King Berger, the undead!

King Berger was an undead king. 
It sounds very simple but it isn't. 
He was born in Solace very long time ago. 
He had a very famous food shop and his biggest rival was Ottik. 
While Ottik used natural ingredients, Berger used
meat from dead cows and chickens, and bread stolen from the corpses of adventures. After a while, 
Berger's customers started dying one after
the other and a terrible disease fall upon Solace. 
When the Solacians found out that Berger's food 
was the source of their current situation they
begged Jarlaxe, Pouli and Roulis [the first known Mazas] 
to help them. And they did help. They butchered Berger, 
no questions asked, and then devoured Berger's 
remaining food. Luckily they didn't die, 
but lets say that for the next couple of weeks 
weren't able to accomplish any maza duties.
Solacians quickly burried Berger in 
their cemetary together with his dead
customers, burned down his shop and 
forgot the whole incident because it hurt
their tourism.

A couple of pwipes passed, solace was peacefull, their 
tourism had flourished and level 1 adventures 
were wandering around trying to level
up, killing low level mobs, until one rainy night...


'Here, follow me Psari, I smell squirrels, lets kill then 
and get some money out of their guts'. 
Said a hooded figure, to his companion,
similarly hooded but a bit taller.

'Ok, malaka' Said the individual named Psari. 
'Lets kill some squirrels, but be carefull, 
we have wandered a bit away from solace, I don't want
to encounter anything bigger than a squirrel. 
I don't think I can handle it.'

'Look, what is that? Why is the bush shaking?'
'Two squirrels perhaps?' Said Psari, but he was wrong. 
'Oh my god, its a abbit, help help, help me Hasdrubal'
But Hasdrubal was more white than his underwear 
(which weren't white anymore).
None of them could move, and worse, the rabbit 
was happily approaching them. 

When the rabbit was right bellow Hasdrubal, 
fear overwhelmed him, he started losing control of 
his hands and his sword slipped. Fortunately,
the sword before reaching the ground, passed right 
through the rabbit, killing it instantly.

'God, malaka Hasdrubal, that was close'
'Yeah, but I didn't lose my cool, I killed the 
damned rabbit, did you see how cleverly 
I manouvered the sword?' Replied Hasdrubal, 
bent to retrieve the sword and noticed two fierce, 
glowing red eyes staring at him from the
bush mentioned 14 lines above. 

'AHAHAHAHAHHA', said a voice that sounded like it came 
from a mouth full of seaweeds. 'Hasdrubal and Psari, 
come forth.  You will be my new customers ahahahaha, 
you will eat my undead sandwich and then ahahaha you will
join my legion of the undead ahahahahah. 
Like those Tarsian and ahhaha Palanthian 
level 1 adventures did. AHahahahaha taste the tasty 
ahahaha sandwich of King Berger, the undead ahahahah!'

King Berger magically created his foul undead 
sandwiches for Psari and Hasdrubal to eat, 
willingly or not. Dozens of dead bodies, 
full of ketchup and fries, 
advanced towards Psari and Hasdrubal, their motive 
to capture them and make them undead too.
At the same time, Psari and Hasdrubal yelled 
               'Run Malakaaaa' 
and reached Solace before they could finish the sentence.

The very next night, Psari and Hasdrubal went to 
the place where they met King Berger. 
But this time they were prepared. 

'King Berger come forth' Demanded Hasdrubal. 
'Yeah, come here, your couzine doesn't scare us'. 
Added Psari.

'Ahhh!, if it isn't my good friends Psari and Hasdrubal', 
said the seaweed voice. 

'Yes, its us, but were are you? Scared?' Said Hasdrubal. 
He wasn't scared anymore, he and Psari had their 
anti-Berger equipment with them.

'But ahahaha I am right beneath you, and ahahaha 
I am not alone, ahahahaa' Said Berger and his rotten 
hand emerged from  the ground bellow. A thousand
hands did likewise and pretty soon the ground looked 
like a field of hands.
The sight was disgusting, rooten heads emerging, 
sometimes their mouth full of worms, or even worse, 
full of Berger's sandwiches. 

'You are surrounded ahahahaha you cowards, 
why aren't you afraid, ahahah? 
Why aren't you pissing your pants ahahaha???' 
Asked King Berger.

'We are pissing our pants every day, fool, 
but right now we have these with us!!' 
Said Hasdrubal

Psari fumbled his backup and took out a couple of 
Souvlakia dripping oozy white tzatziki. 
Hasdrubal did likewise and started throwing them 
towards the undead legion. 
Upon contact the undead blow up, rotten guts,
eyeballs and brain matter filled the air.

'IMPOSSIBLE ahaha!!!!!' yelled King Berger. 'I recognise 
this unholy ahahahah food, it's the food 
that my murderer's ahahaha enjoyed every day, and made them immune to my ahahaha couzine. But still, it should be
ahahahah harmless to my legion!' For the first time of 
his undead life King Berger was afraid. 
He had a sneaking suspicion...

'Ahahaha malaka', It was Psari's turn to do the talking now. 'You see, its simple. I know what you are thinking and 
you are right. Yes, these are the same souvlakias 
that Tzatzikias prepares for maza. As you might have
guessed we are members of Maza, like the priest's son that burried you long time ago. 
He, Xristodoulos, blessed these here souvlakis. They are not
simple tasty souvlakis no more. They are holy tzatziki 
anti-Berger souvlaki and are home delivered to you 
courtesy of the god of souvlaki food, Adepali.

GLIPS MY WHITE TZATZIKI.' Yelled Psari like a madman, 
his face blood red and distorted from excitment, 
and threw a souvlaki to King Berger,
Hasdrubal was alarmed from Psari's look 
[last time he got this excited he couldn't sleep for a week, 
his hands were shaking for a month, and he
was farting a lot].

Psari's souvlaki hit King Berger in the eye. King Berger screamed so loud that people in Solace woke up.  
Very elegantly and stylish, Hasdrubal
threw his souvlaki while King Berger had his mouth still open. Involuntarily, King Berger swallowed the souvlaki, 
turned red, his belly starting getting
bigger, and then he burst. His lifeless head, 
after a short journey upwards, was violently 
introduced to the ground. 
'Thrice cursed, ahahahah shall thee be, Psari and Hasdrubal. 
I curse thee, Hasdrubal, not to be able
to fight unless you wield a souvlaki offhand. 
And thee Psari, I curse you to shower with tzatziki 
instead of water, and every time someone pours
wine in your glass, it will turn to tzatziki, ahahahaha' 
And with these words, the not-so-lifeless-after-all head 
of King Berger turned to dust. 

'What a fool' said Psari.
'Yeah, as if I dont use a souvlaki offhand ahahahah' replied Hasdrubal and took a bite out of his offhand souvlaki.
'And as if I don't shower in Tzatziki ahahaha, or drink 
tzatziki instead of wine ahahah. Every maza does, ahahah'.

And together they headed for solace laughing. 
Their friends were waiting them to eat souvlakia