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Best of the Zen Jihad Quote Sheets

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Last Ride Part 70 Edition


Doomsday, the continuing saga

Doomsday to Baron Tranth
“It’s good to be hitting Zhengyi while he is hitting Bloodstone, since he’ll be killing cannon-fodder while we’re taking his castle”

Doomsday, to Broomhilda after accidentally killing her
“Oh, so I’m the bad guy now?”

Vengeful
“What’s wrong with killing your enemies? And their women and children? And burning down their villages? And sowing the ground with salt?
Doomsday
“Did you steal their stuff?"
Vengeful
“No.”
Doomsday
“That’s wrong!”

Paul, on making magic fireball arrows
“Well, it’s not that easy, you have to summon a fire elemental and, well, you’re at an inn . . .”
Doomsday
“And your point is?”


Ah, those days of innocence

Ashrak
“Does it ever get warm around here?”

Rodney
“Are we playing with psionics?”
“Will the vendors at the festival be selling magic items?”


General Abuse

Drak
“Grodin, when does your diminish wear off?”
Grodin
“I’m not diminished”
Drak
“Oh yeah, you’re a dwarf!”

Gorgul, to Doomsday
“Have you been teaching Caleph Sneed?”
Doomsday
“No, but he taught me Polymorph Self”
Gorgul
“Good! Can you polymorph yourself into a mage who cares about strategy and tactics?”

Berk, to Lothar’s henchman
“You’re not even a giant! You’re just an enlarged fighter!

Lothar’s Henchman, being ESP’d
[I can’t believe we lost to such a disorganized bunch of morons]

Jihad “Owen, Owen, he’s our man. If he can’t do it . . . someone else can.”

Berk, meeting Martin the Dwarf
“You are a dwarf?”
Caleph
“12th level monk is Master of the Obvious”


Insights

Kalarion, diminished
“Wow, that gem is as big as my head. Of course, my head is the size of a walnut right now.”

Berk, on interrogation strategy
“It’s hard to know when to stop”
Wendell
“You stop when they’re dead”

Deathmerchant Mercenary
“The first sign of spring is always the return of the Priests of Tempus for the summer wars.”


General Stupidity

Nick, looking around for a measuring device
“Do we have a ruler?”
Tim
“Yes, the Baron”

Paul
“Well, you guys have been around Heliogabalus before, and you know you basically have to keep your money strapped to the inside of your face.”

Doomsday
“I ESP Owen”
Paul
“His mind is Zen . . . you see water running over pebbles . . . you fall asleep.”

Berk, on party order
“No three members may form a parabola”

Doomsday
“I want to kill him in his sleep -- No, I want to hold his butt!”

Paul, trying to figure out if the jihad can make it through the forest
"Do you have a ranger, or something"
JB
"No, but we have a paladin"
Paul
"Yeah, they're real useful in the wilderness"
Mark
"At least he won't be morally lost!"

Jihad Scenes
Broomhilda, holding up a sheep eyeball
“Look, I’m scrying!”

Grandpa
"You adventurers! Why, if I was a little younger--"
Kruk, the elf
"--You'd still be half my age"

Berk
“What supplies do we need?”
Rindell
“Bandages”
Owen
“Oil, lanterns, flint”
Rindell
“More bandages”
Owen
“More bandages”
Rindell
“Still more bandages”

Darwin
“So we’re looking for a guy who might know where to find a guy who might know something about where to find--”
Aikodad
“--The dragon who might have been the dragon who killed the people we definitely don’t care about”

Darwin
“This man (Thyatius) has no moral code"
Caleph
“He has too many moral codes”
Owen
“The real problem is his moral code is encrypted”

Thyatius
“You know, a plan never stays intact in combat with the enemy”
Kruk
“We never stay intact in contact with the enemy”


Famous Last Words Department

Aikodad, belligerently to 4 stone giants “Any of you ladies got more boulders for me???”

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