So, you want to know about me, huh? Well, either you've realized your mistake and are right now in the process of correcting it, or you really do have some macabre reason for wanting to know about me. Ok, then, here goes...

Principle Characteristics

Name: Ashley Howard Davis
Sex: Male
D.O.B.: March 25, 1971
P.O.B.: Oklahoma City, OK
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 125 lbs.
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Brown
Current Residence: Dallas, TX
Political Party: None
Religion: Agnostic
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Marital Status: Single
Occupation: Replicator of DNA molecules

Geez, this is tough. Damn, what possessed me to decide to create this me page, anyway? I'm sitting here trying to think of witty ways to describe myself, but can't come up with a damn thing. Oh, I guess that's because I'm not witty... ah, I've quit trying to deceive myself. And as a result, I've also quit trying to deceive you! What a revelation I've made. I'll bet all of those other 'me' pages out there are all full of embellishments and ego-trips. Well, not mine, I say. I'm going to be completely honest! So here goes.

Ready?

Ok, to be honest with you, I really can't think of much that's completely captivating about myself that might interest you, whoever you may be, who has decided that you want to know something about me. Actually, that's another self deception... It is I who wants you to know something about me, not the other way around. Otherwise, why would I be sitting here right now preparing to post my soul on the internet for millions of people to dissect? Like millions of people will ever even see this... hell, chances are, NO ONE will probably ever see this, because NO ONE ever visits my page! Ahhhh... what a relief! So now that I feel better about this whole thing, I shall proceed. But wait a second, that's like a paradox, that whole relief thing. Why should I be relieved that no one will ever see this, when the whole reason I'm writing it is so that some one will see it? There must be some psychological reason hidden deep within my id. Or is it my ego? I never can tell which is which.

Anyway...

I'm supposed to be describing my personality, I think. I was going to do this whole thing categorically, and it started off that way, but it kind of turned into this big stew of word mincing. I'm surprised if you're still here and reading this... but everyone has to feed their ego every once in a while (or is it the id?) and that's what I'm doing. So back to this me thing. Hmmm...

You know what? This sucks. I'm not going to describe myself. I'm just going to write some crazy shit and let you decide for yourself what kind of person I am.

June 14th 1998 7:52 p.m. Central Standard Time


What follows is a rare glimpse into my psyche!

Ok, it's been a long ass time since I updated the 'me' page. I've decided to list some of my favorite bands and musicians, so that you will get a better mental image of what kind of a freak I am.

Alice In Chains - The Alman Brothers - Anthrax - Asia - Bach - The Beatles - Beastie Boys - Beck - Beethoven - Bjork - The Black Crowes - Blind Melon - Bob Dylan - Boston - The Breeders - Chicago - Chopin - The Cranberries - Danzig - Dinosaur Jr. - The Doors - The Eagles - Faith No More - The Foo Fighters - Gustav Holst- Hole - Iron Maiden - Jimi Hendrix - John Williams - Journey - King Diamond - Led Zeppelin - Letters To Cleo - Luscious Jackson - Mad Season - Malfunkshun - Mazzy Star - Megadeth - Metallica - The Moody Blues - Mother Love Bone - Mozart - Neil Young - Nirvana - Overkill - Pantera - Pearl Jam - Pink Floyd - Prong - Portishead - Queen - Queensryche - Radiohead - The Red Hot Chili Peppers - Rush - Sabbat - Sarah McLachlan Sepultura - Slayer - The Smashing Pumpkins - Sneaker Pimps - Soundgarden - Steely Dan - Stevie Ray Vaughn - Stone Temple Pilots - Suede - The Sugar Cubes - Temple of the Dog - Tripping Daisy - Tricky - U2 - Van Halen - 311

And here's an extra bonus. My favorite authors.

Greg Bear- Orson Scott Card - Isaac Asimov - Stephen King - Stephen Baxter - Kim Stanley Robinson - Carl Sagan - J.R.R. Tolkein - Frank Herbert - Roger Zelazny - Larry Niven - Arthur C. Clarke - David Brin - Douglas Adams - Robert Heinlein - L. Ron Hubbard - Michael Crichton - Dean Koontz - James Douglas Morrison - Harry Turtledove

There, I hope that tides you over.

