Quotes O' the Day (or week, or month... or forever. I'm lazy.)Banter: Wit Optional Just a bunch of goofy-ass quotes that amused us.... attributed when possible. Don't ask me, I just write them down. ;) (This page will certainly be updated often.) **Quotes last added 11/25/02** (New stuff now marked with a *)
Reza, upon boyfriend*'s commenting on her unfamiliarity with the concept of self-control:
(Indignantly) "I know self-control intimately!"
(boyfriend looks skeptical; raises an eyebrow)
"Well, we dated for a while."
(boyfriend still looks skeptical; other eyebrow raised)
"Okay, so we groped once briefly in a very dark room!"
*said boyfriend is now her husband, so..."You're overly fond of smiting, aren't you?"
"Yes I am! Don't give me a lightning bolt. I'd abuse the privilege."
(Amy and Meghan)Was that a game we had around here somewhere?
"I'd flick you off if..."
"If you knew how?"
(Calliope, Reza's Hermetic, and Elena, Meghan's Corax)Jan: "Asika, I always knew, because you were older and you were my teacher... that you're basically full of shit." (Jenny)
Asika: "You're downloading a real person?" (Mary)
"Fuzzy logic? That's what you get from them. Only, logic implies thinking, and it's well-known that Get don't think." (Amy referring to a Get of Fenris)
"Somebody took your reality and snapped it like a rubber band." (Kevin, during a Mage game)
Asika: "Where's the cream filling?" (Mary, pretending to imitate Kevin's Mokolé S.H. after he knocked over an SUV in Archid)
"Do you think anyone knows Maul by the goodness of their hearts?"
"Yeah, with that face?"
(Jenny and Amy, about Rob's Mokolé (aka Godzilla #2))Russ: "Inside every Nuwisha there is a serious person trying to get out." *sound of snickering* (Amy's Corax)
"'Woof' is a layman's term?!" (Kevin)
(about Kevin's Euthanatos):
"Ed's very in touch with his inner psychopath." (Amy)
"Ed with a sense of humor? I don't think I can cope!" (Amy)
"Blunt as a head trauma." (Amy)
"He had a date with death, and he got stood up." (Amy, deciding what Ed's problem really is...)
"Where Ed is, very sharp and ugly things are not far behind." (Rob)Irene: "Plastic body bags: resealable, for your convenience..."
"There's got to be some bright-eyed, bushy tailed, idealist intern we can sucker!" (referring to the lack of good help these days)
"Let's bail-- before my breakfast does." (Paradox really sucks. Especially when it's someone else's.)
(Amy's Euthie)"I was woken up by some glowing chick. I'm going to take it out on the world." (Amy as Irene in a moment of sarcasm during a Mage game)
Smaug: "I have a very solid grasp on the obvious." (Rob)
"Smaug's like, 'Irene is giggling, and I had to die to see this'." (Amy/Rob)
"Irene is a walking guilt trip..." (Rob)
Thia: (Amy's Bastet)
"You bit me. But we only just met..!" (to a BSD)
"Change back, you prickless wonder!" (to Sean's Gurahl Jerry, when he tried to climb into her car in Ursid)
"My meatballs are burning!" (Yet another hobby-of-the-moment gone wrong. Amy says- I don't know why they thought this was so funny. You had to be there I guess.)
"The Mafia... can kiss my werefeline ass." (We got threatened)"Your dress has overpowered my mind!" (Rob in reference to a NPC in Kev's game)
"She's not drunk-- she's Ragabash!" (Amy)
Sol (teenaged, Youper Garou): "I'm tired of standing on my tippy-toe claws!" (Rob)
"Yes, Jenny's nun walks into the bar, and says 'This is not a joke.'" (Jenny)
"Khain doesn't have a dimensional driver's license, but all the Kadmoni are DWI!" (Rob)
"What is a Khain?" (Anyone meeting Khain for the first time on relatively friendly terms)
Khain: "I'm not a vampire. I just play one in your dreams." (Rob's onetime tag in The Raven chat which is now defunct...)
