SCENE FIVE Characters:
(The Darths are on a very high balcony, on the planet Croissant. Darth Sidious has been dispensing "wisdom" to his young apprentice) Sidious: And so, you see, you absolutely must brush after every meal. Maul: As you say, my Master. Sidious: Stop interrupting... Where was I? Maul: Brushing after every meal. Sidious: Yes, yes... Now shut up. Alright, brushing after every meal... You should always brush in an up to down direction. This will prevent cavities and gingivitis, and you will never have to go to a dentist who would send you to an orthodontist to fix your teeth, and then you would lose a major part of your sinister appearance. Do you want braces, or for that matter properly aligned teeth, my young apprentice? Maul: Of course not, my Master. However, I must ask, what is a toothbrush? Sidious: hmm? I never said anything about a toothbrush... you were reading my mind again! I told you I hate it when you do that! Have you any conception of how difficult it makes it to play cards against you? (Begins beating him over the head with one of the plastic lightsabre things you can buy for about 15 bucks) Maul: Ack! Master! Why are you hitting me? And why with a plastic lightsabre? I was just anticipating your next statement! Sidious: Oh. Well. I suppose I should stop beating you. (Continues to beat him) Maul: Gah! Stop it, My Master! Please! I've already had three broken horns this week! And you're smearing my... uh... tattoos. Sidious: (stops) how does one go about smearing tattoos? Maul: That is one question, my Master, which I cannot answer. Sidious: (Resumes beating him) YOU SHOULD!!! Maul: (leaps to the other end of the balcony, about ten feet away) Master! What did you call me here for? Certainly not a discussion of dental hygiene! Sidious: Ah, yes. I invited you for dinner. Maul: Soon we shall reveal ourselves to the mashed potatoes. (After Dinner) Sidious: And now, my young apprentice, you may wash the dishes. Maul: But Master! (Whines like a little kid) Sidious: DO THE DISHES NOW!! (Poses in the Force lightning stance, waving his hands threateningly) Maul: Yes, my Master, the dishes shall be done. (Begins washing the dishes by means of the force. Dishes fly randomly around the room, washing, drying, and stacking themselves in odd places.) Sidious: STOP! STOP! STOP! I didn't say you could use the force to do the dishes! Maul: Master, I don't know how to do them without it. You never taught me. Sidious: Do I have to do EVERYTHING myself? Maul: (remains silent) Sidious: (Zaps the dishes with Force Lightning until they are burnt to a crisp, then breaks them.) You see, now they are clean. And now, we shall go get new plates. (Be glad we didn't decide to take you along on their shopping trip)
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