Guilt’s Cost: Part LXV

Vincent’s Past

Reno walked up to Tifa and Vincent. "So, I guess the old man will be in there for a while."

"Yes." Vincent replied, his human arm draped around Tifa. "So I guess you’ll be escorting Tifa and I from now on."

"Hell no." Reno scoffed. "I’ve got a life to live. You two do whatever you want. Maybe this is stupid of me, but I ain’t afraid of Chaos. If he starts to cause any shit, you guys can get a hold of me. Tseng gave you one of those transmitters, didn’t he, Tifa?"

She reached into a pocket and pulled it out. "Yeah he did."

Reno pulled a pager from his pocket and hit a button on it. "From now on if anyone signals for Tseng, I’ll get the message until he’s back in commission. Just keep your pants on this time so if you need it, you can reach it."

Tifa flushed in embarrassment. "Okay."

"Good." Reno turned to Jaras. "I think they need some private time, so why don’t you and I go get a bite to eat?"

Jaras agreed silently. He really didn’t feel much like eating, but he did need to get away from Tifa for a while. Just being around her was hard for him.

Reno and Jaras left and Tifa and Vincent went back to their room. They at once fell back into each other’s arms. Tifa’s lips met his again, with just as much passion and desperation as before. He slid his human hand under her shirt, allowing it to dance across her soft skin.

Tifa gasped and took a step back. Her eyes darted away from Vincent who stood with his arms still stretched out toward her.

He furrowed his brow in hurt and confusion. "Tifa?"

She drew her hands up to her chest and turned away from him. "We can’t…"

"Oh…" His excitement began to dwindle. "You’re still hurt?"

Although that was one reason, there was more to it than that. "Yes, but I think maybe we shouldn’t for a while anyway."

Vincent sat down on the edge of the bed, a knot welling up within his stomach. "You’re scared of me, aren’t you?"

She remained glued to her spot, although she wanted to go to his side. "It’s not that I’m scared of you, but I’ll need some time to get over what Chaos did."

Vincent felt a sting within his heart. "I’m sorry that happened, I didn’t mean to lose control of him like that."

"I know, Vincent." She finally managed to move and she sat next to him. "It wasn’t your fault, but there was a time in my past when something else happened to me, and it just brought back some memories…"

The thought that someone else had done something similar to her in the past filled Vincent with a protective ferocity. "Who?"

"It was just a bunch of boys back home in Nibleheim. It happened when I was fourteen, right after my mom died." Tifa rested her head against his shoulder.

"You can tell me if you want." Vincent placed his human arm around her, wishing to take all the pain away from her.

"They pulled me down an alley and… you know." Tifa felt a burn in her eyes.

"God Tifa, I’m sorry, I didn’t know." He brought his metallic hand up and stroked her hair.

"No one did for a long time, except for Cloud. He found me in the alley with them and he drove them off." Tifa felt comforted confessing this to Vincent. "I think that’s when I started to love him."

"Because he rescued you?" Vincent asked.

"Yeah, it was kind of one of those knight in shining armor moments. I guess I wanted to believe that he had saved me because he loved me." Tifa sighed. "It never crossed my mind that maybe he had just saved me because it was the right thing to do. That was the day that I started to read a lot more into his actions than may have actually been there."

Vincent didn’t know what to say in response. Maybe it was time for him to admit something as deeply personal about his own life to her. "There is something that happened to me when I was about that age too. It was a little different, but maybe it means something."

Tifa looked up into his eyes, finding hurt there. "You can tell me anything."

"All right then." He was recalling a memory that he had almost completely suppressed. "Remember after the first time that we… you know, were together that I said it was only my third time?"

"Yes." Tifa answered quietly. "I remember."

"Well, I guess you’ve figured out by now that one of the other times was with Lucretia, but the first time…" His voice trailed off as the memories flooded back.

"Go on." She gently urged him.

"Right after I was sent to live in Midgar with my uncle I turned fifteen." Vincent closed his eyes. "He wasn’t a very good person. He was a raving drunk and held a deep resentment for the fact that his sister, my mother, had married a Wutain and he was determined not to let me grow up Wutain. But one night he came home from work with some strange woman. My uncle told me to go to my room, that he had gotten me something for my birthday, something that was going to help me not grow up ‘a Wutain faggot’, I think those were his exact words."

"Oh, that’s terrible!" Tifa nuzzled into him. "Talking to a kid like that…"

"Well, it gets worse." He slouched. "I went to my room as ordered, figuring that he was planning on having a good time with his prostitute for the evening. A little while later, the woman walked into my room and shut the door. I didn’t know what was going on and I just sat there on the edge of my bed staring. She turned off the light. My room was dark to the point that it was impossible to see. After a while, she came over to me and pushed me back on the bed."

Tifa reached up and wiped away a tear that was trailing down his cheek. "He’d brought her home for you?"

"Yeah." He sighed deeply, trying to find the strength to go on. "She started to undress me. I was too terrified and confused to do anything, and I just laid there. I felt her touch me, and I tried weakly to get away, but she wasn’t going to let me go. She told me to be a good boy and give her what she wanted. The only problem was that I didn’t really know what she wanted. My life before moving to Midgar had been kind of sheltered. She kept touching me until my body started to react involuntarily. I was sick to my stomach, I knew what was happening was wrong, but there was nothing I could really do. I knew if I did leave my room that my uncle would have beaten me and sent me back in, so I just stayed still. She climbed on top of me and forced me into her. Everything that happened after that was just reflex, and once she realized that I had… finished, she got up and left."

There was such an expression of shame and pain on his face that Tifa knew how much that experience had scarred him. "I’m sorry…."

"I know it’s nothing compared to what you went through, but it happened." Vincent’s voice trembled just the smallest bit.

"No Vincent! Rape is rape; it doesn’t matter how it happens. How could your uncle willingly subject you to that?" Tifa was angry at the very idea.

"He wasn’t exactly a nice guy." Vincent almost smiled. "That’s probably why I joined Shin Ra a year later, just so I could get away from him. After their basic training and testing, they decided that I had the aptitude to become a Turk, and the rest is history."

"Vincent?" Tifa wiped the last of his tears away.

He looked down at her, seeing the kindness in her eyes. "Yes?"

"Thank you for telling me that. I feel better knowing that you understand." Tifa kissed his cheek.

"I will wait until you’re ready again. Don’t give it another thought, okay?" He said, pulling her closer.

"Thank you." Tifa let her lips meet his again.