Guilt’s Cost: Part 201

Over the Hill

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

 

            By the time Tifa was ready to leave the infirmary for the night, she was exhausted.  It had been hard for her to watch as the doctor had sutured close the tracheostomy in Vincent’s neck; his eyes had been filled with fear as Janice had worked on him.  Tifa had remained at his side, holding his hand and talking to him gently throughout.  Soon after that had been finished, the physical therapist arrived and he had talked to Tifa at length while working with Vincent.  As she had hoped, he had shown her several exercises that she could put Vincent through in order to help his progress along.  The therapist was scheduled to come by everyday for three hours at a time.  Vincent was also tired after the day he’d been through, and he had been sleeping for a while before Tifa actually left.

            Tifa shuffled down the hall toward her room after stopping by the cafeteria for a quick dinner.  Cid had usually come to retrieve her from the infirmary every night but hadn’t shown up this evening.  She wondered where he was and what he was doing since it wasn’t like him to break a routine once he’d settled into one.  As she started to pass the door to his room on the way to her own she paused, debating whether or not to see if he was in.  She knew she was actually tired enough to be able to sleep in her own room tonight, but she was still compelled to see if he was there.

            She grabbed the doorknob to enter, but found that the door was locked.  Immediately she wondered what was going on, since he had never locked the door before.  Tifa knocked to see if he would answer.

            He didn’t answer right away and when he did, he only opened to door a crack.  “Tifa?”

            She could see by the look on his face that she was bothering him.  From the little of him that she could see through the cracked door, Tifa could see that he was shirtless.  “Oh, is this a bad time?”

            Cid frowned for a second, looking back over his shoulder at something within the room for a moment before looking at her again.  He opened the door just a little more so that Tifa could peek inside.  “I’m sort of busy, Tifa.”

            She tried to see around him, looking for the baby.  Her heart leapt into her throat when she spotted Jin lying in the bed behind him, under the sheets.  Tifa felt herself flush red instantly and she took a step back.  “Oh…  Oh God, I’m sorry!  I’ll… I’ll get going.”

            “Wait.” Cid motioned for her to stay put and he disappeared inside for a second.  He returned a few seconds later with his son and the diaper bag.  “Do you think that maybe you could keep him for a little?  I kinda need him out of the room.”

            “Sure,” Tifa replied, not making eye contact with him while accepting the baby.  Truth be told, Tifa was feeling really self-conscious for having interrupted and just wanted to get away.  Once the baby was safely in her arms, she quickly started to retreat down the hall.

            Cid watched her leave for a bit before closing the door and turning back to Jin.  “Sorry about that.”

            She smiled and patted the bed next to her.  “Now that the kid’s gone, we can get serious about this.”

            Cid cocked an eyebrow and quickly made his way back to her side.

***

            Tifa entered her room and hastily closed the door.  She sat on the floor with the baby and sighed heavily.  The thought of what Cid was doing back in his room amused her on some level and she shook her head while playing with the baby.  “Well, looks like your Dad is back in action.”

            The baby boy was old enough now to laugh and smile and produced a giggle at the expression that Tifa was wearing.

            She smiled in return.  “I can’t believe he’s doing that.  I was sort of starting to think that he was never going to get over Shera enough to do anything.  I guess he likes that Jin woman a little more than he’s been letting on.  I should have figured that I wouldn’t be able to keep him all to myself forever.  Well, at least I don’t have to be alone tonight, right little man?”

            Again, the baby giggled at her as she took him back up into her arms.  Being several months old now, he was able to sit on his own and interact with those around him.  This was Tifa’s favorite age for babies as they were entertaining to be around.  She didn’t mind at all being asked to keep the baby for the night.

            Tifa took the baby to the bed where she continued to play with him until they both fell asleep.

***

            Several hours later, Tifa heard a knock at her door.  She got up in the darkness and flipped on the light before answering.  Upon opening the door, she saw Cid standing there in his boxers and a tee shirt.  “Hey…”

            He smiled through his tiredness.  “Got my kid around here?”

            Tifa stepped aside so he could come in and then closed the door.  “He’s asleep.”

            Cid went over and inspected his son, not daring to wake him.   He sighed heavily and looked back over at Tifa.  “He’s been good?”

            “Of course,” Tifa smiled, sitting back on her side of the bed, “he’s always a happy baby.”

            He nodded knowingly and came over to sit at Tifa’s side.  “Thanks for taking him for me.”

            Tifa could see that there was something bothering Cid and a question came to her mind.  “Where’s Jin?”

            He shrugged.  “She had to go back to the airship.  It was leaving at midnight and she had to be onboard.”

            His tone was betraying something and she knew it.  Tifa examined him closely.

