Guilt’s Cost: Part LVII

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Tifa headed back to her room. She paused before going in, feeling like she should check on Jaras just one last time. Tifa turned to his door and knocked.

Jaras answered, obviously shocked by who was there. "Tifa?"

She smiled. "I was just seeing how you were before heading off to bed."

"Oh, please come in." He held the door open wider so she could pass.

Tifa went forward and made her way over to the couch. After sitting, she patted the cushion next to her indicating that Jaras should sit too.

Jaras swallowed hard upon her invitation and went to her side. He immediately grew anxious. At once he began to fidget with the arm of the couch.

Tifa examined him briefly. He was shirtless, and his once finely cut physique had softened somewhat as he no longer lived a life of rigorous training. Even though, he was impressive and she felt a slight blush cross her cheeks. "So, how are you feeling?"

He forced himself to relax and he sat back, folding his hands in his lap. "All right, I guess. I want you to know that I do feel terrible about Tseng."

She scooted a little closer to him, not wanting him to beat himself up over this. "It’s okay, Jaras. We’re all worried about him."

With Tifa’s increased proximity, he grew more nervous. As far as he was aware, he had never been alone with a woman before, and the fact that he was already attracted to her was making it worse. "Yeah, I suppose…"

She could sense that he was preoccupied with something and tilted her head slightly to look into his eyes. "What’s wrong?"

He turned his cat like green eyes to her. If they had glowed before from his Mako exposure as a SOLDIER, they now down right burned with light from his drenching in the life stream. There was such sadness within them, and a longing.

Tifa caught her breath as she was mesmerized by his gaze. She had always thought his eyes were beautiful but had never seen them this close or with this intensity before. The emotions that flowed into her as she looked at him made a knot form in her gut. Jaras was looking at her in a way that only Vincent ever had and it stung her heart. It would be all too easy to try and imaging that Jaras wasn’t Jaras, and her mind spun.

Jaras saw the slight tremble in her lips as they locked gazes. It was more than he could possibly bear and he leaned forward slightly. His mouth met hers with such desperation that it almost burned. He placed a hand behind her head holding her closer, his heart racing within.

Tifa closed her eyes and submitted, parting her lips to his kiss, feeling his tongue linger near hers. Her pain and misery over Tseng and Vincent faltered for just a moment.

Suddenly, Jaras pushed himself away and got up from the couch. He covered his face with his hands and shook where he stood. "Oh God, what am I doing?"

Tifa was shocked by his sudden retreat, and her betrayal of Vincent reared within her heart. Tears came to her eyes. "I’m sorry!"

"No, it’s not your fault." Jaras let his hands fall back to his sides but still did not turn to her. "I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that… You belong to my father, not me."

The truth of his words ripped through her and she broke down. Vincent would never forgive her for this, no matter how unexpected it had been. "I… I should go."

Jaras was unable to react as she flew from the room and slammed the door behind her. After she was gone, he threw himself onto the bed and cried in embarrassment and shame. How could he have done that after all the kindness she had shown him? Certainly she would never be able to look at him again, much less talk to him. He had ruined his first friendship outside of Mideel and he wouldn’t forgive himself for a long time to come.

Tifa stood in the hall, her knees weak and hands shaking in her upset state. She needed Cid, now. After running to his door she didn’t even bother to knock and just let herself in.

Cid was sitting on the edge of his bed smoking, watching the television. He had stripped down to his boxers and a tee shirt and looked up without any surprise at Tifa being there. "I was wondering how long it would take you to show up tonight."

She went over to him and knelt, putting her arms around him. The tears still stung her eyes and her breaths came in short gasps. "Oh Cid, I’ve done something awful…"

He rolled his eyes before putting his arms around her in return. Cid was getting tired of being the ‘girlfriend’ that Tifa always came crying to. It was emasculating, but he would subject himself to it for the sheer fact that he loved Tifa as dearly as one could love a friend. "Come on, what happened?"

"I… I went to check on Jaras and… and I kissed him." She sobbed.

"Oh come on, that’s not so bad." Cid really didn’t know what to say. But he had noticed the way Jaras had been looking at Tifa since they met and he wasn’t surprised that he had made a move on her. "I kind of had a feeling he was into you."

"But that doesn’t make it okay! Vincent will never forgive me." Tifa burrowed deeper into Cid’s chest.

"God damn it." Cid pulled the cigarette from his lips and dropped it down into the ashtray at his side. "Vincent don’t need to know, and it’s not your fault. He took advantage of you, and I feel like an ass for not warning you."

She looked up at him. "Not warning me?"

"Aw fuck, Tifa." Cid furrowed his brow. "He’s been undressing you with his eyes ever since we hooked up in Mideel. He’s lousy at hiding his feelings if even I can see what he’s thinking."

"Oh…" She nuzzled back into Cid. "I didn’t even notice all this time. I thought he just was upset over finding out who he was and all the other stuff that’s happened."

"Well sure, that’s gotten to him to, but I still could see that you were on his mind too." He let his cheek rest against the top of her head. "But it’s all right, Tifa. You didn’t mean for it to happen and it didn’t go any further than that."

Tifa sighed. "Thanks Cid. But I will have to tell Vincent. There have to be no more secrets between he and I."

"Sue’s a big boy, I think he’ll be able to handle it just fine." Cid was sure that there was nothing that Tifa could do that would rip Vincent from her. After seeing all the bullshit Lucretia had put him through, it was obvious that Vincent was too damned stubborn to give up when it came to love. "You probably should talk to Sephy about this though. Make it clear to him that you aren’t interested so he doesn’t try it again. Poor bastard needs to find his own woman. You belong to Vincent… and me."

Tifa smiled at him widely. "Don’t let Vincent hear you say that."

He shrugged. "Someone’s got to take care of you while he’s sleeping. Too bad I have to take off tomorrow."

Tifa’s grin fell, she didn’t want Cid to go. "Oh, yeah. Shera needs you, though."

"I just hope she didn’t go and have the damned kid while I was gone. That would be just like her, I guess. Do it just to piss me off." Cid almost laughed. "Angel will just have to watch out for you. Keep you under lock and key, you temptress."

"Oh shut up!" Tifa said jokingly.

"You’re the one who seems to keep attracting the winners." He smiled down at her. "Now, I have to leave bright and fucking early tomorrow so can we get to sleep?"

Tifa nodded and wiped the last of the moisture from her face. "Okay."

They climbed beneath the sheets together and settled in. Cid slept the entire night spooned up against Tifa with his arm draped over her. She felt so safe and at ease within his strong grip that she soon drifted off to sleep.