"You don't think a beheaded guy that's not bleeding is odd?" (Sean)
"It's the hypnotic toes of Phoenix!" (Random-Ellie)
"My manicurist is going to kill me!" (A Garou in Crinos)
"How would I run a Weren? Fuzzily!" (Amy talking about a race in TSR's Alternity)
"That's something to put on your resumé: 'I was a landscape for so-many years'." (Rob)
Gregor: "Nothing this side of a Nephandi Labyrinth could make me want to "poke around" a powerful Sluagh's holdings without permission..." (Rob, in Amy's Changeling game)
"JELLY BEANS! I NEARLY SOILED MY ARMOR! Uh!" (Rob, once more in Changeling, upon finding out the chimerical dragon's favorite food)
"They don't have tattoos that say 'we are the other bad guys'!" (Amy to Sean)
Jim: "Dammit box, you ruined my exit!" ('nother one of Rob's mages, talking to his... familiar... which looks kinda like Rincewind's Luggage)
"Don't tell her 'there's an evil bad mage down there', tell her it's a shithouse..." (Rob, referring to one of Kevin's characters lying about the whereabouts of one of his)
"A dragon's footprint on the hood could be considered tampering..." (Rob)
"That was an Irene move. Calmly reset everything... remember to kill later." (Rob)
"If you want to be stereotypical, those are your stereotypes." (Amy showing Reza the Mage book)
"OK, make your peek roll..." (Kevin)
"I thought you died out 16 million years ago! ....what are you?!"
"Native American?"
(Jenny's scared shitless, newly-imbued Hunter to a smartass Mokolé in Homid form, played by Mary)Jim: "And what are you?"
Asika: *raising her hands like claws and mumbling around a mouthful of peanuts* "Grr, grr..."
(Rob's Hollow One and Mary's Stargazer)After Craig jumps Sean's vampire and starts pounding him, and Asika has to pull him off-
Craig: "He snuck up on me."
Asika: "He came in the front door!"
(Rob and Mary)"What is the Wild West?-- The world's biggest unmowed lawn!" (Kevin)
"All she told us was somewhere between diddly and squat." (Kevin)
"Jan doesn't get to carry anything sharp with her. Except her tongue." (Amy, to Jenny, about Jenny's Garou)
Jan: "Ed, every time I meet you, the world has a Maalox moment." (Jenny)
"Hey Irene, I saw some people get killed and I thought of you." (Jenny-as-Phi)
"Milk-Bone nothing, the dog needs Liquid Plumber!" (Jenny)
"Myra, are you being the pot or the kettle?" (Jenny)
"If you do manage to kill him, you get a ring. It's the ring of 'Oh my god, this is an awesome ring.'" (Jaimie on Baldur's Gate)
"Less Congress, more dragon." (Doug)
"I give up. Where’s Gaia, I wanna go home." (Kevin)
"Pop his head off like a Pez Dispenser." (Amy to Jaimie)
Smaug: "Phoenix, you look like you're twelve, you act like you're five, you dress like you're sixty, and you smell like you died!" (Rob to Jenny)
"Meghan's happy about land. You're trying to kill me. Of course I'm going to attack you." (Jaimie to Sean)
"What did the other one (gravestone) say?"
"I'm with stupid."
(Jenny and Jaimie)"Put the dixie cup down and step away." (Jaimie)
Whaaaaaaaat?