August26 1998 3:37 a.m. Central Standard Time

What follows is some crazy shit!

Okay, you're still waiting for the crazy shit I promised back on June 14th, 1998? Ok, it's April 25th 1999, and here is the crazy shit I promised.

Once upon a time, the other day, bugs bunny was trying to get mister spock to fill his valuim prescription but the recoton cd cleaner was dirty and there was no way to click the video button without hitting the venitian blinds in advance. Well, as you can probably tell, this leads to a severe problem with the corneal transmitters, so the furry dog that talks will have to break up with the punky brewster doll. And while there's time, eat my sunglasses and then take a drive down the road with my beef medallions. You won't be sorry, I promise.

April 25th 1999 8:41 p.m. Central Standard Time

What follows is extremely interesting!

Since I can't think of anything to say, I'm just going to say what I'm doing right now. I'm sitting here at my laptop. I just scratched my forhead about 10 seconds ago. I then placed my hands back on my keyboard and spent about the last 20 seconds typing this. I paused for a second just so that I could say that I paused. I reached down and scratched my left thigh about 10 seconds ago, immediately followed by the area about 2 inches above my left eye. I just scratched my upper left bicept. I just reached behind me with my left hand and scratched my left shoulder blade. All the while I am typing between scratches. Damn, I just scratched my left shoulder blade again. Why do I have so many itches? That's fucking weird. I just went back and read all of this and realized how stupid it sounds. Then I scratched my left shoulder blade again.

June 27th 1999 7:46 p.m. central standard time

What follows is a true account!

Make no mistake, all of the events which you are about to read actually happened. Yes, this courageous fellow actually experienced this traumatic ordeal. Not only did he endure this terrible atrocity, he survived it. You will now witness the story of how he faced insurmountable odds to overthrow the nightmarish forces which were working relentlessly towards his undoing. You will read how he overcame fear in the face of adversity. You will experience first hand how his sanity was taxed to the limits of human endurance. This man... this brave, brave person... now recounts his tale for you. Read on as he recreates the very events which shaped his angst filled, yet triumphant life up to this point. Experience his joys and sorrows, triumphs and failures, his trials and tribulations. Know his pure, raw fear as he faces his worst personal demons. Know his unfettered elation as he overcomes impossible odds. Walk in his shoes for a while, my friend... taste of the bittersweet wine which is his life. Ask yourself the questions... 'Would I have done the same in his place? Would I have been as stout of heart, as sound of mind, as strong of sinew and bone? Would I have endured as he has?' Read his account. Feel his emotions. Experience his successes. Acknowledge his defeats. See the world through his eyes, as only one who has gone through what he has can. As you read, you will be swept away into another world, a world dominated by the fundamental principles of human existence. Sweat and blood. Earth and power. Love and hate. Fear and lust. Greed and humility. Yes, all of these things are yours to know through this classic retelling of his deeds. Bolster yourself, for you are about to embark upon a fantastic voyage of the soul. His words will expand the confines of your mind to new reaches which you will have thought previously unattainable. Summon your strength, goodperson, and prepare to witness the sundering of reality as it is redefined.

Friday, August 20th, 1999 2:13 p.m. Central Standard Time

What follows is!

Hang on just a sec. I’m not a God, I don’t possess qualities which can be handed out to all in need. I’m not this being whom I project myself to be, although I use this projection as a somewhat effective shield. It is a shield which I have built up through the years, one which is only effective in the short term. Don’t get to know me to well or your hopes will be dashed. You will see that there is not a lot of substance behind this shield; not a lot which will be useful to you, anyway. I like to think that I have something to offer someone. Something that no one else can offer. What I really want is for someone to offer me that something. But I can’t accept that something without lowering my shield. And it’s not even a very effective shield, at that. It’s presents a very impressive facade in the short term, much like witnessing a supernova. It outshines a thousand galaxies for a week, then dies down to a smoldering ember. That’s my shield, and as long as you don’t stay within my vicinity for longer than that period of time in which I outshine all others, you will not be disappointed. However, if you linger, you will have to burrow through the remaining densely packed neutrons of me in order to find anything of value, and that may be a task which is not worth your efforts. Pretty deep shit huh?

