Guilt's Cost: Part CLXXXIX

Trying

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

So, my goal was to get this done before surgery, but that isn't looking like it's going to happen, since it's now Sunday morning and my surgery is tomorrow. The good news is that during my recovery, I'll get 2 weeks off of work, so I can get more written. Boy, than makes it all worth it, huh?

After his session with Jeanine, Vincent wanted to be alone for awhile, so he could think about what had been said. He headed up to the open deck of the ship, to take his usual perch overlooking the rail at the scenery below. Once there, he discovered to his dismay that Reno was already there, staring out into space. Vincent's first instinct was to slip back below deck and find somewhere else to ruminate but before he managed to turn around, Reno noticed him.

Reno looked back over his shoulder and saw Vincent standing by the stairway. "Out in the daylight, huh? I guess what they say about you guys turning into dust is a lie."

Vincent cocked an eyebrow, more than fed up with Reno's constant vampire comments. He decided on the better part of valor and didn't reply as he really wanted to. "Reno."

"So, where's Tifa?" Reno asked, pulling a silver flask from beneath his jacket.

"In our room." Vincent watched as Reno proceeded to drink. "Isn't it a little early for that?"

"Takes the edge off my hangover." Reno held the flask out toward Vincent.

In a move that surprised himself, Vincent actually accepted it. He brought it up to his nose for a moment, to see what was inside. The unmistakable smell of saki hit him. "Souvenir?"

"Hey, I might not like Wutai, but your people do know how to make some right fine liquor." Reno smiled, watching as Vincent took a small sip.

Vincent handed him back the flask and leaned against the rail, waiting for the initial burn of his drink to fade. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you anyway."

Reno tucked the flask back away and also leaned against the rail. "Yeah?"

"Yes," Vincent sighed, "I just wanted to let you know that I'm happy for you and Angel. I think that you'll make a good father."

Reno knit his brow, waiting for the punch line to Vincent's joke. "Oh really?"

Vincent could tell that Reno didn't think he was being serious. "I'm not screwing with you, Reno. It's what I really think."

"Oh," Reno dropped his gaze. These occasional serious moments with Vincent were still not quite something he knew how to deal with. "Thanks."

Vincent smirked. "If Cid can do it, then you can too, I suppose."

"See!" Reno pointed an accusatory finger. "You are just messing with me."

Vincent hung his head, knowing that on some level, Reno would never learn how to trust or understand him. "Oh Reno…"

He let his arm fall back to his side and shrugged. "Well, at least I got a girl like Angel to keep me in line."

"True." Vincent smiled to himself. "So, were you guys trying or what?"

"Well, we weren't not trying, if you catch my drift." Reno grinned. "I just didn't think much about the possibility myself, but when she told me, I sort of…"

"What?" Vincent's curiosity got the better of him.

"I passed out," Reno admitted, flushing red.

Vincent laughed. "Seriously?"

Reno just nodded.

"Oh, that makes it all worth it." Vincent continued to be amused.

They both turned when they heard someone behind them. Angel and Tifa were standing behind them, giggling to themselves.

Reno feigned anger. "How long you two been standing there?"

"Long enough." Angel grinned widely.

Tifa came up and put an arm around Vincent. "You two were playing nice, that's so cute."

Vincent sneered momentarily, not liking being characterized as 'cute'. "We don't always try to kill each other, you know."

"Yeah, Vinny hasn't honestly made an effort to murder me now in a few weeks." Reno laughed.

"Don't tempt me." Vincent snapped back a little more viciously than he had intended.

Tifa sighed. "You know, I'm starting to think that this whole animosity thing between you two is just a show you put on for us. Every time we've caught you two alone, you've been civil."

Vincent smirked and looked down at her. "I assure you, we aren't acting."

Angel stepped up and leaned against her husband. "You have to admit, the both of you have gotten to be a lot nice to each other."