"In bullshit, it is entirely the method of execution that is important." (Amy)
"Sarcasm- there's a good kind, but yours is just fattening." (Jenny)
"Sean watches anime for the articles." (Jenny)
"When the clovers are wiggling, Amy's a'thinkin'. If they stop, she's done. Wiggle clovers to restart." (Mary, during a game held on St. Patty's Day)
"I don't suffer fools gladly. I make them suffer too." (Meghan)
"I want to see her squirm, not writhe. There's a difference!" (Meghan)
"Amy, you are wonderfully confused." (Sean)
"I'm not always this good! Just sporadically..." (Amy)
"I just watch these things come out of my mouth, but..." (Amy)
"It's like looking for a word that's on the tip of your tongue, but you can't find it." (Rob)
"Excuse me, I'm trying to be bossy." (Mary)
"Christian schools are the leading cause of national Paganism." (Rob)
"Okay, but when the soul-sucking demon comes don't say I didn't warn you." (Amy to Rob playing a video game)
"I'm not bored enough to go world-hopping with you guys." (Amy)
"I'm surrounded when there's nobody else in the room." (Rob)
"Your flesh, which is entirely UNblade-proof--" (Rob to Sean, who was cutting open a package the wrong way)
"I have more of Amy in my lap than I absolutely needed to be there." (Rob)
"Well, Rob, now you have the women all to yourself..." (Jenny)
"I'll 'ball of yarn' your head!" (Mary to Sean)
"Can I have a boomstick, Robbie?" (Kevin)
"It almost looked like she planned it." (?)
"Aimless is in a tree!" (Mary, on a canoe trip)
"They're going to go diablerize each other." (Rob, as Sean and Kevin go to play "Diablo")
"I just don't trust you around my feet." (Amy to Rob)
"My toes defy you!" (as above)
"Everybody was toe-fu fighting..." (Jenny)
"I wasn't expecting fur in my pretzel bag!" (Jenny)
"Kevin, are you conspiring with yourself again?" (Mary)
"I'm a professional recliner rider!" (Mary)
"My cardboard box of self has been invaded..." (Rob)
"POOF!" "Mooooooooo...."
"...Damn you!"
(Any two members of the group, and Mary's response...)"Aah, I can't get into my DVD's!"
"How did prehistoric man get into his DVD's?"
(Mary and Jenny)"Is that what happens when men get drunk? They think they're women?" (Jenny, while watching Lethal Weapon) (10 points if you figure out the scene and a zillion if you get why she said it.)
"Did you know Starburst were made by Mars?"
"And they complain about foreign products in America..."
(Lizbet and Amy)"Kiss her! You've eaten Cheetos!" (suggesting threats for Lizbet to use on Mary)
"It's not my fault!" (someone other than Rob)
"All God's jokes are inside jokes." (Mary)
"You know it's profound if you can't understand it." (Meghan)
"If it wasn't for school, we'd all be flying now." (Rob, talking about all the things you could do if you didn't know you couldn't)
"Was that thunder, Rob, or did you burp?" (Amy)
"Reza, pay attention."
"Err... too broke?"
(Mary and Reza)"No way! You don't get do-overs in free association!" (Meghan)
"Theory: If you want to be master of the universe, be born a farmboy." (Amy)
"We should go attack Germany in this thing!" (Meghan, the first time she rode in Goliath, Mary's truck)
"Too stupid to unlive." (Amy on a B:tVS character)
"Well, you learn every new... wait..." (looking very confused)
"Yeah, I can see a few blonde hairs sticking out here & there."
(Meghan and Reza)"Someday you're going to end up dead, and they'll wonder why, but I'll know."
"Wow, that's very nice-- in a subtle, 'I'm-going-to-kill-you' kind of way."
(Meghan and Jaimie)"Damn, I hate it when I go places without telling me." (Amy)
"Eh, internal organs are for wussies." (Meghan)
"Farce of habit." (Meghan)
"Wow. I caught the bottle even though I couldn't see it."
"It's probably just an instinct that runs in your breed."
(Sean and Reza)"Jaimie, don't sit in the art." (?, because Jaimie was sitting in a chair that Lisa was refinishing)
"I don't want to smell the evil darkness." (Mary)
"I thought we were friends, but you won't even lose money for me."
"...I'll split it with you."
"Oh. Okay!"
