******************************************************

                       The Spell Series - Compiled
 
                             By Kelli Rocherolle
                                kelli@edgenet.net

******************************************************

Ok, this story is about Mulder and Scully confronting thier 
attraction to each other.  It has it's origins in my desire for Mulder to 
someday see Scully completely decked out-- instead of the usual 
standard FBI suits he usually sees her in.  So have fun, hope you 
enjoy. Oh, and my sister pointed out that there's no way they'd play 
the song I used at a formal FBI function.  I know that.  But there's a 
little thing called "suspension of disbelief"...and it's what these 
stories are all about!

**The following story is based on characters copyrighted by Ten 
Thirteen Productions, created by The Man, Chris Carter, and who 
are the property of the Fox network and are used here without 
permission. No infringement intended.**

**********************************************

He had only seen her really dressed-up once before....

He had stopped by unexpectedly to see if she would look at some 
files he'd obtained on their current case.  She had yelled "Come in, 
it's open!" and he had let himself in.  "I'll be right out" she called.  
Mulder stood there in the middle of her apartment, absentmindedly 
flipping through the file.  After a few minutes, he could hear her 
coming down the hallway.  He looked up, curious when he didn't 
hear the usual steady pace of her footsteps... Scully came hobbling 
into view wearing a stunning, floor-length crimson evening gown, 
grappling with an uncooperative high-heeled shoe.  Her hair fell 
wildly around her face, still damp from her shower.  She looked up 
and startled  "Oh, it's you."  Conquering her shoe, she moved quickly 
to the kitchen, looking like a tiny red hurricane blowing through the 
apartment.  "I'm late!" she exclaimed.  

Mulder simply stood there with a dumb-struck expression, file still 
open before him, looking after her.  Without a doubt, she was a 
pretty woman.  But he had never seen her looking so absolutely 
beautiful.  His stomach knotted.  "You got a date?"

She returned from the kitchen saying as she hustled back to her 
bedroom "No no, I'm going to see Cathy play at the Kennedy Center 
tonight"  From the bedroom she called "you remember Cathy- the 
cellist?"

Mulder was glad she was not there to see the relief on his face.  He 
called back to her  "Yeah, yeah I do.  I hope you have a better time 
than the last time you saw her play."

She emerged once again from her bedroom, stopping in the middle of 
the room.  Placing her hands on her hips, she scanned the area "very 
funny....where are my earrings??....oh."  She moved to the coffee 
table where she leaned over and scooped two small earrings from it's 
surface, not realizing in doing so she gave Mulder more of a view 
than she ever would have intended.

Mulder swallowed  "You need a ride?"

She finally slowed a bit, took a deep breath and looked at him.  "No-
- thanks but my mom's coming to pick me up.  I thought you were 
her.  ....What are you doing here anyway?"

Mulder had almost forgotten about his files.  "Oh, these, I was gonna 
ask you to take a look- it's ok. I'll see you Monday."

So he'd left her there, looking incredibly sexy in her tousled, 
unfinished appearance.  It was an image he did not soon forget.

As he stood there now, waiting for her in the lobby of the Watergate 
Hotel, he casually wondered if she'd wear the same dress tonight.  
Maybe he would get a glimpse of the finished picture after all.  His 
mind turned back to the event at hand.  He hated these functions 
with a passion.  He yanked at his bowtie miserably.  He hated 
wearing a tuxedo even more.  But, he'd missed several functions over 
the past couple of years, so Skinner had "strongly suggested" he 
make a "concerted effort" to attend this one.  Well, he wasn't going 
down alone, so he'd talked Scully into attending with him.  Mulder 
looked impatiently at his watch.  Where are you Scully? he thought.  
The sooner you get here, the sooner we can leave.  He sighed heavily, 
thinking: I knew I should've insisted on picking her up.  She had 
asserted that she would take a cab, as she had several errands to run 
after work and didn't want to hold Mulder up in the event she ran 
late.  "So much for that" he said quietly to himself.  Too many people 
were coming and going, he was having trouble keeping an eye out for 
her.  He turned away from the door to peruse the lobby, his eyes 
coming to a screeching halt on the back of a woman standing in front 
of the coat check a few feet away.  She wore an open-back, form-
fitting black velvet gown.  She leaned forward to hand her coat to the 
attendant, exposing a single milky-white leg from the slit in the 
bottom-half of her floor-length gown.  Mulder was taken aback...it 
was a rare occasion when a woman caught his attention in such a 
way, but she was...he couldn't take his eyes off her.  Mulder let his 
eyes follow the flow of the woman's leg upward to the soft curve of 
her hip, to the revealing back of her dress, to the delicate curve of her 
shoulder that turned into her neck.... She turned around.

"Scully??" Mulder asked, more incredulous than he should have.

She flashed him a smile that knocked the wind right out of him.  "Hi, 
sorry I'm late."  Her hair was held up by a single clip, and small 
tendrils cascaded down around her face and caressed her neck.  
Mulder could not help but gape at her.  "Ready to go in?" she asked.

"Yeah...sure" Mulder replied, annoyed with himself for suddenly 
feeling like it was prom night and he was seventeen again.

Scully took his arm as they headed for the reception area  "You look 
nice."

"So do you."  He hoped it sounded as nonchalant as he'd intended.

They entered the grand ballroom that the Bureau had rented.  They 
certainly had spared no expense with this one.  Mulder scanned the 
room and caught sight of several powerful figures from high 
positions in the Bureau, but there was no sign of Skinner.  Great, 
Mulder thought, he bullies me into attending and doesn't even bother 
to show himself.  He decided they'd at least stay until he could pay 
his respects to Skinner, then make a quick getaway.

But it wasn't until everyone was already seated for dinner that 
Skinner finally appeared, exchanging pleasantries with the higher 
ups, and not making his way to Mulder and Scully until the salads 
were being served.  Well, Mulder thought, looks like we leave 
AFTER dinner.

The night moved torturously slow, with Mulder having to endure the 
usual looks, the "Spooky" jokes whispered just within ear-shot.  But 
Mulder was grateful that Scully was there to talk to.  Her presence 
helped him feel more at ease.  He watched her now as she studied her 
water glass, wondering what she was thinking about...

Scully couldn't help but feel that Mulder was acting strangely.  Not 
that he wasn't always a gentleman.  But he was being positively 
chivalrous: opening doors for her, guiding her around the room on 
his arm, seating her at the table and offering to get her something to 
drink.  He was giving her his total attention, and she was enjoying 
every minute of it.  Well, she thought, focusing on me probably 
helps take the edge off the evening.  After all, she knew how he 
loathed these functions.

Dinner came and went without event, and Mulder left Scully sitting 
at the table as he went to refill their drinks.  When he returned, 
Scully was gone.  He stood there holding the drinks, looking around 
the room.  He caught sight of her almost immediately, dancing with a 
stocky, older gentleman that Mulder didn't recognize.  He was 
practically flinging her around the dance floor.  She caught his eye, 
flashing him that breath-taking smile, and over the man's shoulder 
her lips mouthed the words "HELP ME".  Mulder placed the drinks 
on the table and moved through the crowded dance floor toward her.

"You don't mind, do you?" Mulder said to the man as he took 
Scully's arm.  The agent eyed Scully, then sized up Mulder.  He 
wasn't about to be shown-up by the laughing stock of the Bureau.  
They stared each other down.  Mulder placed his hands on his hips 
as he widened his stance, standing his ground.  Is that the smell of 
testosterone I detect? Scully thought with amusement.  It wasn't an 
even match, and Mulder's manner told him he wasn't about to back 
down, so the man walked away, disgruntled.  Mulder turned to face 
Scully, and just as he did so, the moderate pace of the familiar 
'Oldies' rock and roll tune that had been playing gave way to the 
softer rhythm of a slow rock song.  They looked at each other 
awkwardly.  Scully was apprehensive about sharing a slow dance 
with her partner.  She had felt the chemistry between them too many 
times before to question it's power.  She'd felt it just sitting on a 
stake-out with him, looking over a file, discussing a case;  she 
couldn't imagine what it might do to her if he actually held her in his 
arms.... but, she couldn't very well just turn around and leave him 
standing there.  So she offered him a smile, to which he was 
obviously relieved, and took a step toward him.

Every nerve in his body leapt to attention as she neared him.; his 
heart started to pound so fiercely he was sure she could hear it.  He 
rested his chin on the crown of her head, feeling her breath on his 
hand as he cradled it against his chest with his own.  The music 
serenaded them...

There I am, I'm in the moment again
it's a game I just can't win.
There you are, breathing soft on my skin
still you won't let me in...

His hand dropped ever so lightly against the bare skin on her back, 
sending a warm sensation through her from head to foot.  Her head 
was spinning.  They were playing a dangerous game.

I save your kisses for a rainy day
baby let the moment take your heart away...

She seemed to be moving closer and closer, melting towards him.  
The completely feminine smell of her intoxicated him.  He closed his 
eyes as every other person in the room seemed to disappear;  he was 
aware of nothing but the soft sound of the music and her 
overwhelming presence.

Have you ever needed someone so bad?
Have you ever wanted someone 
you just couldn't have?
Did you ever try to hard
that your world just falls apart?
Have you ever needed someone so bad....

A sudden male voice startled them "May I?"

The spell was broken.

Mulder recognized the man as Joel Miner, an agent in the VCS that 
he and Scully had had limited contact with.  Scully and Mulder 
looked at each other uncertainly.  Agent Miner persisted  "Come on, 
Mulder, you get to see her every day-- are you going to give anyone 
else a chance or keep her for yourself?"  Mulder looked once more to 
Scully, then back to Miner, and gave him a quick nod.  He moved off 
to the edge of the dance floor, where he stood and watched over them 
with a hawk's watchful eye.

A tall, pretty blonde woman who had been waiting for him to leave 
Scully's side all night descended upon him.  In a silky voice she 
asked "Agent Mulder?"  He regarded her with little interest before 
returning his eyes to Scully and the tall, dark and despicably 
handsome man she danced with.  "I've heard a lot about you" the 
woman purred.  "I'm sure you have" Mulder replied, not bothering to 
hide the sarcasm in his voice.  Whatever the woman said next faded 
into silence along with every other sound in the room as he watched 
Miner drop his hand to the small of Scully's back and pull her closer.  
Mulder watched with astonishment:  what....why was she letting him 
do that??  Was she interested in this guy or something?  Would she 
just let anybody, some stranger do that??  Unable to tolerate the 
scene any longer, he turned around and stalked out of the ballroom, 
leaving the unidentified woman standing there in mid-sentence.

