Guilt’s Cost: Part L

Introduction

Nightfall had descended on Mideel by the time they got to the bookstore. The town no longer needed streetlights as the glow from the life stream kept everything illuminated.

Tifa was holding Cid’s hand out of her fear of who they were about to face. Although Cid seemed outwardly unaffected, inside he too was filled with apprehension.

Brandon opened the door to the shop and they all filed in. Someone was sitting at a table in the corner with the evening newspaper held out before them. All that could be spotted of the reader behind the paper was his legs resting up on the table as he leaned back reading. His dirty white tennis shoes swayed back and forth unconsciously as he read.

Brandon cleared his throat to make his presence know. "Hello Jaras."

He threw the paper down and stood up quickly. Having been engrossed in his reading, he had not heard them enter the shop. "Hey Doc."

Tifa and Cid just stared agog. It was Sephiroth or at least, it had been. He stood before them in a pair of knee length khaki shorts, with his socks slouched down toward his shoes. He wore a white tee shirt over which he had on an unbuttoned long sleeve denim shirt. His trademark silver hair was still there, and still the same length, but had been tied back into a sloppy ponytail. Resting on the end of his nose were a small pair of gold framed reading glasses.

Brandon took a step forward. "I have brought some friends to meet you."

Jaras smiled warmly and raised his eyebrows. "Oh really?"

"Yes." The doctor replied stepping to the side to reveal Cid and Tifa. "This is Cid Highwind and Tifa Lockheart."

Jaras stepped forward and extended his hand to Cid. "Hey, aren’t you some of the AVALANCHE members that save the world?"

Tifa gasped, fearing that he had more recollection than Brandon had suspected. "Uh, yes, yes we are."

After shaking Cid and Tifa’s hands he stepped back and pointed to a shelf. "This is great! I’ve read every book written about that stuff. You guys did some really amazing things back then. I must have been alive back then, but unfortunately my Mako exposure robbed me of any memories."

Tifa nodded slightly, thinking it strange that she would be talking to Sephiroth like he had nothing to do with those events. "Well, we did what we had to."

Jaras grinned and pulled a book off the self that had a picture of Sephiroth on the cover. He held it up for their inspection. "Yeah, this Sephiroth guy was a real nut job, huh? Good looking guy though."

Had Tifa and Cid not been so overwhelmed they would have laughed at his last remark. Instead they just looked on in deathly silence.

Jaras shrugged and tossed the book back onto the shelf. "Is something wrong?"

"You really don’t remember anything?" Tifa asked, taking a step towards him.

Jaras furrowed his brow. "No, I don’t. Why do you know who I am?"

She was stung by the slight hint of hope in his voice. Tifa looked back at Brandon, searching for any help from him.

Brandon nodded. "It’s fine Tifa. I think he’s ready to know now."

Jaras looked at the doctor. "They know who I am?"

"We all do, Jaras." Brandon said. "I think we need to sit."

They made their way to the table he had been sitting at before and took their places.

Jaras leaned forward in his seat with his elbows on the table. "Even you know, Brandon?"

The doctor nodded, some shame on his face. He had come to like Jaras and regretted what he now had to learn. "Yes Jaras, but I think it best for you to hear from these two."

His green eyes were turned to Tifa and Cid pleadingly. Rediscovering his identity was something he had been waiting for. "Please tell me."

Tifa smiled at him faintly. "You mean to tell me that after all this time of reading those books about Sephiroth you never noticed that you looked like him?"

Jaras grinned dismissively. "Well, yeah, sort of. Then again, there are a lot of people who look like someone else. Surely you’re not implying that I am Sephiroth."

Cid sighed. "Sorry son, but you’re Sephiroth."

Jaras got up from the table and walked back over to the shelf holding the history books. He picked back up another with the former SOLDIER general on the cover. He stood staring at the image for a few moments. "No, I can’t be…"

Tifa saw the expression of terror that overcame Jaras’s face at that moment. She got up from her seat and walked to him. "I’m sorry, but you are."

Jaras let the book fall to the floor, and he began to shake. "No, that would make me a murderer…"

"The person you were then and who you are now are two separate individuals." Tifa placed a hand on his shoulder. "We can all see that."

Cid got up and came over too. "That’s probably a pretty fucked up thing to find out, but you have a right to know."

Jaras nodded weakly without looking at them. "You’re sure I am? Isn’t there any possibility you might be mistaken?" He was searching for any possible escape from the inevitable truth.

Cid clapped him on the back. "I think we’re just a little too familiar with you to say otherwise."

Brandon watched, feeling terrible for what Jaras was going through. "I had them come here to help you. I know you’ve lived here in peace for all these years, but I’m afraid that sooner or later someone working for Shin Ra is going to notice you. I just want you to be safe."

There was just the slightest hint of tears in Jaras’s eyes. "I understand. But I don’t want to leave. I’ve been so happy here in Mideel, I can’t imagine anything else."

Tifa looked over at Cid and Brandon. She needed to tell Jaras some things that they weren’t aware of. "Can Jaras and I have a minute alone?"

Cid shrugged. "If you’re sure."

"Yes." She replied.

Brandon and Cid reluctantly walked from the shop. Jaras turned his gaze to her and sighed.

Tifa gave him a smile. Whether he had been Sephiroth or not, he deserved better. "I’m sorry you had to learn this, but it’s for the best. But there are some other things that you need to know. You have family members that are still alive."

