For those of you who met me at least once, you know how open I am about my sexuality. Well, I wasn't really happy with myself, and I said as much to one of my friends. I told him that I wanted to change, and he said he wanted it in writing. And so, came The Contract.
The Contract basically states that I will not act like a slut anymore, and that any sexual contact will not occur as a result of lust. Well, here; I'll just let you read it for yourself.
I, Audrey Wilson, will not act in any such manner that would bring to mind the words slut, whore, snatchmaster, trick, she who sleeps with everyone, skank, town bicycle and/or doorknob. This will entail stripping, casual sex, farm animal sex, but not lesbian sex. In any such way, I will change for the better and not bitch at J.P and give him farm animal sex...wait. If terms are violated then Audrey Wilson will become J.P's personal slave to wash dishes and give backrubs, and let me watch you have sex with your female friends.
Signed: Audrey E. Wilson
Signed: Jean-Paul Prieto
Witness: "The King" (Stephen Carey)
Amendment 1: Oral sex included as slutiness.
Amendment 2: All sexual contact to occur as a result of affection, not lust.
Amendment 3: All farm animel sex, i.e. horse, pig, sheep, chicken and cow will be video taped and submitted to J.P for reviewal and approval.
Amendment 4: Stephen is not The King, he is the "Transvestite Homosexual."
That's the contract, word for word. I know, I know. It was meant to be funny, but it aslo has the one serious clause; All sexual contact to occur as a result of affection, and not lust. That's really what the whole thing was about. Anyway, it's a change for the good, and I'm not sorry I signed the contract, though sometimes it can be damned inconvenient. But I really gotta thank J.P for caring enough about me that he'd want me to have it in writing, even though he owns me if I break it. But it's all for the greater good.