(Amy and Jaimie, when Jaimie bet against her)"Don't worry, you have your own remote-controlled Jaimie kicking machine™." (Jaimie)
"Tell him it's okay! Tell him it's okay!"
"Or his head will explode?"
"Yeah."
"But that could be amusing."
(Mary and Amy talking about Jaimie)"Yeah, but procrastination isn't just my middle name... it's my business." (Amy)
"Oh... I don't know... It's kind of exciting when the house shakes." (Amy)
"Don't you trust [Meghan]?"
"About as far as I could throw her with both hands tied behind my back after having been severely beaten and left for dead."
(Amy and Jaimie)"Don't you ever learn?"
"Me? I's stupid."
(Meghan and Jaimie)"What doesn't kill us makes us bitch." (Doug)
"I was so full of love as a child that I licked people." (Meghan)
"'Wow, goblins work fast. I should tip them.'"
"Goblin tipping?"
"It's like cow tipping. Only mythical."
(Jaimie and Amy)"I think I'd be awesome at a job." (Doug)
"Think of it this way... we're not abandoning you, we're saving ourselves." (Jaimie and Meghan)
"Bitching about being tired is 60% of the reason for getting up in the first place." (Meghan)
"Ow! A fish just bit my ass."
"It's a fresh fish."
(Amy and Meghan)"Are you getting philosophical again?"
"...What is the sound of one hand typing?"
"Probably the same as one hand smacking you."
(Meghan and Jaimie)"Those Romans were a feisty lot." (Amy)
"Behold the power of chi." (Meghan, watching Outlaw Star and making one of her rare bad puns)
"If you apply chocolate to me in my own home, I will apply your head into the toilet." (Reza)
"One finger to rule them all." (Jaimie while being flicked off by Jenny)
"I don't run metaphorical stop signs." (Meghan)
"I'm multi-incompetent: I can suck at many things at once." (Meghan)
"Bibliophile: 'I grope good literature.'" (Jaimie)
"Jaimie's like, 'Man I hate it when they gang up on me.'"
"Yeah, one plus one equals BITCH!"
(Meghan and Jaimie)(pointing dramatically) "I blame you!"
(laughing) "It's good to be me."
(Jaimie and Amy)"Haven't you killed your conscience yet?"
"I've tried. Whenever I stomp on it, it just comes back."
"So kill it with a rock."
"It's just like a man to say that."
"Okay, fine! Kill it with a lacy rock."
(Jaimie and Amy)"Sometimes I wonder about you, and then I wonder why I bother." (Amy)
"You know what the great thing about lung cancer is? It takes so long to get it. [pause] Let's go smoke." (Travis, Meghan's brother)
"Meghan is an infinite source of pain."
"Really? Thank you!"
(Doug and Meghan)"Meghan's ENDOthermic..."
"Doing what you can to fight against entropy?"
"Yeah and it's taking its toll on me... Hey, I'm selfless!"
(Amy, Doug, and Meghan)"TEEEEEEEEETH!"
"I thought you had a hold of her."
"I did, but then the Teeth!"
(Doug and Jaimie)"Conservation of Sanity: I'm saving mine for later." (Jaimie)
"Stop petting her furry lap beast." (Jaimie to Sean whilst Amy held a stuffed animal.)
