Emil and Zoe: I dunno, but I sure hope he stayed away from the - heh heh - *landmines* and junk!
SQUEEZE
Tom Colton: At this point I'm willing to accept any theory as to why the chicken crossed the road--any sane theory. I'm sorry, Dana, but I only want qualified chickens at the intersection.
Eugene Tooms: Mmm...pate...
Det. Frank Briggs: I've been waiting...sixty years...for the chicken to cross that road.
CONDUIT
Darlene Morris: Why do you want to know? So that the chicken can face the same ridicule I did years ago when *I* crossed the road? You stay away from my chicken.
THE JERSEY DEVIL
Ellen: Well - first it had to get a life. And...a rooster.
Rob: I don't know, but I don't suppose you want to hear about the finer points of the estate planning and taxation?
GHOST IN THE MACHINE
Brad Wilczek: Chickens enjoy walking down unpredictable avenues, turning new corners, but, as a general rule, chickens never cross roads.
FALLEN ANGEL
Commander Henderson: Get this chicken out of my sight!
Woman at the U.S. Space Surveillance Center: The chicken seems to be hovering over a small road in eastern Wisconsin.
EVE
Eves: It just knew.
FIRE
Phoebe Greene: Did the chicken have a date, 'cause if not... I could always...
Cecil L'ively: It was dying for a cigarette.
BEYOND THE SEA
Luther Lee Boggs: I can see... the chicken; yes, the chicken, is in pain, great pain, and oh god! The Road! He's going to cross the road!!
GENDERBENDER
Brother Andrew: The chicken left its peaceful community of brothers and sisters and crossed the road to become one of you . . . to enjoy pleasures we can't.
Michael: The road's touch was electric....but after that, the chicken remembers, only vaguely. Crossing the road used to be so simple!
LAZARUS
Jack Willis: I don't know....I think I remember why it crossed the road... No! No! I don't care about that chicken anymore!!!
YOUNG AT HEART
John Barnett: [breath] Man... I'm *everywhere* that chicken is... [breath]
MIRACLE MAN
Rev. Cal Hartley: The chicken crossed to be HEALED! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! GOD is with the chicken! Amen...
SHAPES
Indian man: He should have been called... Feathered Chicken... or Flying Chicken, not Crossing Chicken.
DARKNESS FALLS
Doug Spinney: The chicken crossed the road because its natural habitat was being methodically destroyed by clearcuts and illegal logging... within ten years, we won't have any forests *or* chickens left!
BORN AGAIN
Michelle Bishop: *I* made the chicken cross the road.
Detective Sharon Lazard: There's no way the chicken crossed the road on its own. I've known that chicken for years, and it would never do that.
ROLAND
Roland: Chickens cross roads. But they're not supposed to get run down.
Season 2
BLOOD
Ed Funsch: It was ordered to by its microwave oven.
DUANE BARRY
Duane Barry: I don't know... it just had to go...Please, I'm askin' ya not to stop it from crossing the road... it just has to go!!!!!!!
"3"
Kristin Kilar: The chicken won't cross the road. It's not who he is. It doesn't make him happy.
AUBREY
BJ Morrow: It saw a dog digging in the field across the road.
IRRESISTIBLE
Donnie Pfaster: Were its feathers normal, or dry?
Agent Bocks: It shot across the road to see what's the what.
Karen Kosseff: (speaking to the chicken) How does crossing the road make you feel? What are your fears about crossing the road? Are you afraid of failing the rooster?
COLONY/END GAME
The Gregors: That chicken was the last remaining. Unless you protect it, it is already dead.
Rev. Sistrunk: You're asking me if chicken roasts on hell's barbecue for crossing the road?
FEARFUL SYMMETRY
Sophie the Gorilla: Chicken go crossing road.
HUMBUG
Mr. Nutt: Just because you have a chicken, you automatically assume that it will cross the road? In an attempt to continue an age-old joke that never had any humor in the first place, you've only managed to further trample on the subject... and draw it out in all its mediocrity. When in fact - do you really know if the chicken had better things to do than simply cross the road? That perhaps it may have gone off to study, to gain a better life? But no, you just took the simple framework of common knowledge, and *assumed* that the chicken would cross the road, thus increasing an already cliched stereotype.