The song over, Scully's dance partner seemed reluctant to relinquish 
her.  He was cute, he seemed very nice...but as infuriating as it was, 
Scully found herself comparing every guy she met to Mulder.  She 
wasn't even sure if Mulder had the least bit of interest in her.  And 
even if he did, it's not like they could act on it.  But she couldn't help 
it:  she found time and time again that the men she came in contact 
with...well, they just paled in comparison to her partner.  She pulled 
away from Miner, thanking him for the dance and headed back to the 
table.  Mulder wasn't there.  She glanced around the room for him, 
but he was no where to be seen.  Had he left? Maybe he wasn't 
feeling well, she thought.  No, he wouldn't just leave her there, no 
matter how sick he was feeling.  But where could he be then?

Mulder had found an empty ballroom at the end of the hall.  He 
stood looking out a window in the dark room.  He was consumed 
with jealousy.  What the hell was going on?  Where was this coming 
from?  Things had been...."normal" for so long, why was he suddenly 
feeling this way?  He stood pondering these questions for some time.  
But only the answers he didn't want to hear came clearly to his mind.

Suddenly the door opened, pouring a small rectangle of light into the 
middle of the room.  A woman's silhouette was framed in the middle.  
She entered and closed the door.  Mulder didn't turn around;  
somehow he knew it was her.  Nobody else would've bothered to 
look for him.  The room was extremely dark, except for the 
moonlight streaming through the window where Mulder stood.  His 
tall figure was a dark, formidable shadow against it.  The room was 
nearly empty, save for a few small couches and love seats, some 
stacked chairs, and some tables.  Scully approached him, though he 
did not turn around to look at her.  After a minute she ventured  
"Mulder, what's wrong?"  "Nothing Scully.." he breathed, and turned 
to move to a love seat, where he sat with his back to her.  Scully 
placed her hands on her hips and watched him.  She knew.  She 
knew him too well to not know what was going through his head:  he 
was upset at her dancing with Miner.  But why?  The possessiveness 
he sometimes showed towards her in contrast to his usual air of non-
interest often confounded her.  She moved to him, taking a place 
beside him as he sat forward, elbows resting on his knees.  His hands 
were clasped in front of him, he eyes focused far off into the 
darkness.  Scully adopted a similar position next to him.  They sat 
there in the silence for a long time, Scully not wanting to push, 
though unspoken thoughts and words passed between them.  It had 
been a long time coming, neither of them wanting to confront it.  But 
they both knew what this was about.

The camouflage of darkness giving him courage, Mulder's voice 
finally broke the silence.  "Scully, you know how I feel about 
you...you know how much I respect you, your friendship....but it's so 
hard sometimes Scully... I can't......it's just......sometimes...." he 
exhaled quickly in frustration, burying his face in his hands.  After a 
minute, he looked up again, this time turning his head to meet her 
eyes.  After a moment he continued  "But sometimes, Scully.....I 
want you so badly it hurts."

Silence reigned as they looked at each other.  "Mulder..." Scully's 
voice finally responded.  They whispered, though no one was there 
to hear them.  "...why, why didn't you tell me?"  He he took her hand 
and placed it between his own, his gaze once again returning to the 
floor.  "I had no idea..." she continued.  He shrugged his shoulders "I 
didn't want you to know, I didn't want .....I didn't want anything to 
happen.  Anything that might effect..." he motioned to thier hands, 
raising them slightly "...this."  He paused a moment before 
continuing.  "Besides, I didn't know how you felt.  ....I still don't."  
He felt her free hand touch his face, gently turning it to hers.  He 
looked at her, his mind filled with the mixed emotions of dread, 
anticipation, desire... and hope.  

"Yes..." she whispered softly  "...yes you do."  And in that moment, 
as he regarded that beautiful face, any reason he had ever had for 
fighting against this escaped him.  He put his hand to her cheek, hers 
still on his own.  He started for her, haltingly, hopelessly drawn to 
her.

Even as he was moving toward her, Scully was thinking NO, we can't 
do this... but at the same time she wanted him to more than she could 
ever remember wanted anything else in her life.  Her eyes fell as his 
breath warmed her face.  He brushed his lips across her cheek to her 
mouth, poised to kiss her.  Scully sat there with her eyes closed, 
feeling his breath on her lips, paralyzed.  Slowly, he moved until his 
lips touched hers.  The kiss held like that for a minute, sweet and 
child-like, until Mulder felt her lips part beneath his.  This 
acceptance from her sent his mind whirling and the blood racing 
through his veins.  His kiss was gentle, passionate, and she could 
feel him trembling next to her.  They leaned back against the love 
seat, face to face.  Mulder reached up and unfastened the clip as her 
hair tumbled down around her face and shoulders.  Scully undid his 
bowtie, along with the first few buttons of his shirt.  As she 
massaged the skin just below the hollow of his neck, the smell of his 
skin through cologne seduced her further.  They sat there for a long 
time, exchanging soft kisses, making out like two teenagers on their 
first date.  They were both comfortable with this level, the gentle 
exploring, the touch of the other...but not for long.

As the air around them warmed from the heat they were generating, 
their faces grew flush.  Mulder could feel the sweat forming at his 
hairline as he began to feel the threads of his self-control straining 
against the force of his passion.  He moved his hand up her back to 
the clasp at the nape of her neck.  "Mulder, no" she said softly.  
"Yes..." he whispered in reply, his breath hot and urgent at her neck 
"yes, Dana...." as he moved back to kiss her mouth.  Her own body 
responding with an intensity she'd never known, Scully felt wisps of 
hair clinging to her forehead as her body temperature rose to match 
her escalating desire.  She pulled away from his kiss, exhaling 
sharply.  "Mulder....we can't..." she whispered breathlessly.  Their 
eyes met, and held for several seconds.  Mulder sat back in the love 
seat and ran a hand through his hair.  His voice was tense with 
frustration  "It's not fair, Scully..." he shook his head as if he had 
more to say, but could think of nothing else.  He looked at her  "It's 
not fair." he whispered.  She attempted to soothe him, stroking his 
hair  "We just can't, Mulder.  We can't want this."  She grieved at the 
torment in his eyes.  "But I do..." he said softly, matter-of-factly.  
They simply looked at each other, speaking their special unspoken 
language that Scully often marveled over.  They both wanted this.  
But they couldn't.  Not without sacrificing everything else; 
everything they'd worked so hard to build together.  And would it be 
worth it? They might know....someday;  but at this point, neither was 
ready to risk it.

Scully was the first to break the silence.  "We better go."  Mulder 
nodded, reluctantly.  He would've been content to sit there all night 
in that dark, secluded room, treasuring every second of that intimate 
time with her.  But she was right, so they rose from the couch and 
headed for the door.

They both squinted as the light from the hallway hit their faces.  
They exchanged a look:  neither of them wanted to go back to the 
reception.  "I'll walk you home?" Mulder offered.  Scully nodded, 
they got her coat and left the hotel.

Not a word was spoken between them as they walked to Scully's 
apartment, arm in arm.  They stopped outside her building and 
Scully turned to face him.  They exchanged a long look, then Scully 
smiled at him  "Good night" she said.  He continued to hold her gaze, 
not wanting to break away.  He wanted to remember every detail of 
her face, of this night..."Good night" he said eventually, and watched 
her go into the building.

He stood there, looking after her for several minutes, before a smile 
spread across his own face.  He turned and started to walk down the 
street.  This isn't over yet Dana Scully, he thought to himself.  Not 
by a long shot.


End Part 1
******************************


Lyrics for song "Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad" copyright 
1992 Bludgeon Riffola LTD for Def Leppard.


****************************************************


Spell 2:  Fair Play


Mulder stood there, looking after her for several minutes, before a
smile spread across his face.  He turned and started to walk down the
street.  This isn't over yet Dana Scully, he thought to himself.  Not
by a long shot.

In this lifetime, you will be mine...

************************************************

The weekend after the night of the Bureau function passed torturously
long.  It had been with out a doubt one of the most extraordinary
nights Scully could ever remember, from the way he'd looked at her
when she first turned and saw him; the way he'd held her, kissed her;
to the way he couldn't pull his eyes away from hers before they had
parted that night.  They had been absolutely spellbound.  She and
Mulder had enjoyed a special relationship, one that was often replete
with sexual tension, and that night it all seemed to come to
fruition-- almost.  As strong as their feelings were for each other,
the thought of moving beyond friendship scared her.  He was
so.... complicated.  Though she knew she had a better idea than most,
she still was never entirely sure she knew what was going on inside
that brilliant head of his.  She was fairly certain they'd made the
right decision- but it didn't make it any easier; she couldn't stop
thinking about him.  She found herself looking towards Monday with
both a feeling of excitement... and uneasiness.

******************************************************

Mulder entered the office apprehensively.  He saw Scully, and made
brief eye contact before awkwardly averting his gaze.  "Hi."

"Good morning" she responded coolly.  His mere appearance in the room
caused her palms to sweat and made her face flush with color.  She
decided to start the conversation with work-- quickly.  "So Westwood
sent up those files from VCS you requested."

He looked back to her, his stare penetrating right through her; she
hoped it was dark enough in the office to hide the color in her
cheeks.  But it wasn't, and he was loving every minute of it.  He said
nothing, continued to watch her with mischief in his eyes.  She pulled
from his gaze and took a seat at her desk.  With a great feeling of
relief she felt his eyes leave her as he began to go over the files
she'd given him.  After a few minutes, he got up and approached her.
The sirens went off in her head as he neared, though she maintained a
cool appearance on the outside.  He crouched down beside her, placing
the file on the desk in front of her.  "Take a look at this,
Scully..."

She complied, but there was nothing particularly interesting about the
file, except for the location of the crimes.  "Both murders were
committed in towns with identical names."
 
He nodded in response.  

She could detect the slightest hint of his cologne in the air between
them and her mind was inundated with memories of that night: the feel
of his hand dropping against the bare skin on her back, his gentle yet
hungry touch, the delectable taste of his mouth that made her think of
sweet wine...

"Scully?"

She shifted uncomfortably in her chair.  "So?"

The phone rang and Mulder stood to answer it.  Scully was not paying
attention to the conversation; she was only aware of Mulder's
closeness.  She was not even aware that he had called her name again.

"Scully?" he attempted once more.

 She snapped out of her reverie and looked up at him.  

"Can I use your pen?"

"Oh, yes, sure."  His hazel eyes taunted her as he deliberately,
slowly pulled the pen from her hand... she couldn't help but think
what image that action called to mind.  She averted his gaze, suddenly
concentrating on the desk blotter as if it were the most fascinating
thing she'd ever laid eyes on.  This was impossible.

****************************************************
The weeks passed; each day involving a similar incident.  He was
ruthless in his teasing; torturing her with his two-month seduction.
Every opportunity, the slightest opening- sometimes verbally,
sometimes physically: "accidentally" brushing by her in places they
used to pass through without coming in contact with each other,
leaning a little *too* close as they looked over a file, letting his
fingers linger over hers anytime she passed him something.  She found
she was beginning to dread his presence....and long for it at the same
time.  She was growing increasingly annoyed with herself: she was a
competent, strong, intelligent woman.... who turned into a 5"2' pile
of Jell-O every time Fox Mulder entered the room.  And he knew exactly
what he was doing to her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sharp knock at her apartment door.
She approached it, calling out "Who is it?"

