Guilt’s Cost: Part LI

Leaving Mideel

The morning light was starting to pour into the windows of the small bookstore. Jaras had finally managed to scoop himself off the floor and he sat slouched over some invoices, trying to divert his mind by working. But it wasn’t going so well. He read the invoices again and again, but they made no sense to him as his mind was still brooding over what he’d been told the night before. Jaras wanted to pretend that he still didn’t know who he was, and for a few minutes he’d almost succeeded, that was until he accidentally caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror. Seeing Sephiroth looking back at him destroyed the illusion immediately. He was who he was, and there would be no denying it.

There had been such a yearning in his heart over the last seven years to learn who he was. He dreamt of finding a family that missed him and reuniting with them, causing his memory to return. Tifa said he did have a family, but it was likely that there was no love lost from them when he had supposedly been killed. As for regaining his memory, he had no desire any longer. If he came to remember all of the killing and insanity, he was certain that it would push him into madness. Jaras had studied enough of Sephiroth’s history to know that he did not like the man he once was, in fact, he hated him. It was hard for him to understand how the introverted bookworm he was could have once been the world’s greatest menace. It made no sense.

Yet the guilt of Sephiroth’s actions crushed in on him. Even if he was a different person now, he was still responsible for what he had done. Jaras somehow wasn’t surprised that the life stream had thrown him up. It was somehow fitting that not even the planet would accept Sephiroth after his supposed death. So it seemed ironic that the ones who finally came to claim him were his former enemies. Most likely Brandon had called them down just to make sure that he was no longer the evil villain he once was. But Tifa had seemed to genuinely care, and Jaras was puzzled. How could she forgive him for what he had done? Why?

Jaras needed to do something to help make amends for what he had done. All at once his fear of leaving Mideel began to fade. He knew what he needed to do. If by going with Tifa and Cid back to ASRIO he might be able to help them, then that is what he would do. Now how he could help them he did not know, but certainly something was there for him. At the very least he would get the chance to meet his relatives, and maybe just being able to see them and apologize for the past would be enough.

*******

Tifa and Cid were ready to head back to the plane. She begged him for them to head to the bookstore first but Cid had flat out refused.

"Look, we’ve already wasted enough time by not leaving yesterday." He said, still immersed in his morning crabbiness.

As Cid opened the door to the house and stepped out, he ran right into Jaras, sending both of them to the ground.

"God Damn it, watch where you’re fucking going!" Cid brimmed with anger as he got up slowly.

Jaras jumped back up and extended his hand to help Cid who had obviously hurt something. "I’m terribly sorry!"

Cid ignored Jaras’s outstretched hand and finished getting back to his feet on his own. "Obviously your manners haven’t improved much over the last seven years."

Jaras stood in apologetic shock. He slowly bent to pick up his pack from the ground.

Tifa already annoyed with Cid’s morning lack of tact, rushed forward to get to Jaras. It was clear from the look on his face that Cid’s remark had hurt him deeply. "Jaras, are you okay?"

He nodded weakly. "Yes, but I don’t think Mr. Highwind is."

Tifa glanced over her shoulder at the pilot, who was still cursing to himself about the fall he’d taken. "Never mind him, he’s always like this in the morning. I’m glad you came by before we left. I wanted to see how you were doing after our talk last night."
Jaras turned his gaze to the ground. "I had kind of a rough time at first, but now I’m doing better. I was wondering if your offer to take me with you still stood?"

Tifa clapped her hands together in excitement. "Really? You’re coming?"

"I would like to." Jaras said quietly. "Maybe… maybe if I can help ASRIO in some way it will help make up for… my past."

Tifa threw her arms around him, thinking how good Vincent was going to feel once he realized that his son wasn’t dead, and wasn’t under Jenova’s influence anymore. "Oh Jaras, I would love it if you came with us."

Cid, upon overhearing their conversation allowed his newly lit cigarette to fall from his lips. "The Hell? Now Sephy is going with us?"

Tifa turned to Cid, flames in her eyes. "His name is Jaras, and yes, he is."

"All right." Cid picked up his and Tifa’s packs. "Whoever you are, we need to go now so get your ass on the plane."

Jaras nodded as Cid brushed past him. "Yes Sir."

Brandon came forward. "Well, looks like he’s desperate to go so I won’t keep you. Tifa, I want to thank you for helping Jaras. And Jaras, take care, okay?"

Jaras extended his hand to his old friend. "Thank you for taking care of me, Doc. That kid that's been helping me with the store is smart enough I think to run the operation for a while. Let him know that I’m going to be gone for the time being, okay?"

Brandon accepted the handshake and smiled. "I will, Jaras. I promise."

Once on board the plane, Cid got it into the air as quickly as possible. He circled over Mideel once to get his bearings in the air before aiming the plane towards Costa del Sol. Tifa sat in the copilot’s seat again and Jaras sat behind her in one of the other two seats.

Tifa had a request of Cid that she knew he wasn’t going to like. "Cid, can we stop over in New Nibleheim first?"

Cid furrowed his brow and growled between his teeth. "Did you not pay attention before? Tseng told us to get our asses back as soon as possible. Not after we give Seph…I mean Jaras a walk down memory lane."

Tifa allowed her anger to boil over. "Cid Highwind, you stop right there! Your mood has sucked all morning and I am tired of it! Now you take me to New Nibleheim so I can get some of my things from my house!"

Cid went wide-eyed and looked at her. "Real firecracker today, huh?"

"You take me there or else!" Tifa narrowed her eyes at her companion.

"Or else what?" Cid didn’t seem impressed with her threat.

"Or else I’m gonna call Shera and tell her all the nice stuff you’ve said about her to me!" She gave an evil smile.

Cid mocked fright. "You wouldn’t!"

She just crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips.

He knew he was in over his head with this one. Tifa rarely yelled, but when she did she meant business. "God Damn it, fine. You get fifteen minutes once we’re on the ground, that’s it. And Jaras and I ain’t getting off this plane. I have no desire to set foot in that God forsaken town, and no one there needs to see our buddy here and have a flashback."

"Thank you." Tifa replied curtly. Inside she was pleased to have gotten her way.

Jaras just listened quietly from his seat. He didn’t like confrontations (ironically enough) and wanted to stay out of it as much as possible. He could tell that Cid wasn’t thrilled to have him on the plane and he didn’t want to push his luck.