            Cid caught her stare and figured he knew what was on her mind.  “We didn’t do it, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

            Tifa raised her eyebrows, a little shocked.  From what she had seen when she had stopped by his room earlier, she had sort of figured that they already had.  “Oh…”

            Cid stretched and scratched the back of his head.  “Yeah.”

            Sex had been the one thing that Tifa had always forbidden herself from talking to Cid about, knowing that it was something that he wouldn’t be comfortable with but something inside her said that the reason he had come by this late was to talk about just that.  She dared to ask, “Why not?  It looked like that was what was going on when I came by earlier.”

            Despite the fact that he was horribly uncomfortable with the subject at hand, he had a need to talk about it.  “Well, that’s where we were headed, but…”  He looked down at the floor and slumped forward.  “This is embarrassing, but I couldn’t.”

            Tifa hated to ask, but needed clarification, “Couldn’t or wouldn’t?”

            “I’m not sure there’s a difference in this case.”  Cid moved and laid down on his side next to his son, propping himself up on an elbow.  “I wanted to, God damn I wanted to and so did she, but when we got to that point, you know, I couldn’t get the equipment to cooperate, if you catch my drift.”

            The fact that Cid had just admitted something like that to Tifa intrigued her.  She wasn’t really sure what she was supposed to say in response.  “Oh…”

            “Jin seemed to understand and didn’t get mad or anything, but I’m scared that she’s not going to want to be with me after something that awkward.”  Cid felt some color come to his cheeks.

            “Oh Cid,” Tifa laid down on her side as well, facing him, “you’re not the first guy to ever have that problem.  It happens all the time, you know.”

            “Not to me it doesn’t.”  Cid allowed himself to fall onto his back so that he could continue the discussion without having to look at her.  “In all my years, I’ve had a perfect track record.”

            “Cid, you’ve been under a lot more stress in the last few months than you’ve probably ever been in your life,” Tifa said quietly.

            “I’m also getting old, Tifa.”  He turned his head so he could look at her for a moment.  “February was two months ago.”

            The fact was that February had gone by without Tifa’s notice, since her days had all become a blur.  “Oh my gosh, I forgot your birthday!”

            “Yeah,” he resumed staring at the ceiling, “I’m forty.”

            Tifa couldn’t think of a response to that.  She did feel bad for having forgotten that his birthday was coming up and had now passed.

            “Yeah, and it was on my last birthday that this baby was conceived.”  Cid again turned his head, this time to look at his son.

            Tifa suddenly had a suspicion why Cid hadn’t been able to perform tonight.  “You were thinking about that, huh?”

            “I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind.”  Cid sat up.  “I was talking with Jin earlier today and I decided that I did want to take our relationship further.  When she showed back up at my door tonight, I knew what I wanted to do with her but in the back of my mind the entire time, I kept thinking about my last birthday…”

            “Well, maybe the timing was just bad then.”  Tifa really did want to comfort him.  “Just wait a while and I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

            “I don’t know, part of me says that I’ll still feel like I’m cheating on Shera.”  Cid leaned forward, putting his head in his hands.

            Tifa was heartbroken for her friend.  She got to her knees and climbed over behind Cid and draped her arms around his shoulders.  “Cid, you’re not cheating on her, she’s gone.  You know as well as I do that she would just want you to be happy.”

            “I know that logically, but in my heart…” his words trailed off as he felt tears come to his eyes.  “Besides, like I said before, I think I really let Jin down tonight.  I think she’s been waiting for us to, you know… for a while now.”

            “If Jin really cares about you and I think she does, then she’ll be able to get over this one time.  She knows what you’ve been through.  I think you’re being a lot harder on yourself than she is.”  Tifa tightened the hold she had on him.

            He knew Tifa was right.  “Yeah, she didn’t seem upset when she left or anything.  My pride was just seriously dented.”

            “So, are you going to be okay?” Tifa asked.

            “I think so.”  Cid smiled faintly.  “I feel better.”

            “Good.”  Tifa nuzzled into the back of his neck.  “I like being able to help you.”

            The way she was holding him at the moment got his attention.  “Well, if you want to help me see if I can get it to work now that’d be great.”

            Tifa shoved him off the bed and laughed, “Cid, you’re terrible!”

            He got up and smiled at her.  “Yeah, well, it was worth a try.”

            “You’re starting to sound like Reno,” Tifa said jokingly.

            Cid scowled.  “Now that was a low blow.”

            Tifa laughed and just looked at him.  “It’s late.”

            “I know, you’re probably tired.”  Cid looked over at his baby still lying asleep on the bed.  “I hate to wake him, mind keeping him there in the bed with you?”

            “No, that’s fine.”  Tifa went over and sat next to the baby.  “Are you staying?  My couch is available.”

