”
“It’s been two days,” Jacob said. “Give it some time.”
“I can’t stay here,” Jack repeated. “Kanan might have work to do, but so do I. So, who gets control in a situation like this? How do we decide whose mission is the most important?”
Jacob was silent, his eyes glazed with a faraway look. “Honestly, I don’t know. I guess that’s something you and Kanan have to work out.”
“How do you do it? I mean you and Selmak? Surely there must be times you disagree.”
A grin spread across Jacob’s face. “All the time. But I guess we’ve both learned when to give into the other. It takes time. Kind of like really getting to know the person you’re married to.”
“Thanks, but I like being single. Liked. I *liked* being single. In every sense of the word.” For a moment another thought of Sam flashed in his mind. Okay, maybe not *totally* single. . . .
Shaking his head, Jacob looked disappointed. “I was hoping being blended would give you some new perspective on the Tok’ra. I guess it hasn’t.” “You see? Right there is where I have a problem with this. I hate that word. Blended. I feel like I’m not me anymore. Like I’m now some hybrid.”
“In a sense, you are. The best of both.”
“Or the worst! What about Tanith? Didn’t he end up being the worst of both?”
“He was a Goa’uld,” Jacob pointed out.
“Okay, bad example. You can’t tell me every ‘blending’ has been successful.”
Jacob looked as if he was struggling with himself, carefully choosing his words. “No, it’s not always successful. Sometimes it’s a host who isn’t ready for implant. . .”
“Ah! Don’t use that word!”
“Joining. Who isn’t ready for joining, or who’s motives aren’t in the best interest of the Tok’ra, then things haven’t gone well. That’s why it takes so long to find a suitable host. We want to make absolutely sure the person is ready, or as ready as they can be for the process.”
“So what about us? You didn’t exactly go through a thorough screening before you got Selmak, and I barely agreed.”
“Sometimes there are exceptions to the rules. You better than anyone should know that.”
Jack squirmed under Jacob’s perceptive gaze. “I wouldn’t be an effective commander if I didn’t know when to bend the rules.”
“The Tok’ra, too, know when it’s necessary to take a chance. And they did.”
The two men were silent, staring at each other. It was obvious they were never going to agree. So maybe he had a little better idea of what it was like for Jacob to live with a symbiote, but it had been *his choice* to become a Tok’ra! Why were they trying so hard to convince him that this was such a great lifestyle? If it was so wonderful, how come there wasn’t a line of people waiting to become hosts?
Jack felt Kanan reasserting himself into his mind. It was just such a weird feeling.
*I want to show you something,* Kanan’s voice said. That was anther weird thing. That Kanan’s “voice” actually sounded different from his own in his head. And that accent; Jack still hadn’t quite placed it.
“I thought I was supposed to be talking to Jacob,” Jack shot back at Kanan.
*It appears you are unwilling to listen to him with an open mind. If you’ll allow me to show something, perhaps you’ll understand us better.*
Curious, Jack gave his permission. “Why not? I don’t seem to have anything better to do.” Aloud he said, “Jacob, thanks for trying, but I guess it’s the ghost of Christmas Present’s turn to try to show me the error of my ways.”
Jacob just shook his head. “Seeing as you haven’t gained much of Kanan’s personality, we can only hope he hasn’t gotten much of yours, either.”
*********
Jack walked through the crystalline tunnels wondering why Kanan was so hell-bent on getting him to accept the Tok’ra. The obvious answer would be that he wanted to retain him as a host. But that didn’t make any sense. Kanan didn’t like him any more than Jack liked Kanan. They’d come to a truce, of sorts, but only out of necessity. If Jack never saw another Tok’ra again it would be too soon. For a moment Jack had forgotten Kanan had access to his ruminations, but since the snake hadn’t commented, he decided not to worry about it.
After entering a chamber, Jack suddenly felt his feet refuse to move. “Hey!” he protested, willing his legs to take the next step forward.
*We are here.*
“Great, but could you take off the emergency brake?” Jack nearly tumbled as he gained control over his limbs once more. Looking around, he noticed the walls of this chamber were different from the rest of the tunnels. Where they had a purple glow, this room radiated a soft red, not only giving the illusion of heat, but producing it as well. The ceiling was lower and the words “womb-like” floated through his mind.