"I'm dropping little bits of Latin all over the chair." (Amy making flash cards)
"Ow, my ass!" (Doug, in a Schnucks' parking lot after midnight)
"I'm trying to be pleasant, but everyone's like, Oh, he just wants to have wild sex." (Doug)
"Remember when you met your good half and you had to kill it?" (Pete to Meghan during Army of Darkness)
"Pot. Kettle. Dork." (Jaimie)
"I felled whole armies with my sleeve. Fear me!" (Amy)
"I don't know... it was two words and I said them." (Meghan)
"Evidently, I've been told." (Kristen)
"I don't know-- was leg-humping period?" (Jenny wanting to know about proper behavior at the SCA Ball)
"Which is why, if you ever make a deal with the devil, make sure you sign the back of your driver's license." (Jaimie watching Yami no Matsuei)
"When a chicken tells you you're on crack, you've got problems." (Amy, ditto)
Inexplicable Silliness"I don't like that, it sounds plaid." (Rob to Mary)
"I have the poker hand of intelligence." (Kevin)
"My blue roan of common sense ran away." (Rob)
"Go ahead and say it-- you thought it was a Schroeder!" (Mary)
"I've got a 4 x 4 and the world is my puddle!" (Jenny)
"Random now owns stock in my ass!" (Jenny)
"I believe in the cream filling!" (Amy)
"As they shed blood over the cream filling..." (Amy)
"Ahhh, citrusy goodness in a cookie!" (Amy)
"You're just one of those tasty people." (Amy)
"I'm hitting myself on the head with my website..." (Sean)
"Phantasma-la? No, that sounds like a racy Spanish dance!" (Jennyla)
Jenny: "Damn, you have a lot of shit for people not much older than me." (to Rob)
Amy: "Yes, you too will one day have a lot of shit." (to Jenny)"My hair can't be with you." (Mary)
"My hair is on too tight." (Mary?)
"There's a chocolate reason for everything." (Rob) (JBalt's corollary: "Chocolate is its own reason.")
"Ah! I lost control of my cantalope!" (Amy)
"We've lost control of the cantalope, the pineapple's in counseling, it's a fruity revolt!" (Kevin)
"You can't cross apples and oranges and get a pear." (?)
"Help me out here happy ass!" (Kevin?)
"Standard English, not Yodaese!" (Mary to Sean)
"You're concentrating so hard, it's making me constipated." (Kevin?)
"Get downstairs, Children of the Corn!" (Amy)
"My foot looks like an activist." (Rob)
"Are you a candidate for gene-splicing?" (Rob)
"That's the most hard-earned spoon you'll ever have." (Rob)
"I want my ears to die!" (Meghan in a moment of self-pity after the Schroeder "threeeeeeeeeeee")
"Meow." "Eeep!" "Awk." "Grr grr grr." "Roar." (a meaningful conversation among the Usuals)
"Meet hairball-- I just coughed her up." (Mary)
"Are those toenails retractable?"
"I try, but every time I just get a hangnail..."
(Mary and Amy)"Why do I keep having the urge to sing dobee, dobee dooo?"
"Umm... I don't know? I didn't push the Penguination Button."
(Amy and Random-Ellie)"I think you've gone past personal space and into his armpit." (Rob to Meghan about Kevin)
"Verily I say unto thee: aye-aye-aye!" (Reza, in pain)
"To you I say 'Neaner'!" (Meghan, gloating)
"I never gloat! I never lie, either!" (Meghan)
"Giant Peeps in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!" (Rob)
"It's quasi- ....Jackie Chan!" (Rob)
"Ugh.... carbonated cupcake..." (Kevin)
"Must... play... with things not my own..." (Jaimie)
"We could drive to Europe on this." (Jaimie, commenting about Meghan's family, gas, and $5)
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of pizza, I will fear no anchovies..."
"...for I am the hungriest motherfucker in this valley."
(Meghan and Rob)"Get the bunny, Jaimie." (Doug)
"It's 'Covert Ops' Popple." (Kevin)
"What are you giggling about now, Rob?"
"Jenny's belly fur."
(Sean and Rob)"No, no. This is a stocking that has an orifice." (Sean)
"Oh look, a bus stop." "This ain't no bus stop!" "Actually I believe it is." "...I'm so witty." (Meghan)(yeah, just Meghan)
"Instant jailbait... Just add plaid." (Jenny at a party)
"My ass isn't worth a twenty-second ha ha." (Jaimie)
"What- 'this reminds me of that monkey I owned in 'Nam'?" (Dave)
"There is no singing about me doing anything with my ass!" (Jaimie)
"McVodka." (Dave)
"Where's the fun in killing them... they don't move after that." (Meghan)
"I'm a fool, I'm okay with that." (Meghan)
"Oh, Rob's drinking for two now...?"