            “Sure,” Cid sighed, actually feeling too tired to walk back to his room.   He made his way to the couch and laid down.  “Goodnight.”

***

            Vincent awoke sometime in the night, realizing that his throat felt extraordinarily dry and he was hungry.  Whatever they were giving him through his feeding tube wasn’t keeping him satisfied and the hunger pains that had started earlier in the evening were getting worse.  Although he knew it would be hard for him to eat since he had little control over his jaw muscles, he could swallow and wanted to try desperately.  Alone in the darkness, he began trying to sound out a word, hoping that by the time Tifa came by in the morning that he would be able to get his wish across.  He wasn’t thrilled with the first sounds that he managed to produce, as they were nothing like what he wanted to say but he continued to practice despite his initial disappointment.

            When he saw Dr. Arlin arrive, Vincent knew that morning had come.  It wasn’t much later that Tifa arrived.  She came to his side and smiled down at him.  “Hey there.”

            He blinked and pulled off a respectable smile for her.  Then, mustering all that he had, Vincent tried to speak to Tifa. 

            Surprised to hear any sort of sound out of him at all, Tifa hadn’t been prepared and didn’t catch what he had just tried to say.  She leaned closer to him.  “Vincent, are you trying to say something?”

            He closed his eyes for a moment and tried again, this time making it a little clearer.  “Food.”

            Tifa stood up straight and called over to Janice, “Dr. Arlin!  He’s talking!”

            Janice made her way over and looked at Vincent.  “What did he say, Tifa?”

            “He just asked for food,” Tifa replied excitedly.

            The doctor continued to look at her patient.  “You want to eat?”

            Vincent blinked at her and again said, “Food.”

            “You’re not able to eat solid food until you show me you can chew right, but if you’re not above Tifa here feeding you things that are easy to swallow, I’ll allow it,” Janice told him, crossing her arms over her chest.  She couldn’t believe that he was actually trying to communicate vocally after having his breathing tube out for only a day.

            Vincent smiled widely, pleased that his request had gotten across.  He turned his eyes to Tifa, his pride in the moment showing.

            “All right, Tifa,” Janice locked gazes with her, “I want you to go into town and go get some things for him to eat.  Only food that doesn’t require chewing like hot cereals, applesauce, puddings, that sort of thing.  Once you have that, you can start feeding him, but only tiny bites at a time.  Make sure he doesn’t choke, okay?”

            Tifa was excited to have a mission and readily agreed.  “I’ll go get some stuff right now.”

            “If you can get him to eat and get enough in him to make me happy, I’ll consider pulling his feeding tube.”  Janice looked at Tifa over the top of her glasses.  “Is that a deal?”

            “You bet!”  Tifa clasped her hands together before her chest and then turned and ran from the infirmary.

***

            Tifa walked around the grocery store searching for things that Vincent could eat in his current state.  The job wasn’t too easy however, as Vincent tended to be a picky eater and she knew that some of the things that the doctor had recommended wouldn’t fly.  After a long hunt, she managed to fill her basket with things that she figured would be acceptable.

            On her way up to the registers, Tifa walked through the bakery department.  As she started to pass the display of birthday cakes, she immediately remembered the conversation that she’d had with Cid the night before.  Knowing that she just had to do something even though it was a few months late, she examined the cakes trying to find one that wasn’t too childish for the forty-year-old man.  A wide grin broke across her lips when she found one that had clearly been made for a little boy, but it had a plane on it and Tifa knew that this was the one.  She picked it up and placed it in her basket.

            With her burden of groceries, Tifa headed back to the base.  She stopped into the hanger before going below.  Inside, she found Brad sitting at his workbench drinking a beer.  Tifa set her bags down on the table and looked at him.

            He took another swig from his bottle before addressing her.  “Morning, Tifa.”

            “Hey.”  She pulled up a stool and sat beside him.  “I was wondering if you could help me with something?”

            “Sure little lady, what ya’ need?” Brad asked.

            “Well, I sort of forgot Cid’s birthday in February and I’ve decided that I’m going to do something now.”  Tifa folded her hands on her lap.  “Do you have any idea what he would have wanted?”

            Brad knit his brow and became thoughtful.  “Hmm, let me think here.  How old is the son of a bitch?”

            Tifa hung her head.  “He turned forty.”

            “Wow, so it was a big one, huh?” 

            “Yeah, that’s why I feel so bad for missing it.  I wish he would have said something, but he didn’t.”  Tifa’s disappointment in herself was clear.

            “Well, you’ve had a lot on your mind and he probably didn’t mention it because if I know Cid, he was hoping that everyone would forget,” Brad chuckled to himself.

            “That’s what I figured.”  Tifa looked at the groceries next to her.  “Anyway, I figured we could do something for him tonight and since you’re his friend I wanted you to be in on it.”