"Mulder."

She hesitated, suddenly stricken with a case of the shakes, and she
cursed herself for it.  She wiped her hands on her jeans and opened
the door.

He offered a smile as he greeted her.  "Hi."

"Hi yourself" she smiled back at him  "what are you doing here?"

He brushed past her, removing his jacket.  He threw it on the couch
with the ease of someone who is quite comfortable in his surroundings.
Normally, it would've pleased her.  Tonight, it thoroughly intimidated
her.  She straightened and went back to the kitchen.

"I wanted to take a look at those photos you brought home with
you-something occurred to me while I was looking at the files
tonight."  He crossed the living area to the kitchen.  There she stood
with her back to him, busying herself with the task of making a salad.
"Smells good, what're you making?"

"I've got some pasta and sauce cooking, just making a salad.... do you
want some? I could throw in some more pasta-"

"Sure, that would be great..." his eyes sparkled "...I'm ravenous."

She eyed him nervously before turning back around.

He walked over to her.  He put his arms around her and slipped his
hands over hers.  She stiffened and held her breath.  "You want some
help with that?" he whispered at her ear.  He gently tightened his
hold on the hand holding the knife and began slicing a tomato slowly.
He could feel her shivering against his chest, could smell the
familiar scent of her skin; the chemistry between them was
overwhelming...  Before either of them knew what was happening, there
he was kissing her neck and she was losing it, going under with each
passing second.  Thoughts of the last time he touched her filled his
mind and he stepped closer against her.  Now she could feel him
against her back and it was all she could do to keep herself from
falling to the floor.  He turned her around and kissed her feverishly,
with such longing that a thrill of power rushed through her.  His
hands moved over her, finally taking hold of her waist.  He was
pressing up against her- urgently, desperately needing her. She broke
from his embrace, taking his hands, and guided him into the bedroom.
She sat him down on the bed, pulling a pillow out from underneath him,
and pushed him back until he was resting against the head board.  She
moved on top of him, straddling him.  Slowly, she unbuttoned his
shirt, then started showering him with kisses... his forehead, his
nose, his chin... and then she was slipping, sliding down; her mouth
warm and wet as his neck, his chest.  Her breath passed over his
stomach...  <Oh God>, he thought.  If she went any further, he was
sure he would explode the minute he felt that perfect mouth around
him, and he wanted this feeling to last all night.  But she stopped at
the top of his trousers, leaving him both relieved and disappointed.
She ran her lips from his belt to his belly button, then came back up
to face him.  He made no move to hold her, to touch her.  He was
completely paralyzed by her presence.  All he could do was watch her
with a sudden fascination that bordered on the ridiculous.  She leaned
in until her breath was at his lips.

"Turn about is fair play"  she smiled at him.

And she got up and left the room.

<Oh no you don't> He sprung from the bed and headed after her towards
the kitchen.  She turned off the burners on the stove, then resumed
her place in front of the hodge-podge of vegetables.  She looked over
her shoulder at him and gave him a triumphant smile.  The smile he
returned was weak.

As he stood there watching her, he knew what he had to do: swallow his
pride.  The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was playing
games with her, but this was going to be one of the most difficult
things he'd ever have to do.  He'd faced rejection too many times in
the past to have any confidence in facing this.  He hesitated at the
door for a moment, deciding whether to face the task at hand or bolt
from her apartment.  He sighed inwardly, and decided on the former.

He approached her, feeling like he was walking in slow motion.

He neared her.  He was aware of his head throbbing with anxiety, his
chest tightened.  Then he was standing right behind her, he could feel
her barely touching him, and he struggled with himself for the
courage.  <Go on...*level* with her> How was he going to say this?  He
struggled to find the words.  He swallowed hard and brought his lips
to her ear .  "I want you..." he said, placing a kiss on her neck.  "I
need you..."  He moved to her other ear, and now his heart was
pounding in his ears; it felt to him like minutes before the next
words came "....I love you."

Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened as she stood there,
immobilized by his words.  Then, suddenly, she whirled on him.  She
pushed him away, her eyes fierce with anger and confusion.  "How dare
you! How dare you say that to me!  Do you think you can just say that
and it'll get me to jump into bed with you?"  She shook her head in
disbelief.

Now it was his turn to stand there gaping, blinking at her
incredulously; he certainly hadn't expected *that* reaction.  But as
he listened to her words, his own anger grew.

"Maybe that's worked for you in the past, Mulder, but how could you?
How could you pull that with *me*?  Is this *you* or your sexual
frustration talking?"

He glowered at her, his face red with anger and embarrassment, then
stormed into the living area, grabbed his coat and headed for the
door.  But Scully was right there at his heels.  "Where the hell do
you think your going? What is it... no sex so time to make a quick
getaway, right? What, do you have a back up waiting--"

He spun around, looking down at her as he rose a finger, cutting her
off in mid-sentence.  His face was inches from hers, he hissed at her
through clenched teeth "I wasn't feeding you a line Scully; I was
telling you how I felt- because I thought you deserved to know.  I
have *never* said that to anyone in my life, there was never anyone I
*wanted* to say it to.  And I never wanted anything from you, Scully,
that you weren't willing to give to me freely."  His hand dropped back
to his side.  " So I'm sorry."

He turned back around and reached for the knob.  She grabbed his arm
and he froze; even now, furious as he was with her, her touch had both
a calming and electrifying effect.  "Don't go..."

He hesitated, rubbing his chin as he tried to release the anger and
embarrassment.

"Look at me, Mulder."  

He didn't budge.  

"Please..."

He turned around to face her.  Her eyes were filled with desperation.
She shrugged her shoulders, raising her hands slightly. "What do you
want from me, Mulder??"

Placing his hands on his hips, he looked quickly to the side, then
directly into her eyes as he answered her truthfully "Only everything
you have to offer, Scully."

She swallowed hard as she looked at him, and realized: he was serious.
Dead serious.  This was no game.  And then she felt ashamed- that she
would even think that of him for one second, her friend; she knew him
better than that.  He had just caught her completely off guard; never
in a million years would she have expected him to say that to her.
She pulled her eyes from his, looking somewhere in the direction of
the middle of his chest, and took a step slowly towards him.  Then
another.  She rested her forehead against his chest.  "I'm sorry" she
said weakly.  As she stood there before him, her head against his
chest, the wall he'd immediately built at her rejection crumbled.  His
arms encircled her small frame, and they held each other.

Inevitably, the feel of the other's body, the caresses, changed the
air between them, and before long their breathing had turned shallow
and uneven.  He ran a hand slowly up and down her back, and a tingling
sensation in the back of his head made him feel dizzy.  She felt him
stir against her.  She tilted her head up to look at him.  "I'm
sorry..." he whispered "we don't have to..." .  Without a word she
moved her hands to hold his face, then brought them down to take his
hands.  She backed away, pulling him towards the bedroom.  He smiled
at her: "No no no" he said quickly, then smiled "I fell for this once
before."  He bent slightly, wrapping his arms securely around her
waist, then stood back to his full height, pulling her up off the
ground.  Her feet dangled above the floor.  He brought her back into
the bedroom in his embrace, kissing her along the way.

In the bedroom, he lay her down on the bed and slowly started removing
her clothes, little by little unveiling the woman he loved.  When he
was finished, she took her turn at his clothes, until there was
nothing separating them but their skin.  She opened herself to him
completely, wanting him more than she'd ever wanted anyone else in her
life.  He moved on top of her, frustrated that he couldn't get closer,
he wanted to crawl right inside her skin.  He settled for moving his
hands over her, wanting to touch every inch, every pore.  He gently
explored the lines of her face with his finger tips, tracing them like
Braille.  She pulled him tight against her, wanting the same
closeness.  Then suddenly, almost unexpectedly, he was inside her, and
they were moving slowly together, as close as they could possibly be.
It wasn't long before her breathing quickened; she tightened her hold
on him.  Her soft sounds of pleasure sent him right over the edge
after her, and he was certain that this feeling would indeed last all
night.  It would last for the rest of his life.

He held her face, kissing her softly.  "Dana..." he whispered to her,
"my Dana."  They lay together for a while, exchanging kisses, until he
rolled onto his back, pulling her along with him until her head was
resting against his chest.  They were quiet for a long time.

And little did they know as they lay there, holding each other, that
the seeds of love had literally been sown; that some infinitesimal
part of him had been blindly driven towards her center, and found
there its purpose...

"Mulder?"

And she didn't know, as she lay there listening to his heart beat,
that her own heart was now beating for two; that the blood rushing
through her veins, the breath she drew, were now cultivating and
nourishing the small life blossoming in her belly...

"Mmmm?"

That they had created something wonderful...

"I love you too."

End Part 2 

****************************************

Spell 3:   The Secret

Scully clutched the side of the sink and watched the last of her 
regurgitated breakfast swirl down the drain with the flow of water.  
She cupped handfuls of the cool liquid, bringing it to her lips and 
rinsing her mouth.  She turned the faucet off as there was a tentative 
tapping at the bathroom door.  Mulder entered and handed her a 
glass of ice water which she gratefully accepted.  He leaned against 
the door frame and folded his arms in front of him.

"When are you going to go to the doctor, Scully?"

"Mulder I told you, I'm fine.  Just a touch of the flu or something."

"Scully come on, this has been going on for weeks..."  

She eyed him, knowing he was right.  "I'll go this week, OK?"  

He smiled as he approached.  "Good."  He stood behind her, 
embracing her small frame.

"Well," she said with a smirk, "I'm probably just over-sexed anyway."

He pulled her tighter against him. "Oversexed? No such thing, 
Scully."  His hands slid along her sides down the smooth fabric of 
her nightshirt .  He lowered his voice slightly.   "That's just a myth 
propagated by your Catholic upbringing."

"Excuse me but are you making fun of my faith?"  she asked in mock 
indignation.

"I am the *last* person to make fun of anyone's faith."  His hands 
moved to her hips, to her legs.  He nuzzled against her neck.  "You 
are so beautiful, Dana" he whispered into her ear.   He pressed 
himself against her as his hands slid further down her legs and up 
under her nightshirt.  He softly caressed the bare skin of her upper 
legs, then brought his hand up to her hips.  He curled his thumbs 
around her undergarment and started to slide it down.  Unsure of his 
intentions, Scully squirmed to turn around.  "Sh--sh" he whispered, 
holding her in place.  Their eyes met in the mirror's reflection.  
"Don't you trust me?" he whispered, the mischief radiating from his 
eyes.

The corner of her mouth turned up slightly.  "I don't know..."

His smile was positively wicked.

