Forgetting
By Drama
Mulder may be able to forget all about it, but I can't.
He came to my apartment with some Italian food and a case file, not an uncommon event in itself. I'm not sure exactly what did it, but everything just seemed right at the time. We had abandoned the case and started talking over wine, not shoptalk, just little insignificant things about our lives: school, first jobs, just things that didn't really matter that we'd never really talked about before.
He really listened that night, and spoke truthfully. I don't think I've ever seen anything more alluring in a man. I was a little buzzed from the alcohol, but I knew exactly what I was doing when I kissed him. I guess I surprised myself a little with my boldness. Everything just blurred after my lips touched his. I told him I loved him, and I meant it.
I slept the best I had in years wrapped up in his arms. It was so warm, his skin next t mine, cuddling in the dark. It's one of my favorite memories, and my most painful.
I woke up alone and cold without so much as a note from Mulder when he left.
I was so worried, so scared that he'd just brush it off, pretend it didn't happen and want to leave or try to stay and ignore it. I called him, trying not to sound too desperate. I said we needed to talk, and we did. I tried his cell phone when he didn't answer but it was turned off. Hours passed and he didn't call me, and I got nervous, so I did hat I always do when I'm nervous about Mulder: I cleaned my apartment. 3 hours and a bottle of 409 later, my apartment sparkled and my phone had yet to ring.
I tossed and turned all night, trying to get comfortable. I kept getting these images in my head of Mulder telling me how sorry he was, what a mistake we made and how we should just forget about it every time I closed my eyes.
I came into the office the next morning red eyed and angry.
I told him we needed to talk and the look of a deer trapped in a semi's headlights flashed on his face.
He sounded so nonchalant as he dismissed everything that happened between us and I wanted to rip his head off. It was like talking to a stranger. I told him how I felt and fought back the tears stinging in my eyes. If he was going to distance himself from me, he'd might as well get the full job. I closed myself off, wouldn't let him affect me outwardly, but inside, my heart was a mess.
I went home and cried as I typed my resignation.
I stayed as far away as possible after I left. My new job as the head of the forensic lab was grueling, but it helped me focus, and forget.
I heard he got a girlfriend, some bimbo named Jenna from the secretarial pool. Big boobs, big hair, little brain: in other words, just his type. What made it worse was the fact that I constantly heard about it from Ella, my assistant, also known as the biggest gossip in the Bureau.
Finding Drew wasn't intentional, more of a chance meeting on a particularly bad day. I felt like I needed to get out after a full ten hour day in the lab, so I went down to The Living room. a cute little coffee shop close to my apartment. I was sitting there, sipping a decaf cappuccino when he came over and sat next to me. Something possessed me to introduce myself, so I did.
I'm Drew" he said, flashing a grin at me. We connected in a way and I needed someone to ground myself with so I agreed to go to dinner with him the following night.
Drew was a good looking guy, not too tall, blonde, and he had gorgeous hazel eyes. Mulder's eyes. I kept on catching myself making comparisons between drew and Mulder and I stopped myself. Drew was not Mulder. Mulder was a jerk who decided I meant nothing to him. Drew was sweet, buying me flowers, calling me constantly. He took me out to lunch when I was having a bad day. At least I knew Drew cared about me. I was reluctant at first to get close to Drew, but I realized that it was time to take my mind off of Mulder. I desperately needed a distraction, and Drew was definitely that.
I remember the first time I woke up with Drew. He was lazily propped up on one elbow, watching me sleep with a drowsy grin on his face.
"Good morning, beautiful." He said, and I wanted to cry.
One Saturday morning, I slept in a little later than usual because drew had the whole morning free to be with me, so we took advantage of the time alone. Drew left at about eleven and shortly thereafter, I took the elevator downstairs to pick up the previous day's mail. As usual, the elevator slowly rambled down the three floors and my eyes were drawn to a new dent in the metal wall.
"Jeez" I said to no one in particular. "wonder how that got there."
The woman standing next to me in the elevator was Annie Ruhland. She lived three doors down from me and I swear, she should work for law enforcement, she does so much surveillance. She knows everything that goes on in the complex.
"Oh, that friend of yours banged his fist on the wall."
"You mean Drew?" I was puzzled, Drew left in a very good mood.
"No, not your boyfriend. This one stopped coming for a while. Tall, dark and brooding, gis nose's kinda big, but real pretty eyes."
No please no not that anything but that
"Didn't he used to be your partner or something?"
Dammit! "Mulder was here" I swear, just when I start to forget him…
"That's his name! Mulder. Yeah, he was here this morning, coming down the elevator from your floor. I assumed that you and he…"
"I never even knew he was here"
"He was real mad, didn't even see me. He slammed his fist into the wall and left that dent."
Mulder was here this morning. Oh God, Drew stayed in with me this morning and he must have overheard. My heart sank into my chest. I knew I should have been desensitized to Mulder, but something in my heart knew I couldn't forget, no matter how hard I tried.
Fin part 2