            Brad smiled.  “Sure, anything that promises to embarrass the bastard has my vote.  What do you have in mind?”

            “Well, I was thinking that we could take him out to dinner.  He really seems to like that Italian place up in town.  I already got him a cake, too.”  Tifa pointed to a bag lying on its side, which held it.

            “Okay, what time do you want to do this?”  Brad took another drink.

            “I don’t know, probably around seven would be good I guess.”  Tifa was pleased that Brad was going along.  Next to her, she knew that he was Cid’s closest friend.  “So, any ideas on a present for him?”

            “Actually, yeah.”  Brad tossed his empty bottle into a trashcan.  “He was bemoaning the fact that his jacket is getting really old and torn up.  He’s had that damn thing since he was working for Shin Ra, you know.”

            “Would he actually wear a new jacket?  I mean, he seems pretty attached to that old blue thing,” Tifa sighed.

            “If it was from you, I guarantee that he’d wear it.”  Brad winked at her.  “Anything that you or Jin would give him he’d gladly use.”

            Tifa remembered that Jin had left on the airship earlier, but she would have liked her to be around for this.  “Speaking of Jin, I guess she’s gone right now, huh?”

            “They were just dropping a team off.  They might just be back in time.  I know some of the airship crew as well as Jin would like to come for this,” Brad said.

            “Really?”  Tifa grew excited.  “I would love for all of them to come along!”

            “Well, like I said, they should be back by then.  When they land, I can clue them in if you’d like.”  Brad knew that the airship crew loved a good party.

            “That would be great.”  Tifa got back up and picked up her bags.  “I’ll call the restaurant and make sure they’ve got room.”  She started to walk out but turned back to face Brad.  “What are you going to get him?”

            Brad pointed at the chopper.  “Actually, he’s been drooling over the new altimeter I got for my bird there.  I think he’d really like one for his piece of shit plane.”

            Tifa laughed.  There was something amusing about the way the two pilots constantly bagged on each other’s crafts.  “That’s cool.  Well, I’ll see you tonight then!”

***

            Tifa returned to the infirmary with the things that she’d gotten for Vincent.  She’d stopped by the cafeteria and picked up some spoons and bowls and had everything she needed for getting to the task of feeding her husband.

            When she entered the room, she was shocked to see Vincent actually turn his head to look at her.  Before now, he hadn’t been able to move his neck.  He smiled at her.

            She sat at his side.  “You’re surprising me everyday, you know.”

            Again, the corner of his mouth pulled up into a grin.  He still had a lot of practicing to do at night before he would dare to say anything more than he had earlier to Tifa.  Still full of pride, he wasn’t going to talk in front of anyone until he thought he could at least do a reasonable job of it. 

            “Okay, well, I’ve gotten you a bunch of things.”  She rummaged through the bag, coming up with what she thought he’d like the most.  “You still like this tapioca stuff, right?”

            Vincent was amused.  Although he’d always been fond of tapioca pudding, for some reason it grossed Tifa out and she wouldn’t touch the stuff.  He managed a slight nod.

            Tifa’s eyes went wide.  The rate at which he seemed to be getting better now was pleasing her.  “Okay then, let’s try this.”

            She pulled the foil off of the top of the cup and grabbed one of the spoons.  Carefully she got a little of the pudding and then held it out to him.

            Vincent opened his mouth, anxious to finally have something to eat.  He took what she gave him and managed to swallow it without much trouble.

            “Perfect.”  Tifa felt good about this and continued to feed him until he’d not only finished the cup of pudding, but the other three cups of it that she’d bought.  When those were gone, she shook her head and laughed.  “Looks like I’m going to have to go to the store again if you’re going to eat that much at a time.”

            Well, I haven’t eaten in over a month, he thought to himself as he stared at her.

            She raised an eyebrow, almost hearing his thoughts.  “Yeah, I guess you would be pretty hungry for something real.  That stuff they put through your feeding tube doesn’t look all that great.  You heard what the doctor said though, if you can eat, she’ll get that tube out and then the only thing you’ll have to worry about is your I.V. line and, uh…”  She motioned down toward his groin.

            The fact that he had a urinary catheter placed had gone by without his notice, as he still had no feeling in that part of his body.  For this he was thankful.  Still, he was a little embarrassed that she’d brought it up and he felt his cheeks go red.

            Tifa saw his color change and immediately knew that she’d made him feel awkward.  He had been suffering a lot of indignities during these last few weeks and the last thing he needed right now was her bringing up any of them.  “Well, soon enough you won’t have to worry about any of it.”  She opted to change subjects fast.  “Hey, we forgot Cid’s birthday.”

            He just stared at her.  He hadn’t forgotten Cid’s birthday at all because he’d never known when it was in the first place.

