Guilt’s Cost: Part CXXI

Comfort

Vincent awoke before Tifa and quietly got up from the bed and dressed. He left the room and walked the house, discovering that it was five thirty in the morning. Cid was sitting at the kitchen table with his son in his arms, offering him a bottle. The pilot barely took notice as Vincent pulled out a chair from the table and sat.

"He’s an early riser, huh?" Vincent sighed in a halfhearted attempt at levity.

Cid looked up from his task and cocked an eyebrow. "Why on God’s green Earth are you up?"

Vincent’s smile shattered and he slumped forward in the chair a little. "Couldn’t sleep anymore."

"You got Tifa back there in bed and you left?" Cid almost smiled. "There’s a huge surprise."

Vincent suddenly felt terribly uncomfortable and try as he might it was showing. He writhed slightly in his seat, trying to look away.

"What’s that about?" Cid didn’t miss a thing.

His current physical state was not something he wished to discuss with Cid of all people. "Nothing, never mind."

"Uh huh, I don’t think so." Cid set the now empty bottle onto the table and hoisted his son up to his shoulder for a burping. "What’s going on?"

Vincent locked gazes with Cid and knitted his brow. "I don’t want to discuss this with you."

"Why not?" Cid continued to pat his son on the back. "I think I’m just about the closest thing to a male friend you’ve got, am I right?"

The honesty of Cid’s statement made Vincent almost want to laugh. "Maybe you are, but still it is not something I’m comfortable talking about."

"Well Hell, Sue." Cid smirked. "With as much fucking girl talk Tifa’s forced me into lately, I almost can’t help myself but want to help you. But I ain’t extending my concern for you for its sake alone. I think if I can help Tifa by helping you then I owe it to her. She’s been a real good god damned friend to me, I want you to know that."

Vincent was taken aback by the sincerity in Cid’s words and almost found it frighteningly out of character. "Thanks, I think."

The baby finally did what Cid was waiting for and he lowered him from his shoulder and back into his arms. "Well it’s the truth. I know you got the wrong idea about how I feel for her and I want you to know that’s not the way it is. Tifa, for whatever ungodly reason is nice to me and very caring and I really appreciate it but my feelings for her don’t go beyond very deep friendship. That’s all and you can believe me when I say that. I would never do anything to compromise what she and you have."

This continued line of talk left Vincent in nothing short of shock. "Okay, thank you."

Cid shrugged. "Aw Hell, I just don’t want you worried over some stupid shit. So now it’s your turn. What’s going on with you?"

Vincent swallowed hard and hung his head. "I guess you can see that Hojo took my right arm and rebuilt my left one."

"Yeah, so I know that isn’t enough to want you to run from bed." Cid rocked his son gently.

"Well, no you’re right." Vincent sighed and steeled himself. "I’m all artificial from the chest down. Just a machine."

Cid narrowed his eyes in thought. He was fairly certain what Vincent meant but needed to make it absolutely clear. "So you’re saying you can’t, uh, do your husbandly duties?"

"Yeah." Vincent’s shame was tangible.

Cid raised his eyebrows as his pity for Vincent took on a whole new meaning. "God damned guy, I’m sorry."

"It’s okay." He slumped even further into his chair.

"You know, Sue," Cid looked down to notice that his son had drifted back off to sleep. "I don’t think Tifa cares."

Vincent just looked up at him.

"If she did, I’m sure she would have said something or at least given some hint to me over the last few days and she hasn’t." Cid was becoming proud at how well he was being able to pull off this ‘emotional’ talk. "That girl is screwed up and loves you, I can’t figure out why but she does. You’re gonna have to learn to live with that someday you know."

Vincent broke into a smile as Cid’s true nature was finally creeping out. "Thanks."

Cid carefully got up from the table trying not to disturb the sleeping baby in his hold. "No problem. I’m gonna see if the kid will sleep just a little longer. I’ve been up with him a lot all night and I’m still wiped. See you in a bit."

He watched as Cid retreated back to his own room and thought about what he had said. After several moments, Vincent too rose from the table and walked silently out to the family room to check on his own son.

To Vincent’s surprise, Jaras was awake and sitting on the refolded couch reading a book in the dim light of a single lamp. Vincent made his way over to him and sat.

Jaras smiled and pulled off his reading glasses. "Hello."

"Couldn’t sleep either?" Vincent asked.

He laughed slightly to himself. "I’ve been having some rather bad dreams if you can imagine and after the baby started crying this last time, I decided just to get up and read for a while."

"Oh." Vincent nodded. "Memories getting to you, huh?"

"Yeah." Jaras placed his glasses and his book onto the coffee table. "I can remember everything for the most part now and I hate it. That last episode last night brought it all back."

"I’m sorry." He placed his metallic right hand onto Jaras’ knee. "This must be awful for you."

He raised his eyebrows. "It is, but it makes me wonder why you, Tifa, and everyone else have been so kind to me. I don’t deserve it after all that I did."

"But that wasn’t you Jaras, and we know it." Vincent stared into his son’s eyes. "We know it was the Jenova and Hojo’s influence. It wasn’t your fault."

Jaras shook his head. "I don’t know, its like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like at some point I’m going to go insane and start all of that again."

"You won’t Jaras." He smiled faintly. "I won’t let you. I didn’t just finally get you in my life as my son to lose you to that kind of crap. We will get Hojo soon, and then all of that can be put behind you once and for all."

"I hope so." Jaras sighed. "I really do."