The Conundrum: [burp]
Dr. Blockhead:It's a mystery. And some mysteries were never meant to be solved.
THE CALUSARI
Charlie/Michael Holvey: The chicken wants to cross the road, Mommy. *Now*.
OUR TOWN
Workers at Chaco Chicken: A chicken? That wasn't a chicken, that was the Mayor...
ANASAZI
CC's FBI Agent: The chicken crossed the road? Wasn't the chicken originally assigned to remain at the *side* of the road?
Season 3
THE BLESSING WAY/PAPER CLIP
Albert Hosteen: There is an ancient Indian saying that a chicken lives only as long as the last person that remembers it crossing the road.
Dr. Pomerantz: The chicken told me about its experience of crossing the road... It was afraid... but it didn't die. Someone must have cared for the chicken... It had to get back to that safe place we talked about.
Luis Cardinal: We got the wrong chicken!
DPO
Darren Oswald: Because it was in for a little barbecue, heh-heh.
CLYDE BRUCKMAN'S FINAL REPOSE
The Stupendous Yappi: The chicken feels it is not in control of its own destiny. It has feathers - somewhere on its body. It recently laid an egg - or not.
Clyde Bruckman: Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do any of us do anything? Why did he choose that exact moment to cross the road, thus leaving a slight indentation in the surface...that, fifty years later, causes a man driving a blue sports car to hit it, and spin off the road, spiraling to his death...
Madame Zelma: Madame Zelma, she is a fortune-teller, NOT a chicken keeper.
THE LIST
Napleon "Neech" Manley: To avenge all the petty tyranny and the cruelty it has suffered.
2SHY
Virgil Incanto: Mmm... Schmaltz.
OUBLIETTE
Lucy Householder: I don't know nothin' about no chicken. If I'm your last hope...then that chicken's in a lot more trouble than you think.
NISEI/731
Japanese diplomat: To be fitted out for a pillowcase.
WAR OF THE COPROPHAGES
Dr. Bambi: To eat, sleep, defecate, procreate. Who cares about the road...what bugs did the chicken eat for lunch?
Dr. Ivanov: I don't know much about... *chickens*. What is it?
Stoner Guy: Woah, man. The chicken's crawling up inside your arm. That's wrong, dude.
SYZYGY
Det. White: To solve the mystery of the horned chicken.
Terri: The chicken killed Mr. Tippy!!
Margi: Hate him, hate him, wouldn't wanna date him!
Madame Zirinka: You want me to tell you why the chicken crossed the road? Business hours are nine to five, all major credit cards accepted.
GROTESQUE
Agent Bill Patterson: To really understand the chicken's motivation, you must get inside its head and risk letting the chicken into yours.
PUSHER
Robert Modell: The other side of the road looks very interesting. The sky looks so blue on that side. Cerulean blue. I bet you want to go to the other side of the road. The chicken's right over there, waiting. Go on, cross the road...
Holly: I don't know why the chicken did it! I'm so, so sorry, sir...I'm so sorry...
JOSE CHUNG'S FROM OUTER SPACE
Jose Chung: I interviewed the chicken several times, over the course of three weeks, and each time I interviewed him, I got a different answer! Truth is as subjective as reality! By the way, do you know if he prefers the term 'crosser' or 'transportee'?
The Men in Black: No object is more often mistaken for a chicken than the planet Venus. You never saw a chicken.
Det. Manners: Does anyone give a bleep why the bleepin' chicken crossed the road? Who the bleep cares? By the way, someone called to say they found a real live bleepin' chicken body.
Lord Kinbote: No harm will come unto the chicken. The chicken's efforts are needed for the survival of all earth-chickens. Come, I will showeth thee the chicken.
Lt. Jack Schaeffer: The chicken did NOT cross the road...the chicken did NOT cross the road...
Blaine Faulkner: It wasn't a chicken. It was a MIB sent in by the *proper authorities* disguised as a chicken, and it wasn't pulling it off. Like, it was yellow, but a little *too* yellow, you know?
QUAGMIRE
Stoner Dude: Mannn... 'cause there were all these arrows, and stuff....and they were just telling the chicken to go, man... just go....
Season 4
HOME
Mrs. Peacock: I kin tell you don't have no chickins of yer own. Otherwaz you'd unnerstan' the prad, the luv, whin you know yer chickins'd do anithin' fer their keeper.