            “Okay, I forgot.”  Tifa smiled to herself knowing that even if Vincent had been conscious at the time, he could have cared less.  “Anyway, I’ve decided that we’re going to have a little get together for him tonight in town.  I’ll probably leave here around five so that I can get him a present before going, if that’s okay with you.”

            Vincent was well aware of how very much Tifa needed to get out of the infirmary and do something to distract her from him for a while and was grateful that she had this party to attend.  He pulled off another nod for her.

            “Okay, well I’m going to go tell the doctor that you ate and then the therapist should be here pretty soon,” Tifa said while getting up from the bed.

            Vincent watched her retreat and was overwhelmingly thankful that she was around for him during all of this.  Even though he’d decided that he wasn’t going to try to talk until he felt prepared, he felt words form in his throat anyway.

            Tifa heard him attempt to say something and turned back to him.  “Vincent?”

            With as much effort as he had ever put into anything in his life, he spoke, “…love you.”

            Her eyes immediately brimmed with tears and she flew back to his side, sliding her arms around him.  She kissed him, pleased to realize that he could now reciprocate such an action.  After a few moments, she pulled back a little and looked into his eyes.  “I love you, too, Vincent.”

***

            Tifa stayed with Vincent throughout the day, feeding him when he asked and when the physical therapist came she helped him, too.  Finally, five o’clock arrived and she kissed Vincent goodbye and left for Cid’s party.

            She walked through the streets of the town, looking for a place to get Cid a new jacket.  Eventually she happened upon a men’s clothing store and went in.  The clerk immediately came to her side.  “Can I help you, ma’am?”

            Tifa bristled a bit at being called ‘ma’am’, as she really didn’t feel like she was old enough to warrant it, even though she was a good ten years older than the clerk.  Nonetheless, she forced a smile for him.  “Well, I’m looking for a new jacket for a friend.”

            “We’ve got just about any style you could want.  Do you have something in mind?” he asked, leading her to the back of the store where the coats were.

            “Yeah, like one of those bomber type jackets would be good,” Tifa replied.

            “One of those guys that fancies himself a pilot, huh?” the clerk laughed while going to the rack that had what she was looking for.

            She smiled with pride.  “Actually, he is a pilot.”

            The young man raised his eyebrows, suddenly feeling a little silly about his comment.  “Oh, that’s cool.  Well, are you looking for leather or something else?”

            Tifa saw one that caught her eye and pulled it from the rack.  “This one’s pretty nice.”

            “That’s lambskin.  Just about the softest thing you can get.”  The clerk was pleased with her choice, it was just about the most expensive coat they had in the store and if she bought it, he would score a huge commission.  “That is a very nice piece.”

            Tifa pulled the hanger out of it and held it up.  It was a bomber jacket like she had wanted, and was a dark chocolate brown.  She ran a hand over the leather finding it to be just as supple as the clerk had said.  Tifa knew that Cid would look really good in it.  “This is great.”

            “What size do you need?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest, happy that this sale was going to be so easy.

            Tifa thought for a moment.  She knew that with Cid’s broad shoulders he would probably need something roomy.  “Maybe an extra large?”

            He nodded and then looked at the tag hanging from the jacket she was holding.  “Looks like you’re in luck.”

            “Good.”  Tifa considered the coat for a second longer, wishing that she could get Vincent to wear something like it but knew he never would.  “I’ll take it.”

            The clerk beamed.  “It’s six hundred gil.  Will that be cash or charge?”

            Tifa swallowed hard, not having bothered to look at the price.  Momentarily she wavered about spending so much on a jacket but then she told herself that money was no object.  She was, after all, a millionaire thanks to Vincent.  “Cash, and can you wrap it?”

            “I most certainly can.”  The clerk eagerly took the coat from her and headed toward the registers.

***

            With her present in her arms, she went to the restaurant.  Brad had told her earlier that he was going to bring Cid when it was time so that everyone else could get to the restaurant before hand.  She entered and walked up to the hostess.  “Hi, I’m here for the Highwind party.”

            “Okay, follow me,” she said, leading Tifa to the banquet room.

            Tifa did as requested and as they went, she asked, “I’m the one that called earlier and arranged this.”

            She stopped and looked back at Tifa.  “So you’re the one paying for this, then?”

            Tifa nodded, bracing herself for the bad news.  “Yeah, how much?”

            “Well, it’s twenty gil a plate and you’re expecting how many people?”

            Tifa swallowed hard.  This was getting expensive, fast.  “T… twenty-eight…”

            “That’s going to be around four-hundred gil, with a fifteen percent gratuity added, of course,” the hostess said casually.

            Tifa smiled weakly.  “Of course.”

            “When you’re ready, just come see me and we’ll get it taken care of.”  She pointed through the entry to the banquet room.  “Your guests are in there.”

