"Help! I’m kind of stuck here. How can something so easy be so hard to do? I’m just this far from doing it." This is what it’s like when I’m trying to write an essay. I’m just this far away from doing it, but I just can’t quite get it started. I don’t know if the fact that I have Asperger’s syndrome makes it hard for me to write essays, but I do know some of the other ways Asperger’s affects me.

      Asperger’s syndrome is a mental condition related to, but quite different from, autism. Higher brain functions aren’t impaired, as they often are in autism—in fact, they can often be better than normal. I tend to be smart intellectually and knowledgewise, but I can be kind of dumb socially. This was especially true when I was younger. I tend to miss social cues and to not pick up on the unwritten social rules as fast as others. I also don’t have as many friends as most people. On the other hand, I’m really good at math and reading, and I’ve had a lifelong interest in architecture, especially old buildings. I also have some artistic ability—I draw mainly old buildings and maps of fictional cities. I can pay great attention to detail, although details don’t always register immediately; sometimes, someone else has to mention something in order for me to realize I noticed it. I can be a perfectionist sometimes—which can be good or bad, depending on what I’m doing. If I’m proofreading a document, I can breeze through it and find nearly every error; but if I’m writing an essay, I often get stuck, because it’s hard to write a perfect first draft. I also like routine and knowing exactly what I’m supposed to do. To some people, it may seem like I’m asking too many questions sometimes, but I’m really just trying to be absolutely sure about what I am supposed to do. I can also be honest almost to a fault.

      People with Asperger’s are often said to lack empathy, but I think that’s not quite true. I do notice what other people are feeling—in fact, sometimes I almost feel it myself (which is why I’m not all that fond of violent movies)—but I often don’t express my feelings in quite the same way as other people. Sometimes I can be a little insensitive to what other people are feeling, but, if they bring that to my attention, I usually try to be a little more sensitive.

      Asperger’s also affects me physically. I am not as athletic as other people and can be kind of a klutz sometimes, but I do like some physical activity. I like walking home from school rather than taking the bus, because it is more relaxing. When I get stressed out, going for a walk or something like that can help me calm down. If there’s a lot of stuff going on around me, I tend to get on sensory overload and sometimes yell. People often misunderstand this; I’m not necessarily mad at them. I’m just overloaded and need to calm down. Doing something like walking releases endorphins and calms me down. I’ve gotten much better at controlling outbursts. I try to take a deep breath and not let stuff bug me.

      Asperger’s has also affected my grades. Long, multi-day, outside-of-class projects tend to be too open-ended for me, and I don’t get them done. If I feel like I have a lot of homework, I tend to get overwhelmed and stressed out, so very little of it gets done and my grades suffer—but—if I do my homework and get it in on time, I tend to get straight A’s. (First semester of my junior year proves that.) Class work and any homework I do at school do get done, because I have the time in class to do it. I tend to do well on tests, despite my struggle with homework, because I pay attention in class and do the class work. I have been thinking about college and I believe that, with the right support system, I will succeed. My future goal is a career in architecture. However, I do have a lot of math and science to fall back on, should I choose a different career.

      To sum up, I don’t think Asperger’s is a disease to be cured or conquered. Instead, it’s a condition to overcome and use to my advantage. I wouldn’t give up my condition for anything, if being normal meant I’d lose my interest in architecture, my interest in science and history, my honesty, my love of learning, my love of museums and intellectual discussions, or anything else that enriches my life and my mind.