Sheriff Andy Taylor: The day that chicken crossed the road... I knew the day had come and my home would never be the same...
Peacock Brothers: To raise and breed its own stock, if you know what I mean.
UNRUHE
Gerry Schnauz: Because it needed to get rid of the Howlers. Er hat unruhe....
THE FIELD WHERE I DIED
Melissa Riedal-Ephesian: Once, long ago, the chicken and I stood by this road - this is the road where I watched the chicken cross.
Sydney: I don't know why! Why don't you just leave the chicken alone! Leave it alone! It's already been through too much...
Mulder: Chickens and roads come back together...different, but always together...again and again...
PAPER HEARTS
John Lee Roche: I can tell you about the chicken... but you need to help me. I want a deal. Trust a chicken molester?
TUNGUSKA/TERMA
Member of Congress: Answer the question, Miss Road: Where is the chicken, and why is it not here?
EL MUNDO GIRA
Soledad Buente: Because his brother betrayed him.
NEVER AGAIN
Betty tattoo: Another chicken in my bed! If it crosses the road, it's dead!!!
Ed Jerse: Can you hear that? She's driving me crazy...She's so jealous...she hates it when chickens cross the road...
LEONARD BETTS
Leonard Betts: He's sorry. But the road had something he needed.
MEMENTO MORI
Dr. Scanlon: The chicken's going to feel like dying.
Kurt Crawford: I saw several chickens, and they were all wearing white lab coats and were headed for the Lombard Research Facility... After all, they want the same thing you want...
TEMPUS FUGIT/MAX
Sharon Graffia: The chicken wrote to me.. just before he crossed the road. He knew what was going to happen.
Sgt. Frisch: [nervous] I did it. I made the chicken cross the road.
Max Fenig: So, I've devoted my life to providing all you disbelievers out there with proof. Proof that there are chickens right now, as we speak, crossing the road in alien ships for purposes of a rather troubling agenda known only to the government, the FBI, and certain high-ranking members of the military/poultry community. Not that they'd ever admit it publicly... of course. Nor would they admit they have salvaged some of this poultry technology and are using it in military applications. No, that would be un-American. And they won't admit it until someone confronts them with unrefutable, undeniable proof. Someone like me. And I should probably mention that I do this at great risk to my personal health and safety. But, hey, when everyday is just another day you're going to be kidnapped by little feathered dudes from Foster Farms, what's a few CIA spooks to worry about?
SMALL POTATOES
Eddie Van Blundht: Let's just say hypothetically that the chicken did cross the road. Now if that's what the road wanted and nobody got hurt, then hypothetically where's the crime? [Hmmm...wonder if I can morph my skin to look like feathers?]
ELEGY
Chuck Forsch: Oooh! That was me, I did it! I admit it, I did it! I made the chicken cross the road! I'm just a human being after all!
GETHSEMANE
Michael Kritschgau: The chicken was an elaborate hoax all along, planted so that you would believe the lie that chickens existed.
Season 5
REDUX II
Samantha Mulder: I didn't want to come here. I was afraid to see the chicken. I have another life now...I have chickens of my own.
Dr. Zuckerman: I've seen chickens go very far to cross roads...farther than I can explain...but I wouldn't call it a miracle.
UNUSUAL SUSPECTS
Susanne Modeski: It wasn't paranoid enough.
Detective Munch: Don't give me that crap about the chicken! Do I look like Geraldo to you? I'm *not* Geraldo!
Frohike: Because its Kung-Fu was the best.
DETOUR
Michele Fazekas: It couldn't have been a chicken. The weight distribution is all wrong. Look how it walks on the balls of its feet as it crosses the road.
Agent Kinsley: To build a tower of furniture.
Agent Stonecypher: It didn't want to miss the wine and cheese social.
POST MODERN PROMETHEUS
Shaineh (Izzy's Mom): It wanted to get on the Jerry Springer Show.
KITSUNEGARI
Linda Bowman: Why should it wait when it had true love on the other side? You never know how much time you're going to have.
CHINGA
Demon Doll: It wanted to play.
Jack Bonsaint: Ah Yuh. Well, that was never really explained to anyone's satisfaction. Maybe you can help us out.
