"Here," they say.  "It's literature."
(Not to make you bitter, I'm sure.)
Let us analyze it!  Oh, happy day!
Let us moralize it!  We're on our way!
I passed by the science-fi,
Looked askance at the romance,
Would not see the mystery,
Gave every good book a haughty look--
Until I found this!

This.  Ah, yes.
"It might send you into a coma,
But just smells its themes' aroma!
There are themes and themes and themes galore!
So what if it's a deadly bore?
It's literature!
So don't sit there and whine!
We must analyze this piece!
Here, read the first line."

The dog barked.

"Stop right there!
What are the implications of this opening line?
Why did the dog bark?
What kind of dog was it?
What is the author trying to tell us with his word choice?
The use of the article 'the' is profound!
It is not a dog, but the dog!
The dog!
What message is the author trying to get across with the dog's bark?
The bark must be symbolic!
What does it stand for?
Read between the lines!
Have you noticed that 'dog' spelled backwards is 'god'?
What is the significance of this?
What was the author attempting to do with this selection?
Was he a religious fanatic?
You have to consider the time period!
The dog!
The dog barked!
Raw animal nature!
Is this about atavism?
Is the main character reverting back to his primitive genetic ancestry?
Here, read it again, but this time with meaning!"

The dog . . . barked.

"I just can't take the utter magnitude of that statement!
What do you find when you apply DIDLS?
No!  Don't!  I might faint!
I think I am going to--"
Thump.  The dog barked.

The dog barked?
"Write a five-paragraph essay in which you examine the following:
a) The statement's superficial appearance.
b) What message the author strives to communicate,
And the significance he hopes to achieve with his word choice.
c) How it pertains to and affects our lives today.
Be sure to include an introduction of at least three sentences,
With a clear thesis statement.
Rememeber, go beyond the typical social issues
And look fo rits true meaning . . ."
Sigh.

Alas, that words of wonderful power,
With their simple directness and fun,
Under the eye of a critic soon turn sour,
Their holistic magic sadly undone.
For if it is books and more books you like to eat,
From sci-fi to fables of many great cultures,
It is no fun to tread through a pile of dead words at your feet,
Picked apart by the literature vultures.