            Tifa knew that Vincent wouldn’t be all that thrilled when he learned that she had dropped over a thousand gil for Cid’s birthday but then again, she truly felt that Cid had earned it.  She figured that if she told Vincent when she got back that at least he wouldn’t physically be able to go after Cid and by the time he was able to several weeks down the road that he would be over it.

            Inside, Tifa found the crew to the airship.  They greeted her and added her present to the pile of gifts that had now amassed.  Tifa searched through the herd of people until she found Jin.

            The mechanic was sitting alone in a corner, not socializing with the rest of the crew, as they didn’t much care for her.  At once Tifa felt bad for her and sat at her side.  “Hey Jin, I’m really glad you could make it.”

            She gave Tifa a sidelong glance, keeping her arms folded over her chest.  “Yeah, sure.”

            Tifa had talked to Jin a few times, and was used to the cold exterior she generally showed.  After being friends with Cid for so long, she was more or less used to this sort of behavior and it didn’t bother her.  “It’s six forty-five.  He should be getting here soon.”

            “Yup.”

            Tifa shook her head, bound and determined to get through Jin’s shell if it killed her.  “You know, Cid really likes you.  I’m glad that you’re there for him.”

            Jin unfolded her arms and turned to face Tifa.  “He seems to like you, too.”

            Tifa dropped her gaze, feeling like Jin was looking right through her.  Jin’s tone was betraying something.  “Jin?”

            “What?” she asked narrowing her eyes.

            “Do you not like me?” Tifa asked, starting to feel a little hurt.  She had hoped that with Cid not around that she would maybe open up to her a little.

            Jin scowled for a second and moved her eyes to scan over the crowd amassed.  “Let’s get away from these idiots for a minute, okay?”

            “Sure.”  Tifa got up and followed Jin outside.

            Once in the open, Jin’s expression softened a little.  “I’m sorry, I find it really hard to be anything but annoyed around those guys.”

            Tifa nodded, knowing that Jin had a hard time getting along with the majority of the crew.  “I can understand.”

            Jin frowned and looked down at the ground.  “Okay, look, I like you just fine Tifa.  You’re reasonably intelligent and someone who I can actually carry on a conversation with.  I’m not going to lie, though.  I’ve not had a problem with Cid being around you so much, but after last night, I started to wonder if maybe he’s too hung up on you to really get anywhere with me.”

            Tifa’s mind spun.  She realized that Jin didn’t know why Cid hadn’t been able to perform the night before.  How she was going to discuss this with Jin without letting her know that Cid had come to her afterward to discuss this very thing she didn’t know.  “How so?”

            Jin was too embarrassed to come right out and admit the pilot’s episode of impotence the night before and didn’t really figure that Tifa needed that sort of detail.  “He just finally admitted that we’re a couple the other day but he won’t, you know, I mean… aw hell.”

            Tifa watched as Jin fell apart before her.  At a loss for what to do, she stepped forward and put a hand on Jin’s shoulder.  “Okay, look, I talked to Cid last night.”

            Jin looked up and cocked an eyebrow, immediately curious as to what he may have told Tifa.  “And?”

            “It’s not that he doesn’t want to do things with you, it’s that last night he couldn’t.  It’s got nothing to do with me, either.”  Part of Tifa felt that it wasn’t her place to be discussing this with Jin but then again she knew that for Cid’s sake she had to, as there was no way that the pilot would ever be able to have this conversation himself.  “It’s about Shera.  You know, his baby was conceived on his last birthday and that’s been on his mind a lot since his real birthday in February.  Even though Shera’s gone, he sort of feels like doing things with you is cheating on her.  He knows that isn’t the case in his mind, but his heart’s really trying to hold him back.  He really does want to be with you, very badly.  Trust me, if it was about me and he had any sort of interest in me he would have tried something by now and he never has.  I don’t know what he has or hasn’t said to you but I know Cid and I can tell you that the man is in love with you.”

            Jin just stood there staring at her.  Knowing that the two of them had spent the night together many times, she was aware that if anything were going on between Cid and Tifa that certainly something would have happened already.  She hadn’t known about the circumstances surrounding the baby’s creation and she suddenly realized that Cid probably on some level was afraid to have sex.  “Do you think… do you think that part of him is scared to do it since his wife died giving birth?”

            Tifa hadn’t ever thought of it that way.  “Wow, you might be right.  Maybe he’s feeling guilty about that.  I suppose having your wife die like that might just make you too afraid to do it anymore for fear that it could happen again.”

            Jin’s face suddenly showed terrible sadness.  “Well, he doesn’t have to worry about that with me, but I never told him that.”

            “What do you mean?” Tifa asked.