"Yeah, and you and Cid get along now, too," Tifa added.

"But Cid and Reno still don't seem particularly fond of one another," Angel said.

"Well, if we can get Vincent to get along with the two of them, maybe there's hope for Reno and Cid yet." Tifa laughed.

"Don't get any weird notions." Reno crossed his arms over his chest. "Me and Cid have got some issues."

"I think you're both simply too strong headed." Angel flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"Yeah, type A personalities." Tifa scoffed.

"A as in 'ass'," Vincent interjected.

"Yeah, haha." Reno rolled his eyes. "You know, this was a good place to hang out before the girly birds decided to pop up."

"Come to think of it, they are trying to antagonize us, aren't they?" Vincent narrowed his eyes.

"I think they like to see us fight, Vince." Reno knit his brow, as he attempted to look insightful.

"I think you're right." Vincent looked down at Tifa.

She stomped her foot. "We do not try and get you to fight!"

Vincent cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Don't look at me like that!" Tifa took a step back from him.

"Come on, Tifa." Angel started back toward the stairs. "I don't think the boys want to play with us right now."

Vincent and Reno remained where they stood as the women retreated. Once they were gone, the two men looked at each other and smiled widely.

***

Cid sat in the captain's chair on the airship. With his son sleeping in his arms, he gave orders and piloted the ship. The ship's true pilot had given up trying to defend his post against the older and overbearing man. The crew somehow didn't seem to mind taking Cid's orders as he truly did seem in control and sure of what he was doing. They were also at ease, as Cid wasn't screaming at them like he had before, since the sleeping child kept his tone to more of a growl.

When one of the alert lights for a minor problem came on, Cid scowled and hit the com button for the engine room. "What's going on?"

A woman's voice replied. "God damned relay problem. I've got it taken care of."

Cid instantly rolled his eyes. A woman in the engine room? No wonder this piece of shit doesn’t run right. "I'm coming down there."

"No need for that, Mr. Highwind," she shot back, then letting go of the com button.

"Oh to hell with that." Cid got up from his seat and started down to the engine room.

Once there, he strolled through the door, to find the lower half of the woman he had been speaking with sticking out from under the control panel. The legs to her jumpsuit were grease stained and tattered, as she obviously didn't put much effort into her fashion statements.

He went over and kicked the bottom of one of her boots. "Get out here."

Clearly annoyed, she threw down the pair of pliers that were in her right hand and pulled herself out from under the console. The middle aged woman had shoulder length brown hair that was pulled up into a messy bun, and her face was just as grease streaked as her jumpsuit. She looked up at him with angry blue eyes. "I'm fixing the damn problem, what do you want?"

Cid was speechless for a moment as he looked down at her, not having expected a female mechanic to be so attractive, despite her current dirty state. "I… I just wanted to make sure everything was all right down here."

She sighed and got up from the floor, wiping her hands off on her outfit. She scrutinized him for a moment. "So you're the bastard that keeps commandeering the ship, huh?"

"Cid Highwind, at your service." He smiled slightly.

She didn't seem particularly impressed. "Yeah, great. I've heard you're a real pain in the ass."

Although Cid's initial reaction to such a comment would have been a torrent of obscenities, he for some reason didn't get mad at all. "I just run a tight ship, that's all."

"Huh," she extended a hand. "Jin Schaefer, head flight mechanic."

He took her hand and was impressed with the strength of her grip. "Good to meet you."

Jin noticed the sleeping baby in his arms. "So what, this yours?"

"Yeah, he is." Cid looked down at his son.

"So, you're married then?" she asked, taking a step closer to look at the kid.

Cid cleared his throat, "No, my wife has passed away."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Really? I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well, you know…" Cid shrugged. "We're getting by."

"Ass or not, you are a legend." She smiled to him. "I'd sure like to hear some of your stories sometime."

Cid wasn't sure, but he thought he had just been asked out. He wasn't sure how to respond for a moment. "Okay."

