A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally,
after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest
frozen lake. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular
cut in the ice. Suddenly---from the sky--a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH
UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the Blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos
cup of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the
voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The Blonde, now quite
worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, sat up her stool, and tried
again to cut her hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE
ICE!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, " Is that you, Lord?"
The voice replied, "No, I'm the Ice-Rink Manager!" One day, after a near
eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?", God replies. "Lord, I know you created
me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all
of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy" "Why is that, Adam?",
comes the reply from the heavens. "Lord, I know you created this place for me,
with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman'
for you." "What's a 'woman', Lord?" "This 'woman' will be the
most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created.
She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want
it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how
to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will
unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion
for you.", replies the heavenly voice. "Sounds great." "She will
be, but this is going to cost you, Adam." "How much will this 'woman' cost
me Lord?", Adam replies. "She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg,
an eye, an ear, and your left testicle" Adam ponders this for some time, with
a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, "Ehhh,
what can I get for a rib?"