"And apparently it's a chest-burster."
(Jaimie and Dave)"Get your frog out of my pants." (Pete)
"Something you never thought you'd hear. Something you never thought you'd say." (Meghan)"God is like basic cable." (Pete)
"Hey, this is educational. --Look! Guns!" (Pete at KayBee Toys)
"He smelled it. Snake sex smells weird." (Pete on Greek mythology)
*"It's like Mr. Rogers on ether." (Kevin)
*"Obviously my path to world domination is through baked goods." (Amy)
*"Power biscuit" (Jaimie)
Story
"Roses are red
Violets are blue
We wanted Story
But we couldn't follow through...."
(Sean and Jenny)"Plot first, Hemingway!" (Jenny)
"We had a Story around here someplace, didn't we?" (Amy)
"Get up, Catfish, you're sitting on the Story." (Amy to her dog)
"The game is in a bubble, and we can't get it out, because we don't have a bubble-jet printer!" (Mary)
"The game was scared off by the spirit of perversion." (Amy)
"Our game hasn't declared its sexual orientation." (Amy) (you really, really, really had to be there...)
The "Asinine" Quotes Mad Libs is an evil, evil game.... (from 1/1/02)
"You know that word you're thinking right now? Say it. Yeah, THAT one." (Jaimie)
"I'm not willing to share Jaimie's nasty ass-love!" (Jenny)
"You don't have an ass cheek to stand on." (Jaimie)
"Jaimie loves Rob's hot ass..." (Bryan)
"I'm amazed at Sean's ability to sleep through the Assmaster." (Jaimie)
"Rob makes her ass feel better." (Jaimie)
"Great, now I have a mental picture of Godzilla with breasts."
"It's just Roseanne Barr, that's all."
(Jaimie and Rob)"Come again?"
"You don't want him to!"
(Rob and Jenny about Jaimie)"Evil fucking basshole." (Jenny, drunkish)
"Is that a Jenny in your lap, or are you just..." (Jaimie to Rob)
"I've never even been in that position with Rob!" (Mary to Amy when Amy was Rob's lap trying to Nose! him)
"You get her sloppy adverb seconds." (Jenny)
"You can't watch my pants. You have no privelege to watch my pants." (Jenny)
"'Boy in room'? 'Snowman' doesn't count!"
"It depends on where you put the carrot."
(Jaimie and Kevin)"Omnivores are like bisexuals." (Meghan)
"Why do these things always turn slowly to perversion?"
"Slowly?! Hey, you started it with 'boobies'!"
"No, I started it with turgid."
(Jaimie and Meghan)"If two apples cost five million and two cents, and ten movies cost fifty cents, how much would one tubby bitch cost?"
Doug's New Year's Resolution #10: "I will return the lazy deviants I borrowed from Amy...."
"Four out of five knives recommend Stay-puft Marshmallow Man for their rubberbands who whine their gum."
"Budweiser trucks melt in your goat, not in your pirate ships."
Band Names We Thought Of (look, just don't ask, okay?)
"Hippy on a Cell Phone"
"Karmachasers"
"The Three Ugly Ones"
"Antediluvian Koolaid"
"Tumescent Fruitcake"
"360 Degrees of Stupid"
"Room of Horribly Defunct People"
"Naturally Occurring People"
"8 Vomit Debauch"
"Pavlovian Pennies"
"Lavender Yen"
"Roshambo Goblins"
"Six Pack of Buddhas"
"Segue Fumble"
"Minor Deity of Porn"
"Pervy Foot-Eater"
"Herman Oberth and the German Rocket Team"
"Sandwich Nirvana"
"Slap the Undead"
"Pity Karma"
"Nordic Fighting Midgets" (thanks again Dave)
"Serious Chicken Gods"