Guilt’s Cost: Part CV

Feeding

Tifa walked over to where Cid was still struggling to open the bottle to make the formula. "Can I help?"

He looked at her with frustrated eyes and sighed. "You want to hold him while I get this god damned bottle ready?"

"Sure." Tifa gave him a smile as she took the baby into her arms. She watched as Cid finally got the bottle opened. He picked up the can of formula and read the side for a moment. "How much is this little bugger gonna need?"

"This small, probably just an ounce or two." Tifa said, remembering the habits of her other friend’s infants.

"Okay." Cid read some more before pulling the top off the canister and using the scoop within to place the needed amount into the bottle. He then went to the tap and put the appropriate level of water within. Once done, he placed the top back onto the bottle and shook it. He had used hot water and wondered if the temperature was right. Cid held the bottle out for Tifa’s inspection. "How’s that?"

She reached out a hand and felt the bottle, finding it to be the appropriate warmth. "Seems perfect."

Cid smiled at his success and went over and placed the bottle on the table before taking his son from Tifa. He sat down with the baby and picked up the bottle. "Okay, here goes."

Tifa went and sat next to him watching as he picked the bottle up and placed the tip against the baby’s lips. Fortunately, the infant was ready and quickly latched on. Cid couldn’t help but smile as he watched his son eat for the first time.

"He seems to like it." Tifa said, resting her elbows on the tabletop.

Mercifully, Cid was so absorbed in his son at the moment that he didn’t notice as the paramedics finally took Shera’s body from the house. After a while the tears returned to Cid’s eyes, although he continued to hold the bottle steady for the baby.

Upon seeing the pain return to Cid’s face, Tifa felt her own come up. "Cid?"

He sighed, not taking his gaze off his son. "It’s just that I always thought Shera would be doing this, you know."

"Oh," Tifa quickly wiped her tears away, as she knew she needed to be strong for him. "I’m really sorry, Cid."

He shrugged slightly, still watching the baby drink. "I don’t know what I’m going to do…"

She was speechless for a moment. Being faced with Cid of all people in such a situation made her ability to respond difficult. "If anyone can get through this Cid, it’s you. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known."

Cid tried to blink away the tears but it just caused them to fall down his cheeks. "I don’t feel like it right now. I never thought I’d be in this fucking situation in a million years."

"No one expects this." Tifa sighed; finding it strange that Cid was seeking solace in her. This role reversal was not welcome, as seeing Cid in pain like this was breaking her heart. "You don’t have to do this alone. Never forget that I’m here for you and I will do anything to help you."

He smiled up at her for a moment through his tears as he set the emptied bottle upon the table. "I’m so glad you’re here right now. If you weren’t I really don’t know how I would be doing. Thanks."

Tifa didn’t really know how to respond to that. Having Cid so openly depending on her for support was something very alien to her. It would take some doing to get used to it. "Hey, are you going to burp that baby or what?"

Cid looked down at the infant in his arms and raised his eyebrows. "Oh, yeah."

Tifa grinned despite herself as Cid awkwardly hoisted the newborn upon to his shoulder and began to tap it lightly on the back. He was trying so hard, but it was still obvious to Tifa’s eye that he didn’t know what he was doing. "Uh, Cid? You’ll need to pat him a little harder than that."

He narrowed his eyes and looked over at Tifa, unable to help himself from growing a bit defensive. "You want to do this?"

She shook her head, "No, I’m just saying, if you do it a little harder it will work better. I think that I’ve just had more experience at this than you. If I was learning to fly I would ask you for help."

"Oh," he suddenly felt somewhat bad at having bristled so quickly when all Tifa was trying to do was help. Having to learn from anyone had always been hard, but he was going to have to bow to Tifa’s superior knowledge on this subject. The well being of his son would depend on it. He let his hand meet the baby’s back with more force, and it wasn’t long before the baby did what it needed to do. Cid brought the child back down to his chest and made a face of complete disgust as he realized that the infant had done just a little more than burp. "Aw shit, he puked on me."

Tifa got up and retrieved a kitchen towel from the sink. She returned to Cid’s side and blotted the mess up from his shoulder. "It’s okay, Cid. He just had to spit up; they always do at this stage. Just put a towel over your shoulder next time, okay?"

"Oh Hell!" Cid got to his feet.

"What?" Tifa stepped back, surprised.

He turned to face her, and Tifa could see the source of his problem. The baby had done what babies do when fed, and there was a large wet spot soaking through the blanket and Cid’s shirt. "He peed on me."

"Come on, let’s go get a diaper on him and get you cleaned up." Tifa said, already making her way toward the nursery that Shera had set up several months before.

Tifa searched the room and found an unopened package of newborn diapers underneath the changing table. She pulled one out and waved Cid over. "Lay him down here and we’ll get him cleaned up."

He huffed and did as ordered, laying the baby, blanket and all onto the table before Tifa. "There you go."

Tifa put her hands on her hips and cocked her head. "Cid, if you think I’m doing this for you, you’re wrong. You need to learn."

"I need to go get a clean shirt." He said, disregarding her statement and walking from the room.

She sighed deeply and turned her attention to the squirming baby before her. "Same old Cid. I feel sorry for you, little guy. He’s not going to be an easy man to have as a father."

"I heard that!" Cid called out from a distance down the hall. "I’m gonna be the best mother fucking dad you ever saw."

Tifa couldn’t help but laugh. "First thing we need to do is clean up your father’s language, Little Cid."