"...my name is Arem, and I don't have many friends, mainly because they
say
I stink and pick my nose annoyingly often. But I met Kavlas once and he
was
a nice fellow. I met him in Ottyk's place. I was eating rice alone and
he
sat next to me.. for a while. And then he left. But he told me a story
then. And this story I still remember. I have heard many things about
Kavlas, about his enormous pennis, 10 times his size they said. I heard
about many of his adventures. I also heard a ridiculous story of how he
managed to drown a village in sperm. All those stories are lies, all
those
stories are true. But I still remember the story HE told me. It
stigmatized
my whole life. I even wrote it down, and hope once I die, and judging
from
the flies and stench it wont be long, some one will find my diary and
read
the story of kavlas and how he met the sexualy perverted Nostramazos...


Kavlas was taking a crap in the forest outside of solace and admiring
his
dick's size. He had people believe it was enormous. Fools!, idiots in
Solace would believe anything an outsider would tell them. It wasn't
enormous. Not by a long shot. It was just.. big. And dirty. Very dirty.
He
had to do something about it. 

The smell of his crap caused a few squirrels to come nearby and take a
closer look, or smell. So much the better Kavlas said and grab a
squirrel.
He always like wiping his ass with a squirrel. Ah.. their velvet like
fur..
the ecstasy!!!. One, two, three squirrels he did use. But he needed
more
and he couldn't not find any. AHA! A bush nearby moved! It's either a
squirrel, Kavlas thought or a sneaky wemic. Hm, a wemic, there is a
thought. Kavlas shoved his hand in the bush and grabbed a small round
and
furry animal. No, no wemic, not even a squirrel. What could it be. So
small
and fluffy. He squeezed it a bit and pulled it, but it was immovable,
like
it was nailed there. He pulled harder and then he heard a voice. 'Stop
it
idiot. You will rip my testicle apart!.'

'What the hell.' Kavlas said and stood up, without bothering to pull up
his
trousers, 'who is this?'

'It is I, Nostramazos the Great' said a little man and emerged from the
bush.
'Nostramazos, the all-might, nostramazos the omnipotend, nostramazos
the
overlord, nostramazos theohmygodwouldyoulookthsizeofthat????'
Nostramazos
remained frozen for over 5 minutes staring a little lower from kavlas
belly
bottom.

'Why, yes, that is Kavlatron, my ultimate weapon. Several orc, goblins,
even dragons have been violated by it.' Said Kavlas proudly.

'Even dragons? You are sick. You even have a name for it, and it is so
dirty, yuk, its full of blood and dirt'

'It is dirty? What are you talking about old man. I always clean my
sword
after I slay someb.. oh!' said Kavlas, realising for the first time
that
Nostramazos was refering to his manhood. He zipped his trousers at
once.
Without wiping his ass too well. And that is why people sometimes refer
to
his manhood as Kavlatron, whereas Kavlatron, was Kavlas sword and not
his
pennis. His pennis was called 'little ponny'.

'So Nostramazos' said Kavlas while inspecting the little old man a bit
more
careful, 'What is your proffesion?'

'I am the most famous Mage, this side of krynn'

'A mage? And why are you carrying a soap in your belt'

'Hehe' Nostramazos continued laughing for the rest of the day. Even
while
eating or talking, irritating Kavlas to no end. Kavlas tried to hide
from
Nostramazos, but he always kept finding him and following him. After 4
hours they reached Solace.

'Hello my little gay friends' said Nostramazos to the Solace guards
guarding the west gate. Kavlas was shocked. He didn't expect that. And
to
make matters worse 'How much would I have to pay to see you licking
your
comrade's boots?' added Nostramazos.'

'What the fu..' said one guard and started unseathing his sword. 
'Lick his wha..?' Said the second guard, as if he was thinking aloud.

But before anyone of them made any move, Nostramazos pulled out a milky
potion, swallowed and then burped towards their direction. Both guards
fainted.

Nostramazos walked proudly to the solace square. Kavlas closed his
mouth
and followed trying to understand just what happened.

Once they reached the solace square, Nostramazos started talking
nonsense
to each and every one being there. 'Hello my young woman, I think its
time
to put something straight between us, if you know what I mean, ehehehe'
or
'I may not be beautiful, well I am ugly in fact, but I am the only one
talkin to you here'. Of course all those women started running once
seeing
Nostramazos face, a few of them even got sick.. all over Nostramazos,
which
made him extremely happy, as if this was his very goal. 