******************************************************

Whatever barriers they had put up between each other before were 
now torn down and strewn by the wayside.  They were insatiable.  
And as hard as they tried, even work was not enough of a distraction 
from each other.  The case they were currently working on was a no-
brainer, a "Skinner-special" as Mulder liked to call them:  down-time 
between X Files, and as a result they focused their attention towards 
each other.   They were careful, but fortunate in that they were 
usually left to themselves.  People rarely ventured down to the 
basement and they were often alone....  The office, the car, the ladies 
room... Scully broke out in a cold sweat every time she passed the 
parking garage's elevator.  The passion that had driven their work 
was now turned full force on each other.

They sat now at Scully's desk, re-analyzing the file they'd been sent 
from the Behavioral Sciences Unit.  Scully finished reading the first 
page of the profile and started to turn the page.  "You finished 
Mulder?" she asked, poised to turn the page.  She adjusted her 
glasses.  When she didn't get a response, she looked up to find he 
was staring back at her.  She smiled slightly.  "What is it?"  He 
simply continued to look at her, the smile behind his eyes warming 
her face.  "What?" she repeated.

"Hi."

"Hi..." 

He reached for her hand and brought it to his face.  "Did you know 
how good you smell right here?"  He made a small circle with his 
finger on the back of her hand.

"What?" Her smile widened.

"Right here..."  he said, indicating for her to smell it too.

The phone rang.  Mulder squeezed her hand and stood, heading back 
towards his desk.  She removed her glasses and stood to answer the 
phone as he sat down and continued to read the profile.

"Scully."

A female voice greeted her.  {Hi Dana it's Dr. MacDowell.}

She immediately stiffened, knowing that doctors usually didn't call 
with *good* news.  "Yes?"

{You have to stop taking your birth control pills immediately, 
Dana.}

Her brows knitted together in confusion.  "What??"

{Dana you're pregnant.}

The room lost its focus as she felt the blood drain from her face.  Her 
head started to spin and she placed a hand on the desk to steady 
herself.   She ventured a glance over at Mulder, who was thankfully 
still absorbed in the file.  Finding it difficult to catch her breath, she 
attempted to calm her voice.

"How can that be? Are you sure?"

{We're sure, Dana.}

"How is that possible? I've been..." she swallowed hard and looked 
once more over at Mulder.  She turned her back to him and lowered 
her voice. "...careful."

{Welcome to the 1 percent.}

******************************************************

Scully lay in bed that night wide awake, trying to sort out her 
thoughts.  The steady rhythm of Mulder's breathing beside her, 
which usually had such a tranquilizing effect, did nothing to lull her 
to sleep tonight.  <Oh God how could this happen? What am I going 
to do?>  For a fleeting second of blind panic she'd considered 
abortion and of not telling Mulder about it all, but that passed 
quickly once her senses returned to her.  Besides, she'd pretty much 
decided abortion was out of the question for her.  Whatever her 
personal beliefs on the subject, ultimately, she wanted this baby... it 
was part of Mulder and part of her, a physical manifestation of their 
devotion; a bond that they would always have.  But she wouldn't 
hold it against him if he wasn't ready to be a father; she was prepared 
to raise this baby herself.  He'd been so concerned when she'd left the 
office earlier- after the phone call.  She'd told him it was just this 'flu' 
thing again and that she wanted to go home and rest.  She scoffed 
inwardly... rest? Who could rest now?   How was she going to tell 
him??  What would this mean to her  relationship with him?  Try as 
she might, she could not possibly imagine what on earth his reaction 
would be.  It could range anywhere from "doing the honorable thing" 
to leaving a trail of flaming skid marks as he fled from the room.  
No, she didn't really believe that;  Mulder *was* honorable, she 
didn't think he'd be the type to abandon her.  But that prospect was 
even more grim.  The last thing she wanted was for him to stay with 
her out of some outdated sense of obligation;  especially when she 
was ready to do this on her own...   but was she kidding herself? Was 
she being realistic?  *Could* she really do this by herself?  What 
was this going to mean to her career?   Nausea tightened its hold on 
her stomach and she deserted the idea of trying to find sleep.  

In the kitchen she rummaged in the cabinets to find the box of 
saltines she knew she had somewhere. <I've got to have saltines in 
here somewhere.... *everybody* has saltines...>  At last she found 
them, a still unopened box with last year's expiration date.  She made 
a mental note that it was time to go shopping again and tore open the 
package.  She poured herself a glass of milk and sat at the kitchen 
table.  She was so deep in thought that she didn't hear Mulder 
shuffle into the kitchen.  He rested his hands on her shoulders as he 
leaned in to place a kiss above her ear.  "Can't sleep?"  He sat down 
next to her and reached for a cracker.  

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"  He helped himself to a sip of her 
milk.

"It's OK, you can go to back to bed, Mulder--"

"No actually I was a little hungry myself."  

She flashed him a reproachful glance.

"I'm not going back unless you come with me, Scully.  How am I 
supposed to sleep when I know you're out here in the kitchen all 
alone?"

As much as she was appreciative for the thought, she really needed 
the time to be alone with her thoughts.  But not tonight.  Right now 
she just wanted his company, to be with him like this...  because 
soon, it might never be the same again.

As she looked at him, the tears welled in her eyes.  Mulder's face 
filled with concern.  "What? What is it?"  She leaned forward and 
rested her head against his chest.  He caressed her back as he held 
her.  "What's wrong?"  

She sighed heavily into his shirt.  "Nothing, really, I'm fine" she 
responded, her throat tight with emotion.

Though she could not see his face, she could here the smile in his 
voice as he teased "What is this PMS or something?"

Then, her forehead still against his chest, she laughed through her 
tears,  because he had no idea just how funny that was.

He sat up and gently took her elbow.  "Come here..." he said softly 
and brought her back to bed.  He lay with her for a long time, 
stroking her hair, until her breathing had become deep and even, and 
he followed her into sleep.

******************************************************

She awoke to the rough feel of stubble against her cheek.  Mulder 
kissed her and got up off the bed.  He was half dressed, still 
buttoning up his shirt.  Her voice was heavy with sleep.  "Where are 
you going?"

"My place.  I have to get some more clothes, think I still have a pile 
of shirts left from the last time I did my laundry."

"You do laundry? Is there anything else you want to tell me 
Mulder?" she teased.

"I don't have any secrets from you, Scully" he said with a smile.

Her face turned serious.

"What is it?" he asked, threading his tie through his the collar of his 
shirt.

She forced a smile.  "Just tired.  I'll see you later at the office?"

He nodded and approached her,  crouching down by the side of the 
bed.  He buried his face into the hair at her temple and placed a kiss 
somewhere thereabouts.  "You smell like a sleepy person" he said, 
nuzzling further into her neck.

She pulled the covers up tighter around her and closed her eyes. "I 
*am* a sleepy person."

He smiled and got up, grabbing his jacket.  "I'll see you later" he 
called as he walked through the door.

Scully watched him go.  And she knew:  she'd have to tell him 
tonight.  No more putting it off.  It was time to blow this secret out 
of the water.

******************************************************

As Mulder headed to work sometime later, freshly showered and 
shaved, he marveled at his own thoughts.  For the first time that he 
could remember, they were not consumed with Samantha.  Not that 
his need to find her had been quelled in anyway, but that a certain 
sense of peace had come over him;  a strange, uncharacteristic 
optimism that threw him for a loop.  These days, his thoughts were 
mostly engrossed with Dana Scully.  His feelings for her bordered on 
the obsessive, his need for her uprooting all else.
He really didn't understand why; he'd felt nothing like it before in his 
life.... now she *was* his life, and like some ridiculous love-sick 
puppy he stood in complete awe of her.  No one in his past had even 
come close... his thoughts turned suddenly to Kristen.  A 
meaningless, pointless mistake that he wished he could erase from 
his past.  He hadn't told her about it, because it would only hurt her 
to think that he'd given up on her.  He tightened his hold on the 
steering wheel as the guilt gnawed at his stomach.  Maybe he *had* 
given up.  And the prospect of never seeing her again had left him a 
void, empty skeleton of a man, and weakened him more than 
anything he'd ever encountered in any X File.  With the passing of 
hope, he'd lost his will to go on, and every subsequent move he'd 
made challenged death to take him.  He never wanted to feel that way 
again. 

******************************************************

After a quick bite and an evening of looking over files, they finally 
returned to Scully's place sometime after 10:00pm.  Mulder threw his 
jacket on the couch and headed for the bathroom as Scully went to 
her bedroom to change.  "I'm takin' a shower" Mulder called into the 
bedroom.  Scully opened a drawer to get some pajamas but found it 
was empty.  She sighed as she studied the pile of laundry in the 
corner of her room;  if they didn't stop this preoccupation with each 
other soon, they'd have to start buying new wardrobes monthly.  She 
changed out of her work clothes and grabbed one of Mulder's T-
shirts, slipping it over her head.  She crawled into bed.  She lay there 
staring at the bathroom door for several minutes, as if like some 
magic oracle it would tell her the answer that would help her out of 
this mess.  <OK, when he gets out of the shower, just wait until he 
gets out of the shower.>  But suddenly she felt that if she didn't do it 
right away, it would just move from after his shower to tomorrow 
morning, to after work, to after dinner tomorrow night.... no-- she 
was procrastinating.  <Do it *now*, now or never, Dana>.  She 
practically bolted out of bed and burst through the bathroom door.  
Mulder peaked his head out from behind the shower curtain and 
smiled, his saturated bangs covering his forehead in a thick blanket.  
"Care to join me?" he asked with a mischievous smile.  She put her 
hands on her hips and forced a small smile in return.  She 
approached him slowly, unable to meet his eyes. "Mulder there's 
something I have to tell you...  I wanted to tell you sooner--"  Before 
she knew what was happening he'd hooked an arm around her waist 
and snatched her into the shower.  She cried out in surprise.  He held 
her under the stream as the water soaked her hair and clothes.  
"Mulder!" she sputtered through the shower's spray.  She tried  to be 
annoyed, but the feel of  his hands moving over her left her feeling 
weak and light-headed.  The warm droplets from the shower's deluge 
caressed her neck and back like a thousand sensual kisses.  His 
hands slid down and up under her T-shirt where he took hold of her 
underwear.  He drew them down and the saturated garment fell 
heavily to the floor.  He grabbed hold of her legs and lifted her, 
pinning her up against the back of the shower stall as her legs 
encircled his hips.  Her now drenched T-shirt provided some traction 
against the smooth tile as he found her, moving up against her with a 
gentle force that sent her quickly to passion's edge.

"Look at me.." he whispered to her.  She opened her eyes then, and 
their eyes locked with the same fierce intensity as their bodies; she 
saw in his eyes a hunger as wild as animal instinct.

"Yes.." he breathed.   Her arms encircled his head as she buried her 
face in his neck.

"Oh God, Dana" 

As her muffled cries came from his neck, his own passion reached 
it's breaking point and his body convulsed with waves of pleasure 
that coursed through his body like after-shock.   