"Good." She turned back to the console she had been working on. "I get off in three hours. Come by and we'll go to the mess hall and get something to eat. My room is directly across the corridor."

Cid's normally controlling attitude faltered as he agreed to her order. "All right."

"Now, go run your ship before one of those idiot co-pilots fly us into a mountain or something." She got back on the floor and slid back up under the console.

Cid was speechless as he turned and walked back up to the bridge.

Along the way, he ran into Tifa and Angel. He grabbed Tifa by the arm and pulled her aside, not wanting Angel to hear anything. "I've got a favor to ask."

Tifa smiled at him. "Sure, anything!"

"Good." He lowered his voice further. "I was wondering if you'd be willing to watch the kid for a while tonight."

"Yeah, why?" Tifa was curious what was going on.

Cid turned a little red. "I'm going to have dinner with the flight mechanic."

Angel, although a little ways off, heard perfectly what Cid had said. "You're going out with Jingles?"

"Jingles?" Cid turned and cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah, Jingles." Angel grinned widely. "That's what everyone calls her, just to piss her off."

"Well I ain't looking to piss her off, I think I'll stick to calling her Jin," Cid shot back.

Tifa brought her hands together. "You're going on a date?"

"She just wants to hear some of my stories, that's all." Cid didn't want anyone making a big deal out of it.

"Wow, she's a real bitch most of the time," Angel said, mostly to herself.

"She seemed just fine to me." Cid turned back to Tifa.

"Well, you can count on me watching the baby for you." Tifa smiled. "Vincent and I don't have any other plans."

"Good." Cid started to walk away, not wanting to discuss the situation further. "I'll bring the kid by in a few hours."

***

Exactly three hours later, a knock came to Tifa and Vincent's room door. Tifa flew over from the couch and answered, finding Cid there. "Hi!"

"Hi yourself." Cid held out the baby. "He's yours for the evening."

Tifa took the child, and then grabbed the bag full of supplies that Cid had also brought. "Take as much time as you want. We'll have a good time here."

"Yeah, sure." Cid ran a hand through his hair. "Thanks."

Tifa looked at Cid closely and took notice of the fact that he had actually shaved and put on a different shirt than he had been wearing earlier. "You look nice."

Cid scoffed, but did appreciate her compliment. "I figured I might as well make the best of this."

Tifa picked up on the hint of sadness in his voice. "Are you okay?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, just thinkin' about Shera, you know."

"Oh," Tifa felt her smile fade, "she would want you to be happy. I don't think she'll mind."

"I know, but it hasn't been very long." Cid dropped his gaze to the floor.

"Hey, just go have a good time and see what happens, okay?" Tifa really did want Cid to go through with this; she knew he needed it.

"All right." Cid turned to go. "See you later."

"Bye." Tifa closed the door and turned to Vincent. "Our visitor is here."

Vincent looked up from the book in his hands. "How long do we have him?"

"I don’t know. Cid's going on a date." Tifa came and sat beside him.

"Well, that shouldn't last very long." Vincent placed his book down.

"Actually, from what Angel told me, this woman he's going to go out with sounds like a female version of him. She's supposed to be a real hard ass, if you'll pardon the expression." Tifa giggled to herself, as she arranged the baby into a comfortable position.

"Then they will either love each other or kill each other," Vincent said, sounding serious.

"Right." Tifa sighed. "But it will be good for him."

Vincent didn't answer, and just stared at her for a few moments, watching her play with the baby in her arms.

Tifa took notice of his gaze and looked over at him. "You want to try?"

"What?"

"Do you want to hold him?" Tifa asked, already moving to hand the baby over to him.

Vincent didn't move at all. "I don't know."

"Come on!" Tifa scooted closer. "You're going to have to learn how to do this sooner or later."

Vincent knew that he wasn't going to get out of this, no matter how much he wanted to. Reluctantly, he outstretched his arms. "Fine."

