Guilt’s Cost: Part CVIII

Weakness

The baby slept for about an hour during that first nap. Cid managed to choke down most of what Tifa had made for his breakfast and later moved into the family room to sit on the couch. While he collapsed in front of the television Tifa went to the bedroom to see what needed to be done now that Shera’s body was gone.

The paramedics and doctor had been kind enough to take all the blood stained linens with them leaving the mattress stripped. There were still large swatches of crimson upon it, and Tifa knew that there was no way that those stains would ever come out. She mustered all of her strength and flipped the king-sized mattress making it at least usable until Cid was able to go buy a new one. Once that was done, she searched the closet in the hallway until she came up with another set of sheets for the bed and made it up. Afterward, she went out to the kitchen finding the bloodstain upon the linoleum from where Shera had originally fallen. She gathered some cleaning supplies and after several minutes of furious scrubbing Tifa had the floor again clean. Tifa made a quick inspection of the rest of the house searching for anymore evidence of this morning’s events knowing that she needed to get rid of them before Cid saw. In his emotionally fragile state the last thing he needed was to see his dead wife’s blood all over the house.

Once everything was cleaned Tifa noticed that the baby was up and took him out to his father. Cid readily accepted the child and held his son close as Tifa went out into the kitchen to make up a bottle. She made up the formula per its instructions and brought it back out, handing it to Cid before landing next to him on the couch.

He thanked her briefly before getting to the task of feeding his son. This was quickly becoming his favorite thing to do. There was something so incredibly soothing about watching the baby take its bottle and Cid was hit with a depth of emotion he had never felt before. He literally had to hold back his tears as the realization of exactly how much he loved this child set in.

Tifa put her arm around Cid’s shoulders as she sat beside him. "One of us is going to have to go to the store later. There isn’t much formula in that can and we’re gonna need more."

Cid snapped out of his reverie. "I’ll go after this. There’s something I need anyway."

Sitting this close to him Tifa was able to notice for the first time the clear plastic patch adhered to Cid’s upper arm. "You quit smoking, didn’t you?"

He immediately blushed from embarrassment. "So what if I did?"

"Oh my God, really?" Tifa smiled. "I knew something was up when you didn’t smoke during the entire wedding and reception. How long has this been going on?"

"Since we got back from Mideel." Cid locked his gaze onto the baby not wanting to have this discussion.

"Oh Cid, I’m so proud of you!" Tifa said, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Well don’t get too excited." He sighed. "I don’t think in light of recent circumstances I’m going to be able to keep it the fuck up."

"I understand." Tifa was disappointed to hear this but new that Cid was under an unnaturally high amount of stress at the moment. "You do whatever you have to in order to get through this."

"Thanks." Cid replied, happy that she wasn’t going to lecture him on the subject for the time being.

They continued to sit there in silence until the baby had finished his bottle. With that they went into the nursery to go change the infant. Tifa stood back and let Cid take care of it on his own knowing that he was too proud to want her help with this. She was pleasantly surprised to see that he got it done without too much trouble. They got the baby redressed in a sleeper and then tightly wrapped him in a blanket, as it seemed to soothe the wriggling infant. It wasn’t long before the baby seemed to fall back asleep.

Cid stared down at the drowsy infant in his arms. "Is he just gonna sleep and eat all the time?"

"At this age, yes." Tifa smiled.

"Oh." Cid carefully stooped over and placed the baby into its crib. He continued to stand looking over his son for a few moments before stepping back. "I guess I’ll go to the store now while he’s out."

"You’re sure you don’t want me to go?" Tifa offered. "You could use this time to rest."

"Hell no." Cid crossed his arms. "Like I said, there is something I need to get anyway."

"Okay." Tifa gave him a quick hug. "You want to at least get something else on?"

Cid looked down realizing that he was in the same thing (except with a clean shirt) he had been when Tifa had first arrived. He walked off to his room and got a little more appropriately dressed. Glancing at the bed he saw that Tifa had cleaned up and was grateful that she had spared him the task. I really don’t know what I would do without her.

Once he was ready, he went into the nursery to look at his boy one more time before stepping out. He reached down a gently stroked the blond wisp of hair upon the infant’s head, overwhelmed with how he felt for his baby. Cid loved this child so much it literally hurt and even though he had only had him for a few hours he couldn’t imagine life without him. "I really got fucking attached to you quick. I’m gonna raise you right though. I owe it to Shera. I will tell you everything about her. You couldn’t have asked for a better woman."

Tifa was coming down the hall but stopped when she heard Cid talking to the baby. She could hear the tears in his voice and was touched by his words. Tifa never would have expected such a thing to come from him. Quickly she retreated back to the kitchen not wanting to embarrass Cid by letting him know she’d listened.

The pilot dried his damp cheeks with the back of his hand and straightened up. He walked from the nursery and grabbed his wallet off the kitchen table. "See you in a bit."

"Okay." Tifa nodded not able to conceal her smile she still bore from eavesdropping. "I’ll take good care of him."

"Yeah, I know." He started to turn toward the door but looked back at her. "What the fuck you so happy about?"

"Nothing." She lied. "You’d better get that formula before he wakes up again."

"Sure." Cid narrowed his eyes as he threw his jacket around his shoulders and walked out the door. He strode straight to the drug store only about a quarter of a mile away. Life in Rocket was getting underway for the day around him and the few people that were out gave him sympathetic nods as he went by. The news of this morning’s events had traveled quickly through the town as did all news that concerned Cid.

He knew that the baby supplies were near the back counter of the store and he quickly grabbed a bigger can of formula than the one he had at home. Cid then went to the counter in the back where the pharmacist greeted him.

"Mr. Highwind, I am sorry to hear about your loss." The old man sighed.

"Yeah, uh, I need some more of that fucking gum." Cid said staring down at the can of formula in his hands.

The pharmacist nodded and quickly produced the requested item. "Would you like to pay for this here or up front?"

He took the package off the counter and turned away. "I’ll pay for it all up front."

Cid made another stop before the cooler in the store and picked up a case of beer. He knew he was going to need to drink in order to sleep tonight. With that now in his arms he went up to the cashier.

The checker was a young girl who was by far too shy to say anything to Cid irregardless of what he may have been through that morning. She started to ring up his items dropping the gum and formula in a bag only giving him occasional quick glances.

As Cid watched her, his eyes were uncontrollably drawn to the cigarette case behind her. He felt a sweat break across his skin as some all to familiar words automatically fell from his lips. "Throw in a pack of my usual."

The cashier silently complied, dropping the pack of cigarettes into his bag along with a pack of matches.

Cid was a little unnerved by what he was doing and looked over at the register to see his total. He pulled out his wallet and tossed the appropriate amount onto the counter before taking the bag and case of beer up into his arms and striding from the store.