Their breathing slowed and he gently lowered her, but her legs were 
now unsteady and he supported her with an arm around her waist.  
His other hand smoothed the soaked hair off her face, then moved to 
her jaw.  He ran a finger over her lips before leaning in to kiss her.  
They held each other under that gentle rain, their foreheads touching 
and their eyes closed, and emotion flowed through him.  "Scully.." 
he started, but was unable to continue. 

She nodded against his forehead, and they held each other for a long 
time.

And she didn't tell him that night. 

*************************************************

Or the next morning.

At work the following day she'd talked him into leaving a bit early so 
they could go out to dinner.  She would tell him them.  Definitely.  

They sat there now discussing this current case, Mulder standing in 
front of his desk loading the slide viewer while Scully sat at her 
desk.  He was talking about the case, but his words slowly faded into 
silence as Scully's thoughts turned to tonight and what it might 
bring.  She prayed for the courage to be able to tell him; to let this go 
on any longer would be unforgivable.  But what if she found she 
*couldn't* tell him tonight... or the next...  what if it never *was* the 
right time.  Eventually, he'd be able to plainly see the truth. 

A sudden realization that she was about to do it came over her as her 
body started to shake.  Her stomach erupted in butterflies and a 
sudden chill took hold of her.  She was aware of standing and 
moving to the side of her desk, but did not seem to be moving of her 
own volition.  She stared at the desk to her right and her fingers 
rested lightly on its surface.   "Mulder I have to tell you something..." 
she blurted out quickly.

He stopped short at her panicked tone and took a few steps towards 
her. "What is it, Scully?"

She continued to stare at the desk, unable to look at him.   She took 
a deep breath.  

"Mulder I'm pregnant."


{ As night touched the sky with moonglow
{she opened up her heart
{the tide of emotions ebb and flow
{washing us apart
{we talked through the night in whispers
{as the silent city lay
{the reasons she gave cut deep and hard
{the dawn broke angry grey.*

End Part 3

***************

*Lyrics: Level 42 "Lying Still in Your Arms" from the album *World 
Machine*

----------------------------------------------------------------------


**Special thanks to Wizard for all her advice... technical and 
otherwise;)


**********************************

And I see
that these are the eyes of disarray...
                                                 -Stone Temple Pilots

Spell 4:  Black

A fathomless silence descended on the room.  It was a few seconds 
before Scully ventured to look at Mulder.  He looked like his knees 
gave out, then he took a few steps back where he collapsed into his 
chair.  His breath escaped him and he brought a hand to his mouth.  
Scully's gaze returned to her desk as she stood there frozen and 
terrified.  

It seemed to her hours before he finally spoke, and when he did his 
voice was low and calm.  "Come here." 

Scully looked up at him, his expression indiscernible.  She 
approached him slowly until she was inches in front of him.  He 
looked at her briefly, then his eyes traveled down her front to her 
abdomen where he tentatively placed a hand, and she could see that 
it was shaking.  Suddenly, but slowly, his hands moved around to 
her back and he hugged her midsection, burying his face in her 
stomach.  Scully could only stare down at the top of his head and 
wonder what this reaction was:  despair? disbelief?  But if she 
could've seen his face from where she was, she would've seen that it 
was simply... pure joy:  he was grinning from ear to ear.  He finally 
looked up at her, smiling.  

She smiled uncertainly back at him.  "This is....  a *good* thing?"

"Of course it is, Scully..." he said emphatically.  He stood and lay a 
hand on her cheek, regarding her with simple adoration.  He went to 
the door and turned the lock.   Scully realized that for the first time 
since she found out... she was happy;  she hadn't allowed herself to 
be until this moment.  She had spent every second since that phone 
call in a state of distress:  trying to figure out what she was going to 
do, how she was going to tell Mulder.  But now he knew, and he 
wasn't devastated and what she had feared most had not been 
realized:  she was not alone.  Pictures of a life she never thought 
she'd know flashed through her mind:  family, hearth and home.  She 
was going to be a mother-- a *mother*.  A thrill of elation rushed 
through her and brought a smile to her face.

Mulder leaned against the desk and pulled her to him.  He held her 
head against his chest and stroked her hair, closing his eyes. 

"Thank you..." he whispered.

She looked up at him.  " 'thank you'?"

"Thank you for giving me everything I never thought I'd have in this 
life, Scully."

They held each other for a long time.

*******************
As the weeks turned into months, their thoughts on the pregnancy  
turned to more practical matters.  She was almost 3 months along 
now, and had only a few extra pounds to show for it, but time was 
running out.  Scully still hadn't told her family that she was even 
involved with someone... let alone pregnant.  And what about the 
Bureau? Eventually, her pregnancy would become obvious, and what 
would they do?  Assign her to desk work? Reassign her?  They had 
discussed the possibilty of Scully returning to teach at Quanico, but 
were still deliberating about that.  She and Mulder agonized over the 
possibilty of being seperated.  They loved working together; they 
worked *well* together.  Neither of them wanted new partners.  But 
Mulder's primary concern was her safety.  He knew that "they" had 
regarded Scully as his weakness, and had tried before to get to him 
through her.  Now, her pregnacy, a baby... it would be the ultimate 
Achilles Heel.   So in the meantime, they continued along as usual, 
though Mulder had become as protective and watchful as wolf 
guarding its mate.

"Mulder, if something happens to you, our baby won't have a father" 
she had said.  "I have as
much to worry about as you do."

"No, Scully, no... you may have to worry about me, but I have *two* 
of you to worry about."

She could only look at him, understanding.  So she indulged him his 
overprotectiveness.

It was almost 4 in the afternoon and they were still in their pajamas.  
It had been one of those lazy Sundays where nothing was 
accomplished but eating breakfast well after noon and reading the 
Post.  Mulder was sprawled out on the couch in his boxers and t-
shirt reading the comics as Scully sat on the floor reading the 
Entertainment section.  An open jar of peanut butter was on the floor 
next to her with a spoon propped in its center.  She reached for the 
spoon and lifted a small blob into her mouth.

"That is so gross, Scully."

She licked the spoon and looked over at him.  "You're right... could 
you get me the jar of Fluff?"  He shook his head at her and smiled as 
he turned back to the comics.

Scully put the paper down suddenly as a thought occurred to her.  
"Mulder what you think a good name for the baby would be?"

Mulder continued to regard the paper as he absent-mindedly pulled 
on his upper-lip.  "How about 'Illegitimate'?"

Scully's eyes widened as she slowly turned her head to look at him.  
He held out as long as he could before a smile surfaced.  He looked 
over at her, now in full-grin.  

She smirked at him before she went back to browsing through the 
paper.  "You're incorrigible."  

Mulder got up off the couch and approached her, standing right next 
to her with his hands on his hips.  She looked up at him.  "What is 
it?"

He crouched down on his haunches and regarded her momentarily 
before reaching over and removing her glasses.  

"What are you doing?"

He simply looked at her until she raised her eyebrows in query.  His 
tone was low and mischievous:  "For someone as brilliant as you are, 
Scully, you sure can't take a hint."

"What do you mean?"

He continued to stare at her.  

And then she knew exactly just what he did mean.  An incredulous 
noise escaped her.  "Mulder..."

He took her hand in his two, brought it to his lips and placed a kiss 
there.  "I want you to marry me, Scully... I want us to be married."

She swallowed hard.  "Married?"

"Yeah, you know, like become husband and wife in a legal 
ceremony?  You've heard of it before?"

"Mulder you don't have to do this.  I don't want to rush into things--"

"It's a little late for that..." he said, poking her stomach.

"I know, all the more reason why we shouldn't rush *this*.  We have 
enough to worry about right now... we still haven't decided what 
we're going to do about work, our families..."

He sat back on the floor and shook his head, defeated.  "Are you 
turning me down, Scully?"

"NO.   No."  She sat up and took his face in her hands.  "Mulder, I 
would be so honored to be your wife.  Let's just not rush things.  Not 
right away.  Not until we get other things together."

Then he was beaming at her words, his smile warming her heart.  He 
reached over and pulled her to him, hugging her tightly.  "I love you" 
he whispered into her neck.

"I love you."

"No, you don't understand."  He kissed her lightly, then again.  "I 
love you so much..." he whispered again.  He kissed her neck, then 
opened the collar of her nightshirt slightly and kissed her collarbone.  
As he unbuttoned her shirt he placed a trail of kisses along the 
bridge of her cheeks and nose.  Scully lay back on the floor, taking 
hold of the front of his t-shirt.  She tugged at him gently, coaxing 
him down towards her. 

He smiled at her.  "Excuse me do I know you?" he teased.

"No," she shot back, the corner of her mouth turning up slightly,  
"but you're about to."  With a final tug she succeeded in pulling him 
down on top of her.  His hands moved up to caress the bare skin of 
her waist and abdomen as she held his face and kissed him with 
escalating passion...  

Afterward,  Mulder inched down to her abdomen and placed a kiss 
there, then rested his head against it's soft surface.  They lay there 
like that for a long time, she stroking his hair as he rested against her 
midsection, listening to the sounds of their baby in its nurturing 
cocoon.  

Night was falling before they started to consider getting up.  The soft 
hum of the refrigderator and the dim light from a nearby streetlamp 
threatened to lull them to sleep.  Mulder stretched and stood up, then 
headed for the bedroom.  When he returned, he was dressed in his 
jeans and a sweater.  He kneeled beside her and kissed her lips 
softly.  "Chinese?" 

She closed her eyes and nodded slowly.

"Moo Goo Gai Pan?"  

She smiled and nodded again.

He grabbed his wallet and headed out the door, setting the lock 
before he left.

Sometime later she glanced at the clock and decided she'd better get 
up as well.  She went into the bathroom to splash some cold water 
on her face.

Years later, looking back, she would say that an eerie calm had 
fallen over her before it happened, an ironic sense of peace 
precipitating eminent disaster.  She was wiping her face with a towel 
when a sudden, searing pain that burned like hot coal blazed through 
her abdomen.  She clutched her stomach and stumbled back a few 
steps.  She doubled over and cried out as another wave of pain 
assailed her.  She took another step back, feeling her back come up 
against the far bathroom wall.  A warm sensation tickled her thighs 
as she gasped and looked down at her bare legs.  A thick stream of 
blood was winding it's way down her leg.  On some level she became 
aware of a noise at the front of the apartment-- keys in the lock:  
Mulder. 

Mulder entered and looked around the room, curious when he didn't 
see Scully in the living room.  He went to the kitchen and placed the 
bags of food on the counter.  "Scully?" he called out.

Scully slid to the floor and watched as the blood continued to gather 
around her.  <Oh God my baby not my baby> she pleaded.  
<Mulder...>  The unbearable pain rendered her mute, she sat there 
unable to respond to Mulder's calls.

