Today we will be examining the subject of: the phrase "a bird in hand is worth two in the bush" (it's more exciting than it sounds; trust me)
First and foremost I would like to apologize for taking so long to change this...I was on vacation last week so I didn't get the chance...
"A bird in hand
is worth two in the bush."
WHAT the heck?
A bird in hand? WHAT hand? WHOSE hand? Where did this
stupid HAND come from? And why would the owner of this hand THINK
to touch a filthy wild bird? Who KNOWS where that thing's been?!
It's not safe to go around messing with wild animals, you know. Truth
be told, this animal could easily be a harmless bird, but still, you don't
go around touching stray dogs, do you? You want to avoid skunks and
raccoons and the like altogether. WHY then, would you go around holding
a wild bird? It might start pecking at your flesh looking for a worm
and end up pulling out a vein or something. *momentary pause*
ooh. That's really gross. No, really. It's REALLY gross.
*shudder* But anywayz, I think I've made my point. You should
NOT go around picking up wild animals! And what's with this WORTH
thing? Wild birds are WORTH very little. They sing in the mornings.
*thickly sarcastic* Yay. Don't get me wrong: I happen to like birds.
It's just not summer until all those nice little birdies start singing
in the morning...speaking of which, they haven't been lately...but where
was I? Oh, yeah. These birds are NOT really WORTH much of anything.
They're nice to look at and little kids can get a real kick out of finding
a feather, but when you really come right down to it, these birds are not
worth much at all. Not money-wise, anywayz. And what is this
"two in the bush" stuff. I don't know about you, but the birds *I*
see DO NOT hang out in BUSHES! I see them in TREES. NOT in
bushes! I see them on the grass looking for worms or something, but
I don't think I've EVER seen a bird in a BUSH, and I've CERTAINLY NEVER
seen TWO birds casually meandering around in a bush. But let's put
the whole phrase together now. "A bird in hand is worth two in the
bush." What would be the point of holding this bird? Just what
is its VALUE as compared to these two little birdies in the bush?
Whatever do you intend to do with this bird which you have so unwisely
randomly picked up? Just what makes this ONE bird so much more valuable
than the TWO birds which for some reason have chosen to esconsce themselves
in this bush? What good is the bird in your hand? You caught
it and you may feel some pride in that, but if you are being honest with
yourself, this bird is worth nothing. It's not like you're gonna
cook it for dinner or something. You could pull out all its little
feathers and make a miniature headdress, but who would want THAT?
I personally would MUCH rather to have two little birds in a bush outside
my window singing than have a little miniature headdress and a featherless
bird. Of course, I am rather taking a very LITERAL meaning to this
phrase. I suppose that figuratively all it really means is that there
is more value in one thing if you are holding it and can use it than there
is value in two of the same thing that you don't have access to.
OK, when broken down in this manner, it makes PERFECT sense. WHY
then are these people trying to confuse the entire world by saying that
a bird in hand is worth two in the bush? Leave the FIGURATIVE language
for the POETRY! If you want those minutely-born suckers to understand
this stuff, SPELL IT OUT! Don't spurt out some mutterings about birds!
Just tell us that if a certain object exists, it's not gonna do us any
good it we can't USE it. Thus, it would be better to have one that
you can use rather than two which you can't. Why didn't they just
say "One thing you can use is worth two that you can't."? These people...
*throws hands up in exhaustion*
Well, wasn't that fun? And it kept you entertained for a whole, oh, thirty seconds! Come back again next week and I'll probably have a new page of random ramblings for ya!