Melissa Turner: You don't understand! I've seen things. I saw the chicken cross the road *before* it crossed the road. I saw it there in frozen foods!
Jane Frolich: That chicken's a witch as sure as I'm standin' here and now it's crossing roads...our ancestors would have known what to do. They would have burned the demon right out of that chicken before it crossed any more roads.
Old Fisherman: You ask that kind of question around here and you get as many stories as you have fishermen. The eyes play tricks at night, but the moment I saw that chicken, I knew.
KILL SWITCH
Esther Nairn/Invisigoth: Are you going to take these cuffs off, or does the chicken have to cross the road with its tongue?
BAD BLOOD
Sherriff Hartwell: We used to have chickens 'round here, but the EPA made us take to callin' 'em dinner.
Scully: The chicken is arguably having a worse time crossing the road than I am. Liver - 3 ounces, tissue appears healthy. Feathers - 20 ounces, tissue appears healthy. Beak - 5 ounces, yadda yadda yadda...
Mulder: There are as many chickens crossing the road as there are stories about them. But one thing that all the legends have in common is the obsessive/compulsive nature of the chicken. If they see a road, they must cross it.
Ronnie Strickland: Aw man, why'd you have to show me that road? You're going to be in a lot of trouble once I get done crossing it!
THE RED AND THE BLACK
Scully: Oh my god...oh my god...the chickens...they're crossing the road...the road...OH MY GOD!!!!
TRAVELERS
Secretary: The chicken crossed the road because it ran out of room on the freeway.
MIND'S EYE
Marti Glenn: I hate the way the chicken crosses.
FOLIE A DEUX
Gary Lambert: The chicken crossed the road because its boss IS A
MONSTER! CAN'T YOU SEE IT?
Mulder: Oh, so I'm Chicken Boy, right?
THE END
Gibson Praise: The chicken crossed the road? I never get good entertainment like that in the Phillipines. You know, chickens think about crossing the road all the time, but they're worried about what the other chickens are thinking, when really all the other chickens are worried about what other chickens think. The chicken is thinking about one of the two roads it's crossed. But it doesn't want me to say which one.
X-Files: Fight the Future
Stevie: (in thick Texas accent) No way, buttmunch! Get your own chicken!
The Bartender: That about does it. I think the chicken's lucky number is 86.
Mulder: I don't know if I want to cross the road alone. I don't even know if I can. And if I quit now, the chicken wins.
Dr. Ben Braunschweig: Sir? You know the impossible chicken we didn't have a plan for? Well, we'd better come up with a road.
Child on Bike: That wasn't no chicken. Looked more like a traveling salesman...
Well-Manicured Man: *GO*, Agent Mulder! Find that chicken! Only then will you realize the scope and grandeur of the road!
Dr. Alvin Kurtzweil: They blew up the building to hide the fact that the chicken had ALREADY crossed the road.
Writers & Miscellaneous
Chris Carter: You'll have to wait until the movie comes out to find out.
Howard Gordon: Because it was too tired to work anymore.
Morgan & Wong: Well, it had left this road to pursue another path, but it came to a dead end, so it returned home to the old road. Now that it was back on that road, though, it didn't seem the same, so eventually it saw a road that it really wanted to be on, and vowed that it would never again return to the original road.
Darin Morgan: Because he saw the comic potential of introducing such a novel concept.
John Shiban: Because it was being chased by El Chupacabra.
Vince Gilligan: Crossing the road was true to the chicken's nature. It was familiar, something that he had done before.
Fox censors: The chicken crossing the road is unacceptable!
Fanfic writer: Because Chris Carter wasn't letting it go anywhere, and it needed someone to let it cross.
X-Phile: Maybe the chicken is so fed up waiting for the %@#&*@ premiere that it decided to go play in traffic.
Non X-Phile: Who cares? It's just a stupid chicken! It's fictional! Why the heck are you so concerned about chickens, anyway? I just don't see what you see in this whole thing!
Shipper: The chicken and the road had undeniable chemistry and were fated to cross.
NoRoMo: I can't understand why you people can't be satisfied with the chicken walking by the side of the road. Why does the chicken have to cross the road? Why are you focusing on that? It would ruin the chicken!
Jackie St. George: To get a bottle of Labatt's.
