Guilt's
Cost: Part 199
Contact
By Kristen
Gupton-Williams
Tifa
sat on the edge of a bed, holding Cid's presently crying infant while he was
off getting another bottle for the baby.
Angel had given up sitting a while earlier and now paced the room nervously,
anxious for Dr. Arlin to come out and say that all was finished.
All
eyes turned to Dr. Arlin when she returned to the room. She ran a hand through her hair and
smiled. “Okay, it’s done.”
Tifa
squealed, accidentally startling the baby who for the moment stopped his
crying. “Oh my God,
really?”
“Really.”
Angel
ran over and threw her arms around Janice.
“We’ve all been so worried!”
“Speak
for yourself,”
Angel
let go of the doctor and spun to face him.
“
“In
any event,” Dr. Arlin went on, “they are cleaning up surgery at the moment, and
I’ll take you in there when that’s done.
In the meanwhile, one of the neurosurgeons is going to come out and
explain to you what we can expect from here on out.”
“Okay.” Tifa nodded as she moved to lay the baby down
on the bed.
A
few moments later, the surgeon came out and sat down close to Tifa. “First, I just want to
let you know that the surgery went relatively smoothly, considering we were
doing things that none of us have done before.
We have an EEG machine hooked up to him, and we can pick up what appear
to be fairly normal brainwaves from him.”
Tifa
smiled widely, knowing that this was very good news.
The
surgeon reciprocated her grin. “Now,
when you go in to see him, I don’t want there to be any surprises, so I need to
let you know a few things. First off,
he’s hooked up to several machines and will be until those stem cell grafts
start taking hold. He’s breathing via a
ventilator and we have him intubated of course, but we’ve done so through a
tracheotomy. His head is bandaged up
pretty well, but there are some drains coming out of his skull to help relieve
any excess fluid build up. This means
that the bandages he has will get pretty bloody over the next few days, but we
won’t be able to change them for at least a week since we can’t risk moving him
between now and when the grafts start to heal.
From what was in the research that we studied before doing this, we know
that the grafts will start growing in after about a week, however, it will be
several weeks before the nerve connections are healed well enough for signals
to start getting through. It will be
even longer before he’s able to respond to anything at all because he will have
to learn how to move his body again.”
“So,
he might be able to hear and feel things before he can show us that he can?”
Tifa asked, cocking her head to the side.
“Exactly.” The
surgeon adjusted his seat, needing now to give the less than pleasant
possibilities. “Now, in the meanwhile,
assuming that we are able to keep swelling down to a minimum and that no
significant brain damage was done during the procedure, he will be conscious
inside his body, but without any sensory perception. As the weeks go on, if the grafts heal
properly, he will slowly gain more and more awareness of his surroundings. There is a good possibility however, that not
all of the grafts will heal. This means
that even if he makes it through all this, he could come out with some profound
disabilities. Deafness, blindness, partial
or even complete paralysis are all things that may arise. Hopefully, with good care and a large amount
of luck though, he’ll come out of this with all his senses and most of his
motor control. Even if all goes
perfectly, he will need months of physical therapy to learn how to move again. I know that’s a lot to throw at you, but like
I said, I didn’t want there to be any surprises.”
“Thank
you, doctor.” Tifa took this all in
stride, being too anxious to see Vincent to really get terribly bent over the
potential complications.
The
surgeon patted her on the knee before getting up. “All right then. Either myself or one of the other surgeons
that was here will be checking up on him a few times a day until he shows some
signs of recovery.”
Dr.
Arlin came over as the surgeon walked out of the infirmary. As she did so, all of the other doctors that
had come in for the surgery walked out and headed from the infirmary. Tifa was amazed at the number of people that
had been packed in the small surgery suite.
Janice
smiled. “Well, are you ready to see
him?”
“More
than ready,” Tifa replied, hopping up from the bed. “Angel, make sure the baby doesn’t roll over,
okay?”
“Don’t
worry, go see him.” Angel went over and
took up the place Tifa had been.
Tifa
went forward and to the surgery suite alone.
The sounds of all the monitors and machines made the room somewhat
noisy. She approached Vincent’s bedside
and took up his hand.