Friday, September 29th, 2000 10:30 p.m. Central Standard Time

What follows may be disturbing to weak minded individuals!

Ok it's time for another update of the ME page. Sometimes I think, you know, all of this will be over some day. It will all end. I have that to look forward to... one day it will be over. No more worries! YEEHAA! Can it actually be true? That one day I will die and all of my problems will suddenly become meaningless? No way! I can't believe that there's actually a real, permanent solution to life. Too bad it's death. That's the one crappy part about it. So anyway, sometimes I take comfort in the thought... that I'll die one day and my problems will go away. Then I start thinking some more. And I realize that when I die, I stay dead. For a day. Then a week. Then a month. Then a year. Then a decade. Then a century. Then a Millenium. Then an epoch. Then an aeon. Before you know it, a few billion years have gone by. So there I am, dead, and I have a few billion more years to look forward to. Dead. And after that, another few billion years. Pretty soon, entropy will prevail. All of the stars will burn out. The universe will be an absolute, cold, dark place. Just a few billion more years. And I'll still be dead. And then after all that has happened, I'll have another few quadrillion years to look forward to. Being dead, that is. And after that, I'll probably enjoy another few octillian years of death. And after that, maybe an eternity. So being dead probably sucks ass. Hell, being alive for that long would probably suck ass too. That's why I can't understand what's so appealing about everlasting life. I mean, there's only so much ecstasy a soul can endure, isn't there? Imagine those quadrillions of years that don't even amount to a zillionth of a percent of an eternity, spent in heaven, in ecstasy. Don't you think you'd get a little tired of ecstasy? I mean, I don't care how good it feels, after a quadrillion years of it, knowing that I have another bazillion quadrillion years to go, and then even more after that, I think I'd get a little anxious. I'd probably freak the fuck out. I mean, you can't win. An eternity in heaven will eventually become as unbearable as an eternity in hell. And since eternity goes on forever, eventually the length of time you were actually happy in heaven becomes like a split second compared to the length of time that you have been freaking the fuck out. So after a zillion quadrillion octillion years, when you compare a soul who has been in heaven for that length of time to a soul who has been in hell, the amount of suffering each one has endured might as well be the same. Never mind that the soul in heaven actually spent about a million years in total bliss before he started to figure out that things might be getting a little weird. Heaven becomes hell. What the fuck? Does this shit seem right? It seems like a big rip off to me. It's like this universe was the one in the bargain bin and god only had 10 bucks on him when he bought it. But if I'm dead, and I don't know shit, then I guess an eternity won't matter. But wouldn't that suck, being in oblivion for an eternity? Again, you can't win. I want a refund.

Monday, April 23, 2001 8:17 p.m. central standard time

What follows is the product of sheer boredom!