Mulder approached the bathroom and knocked gently.  Getting no 
response, he opened it tentatively and started in.  "Scully you in 
here?" he asked softly.  Then he saw her.  

She was on the floor,  leaning against the wall near the tub, her 
sweat-soaked pajamas clinging to her like plastic wrap.  She sat in a 
pool of her own blood, her eyes wild with fear and panic.  He rushed 
for her, wiping the damp hair off her face.  "Oh God, Dana..."

"...our baby..." was all she could manage.

Mulder ran for the phone and dialed 911.

******************************************

The doors to George Washington University Hospital's emergency 
room burst open as the EMTs wheeled Scully into the building.  
Mulder was at her side, moving with vast strides to keep up with the 
pace of the stretcher.  {She's loosing too much blood} Her breath 
was coming in quick and shallow gasps, throwing an intermittent 
fine mist of fog against her oxygen mask.  {Get her into the OR stat} 
Scully grasped his hand and she met his eyes in desperation.  Mulder 
felt sure his world was coming to an end as he watched her writhing 
in pain on that blood-soaked stretcher.   

As they approached the swinging double doors Scully reached up 
with her free hand and pulled down the mask.  "Mulder... Mulder! "  
his palm slid across hers as they moved her through the doors, their 
fingers curling around each other for just a second before breaking 
apart.  And Mulder watched as the love of his life was carried to 
death's door.  His world was fading to black.

***********************************

He had not been standing there 5 minutes when a young Indian 
gentleman in a lab coat approached him.  "Mr. Mulder?  I'm Dr. 
Singhal.  You're wife's losing a lot of blood." Mulder didn't bother to 
correct him.  "Her body's in great distress and we're concerned she 
could go into cardiac arrest.  She's insistent that we not take the 
baby, but if we don't... well I'm quite sure she won't be able to 
sustain further blood loss.  We don't think she's in any frame of mind 
to make this decision and usually--"

"Save her."  

"Mr. Mulder, if we do take the baby out, we presume it won't survive 
at this gestational--"

"*Save* her."  His eyes were fierce with determination and resolve.  
"Take the baby out if you have to,  just..."
his jaw tightened as he stepped closer to the Dr.  "... please, Dr.... 
bring her back to me."

Dr. Singhal regarded him momentarily before nodding quickly and 
returning to the OR.  Mulder stood there with his hands on his hips 
and watched him go.  "I'm sorry, Dana" he whispered outloud.

*******************************************

Just when he thought for sure he'd go crazy with not knowing, Dr. 
Singhal returned.  "She's being brought into Recovery now.  She's 
stable..."

"The baby?"

"Mr. Mulder... I'm sorry."

Mulder closed his eyes tightly and folded his arms in front of him.

Dr. Singhal continued.  "But I think--"

"What was it?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"The baby.  Was it a girl or a boy?"

The doctor regarded him uncomfortably.  "A boy."  

And that was the moment it formed; the empty space in his heart that 
he carried from that day on until the day he died.   In typical Fox 
Mulder fashion, he supressed his sorrow and put anger in its place.  
He swallowed hard and continued.  "Did you run those tests I 
requested?"

"Yes."  He averted his gaze.  "I must admit I didn't think... but at any 
rate, you were right:  we did find trace amounts of  an 
unidentifiable... waste product in her blood.  But it wasn't poisoning 
the baby as you proposed."

Mulder regarded him with curiosity.

"I'm afraid there was an infection, that's what caused the baby to 
abort.  It's not unusual."

Mulder nodded.

"Do you want to tell her?"

Mulder's thoughts, which had been far away, snapped back into 
focus.  "What?"

"About the baby... do you want to tell her or would you rather I did?"

"No.  I'll do it."

**********************************
Mulder sat by her bedside waiting for her to come out of the 
anesthesia.  He was utterly destroyed.  How was he going to tell her 
this?  How ironic, he thought, that she had agonized over telling him 
that she was pregnant, when now he sat here having to face telling 
her that she was not.

He buried his face in his hands and wept.

******************************

Mulder had fallen asleep in a chair at her bedside, still holding her 
hand.  He woke when he felt her stir.  He leaned forward to rest his 
elbows on the bed.  She came out of it slowly; her eyes fluttered 
open and she surveyed the room.  When she saw him, she attempted 
to turn her head in his direction.  

Her voice was barely a whisper:  "Mulder..."

He continued to hold her hand at his face as he looked at her.  He 
closed his eyes and slowly shook his head.  

She shut her eyes tightly and Mulder moved to sit on the bed.  She 
turned her head away from him.

"Scully..."

She looked at him briefly before turning over on her side with her 
back to him.   And that was the last time she really looked at him.  It 
was as if a heavy steel drape fell behind her eyes, locking her pain in, 
and shutting him out.  She never shed one tear for the child she'd 
lost.  Mulder stroked her hair, not knowing what to do.  He finally 
decided to give her a little time.  He leaned into her ear and 
whispered to her.  "I'm going to go get you a change of clothes so we 
can go home, OK?  I'll be right back."  She watched him go, then 
called for the nurse.

*************************************

Mulder returned a short time later and entered her room.  It was 
empty.  He walked down the hallway to the nurses station, where he 
was told by the charge nurse that she'd left some time ago.  

He tried her apartment, tried calling her mother's, he couldn't find her 
anywhere.  Mulder started to fear that maybe she wanted more than 
time...

After a few days of calling and leaving message after message, he 
decided to try her apartment again.  His heart was pounding as he 
headed down the hallway towards her door.  He understood how she 
felt, maybe what he'd done *had* been selfish. But at that moment, 
he had been blinded by the thought of never seeing her again.  He'd 
been through that before, and if he had anything to do with it, he 
would never, *never* go through that again.  He arrived at her door 
and fumbled with his keys.  He slipped the appropriate key into the 
lock and started to open it with his shoulder... but it didn't budge.  
He tried the key again.  She'd had the locks changed.  He knocked on 
the door, she didn't answer.  He pounded on the door.  Nothing.  
Mulder turned around and started to head back down the hall when 
the elevator directly across from her door opened... and there she 
stood, an empty laundry bag in her hand.  They stood there frozen 
for a second, then Mulder headed towards her.  Scully's heart 
skipped a beat when she saw him standing there; she didn't think it 
would be so hard to see him.  He entered the elevator just as the door 
closed behind him.  Curling his hand into a fist, he gave a quick 
punch to the emergency stop button.  He took a step toward her, she 
took a step back.

"What the hell is going on, Scully?"

She could only stare at him.

"What you're not even gonna talk to me about this?"

She regarded him for several seconds as the pent up emotion seeped 
to the surface.  Her breathing quickened.  "How could you?" she 
whispered.  "HOW COULD YOU?"  She looked at him, her eyes 
filled with grief.

"Scully I had no choice- you were *dying*, I--"

"No!  No you *did* have a choice.  I would've been OK--"

"That's not what the doctors thought, Scully..."

"I'm a doctor, too, Mulder.  My body's been through greater trauma 
than this.   I *told* the doctors what I wanted.  *You* knew what I 
wanted.  How could you show such complete disregard for my 
wishes?"  She shook her head at him, still unbelieving.  "Please just 
go."

"I wasn't disregarding--"

"You'll *never* convince me otherwise, Mulder; I *don't* want to to 
talk to you about this anymore!"  She started to turn away from him.

He reached out and held her face in his hands, forcing her to look at 
him.  "Don't do this, Scully--"

She pulled away moved to the control panel.  "Get out of here, 
Mulder, I don't want to talk to you!"  She pulled the button and 
exited as the doors opened.


****************************************

A week went by, then another... soon a month had slipped by.  
Mulder had sunk into a deep depression, eating very little, sleeping a 
great deal, and he hadn't left his apartment in over a week.  He sat 
there now in the dark, a half glass of Absolut perched on his chest as 
he replayed the conversation with Singhal over and over again in his 
mind.  A sudden knock at the door startled him.  He froze 
momentarily, then sat up quickly and dashed for the door.  "Scully?" 
he asked hopefully as he swung open the door.

"Not the one you were hoping for" Margaret Scully said at the 
disappointment in his face.

His posture relaxed as he turned and walked back into the apartment.  
He deposited himself in a chair and refilled his drink.  Margaret 
Scully stood uncertainly at the door for a minute before entering and 
flipping on a light.  She stared at Mulder a long time before going 
over and taking a seat at the table.  She took a deep breath and 
waited for him to look at her.  But it was several minutes before he 
did, and she had the opportunity to study him:  his hair was a mess, 
he obviously hadn't shaved or changed clothes in days.  His eyes 
were dark and soulless.

"Fox... what happened between you and Dana?"

Mulder sipped his drink.   He didn't know what Scully had told her 
mother and did not dare sidestep her again... too much damage had 
already been done.  "She didn't tell you?"

"She's not talking... to anyone.  I can't even get her to talk to me.  
What happened, Fox?  All I know is that you're not working together 
anymore.  Dana won't say anything else;  she goes around doing the 
day to day things like always but...  it's just...she's... she's not the 
same person..."

He leaned back in his chair and ran his hands through his hair.  "I 
can't help you Mrs. Scully."

"Fox, please, I'm so worried about her."

He said nothing.

"Did you... were you... " she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.  "Had 
you become more than friends?"

He sat there, saying nothing.  He glanced up at her briefly, but said 
nothing.  Her brows were knitted together in a look so trademark 
Scully it made his heart ache.

"I *can't* help you.  If  Dana doesn't want to tell you what happened, 
it's not my place to."

All Margaret could do was stare at him... this stranger; he was so... 
cold.  But she was not about to give up, so she pushed it.  "Maybe 
you could try talking to her--"

"She won't talk to me."  He got up and moved to the couch.

"Maybe you could try again..."

Mulder looked over at her, and for the first time, he met her eyes.

*******************************

Scully sat her desk staring at the memo she'd received earlier that 
day:  her approval for transfer to the Violent Crimes Section.  And 
her thoughts were once again of Mulder; what he had done still 
astonished her.  Whether or not he realized it, she felt his actions 
*had* been selfish... and cost her her baby.  She would never be able 
to look at him again without remembering that unbearable loss.  And 
some irrational part of her, fueled by pain and sadness, wondered if 
maybe he'd come to realize he wasn't ready to be a father; and when 
faced with that decision... She stopped suddenly as a noise outside 
her door caught her attention.  A few seconds of silence, then there 
was a soft tapping at the door.  She got up and approached, leaning 
her ear into the door.   "Who is it?"

"Mulder."

She struggled over whether or not to let him in.  If she didn't, she 
knew he would just keep coming back; she had to settle this with 
him once and for all.  But if she did let him in... she feared things 
might go very differently than she intended.  Eventually deciding on 
a compromise, she opened the door slightly, leaving the chain 
fastened.  And there he was.  She hadn't seen him since that night in 
the elevator over a month ago.  He looked horrible:  his face was pale 
and drawn, dark circles shadowed his eyes.  He had made a poor 
attempt to comb his hair and that stubborn cowlic remained defiantly 
out of place. It hurt like hell to see him.