As
the surgeon had said, he was bandaged and had the ventilator hooked up through
his neck. From the trauma of the
surgery, it looked like he had two black eyes, and some other bruising about
the face. It was hard for her to see him
in this condition, but having seen his previous and no longer living body, it
was a little more tolerable. She placed
his hand back down at his side and reached out and touched the sheet covering
his stomach. Tifa felt it rise and fall
with the breaths the ventilator was giving him.
Being able to actually feel him breathe was something she hadn't been
able to do since Hojo had robbed him of the remainder of his body. Despite the way he looked and the long
recovery ahead of him, Tifa smiled to herself knowing that he was whole again.
Once
more she heard Cid enter behind her and come to her side. "Well, look at that."
She
glanced over at Cid. "It's amazing,
isn't it?"
"Yeah,
it's pretty fucking incredible if you ask me," Cid said, studying
Vincent. "Hard to believe that he
was willing to put himself through this after all the crap he'd already been
through."
"Yeah,
he was always so scared of doctors and medical stuff." Tifa again reached down and took Vincent's
limp hand.
"He's
got a set on him for going through with this, that's for sure." Cid then laughed to himself, "He does actually have a set on him now,
right?"
Tifa
furrowed her brow and turned to the pilot.
"Cid, honestly!"
"It
is a legitimate question, Tifa," Cid shot back, still amused with himself.
"Go
ahead and check for yourself, pervert."
Tifa hit Cid in the arm.
He
put up his hands in defense. "Hell
no, I'm not going there. It's your
job. At least you've relaxed enough to
take a joke now… more or less."
"If
that was your idea of a joke, Cid, spare me." She openly smiled at him, not able to feign
anger any longer. "You know, now
that this is over, I'm really tired."
"Yeah,
that nap you took today probably doesn't make up for the fact that you've been
really stressed out for a long time."
Cid placed an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. "You should probably go get some rest
while things are calm."
"That's
not a bad idea." Tifa pulled away
from Cid and bent to kiss Vincent lightly upon the lips. "I'll see you in the morning,
Vincent. I love you."
"Come
on, I'll walk you back to your room.
Angel's giving the baby a bottle at the moment, so I'm free." Cid walked over and opened the door to the
surgery suite.
Tifa
went hand in hand with Cid back to her room.
The extent of her exhaustion was becoming increasingly evident with each
slow step she took. Cid could easily see
that Tifa was truly burnt out and felt bad for her.
Once
at her room, Cid opened the door and led her inside. He then closed it behind them. "Don't feel bad about going to bed. You've held up remarkable well, considering
what you've put up with."
She
smiled at him as she kicked off her shoes.
"Thanks Cid. I just wonder
what it's like for Vincent right now.
The doctor said he'll be conscious, but completely disconnected from his
body. It's gotta be weird. I hope he isn't scared."
Cid
sat on the end of the bed. "Being
locked away in some dark place for a long time seems to be one of Sunshine's
specialties. If he could handle laying
in that box under the mansion for thirty years, these few weeks should be a
cake walk, right?"
"I
hadn't really thought about it like that."
Tifa collapsed onto her side of the bed, pulling a pillow under her head
so that she could look at Cid. "I'm
just so happy he's alive."
Cid's
demeanor changed just the slightest bit and he broke eye contact with
Tifa. "Yeah, he pulled it
off."
Tifa
narrowed her eyes and continued to stare at her friend. She wondered what was bothering him, but
figured that it was the memory of Shera's death cropping up again. "I really do appreciate you being here
for me through all this."
"So
you've said before." He pulled his
gaze up from the floor and looked at her again.
"I'm glad to do it. You were
there for me when I needed it, it's all I could do to return the favor."
Cid
got up from the end of the bed and walked around to where Tifa was laying. He stooped down and kissed her on the
cheek. "Get some rest. If anything changes with the old man, I'll
let you know."
"Okay." Tifa smiled widely at him and watched him
walk out the door.