            “I had cancer a few years back.”  Jin’s shoulders slumped.  “I was completely cured, but the treatment I had to go through left me sterile.”

            “I’m sorry, I had no idea.”  Tifa suddenly felt very badly for the woman before her.

            “I never told him,” Jin sighed, “I didn’t want him to think me any less of a woman.”

            “Well, I think now might be a good time to tell him, Jin.”  Tifa let her hand fall away from her shoulder.  “I mean, it might allay his fear and it is something you should probably tell him at some point.”

            Jin smiled.  “You’re right.  Hell, I never thought that anything positive could come out of what I went through but if this turns out to make him feel better, then I guess it’s okay.”

            They heard someone coming up behind them and they turned to find Reno walking toward them.  He stopped at Tifa’s side and draped an arm around her shoulders.  “Hey, I thought this was supposed to be a surprise party.”

            “It is, Reno.”  Tifa smiled at him.

            Reno looked at his watch.  “Well, it ain’t gonna be much of a surprise if he gets here and finds you guys standing out here.”

            Tifa had almost forgotten what time it was.  “Oh man, we better get in there!”

***

            Cid and Brad had been working in the hanger all day and when it came time to get Cid to the party, Brad had just asked if he felt like going out.  Cid had grudgingly agreed, only going at all because he was sick of the food at the base.  He gave passing thought to going to the infirmary to get Tifa, since he had already missed having dinner with her the night before, but Brad had insisted that they just go on their own.  He packed up his son and headed out with the chopper pilot.

            Brad led Cid to the restaurant.  Upon entering, Brad went up to the hostess and whispered, “We’re here for the Highwind party.  I brought the birthday boy.”

            She looked over, spotting Cid standing with his arms crossed and smiled back at Brad.  “Follow me.”

            She led them to the banquet room.  When Cid and Brad walked in, everyone gathered yelled the obligatory, “Surprise!”

            Cid instantly turned red, realizing that he’d walked right into this.  “You’ve got to be kidding me…”

            Brad clapped him on the back.  “No old man, this is for you.  Go get drunk.”

            Cid shook his head and went forward, being greeted by everyone.  He found Tifa standing with Jin.  “Tifa, are you responsible for this?”

            She blushed as she took the baby from him.  “Are you mad?”

            His momentary angry facade failed him and he smiled.  “No, I appreciate the thought.”  He then turned his attention to Jin, suddenly feeling embarrassed for what had happened the night before.  “Hey…”

            Jin could see how uncomfortable he had become upon seeing her and she couldn’t help but go to him and throw her arms around him.  “Hey yourself.”

            He remained in her embrace for a few moments and then dared to kiss her, until he realized that the crewmembers to the airship had all stopped what they were doing upon seeing the pilot and the mechanic together.  Cid pulled away and scowled at everyone.  “Mind your own fucking business.”

            They were soon served dinner and everyone managed to get fairly drunk while they were at it.  Once the food was gone, Tifa passed the baby off to Jin and then went and got the birthday cake.  It took her several minutes to get the forty candles she’s shoved into it lit, but once that was done she walked over to Cid with it.  She set it down before him.

            Cid looked at the thing and then turned to Tifa with an eyebrow cocked.  “What in the hell makes you think that someone who smoked for twenty-three years could blow out this sort of forest fire?”

            Tifa laughed and poked him in the shoulder.  “Well, you either blow it out or the sprinkler system is going to go off.”

            Cid rolled his eyes and gave it his best shot.  It took him four tries to get all of the candles out.

            After the cake was finished off, all of the presents were brought over and piled around Cid.  His first thought on seeing all the gifts was if he was going to be able to carry this much crap back to the base.  Despite his concerns, he quickly got to the task of opening the packages before him.  When he got to the altimeter that Brad had gotten him he had seemed genuinely pleased.  The present he got from Jin was a new watch and again, he seemed more than happy with it, even giving her another kiss in front of all the crewmembers despite their catcalls.  The last present he opened was from Tifa.  As he pulled off the wrapping paper he caught the scent of leather and became intrigued.  He tore open the box and pulled out the jacket, his eyes growing wide.  “Tifa… you shouldn’t have…”

            She became a little embarrassed, realizing that she had gotten him the most expensive gift.  “Oh Cid, you need it and deserve it for everything you’ve done.”

            Cid knew that the coat in his hands was very expensive.  He’d looked at one not unlike it before but hadn’t gotten it because it was so pricey.  “I don’t know what to say, it’s really nice.”

            Tifa smiled as she watched him turn to Jin and show her.  The mechanic reached out and stroked the leather, giving Cid a look of approval.

            The party went on for several hours but finally broke up when the crewmembers from the airship all started to feel their exhaustion from having been up since midnight.  People slowly began to trickle back to the base, eventually leaving Jin and Cid alone.  Tifa had left much earlier in order to get the baby back the to base and asleep.