Tifa carefully handed over the baby, herself feeling a little hesitant about giving the infant over. "Just move slowly."

Obviously uncomfortable, Vincent pulled the child in close to his chest and looked down at his tiny body. "He doesn’t weigh very much."

"Of course not." Tifa sat back to watch and see how Vincent handled this. "See, it's not that bad."

"I suppose not." Vincent wasn't sure what he should do. He looked over at Tifa, searching for some help.

"Just sit back and relax. You won't break him." Tifa smiled.

Vincent did as ordered, and leaned back, continuing to hold the baby to him. He fully expected the infant to begin crying at any moment, but he didn't.

"I think he likes you just fine." Tifa looked on as one of the baby's tiny hands came up to try and touch Vincent's face.

He sat still, allowing the infant to reach out and touch him. He feared moving at all, afraid that he might do something wrong. How he was ever going to learn to deal with this and help Tifa raise children was beyond him.

***

Cid got to Jin's door and stood, paralyzed with fear and guilt. Part of him was eager to do this, but there was still a large part of him that felt that Shera hadn't been gone long enough to be going out with another woman. Before he got the chance to walk away and escape, the door opened and Jin stood there, staring at him. She had showered, and all the hints of grease and dirt were gone from her face and hands. Her work jumpsuit had been replaced with a knee length black skirt and a purple blouse. "Weren't you going to knock at some point?"

"Yeah, I just got here," Cid lied, trying to cover his feelings.

She looked at him and cocked an eyebrow. It was clear that something wasn't right with him, and she had an idea of what it was. "Too soon, huh?"

Cid hung his head, ashamed to admit the truth. "Yes."

"It's okay, I'm not going to try and have a one nighter with you or anything. All we have to do is go eat and talk." Jin stepped out into the corridor and shut the door behind her.

Cid smiled at her words. "I can handle that."

They went up and got their food, sitting together at a small table in the mess hall. For a while, they ate in silence, but when the food was gone, Jin asked, "So, tell me about space flight."

Cid pushed back his plate. "It was my dream for a long time, and when Shin-Ra set me up to work on the space program, I was thrilled. When my flight time finally came, I had to abort the mission, and so I didn't get the chance really to do much."

"Why did you have to cancel the flight?" she asked, not knowing.

"God damned Shera was in the engine room. I had to power down, otherwise she would have been fried…" Cid's voice trailed off, as Shera's memory came back to him.

From his reaction, Jin knew that the woman in question had been his wife. "Shit, looks like I just pulled you into the sort of conversation you wanted to avoid."

"It's not your fault." Cid frowned slightly. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'm not much fun."

"I bet you can be." She smiled. "What would you rather talk about?"

"Why don't you tell me how you got into this line of business? There aren't too many female aircraft mechanics around." Cid leaned back and cocked his head.

"Well, I came from a military family. My father and brothers were all aircraft mechanics and I sort of just went with the flow. I never really wanted to do anything else. I remember just being little and watching my dad work on things and knew that it was my calling too." Jin smiled.

"Yeah, I became a pilot just like my dad. I guess it's in our blood." Cid sighed.

"Can't deny that." She was glad to see that he was getting more comfortable with the situation at hand. "You might have heard of my father, since you've been in the business. His name was Scooner, but everyone called him Scooter."

Cid's eyes went wide with recognition. "You're Scooter's kid? Hot damn, he was one of the instructors at the flight academy I attended. In fact, he taught me most of what I know about engines."

"Really?" Jin grinned. "Small world, huh?"

"Yeah, it is." Cid reciprocated her smile. "What ever happened to the old man?"

"Oh, he retired, and is living in Junon now with my mom," she answered.

"Still around, huh?" Cid crossed his arms over his chest. "He's got to be getting up there."

"Yes he is, but I wouldn't be surprised if he outlives us all." She laughed.

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