***
Several
days passed, and Tifa spent at least ten hours a day at Vincent's bedside. He had been moved along with his life support
into the infirmary. The bandages had
been removed and Vincent's black hair had started to grow back. Although she knew that it would be weeks
before he would be able to sense her there, she still remained, not able to
bear being separated from him for long.
Cid would spend some of the time there with her, helping her pass the
hours, especially in the evening.
Eventually each night he would finally manage to convince her to go have
some dinner and then go to bed.
One
morning as Tifa prepared to get ready to go see Vincent, her eyes fell upon the
book that he had been reading immediately prior to the surgery. She picked it up and saw that he had left his
bookmark several chapters away from the ending.
"You
didn't get to finish this I guess," she said to no one as she flipped
through the pages. Suddenly she
remembered that the doctors had told her several times that the first thing
that he would probably get back was his hearing. If that was going to be the case, she now
knew what she could do in an effort to fill her days and reach out to
Vincent. Tifa took the book with her and
went to the infirmary.
When
Cid arrived that evening to try and get Tifa to go out to dinner, he saw her
hurriedly close the book and set it down at Vincent's bedside. "That's one of those military techno
thrillers… not really the kind of book I'd imagine you reading."
Her
voice was extremely hoarse. "It's
Vincent's."
Cid
knit his brow and gave her a strange look.
"You've honestly sat here and read to him all day?"
Tifa
was a little embarrassed, but wasn't above admitting it to Cid. "I have."
"There's
no way he can hear you yet, you know."
Cid narrowed his eyes.
"I
don't care, it's just something that I feel I have to do." Tifa got up and walked over to him. "I'm really thirsty, let's go."
***
By
late morning of the next day, Tifa had finished the novel. She went back to their room and wrote down
the titles of all the books Vincent had read and left on the shelf. They were all by the same author, and there
was about two dozen of them. After
completing her list, she went up into town and walked to the bookstore.
She
went up to the clerk. "Hi there, I
was hoping you could help me."
He
smiled at her, "Sure, what do you need?"
Tifa
pulled out the list she had made and unfolded it before handing it to the
man. "I was wondering if you had
any Tim Cleary books that aren't on this list?"
"Wow,
that's some list," he said, studying it for a moment. "Actually, this is all of them that he
has out at the moment. The next one is
due to come out in about three months."
Tifa's
hopeful expression fell. "Oh… I was
really wanting some more."
The
clerk's heart sank to see how this news had deflated her. He did, however have a suggestion. "You know, if you like his books, there
is another author that writes sort of the same kind of stuff and he's pretty
popular as well."
Her
smile returned. "Who's that?"
"Dave
Braun," he said, "and he has about twenty books published if you're
interested."
"I'll
take them." Tifa knew that twenty
books wouldn't be cheap, but luckily money was no object.
***
Tifa
read. As the weeks went by, her stack of
unread novels shrunk by about one every three days. Cid continued to tease her about doing this
day in and day out, but it slid right off her back. For some reason or another, continuing to
read these books to her husband was the single most important thing to her
now. The only time that she would stop
was when Angel, Reno, or Cid came by to check on her. Otherwise, she was enveloped in these novels
and she herself had even begun to have a liking to these stories despite the
fact that a lot of the military jargon within them was beyond her
understanding.
***
Vincent's
mind was adrift in a black void. He had
no concept of how much time had elapsed.
Trying to keep track of it through his sleep and wake cycles had
failed. All he could do was think about
everything that had happened, but that in itself became tedious and boring
before long.
Then
one day, four and a half weeks after his surgery something happened. First, there was just a quiet ringing sound
coming from somewhere but as the hours passed it became deafening. There was nothing he could do in response to
it and was only able to tolerate it by virtue of the fact that it was the first
sign that something was happening.
Eventually when the ringing reached its peak of volume, it slowly
started to abate and was being replaced by something else. There was a droning of some kind, starting to
replace the ring. It was unidentifiable
at first, but he was finally able to figure out what it was. Even though he couldn't yet make out the
exact words, he could tell by the tone that it was a voice, and it was
Tifa. Just as he realized what he was
hearing, it stopped and Vincent was disappointed.