"What do you want, Mulder?" she asked quietly.

"I want to talk to you."

"I don't think that's a good idea...  I told you: there's nothing to say."

"Like hell, Scully--"

"Mulder--"

"I thought I was doing what was best for you."

"For me?"  She shook her head at him.  "Or *you*?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Maybe subconsciously you knew you weren't ready for 
fatherhood..."

"*What*??"  

"Maybe you couldn't admit that to yourself... or to me."

"You can't mean that... how could you even think that, Scully??  You 
know I wanted this as much--" 

"Look this is just *not* going to work out, Mulder--" 

" 'Not going to work out' ?? You can't brush me off like some high 
school date, Scully... for God's sake, Dana... you know how I feel 
about you."  His eyes pleaded with her and for a moment, for just a 
second, he thought he saw something in her eyes...  but then it was 
gone, and those drapes were closed once more.

"If that's true... then you won't keep doing this; you'll let me go."   
She closed the door.  

 It was almost two and a half years before he laid eyes on her again.


End Part 4


Here's Spell 5.  It's a story about coming full circle, so any parallels 
between this and the first Spell are *intentional*, and not indicative 
of any laziness on my part 

Copyright info for lyrics to follow.

******************************************

{hearts and thoughts they fade,
{fade 
{away...

Spell 5:  Circle

Mulder had taken an extended leave of absence soon after that night 
at Scully's apartment:  the last time he'd seen her.  Eventually he 
returned to his work on the X-Files... alone.  There had recently been 
talk in the Bureau of reassigning him a new partner, but so far 
nothing had come of it.  In the meantime, he continued his work, but 
it was not the same with out her.  He'd heard that Scully was doing 
quiet well in the VCS; that didn't surprise him.  And he also knew 
that she had recently become involved with someone else:  Joel 
Miner, the agent who had interrupted that first dance they'd shared 
that night that seemed so long ago.  They were quite the hot and 
heavy item at the Bureau.  For him, his personal life was as empty as 
he felt inside.  Every woman he came in contact with that he might 
be the least bit interested in seemed to have "waste of time" stamped 
on her forehead.  But he continued with what he knew was a futile 
search;  knowing he'd never find anyone like Scully again.  She was 
the one, but he'd lost her.  She'd said that if he really cared about her, 
he'd stay away- and so he had.  At first, he half expected that she 
might come back to him, that she just needed some time; so for 
months afterward, his heart stopped every time there was a knock at 
the door, every time his phone rang.  Then the hope faded as the 
months turned into a year, then into two.  He couldn't decide which 
was worse- when he hadn't been able to see her because of her 
abduction- the not knowing; or this- knowing and not being able to 
see her.  His thoughts were with her always.


After that last night that she saw him, Scully had tried to put her life 
back together as best she could.  She buried herself in work, 
devouring every case that she could get her hands on in her new 
position in the VCS.  Eventually, the hurt got better, and as it did, so 
did her anger at Mulder.  She didn't know who was right or wrong 
anymore, and had decided that there was no place for blame in this 
matter.  He *had* done what he thought was right, even if she'd 
thought otherwise.  She'd replayed that last conversation they'd had 
over and over in her head.  She wished she could have taken back 
some of the things she'd said; her own pain had caused her to be so 
hurtful.  But no time for regrets.  They'd both moved on...  Joel had 
pursued her relentlessly from the day she'd started.  She'd held him at 
arms length for quite a while but when the pain she was harbouring 
wasn't letting up with time, she weakened.  So, in uncharacteristic 
Scully fashion, she'd allowed herself to get involved with him to ease 
that pain; to help her forget.  That was only a few months ago, but in 
that time, she grew to genuinely care for him.  He was sweet and 
kind and he completely adored her... and things were moving very 
fast.

Soon that time together seemed more like a dream--  ghostly images 
and faded memories...  

Then, the inevitable happened:  they ran into each other again.  
Ironically, it was at another Bureau function.  And everything came 
full circle.

Scully never imagined she'd see him at another Bureau affair.  He'd 
put in his time at the last one, and figured he'd had enough to last 
him another decade.  And besides, he'd never chance running into her 
again.

Mulder hadn't expected she'd attend; he'd heard from a friend in 
VCS that a case had called her out of town with her partner.  Pain at 
that image twisted in his heart.  Besides, even if she were in town, 
she'd never chance seeing him again.

**************************

Mulder entered the Sheraton Washington Hotel with a tall brunette 
on his arm.  Ellen was a technician in the Forensics Lab who had 
spent the last year dropping hints of interest in Mulder at every 
opportunity.  And since he despised going alone to these functions 
even more than the functions themselves, he'd asked her to 
accompany him.  They stood there now at the coat check waiting for 
the attendant to return.  He tugged miserably at his bowtie.

Joel held the door open for Scully as she moved into the lobby.  He 
helped her slip her coat off, revealing a stunning black velvet gown.  
It was similar to the one she'd worn to the last function, floor length 
and open-backed, but this one had long sleeves and a plunging 
neckline.  Her hair was loose, falling freely around her face.  Joel 
placed a hand on her back as they headed for the coat check.

The attendant finally returned and Mulder passed Ellen's coat over 
the counter.

Scully approached the coat check and stopped dead at the sight of 
the back of a man standing at the counter.  In spite of the 
uncharacteristic attire, she would've recognized that stance 
anywhere:  Mulder.  Joel looked over at her with concern "What is 
it?" 

Mulder took the ticket stub from the attendant and turned around.

Their eyes locked.

They stood there awkwardly for a minute before Joel made the first 
move.  "Mulder, how you doing?"  he asked, extending his hand.

Mulder shook his hand and nodded.  He looked at Scully, and 
misery darkened his eyes.  "Hi."

She offered a faint smile.  "Hi."

They continued to stare at each other for a moment before Mulder's 
thoughts returned to the present.  "Oh, um, this is Ellen Grant.  
Ellen, Dana Scully, Joel Miner. " 

After an exchange of handshakes, another awkward pause.  Joel 
turned to Scully.  "Ready to go in?"
 
Mulder watched her head towards the ballroom.  He and Ellen 
followed.

Joel and Scully finally arrived at their table.  "This is it, table 8."  He 
pulled out the seat for Scully before seating himself.   Scully 
watched as Mulder entered the room and took his table card.  They 
started moving through the crowd, searching for their seats.  They 
were headed right for her.  <Oh no please... not at the same table>.  
But they continued to move closer and closer, and Scully's heart 
pounded with increasing intensity with every step they took.  They 
finally arrived at the table, Mulder eyeing the card to make sure he'd 
read the number correctly;  he had:  Table 8.  It couldn't have been 
worse.  Not only would he be tortured by Scully's presence, but 
Kennedy and Higgins were also seated at the table.  The two of them 
never resisted an opportunity to aggravate Mulder.

As he expected, Kennedy was the first to pipe up.  "Hey look, Mr. & 
Mrs. Spooky!  What is this a reunion?"  He broke into bellowing 
laughter as Mulder and Scully cringed at opposite sides of the table.  
"But not anymore, right?"

Higgins turned to Scully.  "That's right, I hear congratulations are in 
order."

Mulder looked over at Scully.  " 'Congratulations' ?"

She avoided his gaze.  "Yes.... Joel and I are engaged."

His heart tightened in anguish, but he simply nodded.    

Dinner was agonizing and long.  Mulder could not keep his eyes off 
of her, he wanted to touch her so badly it hurt.  Scully let her eyes 
drift in his direction one too many times.  And Joel was watching 
every move they made.  He was less than pleased when Mulder got 
up and walked over to their side of the table.  He put a hand on the 
back of her chair and leaned down, extendeding his hand to Scully.  
"Will you dance with me?"

Scully looked at him, surprised, then over at Joel, then back to 
Mulder.  "Sure, OK."  She slipped her hand into his and he led her to 
the dance floor.  

Both of their thoughts were inundated with memories of that last 
function, the last time they'd danced like this.  The music couldn't 
have been more different- classic violin concertos; and obviously, the 
circumstances between them could not have been more different; but 
their effect on each other, it was very much the same.

He turned to face her, pulling her towards him.  He looked down at 
her, deep into her eyes, and he marveled at what he saw there:  the 
tiniest opening in that drape... a chance.  And the room fell into 
deafening silence.  He held her, his ears were ringing loudly, the 
only sound he was aware of was the steady rhythm of her breathing.

{ I swear I recognize
{your breath
{memories, like fingerprints
{are slowly raising
{Me you wouldn't recall
{for I'm not my former...

He gently caressed the bare skin of her back with his thumb.  Her 
skin broke out in goose flesh and Mulder pulled her closer.  The air 
around them seemed suddenly unstable, as if in danger of igniting on 
a molecular level.  They were silent as they danced.

The piece ended and Mulder, under Joel's watchful eye, reluctantly 
pulled from her and led her back to the table.  Through dessert and 
coffee she skillfully avoided his eyes as they endured Kennedy and 
Higgins' constant ribbing.  But eventually she'd had enough and 
excused herself abruptly.  Joel got up to go after her, and without 
even thinking... so did Mulder.  The looks he received from Ellen 
and Joel could've frozen over Hell itself.  Mulder sat back down.

Scully held up a hand to Joel.  "It's OK, I'm just going to go to the 
ladies room, I'll be right back."

Mulder was desperate to get her alone for a few minutes.  It would've 
been far too obvious if he'd left after she did, so he waited until 
sometime after she'd returned before excusing himself.

A few minutes later, a waiter approached Scully.  "Ms. Scully?  You 
have a telephone call."

"Oh."  She got up and followed the waiter into the lobby.  He 
pointed to a row of phones against the far wall, separated by slim 
dividers.

"Number four."

"Thank you."  Scully went to the appropriate phone and picked up 
the receiver.  It was dead.

"Hi" came a sudden voice from over her shoulder.

She whirled around.  She eyed Mulder admonishingly before 
replacing the receiver.  He had her boxed in, his arms resting on the 
dividers separating each phone.  "What are you doing, Mulder?"

"We're going to be heading out soon... I just wanted to get the chance 
to congratulate you... " He paused, then her eyes widened as he 
stepped closer and brought his face to hers.  He was mere inches 
from her.  "Congratulations..." he whispered.   He placed a kiss next 
to her lips, just to the side of her mouth.  The familiar scent of his 
cologne, the rough feel of his five o'clock shadow, brought back a 
rush of memories that sent her head spinning.  He lingered longer 
than he should have, then pulled back, remaining close to her.  He 
reached down and gently took hold of her hand.  "Can I see your 
ring?" he said, his voice low.   He examined it briefly, having no real 
interest in the item.  He held her eyes with his own.   "It's nice... "  he 
said, fondling the piece of jewelry.  After a moment he continued  
"...goes with your earrings."  He released her hand as the other moved 
to her ear.  He gently held her earlobe between his thumb and 
forefinger, never breaking from her gaze.  He let his hand remain 
there, his fingers lightly touching her neck. 