anyone want an extra bacon and egg taquito with cheese from whataburger yeah it is want your copy of game developer? for some reson it is supposed to be 29.95 for a subscription but I get 3 every month free I got U, Derran, and Me one, I forgot Rob's last name last week when I was signing for them and didn't put him down on the subscription sheet---- stupid me. oh well yeah really, sweet--- off of royal? derran upstairs too? I bet, him and Rob supposedly went and had a barbeque and got trashed after3wards. Jhesika called the apartment around 1 or so, to make sure you got home ok. Jut to letcha know huh? yeah, supposed to goto john, my bad heh hey not much man, any open seats? i bet they will be sooner or later, esmeralda comes in at 11 i think did you get my list of games that i don't have? how is it it is getting hotter too those can cost a pretty penny these magazines kick ass man,, they tell you everything about the industry you are a smart one so the place is pretty cool other than the AC being out? I don't know man, looked around on the internet and subscribed....they didn't ask me for a card. I think it's becsause they give free ones to all gaming companies have you signed up got classes yet? that is cool i am going to do that today one more class man yeah how many more do you have to take? i hear ya on that one man, 15 hours is a lot, i have not taken 15 hours a quater for the past, it has been 13-14 hours each time, yeah, all i have to take is portfolio 2 i just have done the one so far, they have not called me back yet hold on finishing mag 530 i really do not feel like being here today cause i need the money damn dude, you should of let me known when you were moving in, i would of helped are you going to take a break at 1030? cool let me know when you go, i will be wanting to get out of here for a little while, Josh, Derran and I took a 30 minute break yesterday ok derran got intoa wreck last night I donno, he dropped rob off last night and took off for home--- some car ran into him bumper to bumper.. He's got a ful warranty though and is gonna get it fixed.. I told him to take it into the place today. Also told him that he needs to remmeber he is driving in dallas and that he doesnt need to be driving drunk he said it wasn't his fault.... almost like it was both of their faults no they no call copd nope i dont think they filed anything-- find out details from him later i will thanks i do oh, my bad typing fast he said he was fine. IF HE IS LYING I WILL KILL HIM tell Derran: so you hit a guard rail eh on the drivers side shawn tell you that derran lied to us about his car wreck? we need to take him out back and beat him u comin to graduation June 18th- me, jimmy-jam, eric, and other peeps i did not either, but then when he said that he took the bus to get here and his car was in the parking lot, that was when i knew that he was lieing, shawn clay and i went down to the parking lot and looked at his car no, that is not right, we need to beat him up yep is derran up there did you tell him that we went and looked at his car you will have to let me know what he says ask him if he was drunk when he was driving? tell him to stop lying tell him that i said that he needs to tell the truth of shut the fuck up what did he say tell him that we saw his car in the parking lot and that we know that he did not take the bus here and that the damage is on the driver's side not the passenger side like he said, he is full of it derran just needs to tell the truth for once in his life nor do i right now? Need Credit? Visa offers 0% APR for purchases.(see terms and conditions) 30 second credit decision. Apply now. hey that is cool After Darren's hit single, "I love my hand" debuted, he and his band decided to hit the road for the tour we know as "Broken Out But Oxy's in". The superstar lifestyle was taking a toll on Darren's health. He would easily see 14 or 15 guys in a single night. The rest of the band was tired of Darren's over the top antics and man love. He had pushed the dork genre as far as it would go and he was burned out. By the time the tour finished Darren had gotten 2 shades whiter and still had not shampooed his hair or ironed. It's not an easy life being an icon for the outcasts. justin yeah, it was pretty funny i don't know, is he up there? where did everyone go? it is on the driver's side there is no way that you could of missed the dent on the driver's door was it way out in the parking lot that is not his car, it back on the side by the back of the building no, that is an older model galant cool let me know when you are going to go on break next i am not that white am i? that is a little better 137 what about you, i am not really working today damn, that is not too bad, i just do not feel like doing that much today same here, in the first 30 minutes i have 60+ and well as you can see now i did not get the job at reelfx just a few minutes ago they called me, i was not going to take the job anyways lets go take a break

Wednesday, May 17, 2001 3:16 p.m. central standard time

What follows was written while drunk on banana rum!

There's a diesel truck outside. It's parked across the road right in front of an electrical sub station. I've been watching it for about two hours now. The driver has been trying to back his cab into the trailer now for that whole time. Two hours. Maybe it's been longer. It's 10:00 now and I first noticed it when it was still light outside. I feel sorry for the guy. I forget about it for a while and then I remember, and then I go to my balcony and look outside to see how he is doing. He brought out his flashlight a while back so he could see better, I suppose. Why else would he need a flashlight? It's getting dark, after all. I can hear the gears if the big rig shift as I type this. He just honked. Why, I don't know. He's been trying to back that rig into that trailer since probably 7:00. Probably earlier. All I know is I noticed the whole thing when it was still light outside, and it's 10:13 right now. Earlier, I was watching him, and he was backing his cab into the trailer, trying to hitch it up, and he was RAMMING it into the trailer. BAM!!!I jumped every time he did it. He didn't start out that way. He started ramming it when he got frustrated, I think. I really don't know how long he's been frustrated, since I really don't know how long he's been trying to hitch his cab up to his trailer... at least two or three hours... but I know I would be frustrated by now. I can hear his rig idling right now. It's dark outside and I know the poor guy is having a hard time. I was standing out on my balcony a while back watching him get out and get into his cab, backing it up and bringing it forward, trying to line it up with the trailer, pulling up, backing up, pulling up, turning, pulling up, turning, backing up, stopping... getting out... and then once I remember, he actually started banging on the hitch with this metal rod. He banged for a good ten minutes. Several times I thought about going out thereand offering to help him. But then I would think, what the fuck do I know about diesel rigs? I don't know shit. And for all I know, he's doing something that's perfectly normal. I mean, how do I REALLY know he's having trouble connecting his cab to his trailer? I don't. Although, I would bet a lot of money that that's thecase, since it's 10:20 and I can still hear his rig idling out there right now. While I was standing out on my balcony watching, this dude walked by and stopped to look. He stopped for a while, then looked at me, and kept on walking. Later on, the same guy walked back the way he had come. He watched the diesel again. I feel sorry for that guy. He's probably going to get fired. I mean, why the hell did he unlatch his cab from his trailer in the first place? He's parked on the shoulder of the road. It's not a truck stop for crissake.