What
had happened was that Tifa had left for the night, but when she returned the
following morning, she picked up the book she had been reading the night before
and started again. Vincent again heard
her and this time he was actually able to make out the words even though they
were still quite muted.
Her
voice was his first link back to the outside world and the first words that he
made out confused him.
"The
Major had never been one to back down, but in this case, he would make an
exception. He walked away from his CO
and headed up to the flight deck, needing to leave the room before he hit the
old man."
It
didn't take Vincent too long to figure out that Tifa was reading to him. He also realized that it wasn't a book that
he had ever read before and he was immediately touched that she had not only
noticed the type of books that he liked, but moreover that she had gotten a new
one. Listening to her read gave him
something to concentrate on and by figuring out that she would read and then
leave for the night finally gave him some way of knowing when days would
pass. Best of all, every morning when
she would arrive, and every night before she would leave, she would tell him
that she loved him.
***
Vincent
had been able to hear for five days, and his hearing was now much
improved. Tifa was sitting reading to
him as was her usual when Dr. Arlin came in with a young man at her side.
She
placed the book down and looked at the doctor.
“Good morning.”
Janice
smiled. “Hi Tifa. This is Greg, he works up in the hospital in
town. I’ve asked him to come to perform
a test today on Vincent. It will only
take a few minutes.”
“What’s
the test for?” Tifa asked, being intensely interested in anything happening to
her husband.
“Well,”
Greg said, setting down the laptop computer he had in his hands, “this is a
test we perform on all newborn babies at the hospital. I put a few electrodes on his head and neck,
and then give him a headset that will emit some sounds. If he is able to hear, I’ll be able to pick
up a signal from him.”
Tifa
had never heard of such a thing. “You
can do that?”
He
chuckled as he got to untangling the wires to the electrodes. “Of course, we’ve had this test for a few
years now. It’s pretty cool, huh?”
“I’d
say.” Tifa watched on with great
interest, eager to see what the test would show.
Once
the electrodes and headphones were placed, Greg hit a few keys on his computer
and the test ran itself. Within a few
minutes, his computer beeped indicating the completion of the test.
He examined
the screen for a few seconds and the looked at Tifa. “He can hear.”
Her eyes
went wide and she stood up quickly enough to send her chair crashing
backwards. “Oh my God!”
“This is
wonderful!” Janice couldn’t contain her
excitement, either. “This means that the
grafts are healing! I’ve got to go call
some of the neurologists…”
“Vincent,
you’re really getting better!” Tifa said, leaning down and kissing him.
Dr. Arlin
quickly left the room, feeling an urgent need to go talk to some of the
surgeons that had worked on Vincent, wanting to tell them the good news. Greg also left after packing back up his test
equipment.
After
picking her chair back up, Tifa sat again.
She was so thrilled at this first glimmer of improvement that she could
hardly contain herself. “I’m so happy
this is working, Vincent. I can’t wait
to go tell everyone else. I hope you
like the books I got you.”
Vincent too
was excited. He had been waiting to be
able to give Tifa some sign that he was doing well and now he had. He just wished that he could tell her how
much he appreciated what she was doing for him, but that was yet to come.
“Vincent,
I’m going to go out so that I can tell the others, okay?” Tifa again gave him a quick kiss before
leaving the room.
She
went first to Angel and Reno’s room, finding them both there.
Reno
opened the door upon hearing her knock.
“Here for a three way?”
Tifa
crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.
“Jeez, don’t you ever stop?”
“I
can’t help my amazing stamina,” Reno laughed back, stepping aside so Tifa could
enter. “It’s not like you to pull
yourself away from Sleeping Beauty this early.”
“I
just came from there, and I have some news,” Tifa said, giddy with
excitement. “They just ran a test and it
said that Vincent can hear.”
Angel
got up from the couch. “That’s great!”
“So
now is the time to go and give him a bunch of crap since he can’t fight back,
huh?” Reno suddenly looked thoughtful.
Tifa
ignored him, and continued facing Angel.
“I’ve got to go find Cid and tell him, too.”
“You
go do that,” Angel said with a smile.
“Reno and I will go see Vincent.”