He shook his head. "If I’m Sephiroth, then my mother is dead and my father is a deranged madman."

"No, I know the truth about who your father is. It wasn’t Hojo, it was a Turk named Vincent Valentine." She admitted, taking up one of his strong hands.

He looked down at her in confusion. "The same Vincent Valentine that was with AVALANCHE?"

She smiled. "Yes, the very same. He is alive but in stasis at the moment. ASRIO is trying to find a way to cure a problem he has. But you also have an uncle and a half sister."

Jaras almost smiled. "I do?"

"Yes, and I’m certain that they would like to see that you are all right." She answered.

"You mean that they would like to see that I’m not evil." He corrected.

Tifa nodded. "You seem to be a wonderful man, Jaras. We want to help you. Please come with us to the ASRIO base."

He turned away from her. "This is something I need sometime to think about. I would have to arrange for someone to take care of the shop and what not."

Tifa let his hand go and dropped her gaze away from him. She knew he wasn’t coming. "Okay, but if you change your mind, let Brandon know so he can call us, all right?"

He looked back down at her, taking the small reading glasses from his face. "I will. Thank you for telling me the truth. I think I need to be alone for a while."

"Okay." Tifa slowly backed away towards the door. "Maybe we can see you again before we leave in the morning."

"Sure." Jaras said with a slight nod. He turned and headed for the shop’s back room. He stopped briefly. "If I’m Sephiroth and you were one of the people who wanted to kill me back then, why are you trying to help me now?"

"Part of what happened to you was a result of the Jenova within Sephiroth. The life stream killed that part of you." She forced a smile, knowing that her concern must be confusing in light of his past.

He nodded slightly, not able to return her smile. "I see. Thanks, but if you’ll excuse me…"

She watched as he slowly walked into the back room, able to see the fact that he was crying. "I’m sorry…", Tifa said to herself as she turned back toward the door.

Tifa stepped out of the shop, finding Cid and Brandon waiting for her.

Tifa looked at Cid. "I can’t believe it."

"It’s pretty fucking amazing." He agreed. "But it’s him."

Tifa nodded. "Yeah."

"Is he okay?" Brandon asked, coming closer to Tifa.

"He said he wanted to be alone for a while." She answered quietly. "He won’t be coming with us. He wants to stay here."

Brandon sighed. "I’m just afraid of Shin Ra finding him. I think he’s been lucky to get away with living here for seven years without being noticed, but it can’t go on forever."

"If you do suspect anything, please let us know so we can return." Tifa looked back toward the door of the shop.

Cid lit up a cigarette. "Well, let’s get going."

"You don’t intend to fly home tonight, do you?" The doctor asked. "I think you should leave in the morning. You really should get some rest."

"Yeah, Cid." Tifa was not feeling up to spending another eight hours on the plane tonight. "I thought we could stay for the evening."

"Tseng gave us an order to get back as soon as we found out." He crossed his arms over his chest. "And we found the Hell out."

"I’m sure he meant for us to return in a reasonable time frame. I don’t see what difference a few hours are going to make." Tifa became slightly angry. She was tired and wanted to rest.

"Fine. We’ll stay the Hell here." Cid rolled his eyes. He didn’t like Mideel, and he certainly didn’t like being this close to Sephiroth, nice guy now or not.

They went back to Brandon’s home and settled in for the night. His home only had one bedroom, which he gave up to Tifa and Cid. They tried to refuse his offer, but he had insisted.

As they climbed into bed, Cid looked over at Tifa. "How do you think Sunshine’s gonna feel to find out that we’ve slept together twice now?"

"Like you said, as long as you mean sleep as in sleep, I don’t see the problem." Tifa laughed. "Why, you starting to like it?"

Cid clicked off the lamp next to the bed. "At least you don’t fucking snore or anything."

"Well I’m glad to hear that." Tifa said in the darkness. "I can’t help but feel sorry for Jaras."

"God Damn it." Cid rolled onto his side to face her, knowing more of the ‘emotion’ talk was going to start again. "Get it over with."

"It’s just that, I don’t think Sephiroth had a chance to turn out any other way than he did. Look at how he grew up in that lab! With Hojo constantly messing with him, and never getting any of the love that someone needs growing up, it was bound to turn out bad. But now all those memories are gone, and he’s fine. I know we just met him tonight, but he couldn’t be anymore different from his former self if he tried."

"Apart from the looking the same bit." Cid corrected.

"Well he has no control over that." Tifa had always pitied Sephiroth on some level, and that had only been deepened tonight. "I hope Shin Ra never finds him. He deserves a normal life."

***

Jaras laid on the floor of the storeroom. The truth of who he was burned within his heart. His eyes were dimmed by angry tears, and his face was a ghastly shade. He wanted to go back to not knowing, but that was impossible.

Truth be told, he had thought about the possibility of being Sephiroth before. The resemblance was unnerving even to him, and the time frame of the SOLDIER general’s death and his appearance in Mideel were awfully close. He had always dismissed these as coincidences before, never giving them serious consideration.

Part of him wanted to go with this evening’s visitors to go see the family he had just discovered he had, but at the same time he was afraid to leave his home here. Going would be akin to admitting to the world who he was. Despite not having any memories of the past, he was suffering the guilt of what he had done before washing up in Mideel, and it was tearing him apart.

He remained paralyzed with fear, shame, and guilt for the rest of the night on the floor. Jaras couldn’t even begin to completely comprehend the meaning of all that he had recently discovered.