She swallowed hard; she was shaking so badly that she could see 
that wisps of hair around her face were trembling.  She struggled to 
keep her breathing even.   "Mulder..." she started weakly.

Suddenly Mulder felt a hand on his shoulder as he was turned 
around.  Joel's eyes were furious.  "What the hell are you doing?"

"I was just congratulating--"

Joel gave his shoulder a quick push.  "You listen to me you stay 
away from her."

"Look, I was just--"

This time Joel shoved him hard with both hands.  "Do you think I'm 
stupid?  You just *stay* away from her... haven't you hurt her 
enough?  You couldn't possibly take anything else away from her."

Mulder blinked, then looked over at Scully.  She lowered her eyes.  
She had *told* him?  He was completely blown away that she'd 
confided in him about the miscarriage.  He'd had some limited 
contact with Mrs. Scully over the past two years-- a phone call about 
a year ago to "see how he was doing", always a card at Christmas; he 
was fairly sure she didn't know.  That Scully could tell *him* and 
not even her own mother...   He straightened his jacket and continued 
to stare at Scully.  She would not look at him.  He looked back at 
Joel.  "I'm sorry.  I was just leaving anyway..."  He started to turn 
around.

"Don't bother looking for Ellen, she already left."

Mulder turned around and walked away.  And he never expected to 
see her again.

But he was wrong.

*********************************

Once again he sat in the darkness of his apartment, staring at the 
cool light of the fish tank.  It had been a week since he'd seen her at 
the Bureau's reception, and since that time he found his depression 
had returned full force.  The pain was unbearable, almost physical, 
and there seemed to be no relief.   He still could not believe that she 
had told Miner about the miscarriage.  Her feelings for Miner were 
stronger than he'd thought.  And seeing her with him, and knowing 
that she'd told him, it forced him to finally confront the finality of 
their separateness.

It was a warm night and Scully decided to make the most of her 
insomnia and go for a walk.  The last seven nights had been restless 
for her, as vivid images of her past with Mulder resurfaced.  She was 
drowning in her confusion;  she wanted to run as far away from him 
as possible, but at the same time, she longed to see him again.  These 
thoughts consumed her as she walked, and she was barely cognizant 
of the fact that she'd arrived at Mulder's building;  she hardly 
realized that she was entering the elevator and pushing the button for 
his level.  And she was almost surprised when she realized she was 
standing at his door.   

Mulder lay down on the couch, his head resting on his folded arms, 
when he saw a shadow in the light coming from underneath his door.  
He sat up slowly and waited.  Something, someone, was just 
standing there.  He got up and slowly approached the door.  He 
curled his hand around the knob... and swung it open.

Scully stood there staring at him, her mouth gaping, as Mulder stood 
there mirroring her expression.  Finally, she shook her head and 
turned away abruptly, heading back down the hallway.  "I don't know 
why I came here, I'm sorry--"

Mulder reached out and lightly took her arm.  "Don't go.  Please..."

She froze at his touch.  

He gently pulled her into the apartment and closed the door behind 
her.  He subconsciously set the lock.  "Come in... do you want to sit 
down?"  He nervously started clearing off a space on his chair.  He 
was terrified that the slightest thing he did or said would send her 
fleeing from the apartment.

And he was right.  Scully stood there in the middle of the room 
prepared to take flight.  What was she doing here? Why had she 
come?  But only the answers she didn't want to see came clearly to 
her mind...

They just stood there staring at each other in that dark apartment for 
what seemed like hours.

Finally, Mulder slowly approached her.  His voice was low.  "Why 
*did* you come here, Scully?"

After some time, and with tremendous effort, she finally started, her 
voice high and tremulous. "I never would've agreed to marry Joel if 
I'd thought ... "  She started pacing, ran her hands through her hair.  
"What am I doing? I thought this was finished, I really did..."

Mulder's heart was threatening to break out of his chest as she 
stopped in front of him.  "What are you saying Scully?"

"I.... "  she paused, swallowing hard.  "I don't know..."  Her voice 
dropped to a whisper, she lowered her face as she studied her hands   
"... I don't know if I want it to be..."  

He took a step closer, then slowly brought a hand up to wipe a wisp 
of hair off her cheek.  His voice was little more that a whisper.  "I 
think about you all the time."

She looked back up at him.  Her lower lip trembled ever so slightly, 
she blinked slowly.  "Mulder--"  she whispered back.

He brought his other hand up and lightly held her face, as if she 
would fade into an apparition if he held too tightly.  He gently 
caressed her cheek with his thumb.  He paused, then slowly lowered 
his face to hers, stopping inches from her own.  He forced the fear 
down his throat and let out a tremulous breath.  "I want to kiss 
you..." .

Her eyes fluttered and closed as she nodded, tilting her head up to 
him.  He brought his lips to hers.  They touched lightly as their 
mouths closed on each other.

{my god it's been so long
{never dreamed you'd return
{but now here you are
{and here i am...

They pulled from the kiss and studied each other's faces.  Mulder's 
hands moved to hold her waist as he leaned in and softly placed a 
kiss on her neck.  The familiar smell of her skin, her hair, was 
overwhelming, and brought tears of joy to his eyes; for the first time 
in his life, something he loved had come back to him.  A choked, 
muffled noise escaped him.  

Her arms came up to encircle his neck as she fought back her own 
tears.

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly.  "I'm so 
sorry--"

"No.  No, *I'm* sorry.  I didn't mean what I said, I knew you wanted 
it as much--"

He pulled from the embrace and lay a finger gently on her lips.  He 
shook his head at her.  She looked at him for several seconds, then 
nodded; and they knew:  nothing more needed to be said.  It was 
time to move forward.

He kissed her nose, then gently brushed his lips back and forth over 
hers as a tremulous breath escaped her.  She stood on her tip toes to 
meet him, kissing his bottom lip, then lightly licked his upper lip.  
That was all that it took to send him into complete arousal;  he 
pulled her close and kissed her fully.  His head was spinning 
violently as dizziness increased its hold on him.  He broke from the 
kissing and held her at arms length.  She regarded him with 
confusion as he held up a finger, turning to move towards his desk.  
Opening the drawer, he produced a small blue-velveted box.  He 
wiped the dust off the top and approached her.  He stood just in 
front of her.  The corner of his mouth turned up in a shy smile as he 
slowly removed her ring, shaking his head at her.  He opened the box 
and took out the ring he'd intended to give her so long ago.  Still 
offering her that crooked smile, he tentatively slipped the ring onto 
her finger.  "Mine..." he whispered softly as he brought his lips to 
hers once more.  He slipped a hand around her waist, the other 
around the back of her head as he deepened the kiss.  She kissed him 
back feverishly, running her hands through the thick hair at the back 
of his head.  His hands shook with anticipation as he moved them up 
under the cropped sweater she wore to the bare skin of her waist.  He 
broke from the kiss and brought his lips to her neck as she tilted her 
head back.  He kissed her neck, letting his tongue taste the salty 
sweetness of its smooth flesh.  Her breathing was turning quick and 
shallow.  One hand caressed the bare skin of her back, the other slid 
down her back, just underneath the waist of her jeans.  He pulled her 
tightly against him.  "I want you..." he breathed.  "God I want you so 
badly..."  His lips returned to her neck as she reached for his belt and 
unfastened it.  He backed her over to the couch, turned, and sat down 
as she stood in front of him.  He unbuttoned the top of her jeans and 
brought down the zipper.  He held her waist and kissed the exposed 
skin of her abdomen.   Hooking his thumbs on either side of her 
jeans, he slid them down.  She stepped out of them as his hands 
moved back to her waist.  He pulled her down onto the couch until 
she was kneeling over him.  She held his face as he slipped his hands 
back up under her sweater, letting them slide down her back and 
underneath her undergarment.  "I missed you..." she whispered as she 
slid her fingers through the hair at his temple.  He pulled her closer 
then shifted to roll her underneath him.  She freed him from his 
jeans, then he lowered himself on top of her.  He found her, the 
familiar feel of her body sending a bolt of electricity through him.    
An experience both new and familiar at the same time, they made 
love, relishing the sweet bliss of rediscovery.  

As their movement became more frenzied, their excitement neared its 
peak.  Mulder stopped suddenly.  "Wait...stop..." he said 
breathlessly.

She slowed and looked up at him.

"I don't want this to be over yet."

She smiled and brought a hand up to touch his face.  "Mulder, we 
have all the time in the world."

****************************************

Afterwards, they lay there quietly for some time, enjoying the gentle 
sense of peace that filled the room like warm sunshine.  Mulder was 
the first to break the silence.  "What are you going to do about Joel?"

She sat up, forcing him to do the same.  She sighed heavily.  "What 
*am*  I going to do, Mulder?  How could I have been so 
irresponsible?  And he's been so good to me..."

Mulder pushed down his own jealousy and attempted to help her feel 
better.  "You were in a lot of pain" he said, caressing her back.

"That's no excuse.  I shouldn't have let myself get involved with him.  
I feel horrible."  She was silent for a minute, then continued.  "I'll 
just have to tell him the truth...  and *you'll* have to leave the 
country."

He smiled at her.  "I'm used to people being after me, Scully.  Tell 
him to take a number."

She flashed him that classic Scully look and he coveted every second 
of it.  "That's not funny.  It's going to be impossible going into work 
every day."

"You know, the Bureau's been wanting to reassign me a partner."  He 
smiled at her again.  This time, she smiled back.  And as she received 
that grin, she realized what she'd missed the most these past two 
years:  her best friend.

They fell silent again, until Mulder couldn't hold out any longer.  "I 
was surprised you told Joel about... what happened."

She wouldn't look at him.  "Well we never really talked about it, I 
couldn't.  He knew something had happened between us; so I just 
told him the basic story."

"Did you ever talk about it with anyone?"

She shook her head.  

He placed a finger under her chin and turned her face up towards his.  
She looked at him.  And when she did, she didn't see the reminder of 
the child she'd lost as she thought she would;  instead... she saw the 
man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.   That was all that 
it took.  One look into those eyes, those eyes that held compassion 
and kindness... and complete understanding.  The tears welled in her 
eyes.  Mulder pulled her toward him, resting his chin on top of her 
head.  And she cried.  She wept years worth of locking away that 
unbearable loss.  She wept for the son they'd never know, and for the 
two long years of what could have been  that were now gone forever.  
He held her, and eventually-- well into the night, her tears subsided. 

And as he held her, he believed.  He believed that they would be 
stronger, better.  That they were going to be OK.  Because she was 
right:  they had all the time in the world.


End Part 5


Lyrics copyright Pearl Jam "elderly woman behind the counter in a 
small town", 1993.