*Very astute,* Kanan complimented him. *It is indeed an incubation chamber.*
“Incubation as in larval Goa’uld?”
*Incubation as in larval *Tok’ra*. We do not enslave Jaffa as do the Goa’uld. We have had to employ other methods. Unfortunately, they aren’t as efficient.*
Jack felt a flicker of empathy, but that’s all the further it went. “So what about free Jaffa, like Teal’c and that bunch on Cal Mah? Seems to me you’d both make out. They need sna. . .larvae to survive and it’s a better deal for you as well.”
*The concept has been discussed. Regrettably, there are those who haven’t forgotten how easily Tanith infiltrated our ranks.*
“So you need a tighter screening policy. Look, I don’t know what this has to do with me, but I have an idea where it’s going and let me tell you *right now* there’s *no way* I’m staying a host.”
*I wish only your cooperation, Jack.*
The use of his name set him back. Up until now, Kanan hadn’t referred to him as anything other than “O‘Neill.” Jack was wary. He knew he wasn’t going to like the request.
*Our people are dying,* Kanan said, his voice betraying his anguish. Touching a crystal on the wall caused the cover of a circular vat to retract. At first Jack thought it was some kind of hot tub, until he saw larvae swimming through the bubbling water. Memories of Hathor crashed over him and he instinctively took a step back.
*They cannot harm you. I only wished to show you the conditions my people must live in until an acceptable host can be found. And the worst of it is, this is only a temporary repository. We can not live in this environment forever. There was a time when all Tok’ra and Goa’uld lived in primordial seas, but we can no longer live as our ancestors.*
“Yeah, well, evolution sucks, doesn’t it?” Jack knew this little primer on the Tok’ra was heading somewhere specific, even if Kanan was trying to enter through the back door by playing on his sympathies. Sure he felt bad that there weren’t enough hosts to go around, but he didn’t feel bad enough to give up his life, his objectives, to keep their race alive. Other than Jacob, had any of them gone out of their way to help Humans? And if it wouldn’t have benefited them, would Jacob even have been saved?
*I only ask one small favor, O’Neill, and then I promise you I shall not ask a thing of you again. I will not even ask for you to wait for a host to be found.*
The impact of Kanan’s words hit Jack hard. What could be so important to him that he was willing to sacrifice himself? “I’m listening.”
There was a silence, a hesitation. Almost as if telling Jack what he wanted and the reasons behind it were painful to him. *There is a woman,* was all he said, as if that should be a sufficient explanation.
“A woman,” Jack stated. “Let me guess. Your girlfriend is swimming around in that tank and you want me to find a host for her, is that it?”
Jack had the distinct impression Kanan was giving him a sardonic smile. *No, that is not it. Would that it were so simple. When I was working within Ba’al’s ranks, I had the pleasure and the displeasure of encountering Ba’al’s Lotar, called Shallan. She was Ba’al’s personal slave and knew things about him and his fortress I could never hope to learn. So I used her, pretending to love her to gain access to her secrets.*
“But it wasn’t all pretend,” Jack surmised. “You fell for her.”
*I lost my perspective. Broke the rule every operative knows--you don’t get personal.*
Jack felt his throat tighten. He knew exactly what Kanan was talking about. How many times had he tried to stay objective where Carter was concerned? How many times had he vowed, this time she would be “just one of the guys?” And still he failed. He was getting better at hiding the outward signs, but the pull she had over him was still there. Hell, he wouldn’t even *be* in this situation if it hadn’t been for his feelings for her. It was for her he agreed to become something he feared and loathed.
“So, what do you want?”
*To rescue her. But I need one thing from you.*
“Which is?”
Kanan seemed to take a deep breath. *To use your body long enough to get her off that planet and to safety.*
Jack didn’t even have to consider it to give Kanan an answer. “Uh uh. No way. I’m not going off on some wild goose chase because you got the hots for some chick you were using for information.”
*I’m surprised at you , Jack. Especially considering how you feel about Major Carter . . . *
“You leave her out of this!”
*Why? Striking a nerve, as you Humans say? *
“How I feel or don’t feel about Carter is none of your business!”
