Guilt’s Cost: Part VIII

Revelation

Vincent stepped out of the cabin closely followed by Tifa. They made their way toward the bridge of the submarine, where they found Tseng and the helmsman.

Tseng smiled to see them. "Out for a little walk, I see."

"Well there really isn’t too much to do back in the room." Vincent said, averting his eyes.

Tseng cocked an eyebrow, having an idea that Tifa and his brother already had done everything there was to do in the room. "Yes, I suppose."

Vincent stared out through the view window into the darkness. Every few seconds a light on the exterior of the sub would blink, illuminating alien fish that swam close by. "How deep are we?"

The helmsman replied. "All the way at the bottom, Sir."

Tseng stepped next to his brother. "You really hate this don’t you?"

"Yeah." Vincent shrugged. "Go figure. After all the time we spent as kids on dad’s fishing boat, I still grow up to hate the ocean."

Tseng hung his head. "I can barely remember that boat. There is very little that I do remember about father at all."

Vincent nodded. "It was a long time ago, wasn’t it?"

"Yes." He replied shortly. "Did you have a choice to stay or leave after he died? It seems like you left awfully quick."

"My mother’s brother wanted to take custody of me. Since your mother’s family were not my blood relatives, I didn’t get much of a choice. I wish we could have stayed together. I did my best to stay in contact with you afterwards." Vincent glanced over his shoulder to spot Tifa examining a control panel.

"And you did a good job of it." Tseng smiled weakly. "I always looked up to you as my brother."

"I know. That’s why you joined the Turks after you were old enough." Vincent sighed.

"That is correct. But right after I got to Midgar, they sent you to Nieblhim, and I didn’t see you for quite awhile until I got sent there, too. Right before Sephiroth was born, if my memory serves me right." He said locking gazes with his brother.

The pain of that time flashed across Vincent’s face. "You remember well."

"I have hated myself all these year for allowing us to grow apart to where we found ourselves on opposing teams. I let myself forget that we were brothers." Tseng’s face was graced with a hint of shame.

Vincent lowered his voice and leaned a little closer to Tseng. "There was just a bit more to growing apart as far as your loyalty to the Turks by the time Rufus was president."

Tseng went pale. "What do you mean?"

"You and Rufus." Vincent whispered. "I know about that."

Disbelieving that the specter of his homosexuality had been raised, Tseng stuttered. "H-How? He demanded that everything was kept secret, fearing that it might mar his image as the president, already having a hard enough time as it was being so young."

"I am your brother, of course I knew." Vincent didn’t want to make Tseng uncomfortable. "Even before Rufus was killed I had an idea. But after he died, I could see the pain you were in. It doesn’t bother me who you choose to love, but it does bother me to see you as hurt as you were."

Tseng embraced his brother. "Once he was gone, I was able to see so much more clearly what Shin Ra really stood for. I also came to appreciate that he was using me to assure the loyalty of the Turks. I think he may have had genuine feelings for me, but overall I know now that part of it was to keep me at his side. As long as I was devoted to him, then he would be safe."

"I’m sorry to hear that." Vincent said as his brother finally let him go. "In the end though, no one was able to protect him from his own selfishness."

Tseng nodded. "Exactly. I couldn’t save him from what he and his company had brought about. I still can’t believe that I wasn’t there when weapon attacked, I would have been killed, too."

"I’m glad you weren’t." Vincent smiled.

Tifa, finally having grown board with her exploration of the bridge stepped up to the two men, realizing that she had come during an awkward moment. "Uh, hey."

Vincent placed his arm around her. "We were just catching up on old times, huh Tseng?"

He simply nodded, before stepping back toward the helmsman.

"When will we get to our destination?" Tifa asked.

Tseng eyed a monitor briefly. "Just a few more hours. Our base is located under Costa Del Sol. Our subterranean base is invisible to Shin Ra satellites, and they are unable to spy on our communications there. It is its location that will prevent Tifa’s signals from being heard."

Tifa was interested to hear this. "And how long do you suppose I will have this implant?"

Tseng shrugged. "It’s hard to say. Our researchers will have to give you a thorough evaluation first. We have removed implants from others before, but Shin Ra has gotten more increasingly clever with their attachments. We know yours is in your spinal column, making it a difficult removal. If we tampered with it before knowing exactly what we are doing, we would risk paralyzing you."

Tifa shuddered at the thought. "Then take your time."

Vincent pulled her closer. "He will make sure you aren’t harmed."

Tseng knew that statement was not only meant to comfort Tifa, but to threaten him as well. There was clearly a part of Vincent that trusted no one completely. "We have our best working on it. I hate to end this conversation, but I have some work to do. If you will excuse me, I am going to my quarters."

Vincent and Tifa resumed gazing out the window as Tseng retreated. They both became lost in their respective memories, and a silence fell over them.

Tifa was lost in thought over her lost baby. She had wanted nothing more in her life than to have a child, and when that goal finally seemed within her reach, it was taken from her. She had been afraid to try to conceive after the miscarriage, for fear that it might happen again. There was no way she thought her heart could take going through that again. Now she knew that the miscarriage wasn’t her fault, and that there was every possibility that she could have another child. Now she found herself with Vincent. A man who had been genetically altered, and would never be able to give her the child she so desperately wanted. Part of her writhed in the cruel irony of it all. The alternative means of getting a child left her with an empty feeling. She wanted a child with the man she loved, and that wasn’t possible. Adoption and artificial insemination just seemed so unreal to her.

Vincent too was pensive. Thoughts of what life may have been like if his family had stayed together back in Wutai. Back when he was young, it was a much different place. A humble fishing community isolated from the rest of the world. It had been boring to him as a child; too peaceful for his liking. Vincent had thus grown up with a yen for the big city and the exciting life it offered. Only after his uncle took him into Midgar did he realize that his expectations of city life had been a little off. Being cast into the dark and depressing place that was Midgar didn’t help him escape the reality of his parents’ death, and it was at that young age that he was cast into his everlasting depression. He knew that he should have set a better example for Tseng. If he hadn’t taken the job with the Turks, both their lives would have been different and very likely better. Vincent would still be normal, and Tseng wouldn’t have been twisted to the point of turning his back on the idol he had so admired as a child. He longed to be able to turn back the clock and find himself sitting on the floor of his childhood home in front of the fire with Tseng curled up on his lap as he read to his younger brother from some long forgotten story book.