            Cid put his presents into a single box and put on his new coat before starting the walk back to the base with Jin at his side.  They went slowly, feeling a tension between them that hadn’t existed prior to last night.

            Cid finally broke the silence.  “Hey, I’m really sorry about last night.”

            Jin, having had the prior discussion with Tifa, wondered about how to go about discussing this.  “It’s okay, I understand.”

            “I want you to know that I really wanted to,” Cid felt his cheeks flush, “but it wasn’t in my control.”

            She slid her arm around his waist.  “Look, I don’t want you to feel bad about it.  I can’t blame you after what you’ve been through.”

            He looked over at her for a moment, but didn’t say anything.

            “I was thinking about it earlier,” Jin said, omitting the part where Tifa had been involved, “and I started to wonder if maybe there’s a part of you that’s worried about something happening again, like what happened to Shera?”

            Cid stopped dead in his tracks and faced her.  The fact that she had just nailed the entire problem on the head stunned him.  Despite his attempt to cover his true fear with thoughts of disloyalty to Shera, she had seen right through it.  The thought of getting another woman pregnant to possibly suffer the same fate as his late wife had been in the back of his mind since the first time he’d gone out with Jin.  “You… you figured it out, huh?”

            Jin smiled, pleased with her insight.  “Like I said, I was thinking about it earlier and that was the one thing that I figured you would feel out of control about.  And if I’ve learned anything from you, it’s that you’re only scared of what you can’t be in charge of.”

            “God damn, that’s pretty fucking insightful.”  Cid was amazed at how well she had already figured him out.  Usually people couldn’t read him that well and not even Tifa had managed to get that deep inside his head before.

            Jin dropped her gaze to the ground.  “Well, if that was the real problem, you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

            Cid knit his brow.  “What do you mean?”

            She sighed, “I never told you, but I had cancer about five years ago.”

            “Holy shit, really?” Cid felt a sweat break.  “You’re okay though, right?”

            She smiled.  “Yeah, I’m fine now.  They cured me but I did have to have a hysterectomy so there’s no way I will ever have a baby.”

            Cid hastily set down the box he had been carrying and then threw his arms around Jin, pulling her close.  “I had no idea, I’m really sorry.  Why didn’t you tell me?”

            She shrugged.  “It’s not something I’ve made a point of bringing up generally.  It’s something I’ve learned to live with but it’s kind of the reason I’ve pushed men away as a general rule.  I figured that if I didn’t have a boyfriend that it wouldn’t matter than I’d lost the ability to have kids.  That way, I wouldn’t ever have to face the fact that I couldn’t have a baby, when the truth has always been that I wanted to.  When I met you though, I couldn’t help myself but want to be with you.  When I watched how you were with your son, I got afraid that you might want more kids someday and knowing that I couldn’t do that, I thought it might cost any possible relationship with you.  That’s why I never brought it up.”

            Cid kissed the top of her head, keeping her within his arms.  “Jin, I’m too old to be having any other kids.  Hell, I didn’t set out to have the one I’ve got.  Don’t get me wrong, I love him more than anything else in the whole God damned Universe, but one is enough.  The fact that I don’t ever have to worry about you getting pregnant and suffering any possible consequences is a huge weight off my shoulders.”

            Jin let herself cry against him.  From the moment she had met his small son, she had wanted to be a mother to him.  Cid and the baby were all she could have ever hoped for and now that she had told him about her physical condition and he had accepted it, she couldn’t hold back her emotions anymore.  “Cid, I’m going to admit something else to you.”

            He held her out at arm’s length and looked into her eyes.

            “I know it’s only been a few months, but…” her voice failed her and she started shaking.

            When Cid felt her begin to tremble, he grew concerned.  “What is it?”

            “I’ve fallen in love with you.”  She couldn’t bring herself to look into his eyes, fearing that this would be too much for him and scare him away.

            Cid realized that he had been holding his breath and exhaled.  He wiped the tears from her cheeks.  He knew that this time, he was going to do things right.  Having lost Shera after always having taken her for granted, he had learned the hard way that he needed to be honest about his feelings.  “Jin, I know I’ve let you down by going so slow with this relationship but I am ready to get on with things.  If we’re getting everything out in the open then I’m going to admit something as well.”

            She finally looked up into his eyes, fearing rejection.

            He fought to get the words out.  “Damn it woman, I’m in love with you, too.”

            Jin was ecstatic to hear this from him and found herself kissing him again.

            Cid didn’t care that they were out in the middle of town and allowed his lips to linger against hers until he realized something was happening.  He pulled back, his expression turning to a smirk.  “Uh…”

            “What?” she asked.

            “I think we should go back, fast,” Cid said quietly.