*Isn’t it?* Kanan asked. *If it was your Major Carter stranded on that planet with a madman, would you even be asking permission of anyone or anything to rescue her?*
Jack felt himself deflate. How could he argue with Kanan’s logic? Of course the Tok’ra would know how deep his feelings for Sam went. Kanan knew things about him that he didn’t know himself. Would there be a point in denying it? Maybe not, but did he owe Kanan the use of his body to go on a suicide mission? Jack was healed, Kanan had delivered his information, their deal was over. The only thing Jack owed him was the courtesy of waiting for a new host to be found. There was nothing in their agreement that said he had to run off to some planet to rescue some woman.
And yet, he could feel Kanan’s pain. Pain at how he’d treated Shallan in the past, and his guilt over leaving her. There was also a genuine longing that went beyond the guilt and pain. He missed her. That was something he could relate to. He missed his friends, his team. But most of all, he missed Carter. He hadn’t realized how much he depended on her throughout the day, until she wasn’t there. Was Kanan feeling that loss, that emptiness? All he had to do was ask, but Jack found he couldn’t bring himself to pry that deeply into him. Even if Kanan had burrowed his way into Jack’s psyche, he didn’t feel the need to return the favor. But there was one favor he could do for Kanan. He didn’t owe the Tok’ra or this particular snake anything, but nonetheless he found himself agreeing to help him.
“Okay. I’ll do this on one condition.”
There was hope in the voice within Jack’s head. *Yes?*
“Word of what a sap I am gets out and you’ll never live to see another host!”
* * *
It was night, after a recent hard rain on a planet Jack didn’t recognize. Even before passage to Ba’al’s planet had been secured, Jack had agreed to let Kanan have command of their body. He hated not being in control, but if this were to succeed, he had to concur, Kanan was the one best suited for this operation. Apparently Kanan’s haste had not only been fear for Shallan’s safety within Ba’al’s fortress, but they had a pre-arranged rendezvous. Shallan would have no choice but to return to Ba’al’s wrath if Kanan didn’t come for her.
They met in the agreed upon spot, and Shallan baulked only slightly at the new host Kanan presented her with, surprising Jack. This woman was entirely too trusting. Even if Kanan had warned her he may not be the same physically, she should have asked for some kind of sign this wasn’t a trap. Maybe she didn’t care. Maybe anything was better than to be Ba’al’s slave.
The sound of a Jaffa horn rent the air, galvanizing Kanan into action.
“We have to go to the chaapa'ai,” Kanan spoke, his voice echoing off dripping foliage. Jack felt his hand grasp the woman’s wrist, dragging her from her hiding place. All around him he heard voices, angry shouts in the impossible language the Jaffa spoke. But on some level he understood it. Probably the part of him that was now Kanan. They were searching for Shallan and were closing in on their trail. Jack could tell they were already dispatching part of their numbers to guard the Stargate, in case she tried to escape.
“You must hurry!” Kanan urged, pulling the woman behind him. But she tripped and fell, losing precious time floundering in the mud. Kanan came back for her.
“I can’t go on!” she wailed. “Save yourself!”
“I will not leave you!” Kanan looked around for some shelter and directed Shallan to hide. “Wait here. I will activate the chaapa'ai and return for you. Shallan nodded in silent agreement, hauling herself off to the place of concealment.
Kanan ran for the DHD, frantically dialing, but he wasn’t fast enough. A staff blast caught him in the back, causing him to fall into the mud. This was it. He wasn’t going to make it. He’d tried his best, and failed. Worse yet, he failed Shallan and Jack O’Neill.
Kanan’s breathing was labored, his voice barely non-existent. “O’Neill, you are a sap. And I believe you are right. I will not live to see another host. But I cannot allow you to remember why you‘ve come here. They would use it against you and her. Good-bye my. . .friend.”
Jack felt a rush of wetness at the back of his throat, and tasted blood as Kanan expelled himself from his body. For a moment he felt a sense of loss, but couldn’t understand why. And what was he doing lying face down in the mud? Where was he? And why were there Jaffa descending on him like flies?
The End
Back to Noda's Stargate Fan Fiction