Tifa
nodded and left their room as quickly as she had arrived. She didn’t have to guess where Cid would be,
knowing good and well that he would be with Brad in the hanger as was his
normal.
Cid
looked up from the pile of small engine parts that he had been cleaning for
Brad. The baby was lying in the carrier
sitting beneath the workbench that Cid was occupying. When he saw Tifa coming toward him, he felt a
smile come to his lips. “You actually
pulled yourself away from the riveting action in the infirmary?”
She
giggled and leaned against the bench. “I
had to come and tell you the good news.”
“What’s
that?” Cid wiped his greasy hands on a
rag before throwing it back onto the surface before him.
“A
test just showed that Vincent can hear.”
Her happiness over this fact was boiling over.
Cid
raised his eyebrows. “Wow… that’s really
good. I guess we know that something at
least is getting better inside him then.”
“Yeah,
that’s what the doctor said.”
“I
guess I’ll have to watch what I say around him now, huh? I don’t want to piss the son of a bitch
off. I’ve seen him mad before.” Cid smiled slightly in his amusement.
“Right.” Tifa reciprocated his expression. “I’m hoping that this means that before too
long he might start doing other things.”
“Don’t
set yourself up for disappointment, Tifa.”
Cid was above all else a realist and had paid close attention to
everything that the doctor’s had told Tifa that she hadn’t necessarily took
heed of. “It could be several more weeks
before he’s able to do anything else.
They said that his recuperation would be really drawn out.”
Tifa
didn’t let his pessimism take the wind from her sails. “I know Vincent, and he’s not going to waste
any time. If there was ever anyone who
could beat the expectations of the doctors, it’s him.”
She
did have a point and he knew it. After
the things that he had seen Vincent survive, he was aware of exactly how well
Vincent could get over physical trauma, but repairing an entire nervous system
still seemed a little daunting. Cid also
suspected that when Vincent finally did gain motor control, that it wasn’t going
to be a particularly pleasant sight. The
man’s movements were bound to be the type of uncoordinated and jerky motions
made by those recovering from spinal injuries.
He knew that when that time came, such a sight was going to be hard on
Tifa and he didn’t want her to witness it; at least not now although he
couldn’t actually think of a good time for it.
Then again, the sooner it happened, the sooner it would be over with,
assuming of course that Vincent did get better and more or less back to normal. The thought of Vincent not getting to a good
state and being severely disabled the rest of his life and Tifa having to cope
with that also stung Cid’s heart. He
admitted his fears. “Tifa, I wish this
was all finished and I didn’t have to worry about what you’re going to go
through if things don’t turn out right.”
Tifa
knit her brow and cocked her head.
“Vincent is the one going through the worst of this, not me. He won’t let me down anyway, so there’s no
need to worry, Cid. I know it might not
be fast, and that there will probably be set backs along the way, but Vincent
will get better. I don’t have a doubt in
my mind, and you shouldn’t either.”
Her
devotion and faith in Vincent impressed the pilot and he smiled again. “I can’t believe that bastard managed to get
such a good woman. It’s not fair.”
“What,
are you jealous?” Tifa asked, intentionally teasing him.
Cid
scoffed, although he had to admit to himself that she was more right than she
would ever know. “I couldn’t stand to be
legally obligated to put up with you forever.”
She
grinned widely and shoved him playfully.
Before
she said the inevitable, Cid mocked her, “I know, I’m terrible, you don’t have
to say it, I’m saving you the trouble.”
“Well
thanks for finally realizing it.” Tifa
reached out and patted him on the back.
She couldn’t imagine being without him during all of this. “Will you be coming by to get me for dinner?”
“Like
always. Someone’s got to drag you out of
that God forsaken rat hole of a hospital to eat everyday or you’d starve.” Cid turned his eyes back to the parts before
him. “I better get this piece of crap
cleaned and put back together before Brad gets his panties in a bunch.”
“I
heard that, Highwind,” Brad shot back from where ever he was hiding in the
hanger.
Cid looked
back at Tifa, smiling again. “I’ll see
you in a little while.”
“Okay, see you later.” With that, Tifa went back to her husband’s side. There were just a few more pages in the current book she was reading him and she wanted to get it done.