Kavlas was disgusted. But he was also curious.
'Hey, Nostra! Did you just quaff a milky potion back there? I thought
milky
potions made people invisible. Did the gods change that too? Making
rods
not working was bad, but altering the milky potions code is mean.' Said
Kavlas.

'No, you little fool' replied Nostramazos, 'What I quaffed was a
tzatziki
potion.. more lethal.' and added abruptly 'oh would you look at that
fine
lady, bending over and picking that apple that sliped from her bucket?
ohoho move that ass baby, move it move bend bend' Nostramazos was now
muttering and saliva was dripping from his face. He was so transfixed
with
the sight of the lady bending over that he didn't notice Kavlas
reactions.

Kavlas was a fine fellow, he had a big dick alrighty, and a dirty one
that
is, but he wasn't a sex crazed monster, as some enemies of his tried to
make him look. No, he was a gentelman with ladies. But he only had a
tiny
little fault. 
If somebody bent over, well that drove him crazy. It made his little
pony,
a big furious red stallion, ready to jump any fence, or even go through
it.
Kavlas was losing his mind every time somebody bent over. He acted as
if he
was 
epileptic, as if somebody else was controling his body. His voice was
different, his muscles pulsated, especially one very special muscle. It
was
like Dr Jekyl, and Mr Fuckmachine Gouzgounis Hyde.

Right now hes face was red, almost turning black, his eyes were yellow,
if
it was night, Kavlas wouldn't need a lamp, his eyes would flood
everything
in light. He body was shaking and his feet were moving towards the lady
that was still in an awkward position. I dare not speak of his pennis
or I
will not be able to sleep until I die.

'No.... must... resist... tempte... tation..' Kavlas muttered. 'Must...
think.... ugly.... thoughts'. He thought of fat ladies, dead cats,
decapitated bodies but nothing worked. The lady was doomed to die from
satisfaction.

Meanwhile Nostramazos was still muttering. 'Eheheh shake that body
baby,
shake it shake it.' He was not muttering anymore, he was speaking
aloud.
And his voice was rising in volume all the time. 'Shake shake it shake
it
SHAKE IT!!!' he shouted.

And Kavlas stopped thinking aboutfat ladies and donkeys and headless
bodies, and he made a mental image of Nostramazos face in his mind. And
thank god, that did the trick, or I would have to write about a scene
so
disgusting that no even when Old Tarsis was destroyed would match it.
Anyway, suffice to say that kavlas Furious Stallion, was now a little
pony
again

'Ohhhh' said Nostramazos, mostly to himself, 'that was almost as good
as
having sex, not that I would know of course. eheheeh. I love Solace.'
He
turned to look Kavlas and said 'my god why are you all sweaty?'

'Eh? Ah its that damn hot Solace weather, lets go to the inn'
'HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!' a voice boomed behind Kavlas 'I AM THE HIGH
CONSTABLE AND I ARREST BOTH OF YOU FOR MESSING UP WITH MY BOYS GUARDING
THE
WEST GATE'

Nostramazos started putting his hands in his pockets and taking them
out
again and touching his butt and crotch and generally acting in his
usual
way, but Kavlas was not prepared for such an encounter with the high
constable
'What? Not me..' said Kavlas, 'That little perverted old man there ..
where
is he now, ah there behind you.'

The High Constable turned around to face Nostramazos but something in
the
ground monopolised his attention. 
'What is that, a soap? Who dropped that here. Somebody could slip over
it
and get hurt.' And that was when everything went wrong. The high
constable
bent over to pick up the soap, Kavlas pennis, as if having a mind of
its
own, violated the high constable's back orifice, the high constable
shouted
'Mama Mia, guards guards help me, somebody is trying to kill me ala
athanasio diako using a pole arm, it hurts' and Nostramazos was jumping
up
and down fidning the whole thing very funny and perverted. 

Needless to say after that Kavlas rushed to Ottik's inn, ordered a meal
and
ate it, like I said he sat next to me and he told me the whole story.
In
the meantime the Hight Constable was unconcious. I asked him where
Nostramazos was and all he said was 'he is keeping company to the high
constable' then his face turned pale and he almost threw up. He then
left
and never came back to Solace. 
Sometimes a bard visites our little peaceful village and enrichens our
evening with some of his stories. Sometimes, the young ladies ask about
for
a kavlas story, they were all a little jealous of the constable's anal
violation you see. Now I think I will fart, and I may die from the
stench,
or even worse I may shit myself, and there are no squirrels around.'

The Kavlirilion 
according to Ripped Pages From Arem's Diary