Tuesday, May 29, 2001 10:29 a.m. central standard time

What follows smells really weird!

Okay, here's the deal. I'm living in an apartment complex in the ghetto area of town. The rent is pretty cheap, $585.00 a month for a two bedroom apartment. That's pretty damn cheap when you're renting in the city. And the area isn't COMPLETELY ghetto, except that there's a lot of drug deals that go down here, and cops are always driving through the complex, and there's a big ass sign on the front gate that says 'WARNING: THIS AREA UNDER SURVEILLANCE BY THE DALLAS POLICE DEPARTMENT', and a guy got tackled by some cops in my front parking lot the other day... okay it's prety ghetto. But at least it's not Oak Cliff. Anyway. Here's what's really weird. First I must start off by saying that I'm one of the few white people who live in this complex. I'd say it's about 45 percent Mexican, 45 percent black, and 10 percent white. There's this Mexican family that lives in the apartment below me. We've exchanged a few pleasantries; they speak English pretty well. They also cook damn good too. The reason why I know this is because I smell it in my bathroom. That's right, my bathroom. Don't ask me how or why, but when they're cooking up a storm down there, I can smell it in my bathroom. I don't smell it in any other part of my apartment... only my bathroom. Isn't that some crazy shit? I mean, what better air freshener for your bathroom then some bad ass Mexican food smells seeping up through the commode? I don't even have to use air freshener! Man, I wish I had some of that bad ass Mexican food they're cooking up down there... is it weird that I only get hungry when I'm taking a dump?

Saturday, December 1st, 2001 5:08 p.m. central standard time

What follows is a brain bender!

Ok, imagine this. You know how some people can say that you are only a figment of their imagination? Or you can say to them: "You're only a figment of my imagination!". It works both ways, see. It's something we can never really be sure of. Am I, the one who is typing this, real, and all of my potential audience only figments of my imagination? Or are you, he or she who happens to be reading this, only reading this because it is a product of your own imaginations? I know, you've thought of this strange surreal possibility before. So have I. I would think that any wanna-be existentialist has pondered this moderately intriguing possibility. Well, here's a new twist on it. Say YOU, for the sake of argument, are the REAL one. I, who am typing this, am the figment of your imagination. I feel real, however. I believe that I am REAL. I am breathing, I am typing, I am thinking. But, as I hypothetically stated for the sake of argument, YOU are the real one. Now imagine this. The reason why I feel real is because I AM real. But doesn't that contradict the original assumption, which was that I, the writer of this paragraph, am the figment and you, the reader, are real? Well, no. You see, the reason why I am so convinced that I am real is because I am YOU. It just so happens that that's the way reality works. Everyone around you thinks they are an individual person and operate from an individual standpoint because they ARE you. You're just imagining them into existence through the power of your subconscience. They (I) exist only in your mind, but we (I) are (am) as real as you because we (I) are (am) you. I hope I don't mind that I told me that.

Wednesday, December 26th, 2001 1:09 a.m. central standard time

What follows sucks!

I just wanted to say that the shirt I'm wearing in that picture up there at the top of the page was lost somewhere in Indiana in November 1999.

Shit I forgot to post the date and time on that last one, it was probably some time during 2002. Anyway... yup just checking in again to make sure life still sucks. . . . . . . . . . . . Yup, it does. Friday, May 30th, 2003, 8:44 pm Central Standard Time